This is a collection of first person essays about rape and rape culture. I cannot rate this book highly enough and believe this should be added to School/College lessons for both genders. I do not believe, unfortunately, that there is a person alive who will not resonate with one of these stories. I think it’s time this is added to discussions from primary school up as everyone needs to be able to understand the issue of consent.
I thank the editor publishers and, most of all the brave women who have written their stories down so that we can learn.
Thanks to Atlantic books and NetGalley for an ARC
#NotThatBad #NetGalley

I was unable to download this to my kindle for some bizarre reason 🤔

Sorry I was unable to give feedback this time.

This is a tough book to review. It is beautifully written, raw and powerful, honest and heartbreaking but it’s the kind of book you wish didn’t exist. This is about rape culture and the story of how many women suffer at the hands of men. It is about how common the threat to women is - and that’s depressing. Buy it for anyone who thinks the #MeToo upsurge was an exaggeration- this proves it is the tip of the iceberg. These stories need to be told - and they need to be read by people who cannot understand the anger.

I was given a copy of this book by Netgalley in return for an honest review.

I have to give this 5 stars because it's such an important book. What it highlights most for me is the need to speak out, to enable victims to feel able to talk about what happened to them without a sense of shame, I was saddened by the level of guilt felt, by the excuses made and self-platitudes coming from those trying to hide the fact they were trying to come to terms with what happened to them. Plus the fact that these essays are only the tip of the iceberg.

This was a difficult book at points but that is what makes it so important. It provided insight and has so many important ideas to consider, especially in a culture of victim shaming. This will stay with me for a long time and I will be recommending it to others. Very powerful and important.

Such an important book, everyone needs to read this. I’m a huge fan of Roxane Gay and the powerful way she shares both her words and amplifies the voices of others.

Wow, what a gripping read. It got me hooked right from the start. A tense psychological thriller. Recommended

I would call this brutal collection of essays on rape culture timely but honestly, these stories could have been written in any era. This resonated with me on an almost uncomfortable level and I feel it’s an important text that needs to be read as widely as possible.

This book really kicked me where it hurts. It's a collection of essays by incredibly eloquent women and men, each one a few pages of painfully well chosen words about the way rape culture has affected their lives - this collection covers a lot of ground; from child abuse, catcalling, flashers, sexual assault, rape and everything in between you can imagine short of being murdered by their attackers.
This being the entire point of the book - all the authors have the same thing in common, they all think that someone out there's had it worse and so their experience is 'Not That Bad'. It's that sentiment of not complaining about rape culture because you survived it that allows the wheel to turn, that is what this collection addresses.

I have a word of advice for people who plan to read this book - for the sake of your sanity, don't try to read it all in one go.
About halfway through I had to put the book down for a couple of weeks while I scrubbed out the inside of my brain with over a dozen fun paranormal fantasy novels. The essays in this collection got under my skin, as I imagine it will most people (women in particular), there will be something that resonates with everyone and it left me feeling sick to my stomach.

Gross visceral responses aside, this book is oh-so-necessary - the authors have been unimaginably brave and released their stories to the public, to pore over their own personal hells.
Trigger warnings all over the place for this one - it ain't pretty but it's an important step towards saying 'f*you' to the people who think they can get away with abusing other people and never being found out, which is something worth aspiring to.

This is such an important book. Most of the contributions are from women who have experienced sexual assault, but there are contributions from men, and trans women as well. Some are terrible, life changing stories, some are stories of numerous occurrences that chip away at the writers self confidence and feelings of safety. Actually, the upshot is that a vast majority of women do not feel safe anymore.
As I began reading this, I thought that I was one of the lucky that had never experienced any of these things, but as I read on, I realised that I actually had. I think that the cat-calling, touching and looks are something that we don't so much expect as that we are just used to them. The fact that in my younger years I was very outspoken and told someone who touched me to keep their hands to themselves, or told a commenter to keep their mouths shut, probably meant that I was more lucky than effective when they backed down or apologised. And I also think that British culture was very different 20 years ago, as was I.
What saddens me, is that the people who should really read this probably won't. And if they do, they'll probably brush it off as women who exaggerate or are out to attack men, are men haters. But these are all genuine experiences. This isn't fiction. It's heart breaking, raw and something that shouldn't have any place in our modern world. I've never understood the need of some people to control, manipulate and hurt others, but I think I'm probably naive. Or hopeful, perhaps. Somehow, we need to stop this cycle of abuse and hurt, and until then, stories like this will continue.

Not That Bad is an anthology of short stories on rape culture edited by Roxane Gay. Clearly, this book is not for just for breezing through. The introduction is spectacular. It is written by Roxane Gay and I only ever expect super-human greatness from her.

Then I got to the first short story, and after 3 pages my soul was torn open and I was sobbing in my breakfast porridge and smudging all of my make-up. I experienced the same with the second piece of writing, and I quickly learned to only read Not That Bad when I wasn't about to leave my flat. Then I realised that I only wanted to read Not That Bad when there was a very low likelihood of distractions while reading it, just so that I could give each story the amount of respect it deserves. I felt so much for these women (and I think there is at least one story by a man but I forget how many in reality) that Not That Bad turned into a sacred book, something to read when I am able to give all of my attention and compassion to it.

Short story collections have a bad habit of being hit-miss reads for me, with some of the stories being brilliant and others less so. That wasn't the case in Not That Bad. Everything I read had a deep impact on me. Roxane Gay is clearly not just a superb writer but also an excellent short story collection editor. In fact, all of the contributors in this collection are writers themselves in some level, and so all of the stories were engaging and heart-breaking.

One very interesting part of Not That Bad are the opinions of other women on rape. So many want to blame the victim because of what she was wearing, what she said, where she was and when. These individuals want to believe that there are rules in rape. If you don’t wear a mini-skirt you won’t get raped, if you stay indoors after 9pm you won’t get raped, if you never drink alcohol you won’t get raped. But the reality is that there are no such rules. Anyone can get hurt in the world we live in. The victim absolutely never calls a rapist to them, and it is never their fault. Unfortunately there is no other way to stay protected than change the culture where we live in. Read these books, listen to these stories, always believe in the victims and the survivors.

Not That Bad is a book that needs to be experienced. The stories have the right to be heard, and many of them will change the way you see the world and yourself even if you don't expect that to happen. It is so impactful that I have been sitting with my thoughts for two weeks, just thinking about how on earth will I ever manage to communicate how unbelievably important this book is. It is for everyone; you don't have to be female and you don’t have to have experienced anything like this to feel its message.

It is that bad. Now let's change it.

Not That Bad: Dispatches from a Rape Culture– Roxane Gay

This is my ‘book based on your spiritual beliefs’, number 14. Before I review it, I am going to say that I am a little disappointed in myself that I haven’t kept up the momentum and I’m not currently writing the 22nd book review, which I should be really if I want to finish the challenge before the end of this year. On the other hand, I probably wouldn’t have read close to this many books than I would have done if I hadn’t been following the challenge, so that is good. I’m also not going to beat myself up over it, I am going to finish it although it’ll be a bit later than December 31st!

So, back to the book. I was fortunate enough to get a copy of this from Netgalley, and was recommended by a friend. “Not That Bad” is a collection of essays and stories bringing together the voices of a couple of dozen and more women of all ages and backgrounds. They write on the topic of ‘not that bad’ – it could have been worse. He didn’t kill you, at least. All of the stories, from some well known names such as Gabriele Union and Ally Sheedy, are staggering in their raw honesty and vulnerability.

Of course, you don’t need to read them in order but I did, and the ensuing tumult is relentless accounts of the every day encounters. The guy who asks for the woman to take her contraception in private, away from other people. The one who wrote the story of he and his girlfriend having sex for the first time without realising it’s a date rape scenario. The young woman who dates an older man who rapes her and then assumes he’ll see her again, that the pillow that muffled her screaming was there because she was having a great time.

It’s about the aftermath, too. How these babies and girls and women, and boys and trans and everyone else in the LGBTQIA, deal with what happened. By ignoring it, by pretending it didn’t happen. By suffering the well meaning but ultimately misguided murmurs of ‘at least he didn’t kill you’.

Not all of the essays are physical, but these don’t provide respite. The woman walking down the street with her daughter, being cat called by guys who get angry when she doesn’t respond to their commands.

This carefully curated anthology should be read by everyone. Especially those who don’t understand consent. Yes, mainly boys, but girls too. I can’t help but wonder if it’s really clear how many people change their behaviour to avoid contact – physical or not. Women are particularly good at risk assessment. Don’t go in there, it’s dark. Don’t walk home alone, don’t talk to anyone, don’t wear tight clothes. Definitely don’t leave your drink unattended and absolutely don’t drink too much.

I am so encouraged by the wave of voices standing up over the last few years, with #MeToo and #TimesUp, and sometimes it feels like there’s so much to do it’s hard to know where to start. It starts with you. Call out sexism, misogyny and bullying where you see it. Be brave and people will stand with you. I promise. When you’re with That Friend who gets handsy when he’s drunk, let him know if he’s being a pain. Tell him to go home. Maybe our sons and daughters and all in-between will be able to go out alone without making sure they know where their keys are, or watching what they eat or drink for fear of being exploited or harassed as a result. Or, you know, killed.

This was a beautifully put together collection which included some raw, powerful and really well written, if harrowing, memoirs. I preferred the writing style of some authors over others but I think that would be the case with most collections.

Some of these stories were so powerful and will stay with me for a long time which to me is a sign of a good book and I would recommend it.

A very interesting read and very apt for today’s times. A Collection of essays from people who have been the victim of rape or sexual assault, or have worked with them. Very apt for today is the talk of the casual everyday sexism that pervades our society, the victim blaming and shaming.

“Anger is the privilege of the truly broken, and yet, I've never met a woman who was broken enough that she allowed herself to be angry.”
I don’t think I will ever read another essay collection as important as this one. It is difficult to read (by god yes, of that there is no doubt) but it is powerful, honest, needed. When our descendants look back at this period of history, Not That Bad will be sure to be the defining portrayal of the gender experience of our age.
It is a crescendo of voices; all strong, all haunting, all refusing to give up and desperate to keep on fighting. In them, you will find similarities to your own experiences and those of the people you love, but also ones that are probably very different.
They’re voices that I know will stay with me. They will sit on my shoulder and tell me to keep on moving. That it is alright to be angry; to be broken.
How many times have you said those three words? How many times will you say them after reading this?

This is a really hard book to read. Often, whilst reading certain passages, I would get a visceral churning in my gut, this explosion of anger and frustration and horror that wanted to manifest itself into screaming. Or vomit. This harrowing collection of personal accounts doesn't shy away from rape culture or its aftermath to the survivors, and often can make things seem helpless rather than things we can fight for. Having said that, it's a brilliant group of essays, curated by Roxane Gay, that really tackles the inaccuracies and common myths about rape culture around the Western world. It's complex, hard-hitting and horrific, but completely and utterly necessary.

This is, of course, hard to read. But the fact that it’s hard to read is just one of the many reasons that we should read it.

A powerful and essential book.

Wow. This book is like a gut-punch to your emotions. It’s incredibly powerful, often difficult to read but ultimately incredibly important.

Not That Bad is an anthology of #ownvoices stories about rape, assault and harassment. It’s intersectional, featuring people from many different backgrounds (including men and some “household names” that I’d never heard of, but whatever. Not important. The stories are universal). It features a really broad spectrum of experiences (often in quite graphic detail) but also mixes in everyday harassment stories and casual misogyny -and it’s that that makes the book so relatable. It really illustrates how behaviour that we think of as being low-level (or even acceptable) is really the thin end of a wedge that goes from wolf whistles to rape.

The book focuses on a lot of the issues that rarely gets discussed – coercion, manipulation and abuses of power all feature. It totally breaks down the myth that rape solely consists of a man dragging you into the bushes when you’re walking home at night and the idea that if you didn’t categorically and loudly say the word no then how could anyone reasonably think that you weren’t gagging for it? I really appreciated how the more grey areas of sexual assault were explored and the bravery of the contributors who said “this is what happened and I don’t know if it was rape but I know it was bad”.

At many times I felt like throwing this book at a wall (if it had been a paperback I would have – you don’t get that excitement with e-ARCs). Weirdly, what got to me the most wasn’t the experiences of the victims but the responses of the people that they told. The title of the book itself refers to how experiences of sexual assault are downplayed – at least you weren’t killed, at least it happened when you were old enough to deal with it, at least he didn’t hurt you, at least you’re ok now. It’s not that bad. That sentiment seemed to be echoed over and over again. Urgh.

What amazed me was the stories about the perpetrators who didn’t feel like they’d done anything wrong. Obviously all of the stories are shocking but the very idea that someone could rape/assault a woman and genuinely not know was mind blowing. The guy who wrote the “sweet” story of hooking up with his girlfriend by carrying her semi-conscious body to the beach to have sex with her was so wrong on so many levels and genuinely made me feel sick. How did we get to a point where young people could think that situation could be construed as romantic?

I think it’s incredibly important for everyone to read this book but I’d highly recommend doing it in small bites. There’s just…a lot. A lot to process. A lot to get mad about. A lot to make you cry. Also, please think carefully about whether the book is going to be triggering for you. It’s pretty graphic and covers a wide range of experiences so do be careful with your mental health.

Not That Bad: Dispatches from Rape Culture is a collection of essays edited by Roxane Gay. Each essay deals with the topics of sexual harassment, violence and rape and the way it is emphasised in modern culture.

I’ll begin with a warning that Not That Bad may act as a trigger for any reader who has been a victim of rape.

I requested this book because I am interested in the sociology of this topic but as expected it was a hard book to read because of the raw emotions portrayed in the essays and the sensitive nature of the topics discussed.

Also, because it is a topic getting a lot of attention recently. In fact, on the day I read it Google employees had staged a walk-out over the way the company treats woman when they have put in a sexual harassment complaint.

The introduction of Not That Bad gets right into the thick of it:

When I was twelve years old, I was gang-raped in the woods behind my neighbourhood by a group of boys with the dangerous intentions of bad men. It was a terrible life-changing experience.

Before that, I have been naïve, sheltered. I believed that people were inherently good and that the meek should inherit. I was faithful and believed in God. And then I didn’t. I was broken. I was changed. I will never know who I would have been had I not become the girl in the woods.

In the years since she had heard lots of similar stories and in order to survive she had convinced herself that what happened to her was ‘not that bad.’ In reality that set a low bar for how she would expect to be treated in future relationships.

Eventually she realised that it was that bad and that a society where these kinds of things are accepted is not good enough.

This collection contains a myriad of similar experiences and essays on the topic of rape culture and victim shaming and hopefully will go a way to helping people to realise that no action, article of clothing or behaviour by a victim can ever be used to justify their rape or sexual harassment.

The voices shared here are vocies that matter and demand to be heard.

This was a tough read but an interesting book but as with any collection there were some essays which were more readble than others.

A difficult read, very difficult in parts.
I often wanted to stop, to look away, but I felt I had to bear witness to what these people, not only women, had gone through - I felt it was the least I could do.
I was very troubled by these stories, there seems to be more of a rape culture in the States than in the UK, where I live, unless I, and my friends, have been very lucky. But nevertheless, these occurrences must be brought out into the open, so that the perpetrators realise the wrongs they’re doing.