This is a delight to read, as well as pointing out mistakes we often make with our children and our parenting style. Written by a psychoanalyst, and in a very easy to read style, this book points out that we often approach parenthood, and child-rearing in the wrong frame of mind. It also, helpfully, shows you how you can right wrongs, years later, and how the way we bring our children up, will affect the way they bring up any children they might have. With large dollops of common sense, lots of helpful profesisonal case studies and with a lot of humour, often self-deprecating by the author.
I would recommend this book to anyone, whether a parent, child, teacher or professional working in the field of child care in its widest form.

This was a really interesting read. My children are 19, 15 and 12 and I still found that this book had relevance for me as a parent, so don't be put off by the fact that it seems to be focussed largely on pregnancy and early years development. Perry alludes throughout the book to ways that you can use her tips and processes even if your children are now grown up, and also, initially as to how you can use the ideas to parent yourself. I found myself getting a bit irritated with certain ideas from time to time as they seem to veer towards what is ideal rather than what is pragmatic at some times. She is, however, very understanding about the fact that you as the parent are not always going to be able to reach the pinnacle of perfect parenting and that sometimes good enough is ok, as long as you accept that you can do better and are willing to be flexible. I like the fact that she included stories about her own parenting, and is clear that she herself didn't always get things right, which does make it much more bearable as a book. Throughout, she seems generous, accepting and kind, which is helpful.

I don't normally read self-help books, but I'd recently had a training session about the use of psychotherapy in schools, a lot of which spoke to me as a parent, and I was keen to find out more. This book is a game-changer. I'm glad that I've read it now, as a parent of a 10 and 7-year-old, but I really wish I'd read it earlier. I'll be buying it for pregnant friends in future!

This is not a book providing quick fixes and solutions, but rather one which will increase your understanding of what your child thinks and needs. After finishing reading it two weeks ago, I wanted to work with some of the ideas before reviewing it. All I can say is that our home has been much calmer recently and that we've enjoyed more hugs than we have for a while. Perry's approach makes complete sense to me.

I'd particularly recommend this for new parents, but it's also a valuable read for those with older children.

Please can Ms Perry next write a similar book for teachers?

Read as one would a textbook - dipping in and out and concentrating on the relevant points. Some interesting points in this book, worth a read if you're a parent, carer or about to become either.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publishers for an ARC in return for my honest review.

Psychotherapist Phillipa Perry provides sound common sense advice for parents on how to improve their relationships with their children, much of which will be familiar to professionals that work with children. It is easy to understand, with highly accessible material and ideas on how to improve home life and make it a significantly happier environment. Perry puts a necessarily strong emphasis on parents putting in the effort to understand themselves and the nature of how they themselves were raised, which often plays a major influence on how they parent their own children. Key to everything is communication and pertinent advice is offered on how to handle problematic behaviours and patterns, the need to accept mistakes and supporting children in positive ways. Widening and shifting perspectives on situations and understanding a child's point of view provide opportunities for better parent and child relationships. This is a great book for parents with plenty of useful advice on how to improve family life. Many thanks to Penguin UK for an ARC.

As someone who works with children, I am always looking at ideas to engage with children and getting them to co-operate. I really liked this book. It is easy to read and flows well from one idea to the next. Rather than being a 'tips' book, Philippa focusses on getting the reader to think how we were brought up and showing how that will relate to how we react to our children's behaviour. She suggests how certain scenario's could be played out. One of her major ideas is to support children to recognise their feelings, allowing those feelings can be validated and finally how the child can deal with those feelings. It recognises that all behaviour - good or bad- is a child's way of communicating and how adults deal with the behaviour can reinforce the behaviour or change it.
I wish I had read this book before having my children but I will use some of her ideas in the classroom. Would I recommend it? Yes I would

I often try to read books on parenting, more for insight really, but if I can take some tips from it - great! This relatively short book is broken into sections, each detailing how to engage with your child and approach various situations. I found it to be both interesting and practical, and I really appreciated Perry's approach of trying to understand things from your child's perspective before you act.

I particularly enjoyed the section on socialisation and the qualities children (and adults!) need to behave well, namely:

1. Being able to tolerate frustration;
2. Flexibility;
3. Problem-solving skills;
4. The ability to see and feel things from other people's point of view.

It is important to support your children in learning these qualities, but Perry also suggests that you should employ these qualities when handling situations with your children. I think that's a great way to approach things.

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read... suggests ways of addressing things in your own childhood and putting them aside; creating a harmonious home environment; helping children to express how they really feel so their feelings are validated and understood; setting boundaries; accepting mistakes and making efforts to repair situations. Perry encourages you to treasure your relationships with your children and work every day to improve the bond your share.

Parenting books are always useful, even if only to reinforce what you already know - how could I resist? :-)

An uncomfortable book to read and do justice to, as it frequently turns the spotlight back on oneself.

There is an interesting viewpoint presented and I think it will take a brave person to even think about trying to do it without having professional counselling available.

The book is well written and sensible in the presentation of prose and for any parent that thinks they have room to improve, I would thoroughly recommend it.

I knew from the first chapter that I should have read this years ago. It has very practical reasons and advice for feelings that may come naturally as a parent but also come with a lot of guilt. It will be an invaluable resource for me going forward and I hope to learn from my mistakes.
I’ll be recommending this to other parents.

This is a very detailed book and for me not to be read in one go.
Each part of the process about parenting has been broken down into sections and examples given which assist.
A very good book for the person who wishes to parent better and also maintain any type of relationship healthily.
Yes it’s a book on how to approach your child better and to engage with them but it works well in your relationship with your partner, family and friends.
I am very happy I requested this book as it opened my eyes to my past and will hopefully assist in how I raise my son.
I would’ve hoped for more information on special needs children but still had great guidance.

This book felt very real and relatable. It was refreshingly clear, rather than full of psychobabble. I liked the examples given - they were based in real life and echoed many parenting spats I've had! The book is very useful for new parents as most of the advice applies to parenting young children. As a parent of teenagers, there was slightly less in it for me. Having said that, I did pick up some useful tips eg to 'listen', rather than 'fix'.

Posted on Twitter: I just finished reading this. It’s so smart and warm and wise. I loved it. I just finished reading this. It’s so smart and warm and wise. I loved it.

Any parenting book out there I am keen to read to expand my knowledge. This book was good and what I really liked about it is the examples it gives you so hopefully you can relate to this and apply in practice.

Definitely one that I will refer to over the next few years.

Really informative and very reassuring book for parents of children of any age. At first I worried it would be mostly theory, but there is loads of practical advice in here. Will definitely recommend to other mums (and dads) I know.

I liked this parenting book very much. It reasoned with my own ideas about "rapture and repair", the triggers from our past and how to look at our own relationship with our parents to see how we are acting with our children.
I don't completely agree with all the suggestions made by Perry but there was so much that supported what I already though - which was encouraging.

I like the idea that we can break the cycle and as we empathised with our childhood self we can become more understanding and tolerant with our children and the future generations.

Well written with many examples I believe this book is designed to create awareness and be thought-provoking.
My take away was that looking back at our own story we can become more accomplished parents to nurture more contented children.