I was not expecting to find this a lighthearted book, after all it is dealing with very difficult subjects and a family in turmoil. However, I was not expecting it to be so intense and preachy and I felt a bit battered after some chapters because it was heavy going. I ploughed my way through about a quarter of the book then put it to one side to maybe return to another day.

does involve some good coping mechanisms however I personally felt like it was a lot of “name-dropping” rather than how best to deal with your grief. However Sandberg’s story is so heartbreaking that I don’t know how I would have gotten through it had it been me in her shoes. For her to use that grief and to put it in a book to help others is inspiring.

Hmmm........Option B by Sheryl Sandberg; Adam Grant, was one of the hardest books I have read in a long time and it took me several attempts to start reading it again. I chose this book after the death of my Mother in Law who I was close to and then my father to help me come to terms with it all, it just made it worse.......I found this book no help. I know everyone is different but I found it just rambled on and on! and sometimes talked rubbish (sorry)Hence why I put this book down several times before I picked it up again!

My Motto is...........remember the good times you had with your loved ones they will be with you forever. Have some photo's up of the good times if you have any around your house.
Plus, its Okay to cry and show your emotions..........You've lost someone you loved and looked up to.

Thank you to Netgalley. Its a no no for me Sorry

I don’t often read self-help books, to be honest. But I’d read about the death of Dave Goldberg and knew about Sheryl Sandberg so I was interested to read this.
I was initially sceptical though. Sandberg is a privileged woman; she has wealth, and opportunity, and surely her experience would be far removed from that of normal, ordinary people? I was worried that the book might be one of those that preached from a position of power and privilege, telling ordinary women how to cope, when the author has no idea at all of the everyday struggles that those women (and men) face every day. Add grief and loss to that, and could Sandberg really understand? (Check out Ivanka Trump’s highly insulting, ridiculous and just plain weird ‘Women Who Work – Rewriting the Rules for Success’ and marvel at the complete ignorance of normality).
But Sandberg is fully aware of her privilege. She knows that she is lucky and she understands that other women (I say women because it is still women who are more vulnerable, at least financially, after the death of a partner) will have more to face than she did after a loss like this. And this self-awareness and acknowledgement really made me warm to her. I also couldn’t help but be affected by the sheer honesty and rawness of her grief. I lost my mum before I was forty. I know that isn’t comparable to the loss of a husband. But grief is something we feel a little bit ashamed of at times; we don’t like to let it show, mainly, I think, because we’re worried it will make other people uncomfortable. So to read an honest account of an intelligent, secure and focussed woman falling to pieces through grief was, perhaps selfishly, rather comforting. Her description of her husband’s funeral was heart-breaking. And her emotions are real – she’s a real person, with real feelings.
I liked her, and I respected and admired the way she cared for her children and acknowledged their pain. So I felt far more open to hearing what else she had to say.
I know that Sandberg’s wealth will be a sticking point for many. I know that she can afford childcare, and she doesn’t have to worry about a mortgage. And she has a supportive family and a supportive boss – things that lots of other people don’t have. But that doesn’t mean that some aspects of this book can’t be helpful to more 'normal’ people. As already mentioned, just reading someone else’s account of grief can help when you have suffered a loss – acknowledging that your feelings are normal and understandable and understood can be a great help. And reading about other people who have suffered horrific things but who have managed to build useful and fulfilling lives is extremely inspirational. And there is advice here that doesn’t hinge on having money – writing a journal, for example, and looking for positive things in even the bleakest of times is helpful for anyone.
There were a few places where things got a bit spiritual, which didn’t do it for me, but these were few and far between. What I really liked were the anecdotes about Sheryl’s own experiences and how she helped herself and her children not only to grieve, but to begin to move on, without forgetting their father – simple things like beginning new family routines and traditions while not forgetting the old ones, for example.
It’s well written too, and thoroughly researched. Definitely worth reading, and recommended for anyone going through a hard time and trying to cope, whether through a death, redundancy, anxiety and depression – there are things here that can help.

I read the first three chapters and skimmed the rest. I remember hearing of Sandberg’s husband’s sudden death of cardiac arrhythmia while on an exercise machine in a Mexico hotel. (Elizabeth Alexander’s husband died in similar circumstances; she wrote about it in The Light of the World.) I think I expected this to be a straightforward bereavement memoir, when in fact it’s more of a self-help guide about developing resilience, whether or not you’re recovering from loss or trauma.

Sandberg co-wrote this with psychologist Adam Grant, so even where you see “I” you’re not entirely sure it’s her words. Even though she kept a journal in the five months following Dave’s death, only one entry is reproduced here. Instead, there are lots of case studies of regular people who have come through seemingly unbearable circumstances. As Sandberg explains, “Since Dave passed away, so many people have said to me, ‘I can’t imagine.’ … my reply became, ‘I can’t imagine either, but I have no choice.’” There are some interesting facts and strategies here. I can see this being helpful for people facing hard times, but it’s not necessarily a book for the general reader.

This was a brilliant book which was heartbreaking but also uplifting in a very true and sincere way. Sheryl writes about the sudden death of her husband and the far reaching implications of this unexpected trauma. She weaves in other people's stories of recovering from trauma and describes the best ways to build resilience and find meaning and joy after tragedy. A truly inspiring read and one which I recommend to anyone who might be struggling. For me, personally, I found it helpful to shift my view to one where I see things as more in my control. Sure, we all face adversity, but there are hidden pools of strength we can all tap into. A great read in the self-improvement genre without being a self-help book.

I enjoyed this book and it will be very useful to refer to during times of sadness.

3 stars

Lean In is one of my favorite books of the past few years. I feel like I really connected with Sheryl Sandberg on the idea of women in the workplace. So when I heard about her loss, I felt like it happened to someone I knew. When I heard about this book, I looked forward to reading it. Took me a while to start it, took me a while to finish it, but here it is.
This book is not only directed to people who lost a loved one, but to all who surround them. I’m one of those people who don’t know what to say to someone who suffered a tragic loss. My main take away from this book was about this. Sheryl describes how it hurts to have your close friends retreat from you at such a difficult moment. Having been this friend, I paid close attention to her suggestions on how to behave, what to say, what to do. I really needed that.
Option B, though, is not without its flaws. I felt that the science information was too superficial, and was there just to change what would be “just a memoir” into a self development book. The thing is, these days you can find research to back up anything you want to say about human behavior. “Just a memoir” would have been great at teaching us what means to be in grief and what we can do to help.
I also felt that some chapters lack focus on the subject it’s supposed to cover. In several occasions I have to stop and ask myself “wait, weren’t you just talking about XYZ? Are we done? What are we talking about now”? Maybe having more chapters with shorter content would have been more effective.
Despite these flaws, I enjoyed reading this book. I learned, I felt empathy, I thought of close friends who have recently been through tragedy. I hope it makes me a better friend and human being.

When I first started reading this, I bookmarked a lot of pages to remind myself of what the Author said. Yes, the tale started off sad where Sheryl tells us about the death of her beloved Dave, the Father to her two children and how grief stricken they all were. But over all of the sadness is hope and resilience. The Author gives us so many examples of how we can help ourselves when the really tough times come, and also how we can encourage others not to feel awkward around us. (which is something all of us can understand).

The Author’s personal experience is of the premature death of her Husband, but she tells us many other examples of human suffering, and how the so many of us have lost our ‘Option A’, so we have no choice but to live with ‘Option B’. This book encourages the reader to really make the most of what we have left and to try to change our thinking and attitude that we won’t always feel so hopeless and grief stricken.

The Author herself has many advantages over the average reader that has gone through loss and suffering. She has money, an extremely supportive boss and employment and she also has a host of great supportive friends and family – all of which make things easier. But I think that even without these things the book can still be inspiring and helpful in times of desperation and hopelessness.

Some of the things she suggests seem obvious now, but not so when the suffering hits hardest. For example, she includes studies that psychologists have done about writing lists of things we are grateful for. Then the Author speaks about things which are not so obvious to, like the five stages of grief and how they don’t stay in the same order all the time. You are not done when you have gone through each stage, and that’s ok! Confidence, anger, tears and loneliness are all spoken about, all of which are of course very common human emotions, but how many of us know the best way to deal with them?

The writing was easy to read and each chapter spoke of a different issue. (Examples include – Building Resilience Together, Taking Back Joy and Finding Strength Together).

I found this book helpful, therapeutic and would recommend it to anyone who is going through a hard time, or needs to help someone else through a hard time. The Author writes truthfully from her own experience, but also adds in evidence from psychologists and others’ experiences. This is a book I will keep close to me in times of need.

Thank you Sheryl, Adam….and Netgalley!

This book's title does exactly what it says on the front cover. It has been written by woman who was widowed suddenly, who works at Facebook, and the other author is a lecturer in human psychology. It givesalternatives to mourning, feeling of failure, deep sadness or just general problems. It also helps you to try more positivity, and try to be more "living in the moment".This would also help people who have other sadnesses in their life, and those who feel they are stuck in a certain mindset. Thank you to Net Galley and the publisher for allowing me to review this book.

This is the book that Sheryl Sandberg never wanted to write. It is about coping with the death of her beloved husband and she talks honestly about grief and the aftermath of a sudden and shocking death. There is a lot in this brief book and it is heart breaking at times but will be incredibly helpful for anyone going through a similar trauma.

I was given a copy of this book by Netgalley in return for an honest review.

I think this is a great book for anyone who is going through a dark period after losing a loved one. It is most readable and rather enjoyable.

This is an excellent book by Sheryl Sandberg who writes from the heart about her experience of the sudden death of her husband in 2015 leaving her with 2 small children. It's written partly as a memoir and partly using examples of how others have coped in grief situations. The subtitle of 'Facing Adversity, Building Resilience and Finding Joy' sums it up well as Sheryl covers all those topics. It's a book that I hope will stay with me for a long time and will help me to care for those grieving in a more sensitive, helpful and practical way.

​I really did not know what to expect when I picked up this book. In May 2015, many of us opened our social media and news channels to read/ hear the tragic news of Dave Goldberg's tragic death.

In many ways, the death of Survey Monkey's CEO was a total shock and people like me wondered how his wife, Sheryl, was dealing with the sudden death and how much guilt she would be carrying because maybe if they had gotten to the gym earlier, he would still be alive. Or maybe not. It is hard to know these things for sure.

In this book, Sheryl writes with such openness and rawness about her pain that you can't but feel a lot of empathy for her, her children and her extended family for the tragically sudden loss.

She expresses how hard it was for her to go back to work and how she faced the stark reality that the Corporate world does not have a support system in place for bereaved workers. She expresses how this can change and provides steps for colleagues and companies to support the bereaved in the workplace.

She also talks about finding love after losing a spouse and how no matter how long you wait before dating again, you will still face the scorn of people who think you should mourn for a longer period and stay a widow/widower forever.

This book definitely helped me learn how to engage with friends/ colleagues of mine who recently experienced the death of loved ones. She provides practical guides on how to ask seemingly difficult questions and how to show empathy despite how weird you feel.

I highly recommend it not just because Sheryl wrote it, but because it was a spin on the usual spew of "this is how to grieve". She was open about how she grieved using the support of friends, family, psychologists/ counsellors, religious leaders and colleagues.

Book supplied by Netgalley for an honest review.

I remember reading about the death of David Goldberg when it happened. He was holidaying in Mexico with his wife, Sheryl Sandberg (COO of Facebook), and suffered some form of heart attack in the hotel’s gym. They found him lying on the floor, bloodied, near a cross trainer. The story resonated with me – we’re about the same age, with the same age children, and the same age wife – so I was interested when Sheryl released a book mixing memoir and self-help.

As is to be expected, Sheryl’s grief is the driving force in this book. She covers how they met, how he died, and then delves into the effect of the aftermath on her, their two children, and all other friends and family. Grief is so personal, that helpful friends sometimes fail to realise that their kind of help isn’t what’s needed. There’s no road map for grief, but there are steps that can help, especially for young dependants.

The book is co-written by Adam Grant, a professional psychologist. His case studies and academic research adds to Sheryl’s emotional story to give balance and general advice, such as when option A is taken away unexpectedly, all you have left is to “kick the shit out of option B.”

This is a fascinating read, sad at times, motivating at others. Worth a read.

I couldn't rate this book as although interested in the topic I got bored

A tragedy that turned into triumph!
Through shocking circumstances the author learned to accept what life gave her and work through the pain to surmount so many difficulties. This is not a touch- feely sort of book. It took real grit and courage firstly to become an overcomer and then to share her story. Unfortunately I am no longer a counsellor because this is exactly the sort of book I would recommend to my clients.
A very worthwhile read

I love Sheryl Sandberg. She is consistently calm, well prepared and considerate. This book is by definition far more personal than Lean In and therefore had less of a personal impact on myself although anyone can find things to take away here. The strongest feature of both her books is the research, here provided by Adam Grant. Sandberg flits from one study to another, weighing up and piecing together to create a coherent whole. As with Lean In, her approach is positive and practical which is appreciated.

There’s a song ” Everybody hurts” by R.E.M, within these pages would find a very human compassionate accounting of a woman with wealth with what many some could say has a great job as chief operating officer(COO) of Facebook and you see that she can also hurt, wether rich or poor, whichever race or creed, everybody hurts and eventually somebody close or distant dies and then one will be going through the whirlwind of mind of loss. This talks to all.
This is an honest and well done piece on grief resilience and just not giving up and fail and fail better, words of inspiration and hope are carved into this work. Many advices wether from the authors own words or researched and quoted by her and her research team. No wasted words or complexity in its telling there is something in her for every human upon this earth every heart at conflict with itself with what destinies lay ahead. She talks of her husband she lost, family, and community with common pains talking and getting through, and there is a getting through.
I love the way how she tells of how journaling and just writing and bleeding upon the page can help and did help for her wether for loss or just any conflict or for the just for the past or dreams of the future.
Her writing shows her skill to connect and write with uncomplicated lines, empathy, researched.
To be read a few times over, a necessary look at how we all can pain and can get through it inevitably with help and advice.
Sandberg does indeed balance emotional and research together, integrating them in word fluidly and left me wanting more.

Option b.org is a nonprofit initiative set up by Sanberg and the income from her book goes to the organisation whose main objective as from the website is
“OptionB.Org is dedicated to helping you build resilience in the face of adversity—and giving you the tools to help your family, friends, and community build resilience too. Here, you can read and share personal stories, join groups for solidarity and support, and find information from experts.”
“Poetry, philosophy, and physics all teach us that we don’t experience time in equal increments. Time slowed way, way down. Day after day my kids’ cries and screams filled the air. In the moments when they weren’t crying, I watched them anxiously, waiting for the next instance they might need comfort. My own cries and screams—mostly inside my head but some out loud—filled the rest of the available space. I was in “the void”: a vast emptiness that fills your heart and lungs and restricts your ability to think or even breathe. Grief is a demanding companion. In those early days and weeks and months, it was always there, not just below the surface but on the surface. Simmering, lingering, festering. Then, like a wave, it would rise up and pulse through me, as if it were going to tear my heart right out of my body. In those moments, I felt like I couldn’t bear the pain for one more minute, much less one more hour. I saw Dave lying on the gym floor. I saw his face in the sky. At night, I called out to him, crying into the void: “Dave, I miss you. Why did you leave me? Please come back. I love you …” I cried myself to sleep each night. I woke up each morning and went through the motions of my day, often in disbelief that the world continued to turn without him. How could everyone go on as if nothing was different? Didn’t they know?”
“Hearing the despair in my voice triggered by the letter, Adam flew back across the country to convince me that there was a bottom to this seemingly endless void. He wanted to tell me face-to-face that while grief was unavoidable, there were things I could do to lessen the anguish for myself and my children. He said that by six months, more than half of people who lose a spouse are past what psychologists classify as “acute grief.”
Adam convinced me that while my grief would have to run its course, my beliefs and actions could shape how quickly I moved through the void and where I ended up. I don’t know anyone who has been handed only roses. We all encounter hardships. Some we see coming; others take us by surprise. It can be as tragic as the sudden death of a child, as heartbreaking as a relationship that unravels, or as disappointing as a dream that goes unfulfilled. The question is: When these things happen, what do we do next? I thought resilience was the capacity to endure pain, so I asked Adam how I could figure out how much I had. He explained that our amount of resilience isn’t fixed, so I should be asking instead how I could become resilient. Resilience is the strength and speed of our response to adversity—and we can build it. It isn’t about having a backbone. It’s about strengthening the muscles around our backbone.”
“Yet try as we might to prevent adversity, inequality, and trauma, they still exist and we are still left to cope with them. To fight for change tomorrow we need to build resilience today.4 Psychologists have studied how to recover and rebound from a wide range of adversity—from loss, rejection, and divorce to injury and illness, from professional failure to personal disappointment. Along with reviewing the research, Adam and I sought out individuals and groups who have overcome ordinary and extraordinary difficulties. Their stories changed the way we think about resilience. This book is about the capacity of the human spirit to persevere. We look at the steps people can take, both to help themselves and to help others. We explore the psychology of recovery and the challenges of regaining confidence and rediscovering joy. We cover ways to speak about tragedy and comfort friends who are suffering. And we discuss what it takes to create resilient communities and companies, raise strong children, and love again. I now know that it is possible to experience post-traumatic growth. In the wake of the most crushing blows, people can find greater strength and deeper meaning. I also believe that it is possible to experience pre-traumatic growth that you don’t have to experience tragedy to build your resilience for whatever lies ahead.”
“As I blamed myself less, I started to notice that not everything was terrible. My son and daughter were sleeping through the night, crying less, and playing more. We had access to grief counselors and therapists. I could afford child care and support at home. I had loving family, friends, and colleagues; I marveled at how they were carrying me and my children quite literally at times. I felt closer to them than I ever would have thought possible.”
“Acknowledging blessings can be a blessing in and of itself. Psychologists asked a group of people to make a weekly list of five things for which they were grateful. Another group wrote about hassles and a third listed ordinary events. Nine weeks later, the gratitude group felt significantly happier and reported fewer health problems. People who enter the workforce during an economic recession end up being more satisfied with their jobs decades later because they are acutely aware of how hard it can be to find work. Counting blessings can actually increase happiness and health by reminding us of the good things in life. Each night, no matter how sad I felt, I would find something or someone to be grateful for.”
“We all deal with loss: jobs lost, loves lost, lives lost. The question is not whether these things will happen. They will, and we will have to face them. Resilience comes from deep within us and from support outside us. It comes from gratitude for what’s good in our lives and from leaning in to the suck. It comes from analyzing how we process grief and from simply accepting that grief. Sometimes we have less control than we think. Other times we have more. I learned that when life pulls you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again.”
“Not everyone feels comfortable talking openly about personal tragedy. We all make our own choices about when and where and if we want to express our feelings. Still, there’s powerful evidence that opening up about traumatic events can improve mental and physical health.14 Speaking to a friend or family member often helps people understand their own emotions and feel understood.”
“Writing to others and to herself turned out to be key to Catherine’s ability to rebound. For as long as she can remember, Catherine has kept a journal. “Journaling isn’t exactly meditating,” she told us. “But it helped me quiet myself and reflect. I was able to put words to my feelings and unpack them.”
Writing can be a powerful tool for learning self-compassion.18 In one experiment, people were asked to recall a failure or humiliation that had made them feel bad about themselves, ranging from flunking a big test to flopping in an athletic competition to forgetting lines in a play. They drafted a letter to themselves expressing the understanding they would offer to a friend in the same situation. Compared to a control group who wrote just about their positive attributes, those who were kind to themselves were 40 percent happier and 24 percent less angry.
Turning feelings into words can help us process and overcome adversity.19 Decades ago, health psychologist Jamie Pennebaker had two groups of college students journal for fifteen minutes a day for just four days some about nonemotional topics and others about the most traumatic experiences of their lives, which included rape, attempted suicide, and child abuse. After the first day of writing, the second group was less happy and had higher blood pressure. This made sense, since confronting trauma is painful. But when Pennebaker followed up six months later, the effects reversed and those who wrote about their traumas were significantly better off emotionally and physically.
Since then, more than a hundred experiments have documented the therapeutic effect of journaling. It has helped medical students, patients with chronic pain, crime victims, maximum-security prisoners, and women after childbirth. It has crossed cultures and countries from Belgium to Mexico to New Zealand. Writing about traumatic events can decrease anxiety and anger, boost grades, reduce absences from work, and lessen the emotional impact of job loss. Health benefits include higher T-cell counts, better liver function, and stronger antibody responses. Even journaling for a few minutes a few times can make a difference. “You don’t have to write for the rest of your life,” Pennebaker told us. “You can start and stop when you feel you need to.”

Awful events, and the grief that follows them, is a difficult subject to tackle. How to handle it, and how to get through it, is different for everyone. Once you're in the club of "I've got an awfully sad story in my personal history," you're in the club forever. Sheryl Sandberg is a club member herself, after her husband unexpectedly died while on holiday in Mexico.

I was skeptical that Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant would be able to explain to others how to get through it. Perhaps they haven't pulled it off entirely, but they've come awfully close. There's a lot of truth in here about how best to support friends who are going through terrible times, the best being to ask them, "How are you today?" rather than "How are you?" because the first question acknowledges the sadness that they're experiencing, while the second question seems more automatic and less heartfelt (plus can almost always be answered, "I'm awful" immediately following a sad event.)

At times, this did feel more like a business manual for grieving, which is why I didn't give it five stars. But to be fair, grief is different for everyone and maybe that's how it was for her. But I give her credit for at least trying to tackle a subject that many people don't even want to acknowledge.

I would recommend this book for anyone going through tough times, anyone who wants to support someone going through tough times, and finally, anyone who's a member of the Sad Story Club. I'm a member and this book taught me a lot about myself and my experience.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher WH Allen for giving me a preview copy in exchange for an honest review.