Not That Bad: Dispatches from Rape Culture is an anthology of essays written mainly by women but there are a couple by men in there as well, curated by one of my personal favourites Roxanne Gay. Putting this collection together and tackling these very difficult subjects isn't something to take on lightly but this was a harrowing reminder of the prominence of the 'Not That Bad' attitude in our culture. This was a brilliant read and I'd recommend it to anyone interested in gaining a better insight into our modern reality.

An interesting and great collection of essays that discussed rape culture. I have been a fan Roxanne Gays work and I couldn't wait to read this which she edited. I can't wait to read more.

This book is a difficult but important read. Giving voice to those who have the strength to speak out, it does not try to make sexual violence more palatable or easier to read about. From the first chapter, it is honest and raw, and I read each experience and saw how the abuse of power can come to exist in so many different guises. From abuse that is cultivated over years, to that which occurs in one night, I was immersed in every chapter and in awe of those who were able to speak with such clarity. Regardless of age or gender, this is a book that should be read by everyone.

Roxanne Gay’s Not That Bad is an anthology of essays and testimonials submitted by educators, activists and survivors of rape, The culture of rape and identity is explored throughout each of the essays, laying bare the blame culture, and subsequent inability to express negative desires, so prevalent and ingrained within and across societies. A timely and topical work it is harrowing reading.

A really hard book to read, but so well collated and put together. I really liked xTx’s story, as I read their book and wasn’t a big fan.

I also enjoyed Floccinaucinihilipilification and the last story.

So much of this book was articulating thoughts that are hard to articulate. It’s the most eloquent words about a most difficult subject.

And for the most part, it doesn’t talk about rape in detail. It’s thoughfully edited and a very important read, especially for males.

I don't even know where to start reviewing this, Not That Bad evoked so much reaction in me and I feel very privileged to have the opportunity to read it. If I only had one word to describe this book, I would choose POWERFUL.

I took my time reading this book, not because I didn't like it but because it is not an easy read. Each story in Not That Bad is written by someone who experienced rape or sexual abuse in some form. There is suffering, pain, depression, hate, self-blame... All of these emotions feel very real, because they are real, this really happened, it is still happening and it is shocking.  I would urge everyone to read this.

Many thanks to Atlantic Books and NetGalley for my ARC in exchange of an honest review.

Thought provoking and challenges everything you’ve ever believed assault/rape to be. Every story was different but they all had the underlying understanding that if it’s not what you want then saying “no” just once is enough.

I am a big fan of Roxane Gay’s writing and think she’s one of the most insightful authors working today so I was really eager to read this group of essays that Gay has collated. By just reading Gay’s introduction I immediately felt like this collection made total sense and is very much needed. The essays in Not That Bad cover a broad spectrum of issues like consent and how definitions of sexual assault have changed and are interpreted differently from one person to the next. This book begins a conversation that needs to be had.

Honestly I was completely invested in the stories in Not That Bad pretty much instantly. Some sentences in the first essay alone rang so true that I couldn’t believe I hadn’t considered some of these issues before. These essays from a wide range of women and some men are definitely not an easy or pleasant read but they are an essential read. They should make you feel many things from empathy through to anger and that is, I feel, the point - to provoke a reaction and a discussion about the culture we have created as a society. There is no one size fits all here, every story is different but they are all of equal importance as examples of how people have been made to feel. The title of this book makes so much sense because it is something that is said so often as though it is possible to qualify the trauma or devastation a person is allowed to feel whether is is due to a sexist comment or an actual assault. It is not up to anyone else to decide how much pain you are allowed to feel in correlation to what has been done to you.

I really believe books like Not That Bad should almost be required reading for everyone because it genuinely is that important. In the wake of things like the #metoo movement it is important to remember that this problem is far away from being completely solved and probably won’t ever be but these stories need to be told in spite of that. Then, hopefully, there can be at the very least some real progress.

Edited and with an introduction by Roxane Gay, the New York Times bestselling and deeply beloved author of Bad Feminist and Hunger, this anthology of first-person essays tackles rape, assault, and harassment head-on.

This is a difficult book to read but I think a necessary one. To begin with, before I started reading, I thought the title referred to what other people would have said to the survivors but it is what the survivors themselves say to help them begin to cope. This is a book filled with both hope and despair; there are many characters to cheer as well as some who should have no place with other members of the human race.

I was able to read an advanced copy of this book thanks to Netgalley and feel privileged to have been permitted to share these stories.

This book was mindblowing.
It was difficult and yet important, compelling and yet disgusting.
Featuring many short stories and essays wrote by different men and women all centred around rape and sexual assault.
As I was reading I was aware that I was reading something important and special. It is not by any means an easy read, I did have to put it down when things got a little too intense. But the joy of it being a collection meant that I would jump around and read what I felt like at the time. It made me inspired and yet furious at the same time, and my attention was held from beginning to end due to the variety of material.
I urge everyone to pick up this book. I think it should be compulsory reading for every woman, man and beast.

It is so wrong and so disturbing that this book is easy to relate to. So many stories can echo what I've experienced myself in today's world. The not going out after dark on your own, as you know that should keep you safe. But why should we need to? So many of these stories show what women today now just take as accepted, however misogynistic or plain wrong. It quite rightly makes you shudder as you realise that you, yourself, has fallen in to similar traps in the past. The last story especially, the list of reasons why, really drummed home there should never be another because. No excuses, no more please.

A must read for all women, all ages.

Roxane Gay is a powerhouse. I listened to the audiobook of Hunger in a single (long) train journey and was so excited to be approved for this title. The stories in this book are so important.

As I read this book, I found myself nodding along, finding a sad comfort in realising that my experiences are not mine alone, but are shared with women around the world. A truthful, honest, validating and relatable collection of essays that should be read by any person who has thought to themselves that what they've been through, or what someone else has been through, was "not that bad".

Roxane Gay is once again doing important work with this excellent collection of essays, tackling rape culture and the misogyny surrounding it. More importantly, tackling the persistent denial of its existence. This really should be required reading. At times its difficult reading but it should be. It is raw and honest but never stridently emotional and that is the best way to deliver messages about rape culture.

I would like to thank Atlantic Books for giving me the opportunity to read ’Not That Bad by Roxane Gay’ in exchange for an honest and unbiased review.

This book is made up of a collection of essays. It is an excellent read. The topic is about rape and feminism, its written in a straight up, raw, honest real manner.
I will be honest some of the story/ essays are strong while others are naturally quite distressing.

This is something that everyone, regardless of gender, should read.
It was very, very hard to read, as a woman and a survivor, but it felt cathartic, like my lived experience had a voice through the voices of the women and men in this anthology.
If I could, giant posters of these words would be billboarded over every city, and this would be the start of a required reading class in school.
It makes me so sad that now, every person has a story on rape culture, on toxic masculinity, on the strangulation of patriarchy, and this book is so needful. But it is, and so, I recommend it to all.
Read it to cry, to feel your own anger and sorrow, your own story.
Read it as an academic, noting the widespread data points from all walks of life.
Read it as a sociologist, and see how far reaching and pervasive the issue of rape and rape and culture is.
Just, read it.

To say I 'enjoyed' this book seems slightly inappropriate but I found it a very worthwhile read. Not That Bad is a collection of essays on sexual assault which delves into how the survivors feel about what happened. Every single story is shocking and important and this is definitely a must read.

The title Not That Bad is the total opposite of reality - yes it is that bad and the essays/letters/articles that make up this anthology testify so strongly to that. It is a powerful collection of peoples ruined lives - ruined at the hands of others. People who have suffered abuse or helped those who have been traumatised by it. I had the feeling reading through some of the pieces that the narratives were not as important as the the fact that it was all being written down. Firstly that and then those stories would be read by people all over the country if not the world. To share something so intense and personal is incredibly hard but to know others felt the same wether or not their experiences were exactly the same or not was irrelevant (I think) but to know you're not alone I hope is helpful. I'm a woman who has never had a bad experience as my sisters (and brothers too) have had but I suggest that everyone reads this difficult but important book.

Wherever you come from and whoever you may be, if you are reading this then go and read the book instead.

This is a raw collation of individual's responses to and experiences with rape culture. Many diverse perspectives are amalgamated here and it provides an entirely heart-breaking but powerful and necessary read.

Roxane Gay introduced this collection by relaying her own experiences with rape culture. What she encountered afterwards became a common theme throughout. Many individuals suffered from horrific abuse and assault, others were touched or spoken to inappropriately, and almost all were told that their experience was 'not that bad'.

There seems to be a socially constructed ideology that whatever the individual suffers it could always be worse. Many of the essays and recollections collected expose individuals in authority telling the victim that they are lucky to be alive. To have survived means it was 'not that bad' because others have died in similar circumstances, right? But then to be catcalled or petted without instruction is 'not that bad' because rape is worse, right?

To tell an individual all they have suffered is 'not that bad' is to allow the perpetrators to continue; it encourages individuals to think of themselves as one of the 'lucky ones' rather than the victim; it disallows time to grieve and the confrontation of true emotions.

The next time you tell yourself or another not to walk down a dark alley alone, to wear a longer skirt, or not to get black-out drunk for fear of bringing a bad situation on yourself, just remember that you are essentially advocating for others to suffer in your place, the ones who did not make these 'safe' choices. The next time you tell yourself or another that your actions could have instructed another to react to you in a way you would rather they wouldn't, ask yourself what they would have to have done for you to react in kind? The next time you instruct yourself or another to adopt that grin-and-bear-it mentality you are allowing the casual sexism and misogyny to continue.

We are brainwashed to fear encouraging worse abuse, through the voicing of concerns and discontent, and are encouraged to always wonder what the victim's portion of blame should be. The answer is none. The answer is always always none.

All this has created a culture which is now our reality - a rape culture. Gay has collated these experiences to illuminate the problems of our contemporary society. It will not change the world and it will not heal the emotional and physical wounds of the sufferers, but it does send the message of a united front and it does provide hope for a future that differs. Because yes, it is that bad.

I would never be able to review this book like a normal review because to review it, I feel, would be to assume myself and anyone else had the privilege to cast any judgement on peoples personal stories, stories were the words are a mere tip on the emotional iceberg of their experience and would never truly begin to articulate the pain of the inhuman acts of which their writers have been subjected to, and stars and opinions very obviously do not and should never matter in this circumstance.
What I will say however is in putting the book together Roxane has managed to highlight how the the world seems to be numbed to rape, to its words and its violence of which is so ingrained in our culture that unfortunately we appear primed to it, prepared for its eventuality in some way.
It’s for this reason and many more the book is a startling eye opener for all which does bring many questions and thoughts to the forefront in it wake.