This book shifts the blame, so to speak, from the behaviour to your feelings - something our parents were probably not aware of or had even considered. It makes you consider that you should look at your feelings to the situation and to be able to say what is troubling you, rather than put the blame elsewhere. It covers from babies through to teens which can then be carried through to adulthood.

It explains how what would be classed as 'naughty' behaviour is perhaps seen as an inconvenience to the receiver, plus how to set boundaries that are about you rather than the child crossing the line.

Its an interesting book through its explanation and case studies. I can see that it can be used many more situations such as adult adult or child child resolutions. Sometimes you do this without even realising it, turn it into an I not you conversation.

I received this book from netgalley in return for a honest review.

This is a very interesting read. Some of it I agreed with and some of it I didn't. It is the type of book to read and take what you want from it. Some parts you will read again and others you will feel will not work for you.

Thank you to Netgalley for my copy.

Some very useful insights and tips for parents of all ages.

3.5 stars.
From pregnancy to having adult children, this book takes it a step at a time and offers penetration into how to consider parenting from the child's perspective.

While every parent reading will be focusing on one or two areas in particular, based on their own circumstances, there are themes running throughout. I wasn't too certain I agreed with the focus on blaming your own upbringing for the way you parent, or the ability of the reader to simply 'look into their past' to identify these incidents/issues (this surely takes months or even years of therapy sometimes to uncover?!). Yet I did like other aspects - the inclusion of exercises to put the theory into practice. The idea of considering your child's reactions to you and your parenting. Some things seemed very obvious but are indeed things that parents don't always remember to do or even consider. "Speaking in I-statements, not you-statements", accepting children's feelings - all tips that can make a big difference.

I skimmed some sections that weren't relevant to me in the near future (my children are 8 and 2, so I didn't cover the 'adult children' section in depth), but feel this is a useful, short guide to parents to help them consider their style of parenting and how they can tweak behaviours and communications with their offspring at various stages to help healthy relationships develop.

With thanks to Netgalley for the sample reading copy.

So much food for thought here, written in an accessible and engaging way. One to dip into and ponder the issues raised rather than for reading cover to cover and I found as parent of two small children I was able to bring new behaviours into my parenting style as a result of reading this. I have already started recommending it to friends and its a must for Parenting sections in libraries.

A useful book to dip in and out of, though it can be a bit like a textbook at times. I feel that much of what I have read is common sense, but then not everyone is blessed with that, unfortunately.
The author can be a little bit judgemental sometimes, at other times patronising. But that has been ever thus with parenting books, it’s such a subjective topic.
A useful book to have on the bookshelf as children grow up, to read the relevant section. I’m sure some parents will find it of value, as there are some good ideas here.
My thanks to Netgalley and the author for my advance copy of the book.

Despite being a first-time mum, I am not really a fan of parenting books as it is too easy for the author to come across as judgemental. Also, I find that the ones I have rehash a lot of the same information.

However, I had heard a lot about this book, so I decided to give it a try.

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) is not just a book with an interesting title. It contains useful anecdotes and exercises to help you relate to you child.

At times the author did come across as slightly judgemental, but this was rare. On the whole I would say this book is useful for any parent to have.

As I have some background in counselling, I had heard some of the arguments before that state the way we are treated as children is often reflected in how we treat our own children. For some reason it had never occurred to me to think about this in terms of parenting.

It makes complete sense to me that empathy is key to understanding why young children, babies and teenagers sometimes ‘act out.’ It had occurred to me with children and young adults that his may be the case but not with babies.

Babies need a safe space to express their emotions. As a friend of mine put it ‘I think people sometimes forget babies are allowed to just be sad too.’ According to the author recognizing the emotion and reflecting on it with the child is key to understanding and eradicating tantrums and the like.

I may not have agreed with everything in the book, but I found it a fascinating read and on the whole I found myself agreeing with the author.

A refreshing take on the parenting book.

This is divided into chapters that deal with specific aspects of pregnancy, parenting and relationships with children at different ages, so it is a book that you will dip into rather than read cover to cover.
The Book.encourages you to think about your own upbringing and how that influences the way you behave as a parents.
There's lots of practical advice on building healthy relationships and communicating clearly which I found particularly interesting as the parent to a forceful, boundary pushing three year old.
I think lots of parents will find this book useful and I'll certainly be coming back to it in the future.
Thank you Netgalley for the advanced copy in return for a review.

I decided to read this book as i am a new grandmother of a little boy, and i look after him one day a week. I recognise i made mistakes bringing up my two boys and wanted to make sure i did a better job with my grandson.
Very well written book easy to read with lots of examples and encouragement.

A comprehensive and insightful book that I found interesting in illuminating parent-child relationships despite not being a parent but of course having been a child! I think parents who genuinely want to be good ones will find it particularly encouraging that Philippa Perry emphasises it’s ‘never too late’, even if you realise you may have made quite serious mistakes earlier on – that even once your children are adults, if you care enough you can mend things that may seem broken if you’re determined enough.

The author gives some psychological theory in terms a lay person can understand but the text is littered with real-life examples that makes her points easy to understand and which many people will relate to, having observed such situations in their own families or those of friends. There is plenty of practical advice too – again with a liberal sprinkling of examples – without it ending up as one of those ‘How to’ guides that depress us all with inevitable feelings of failure.

Philippa leads us on from the first chapters, helping us understand our own legacy from our background and upbringing, and encourages self-reflection, identifying our own behaviour and reactions and how that might not only help us be better parents but better people all round.

I’ve given this three stars, which may seem a little mean, but I did find the flow of arguments a little bitty. Perhaps this should have been a positive, as it was the examples that really broke things up, but whatever the reason I sometimes found it a little difficult to follow the train of thought.

I’m not at all well read on parenting books so I’ve not really got much to compare this with, but I would think it a very solid foundation for all parents and would-be parents who really care about giving their children the best start in life and particularly care about not passing on the perhaps less-than-ideal parenting they might have received themselves. After all, if you had fabulous parenting, you probably don’t need this guide as what you do will probably automatically be pretty good!

A really interesting book. It’s not the kind of book that you can read in one go but I’ve enjoyed reading parts and then having time to mull it over. Hopefully some of the tips and advice will help me be a better parent

I had two major issues with this book. One, it was very dry and not very readable. Two, there was nothing in there that I didn't know. I'm a mum, so I know what it's like!

Some good stuff in this book. Big chunk is about babies and the early years , but there is enough that covered later years to make worthwhile read for me.

Main personal take-away will be: - define yourself rather than defining your child. A simple change in approach I aim to try and do (more of the time, anyway).

Free via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

I'm giving this three stars because there are some good bits in here. Unfortunately, two major flaws prevented it from being any better.

1. The author is a psychotherapist, and it shows in the attitude that most of your problems are the fault of your parents not holding you enough as a child. (I exaggerate, for effect, but not as much as I'd like.)

2. The author's political and moral ideology blinds her to basic truths of human nature, and some of the most solid science on family flourishing. Notably, she doesn't provide any citations for those parts of the book, unlike the rest.

That all being said, this book was worth reading, and I highlighted a number of portions to come back to. Specifically, the author's discussion on communicating with, and understanding, your children are excellent. So are her points on consistency and being firm without being authoritarian. The book is well worth reading for those insights alone.

An interesting book with lots of useful tips.
Read more like a text book so I read it alongside other books and dipped in and out.
Would recommend to both new & existing parents.

I'm not a parent yet but I've read lots of parenting books to prepare myself for the future. I had a very loving upbringing but as an adult I struggle with anxiety and I can often see how this developed from how I was treated as a child. I am therefore keen to read about different parenting techniques, especially those based on psychological theory and research.

I found this book really easy to read and understand. It could be read and appreciated by a wide audience, for those without children (like me), those expecting and those with young and grown up children. I really enjoyed this and have definitely taken away a lot of key points and learnings for if/when I become a parent.

Thank you for allowing me to read this book.
I read it in between my other reads as its one you can pick up and put down. As a parent of two small children, i thought that there were some very useful ideas that can easily be put to good use in forming that early bonds and relationships with our children.

Many of the tips are things you may have heard before and the book tries to tie a number of ideas together to create a different approach to the parent-child relationship based on communication and empathy. It all sounds great and is probably something we would all like to have the patience and time to embrace. Unfortunately, modern age pressures need addressing in any book about parenting and I don't feel it addressed these areas enough.

Well worth a read and if it even helps resolve one tiny niggle in a parent-child relationship, it is worth the time and might lead to an approach that encompasses the suggestions of the book in a way that fits with your family.

Thank you to both NetGalley and Penguin Books for my eARC of this book . This is in exchange for my honest unbiased review.
This is a great book for parents .

I am not a parent and I got SO much out of this book.

Philippa Perry is one of my favourite psychotherapy writers and frankly I'd read a book about paint drying if it had her name on the front cover.

The title pretty much sums it up - I wish my parents had read this book. They got a lot right, and I do not blame them for anything, but I can see how some very early experiences shaped my sense of self, sense of safety, sense of worth and if things had been handled differently, if I had been listened to and had my feelings and opinions respected a bit more as a child, maybe I wouldn't have made a lot of poor decisions as a young adult that resulted from neediness and longing for acceptance. And if I ever have children, I am sure they will be pleased I read this because I must admit before I read this book I was more on the side of "the kids would have to fit in with me, there would be discipline, no nonsense, no co-sleeping etc" because that is how I was raised. Now, I appreciate the child is a person in their own right, they rely on you as the parent/adult to guide them and be a safe container for their feelings and experiences (not take what they do personally or make it about you), and empathy is a key ingredient in all relationships but especially in parenting. On the whole, society doesn't encourage us to see things from a child's point of view - we are quick to dismiss their feelings as "being silly". I will never do that again after reading this book! I also liked how Perry eschews the idea of good and bad behaviour - preferring to call it "convenient" or "inconvenient", which is far less judgmental.

Even if you are not a parent, if you are curious about how you were raised and would like to reflect on your own childhood, or perhaps feel you have a few issues unresolved, you will get so much out of this book!

This book is amazing. My only regret is that I didn't read it before ever having children, so that I was on solid ground right from the start. I have a 6yo and a 4yo, and this book gave me so many pointers on how to relate to them in a healthier and more effective way. I probably highlighted about half the book and sent my husband multiple quotations from it. I really recommend it for parents who want to be told, gently but firmly, where they can improve!