After seeing this around on Twitter a lot I was thrilled to be invited on the blog tour. I enjoy reading the journalistic pieces Beckerman writes and I just knew by looking at this one that I was going to love it.
Audrey's two daughters Jess and Lily have been estranged for over 30 years. Audrey is dying of cancer and wants more than anything to bring her family back together before she dies but even she does not really know what caused the rift between them. Jess is a stressed out single mum to Mia, who works as a movie location manager, while Lily is a married successful businesswoman, whose daughter is Phoebe. When Audrey finds it hard to cope being by herself as her symptoms worsen, she moves in with Jess and Mia. The story is told in the present day but also looks back to the events in 1988 which caused Jess to become so angry with Lily.
My goodness, this story was an emotional rollercoaster! I found it difficult to feel sympathy for Jess at first - it is quite something to keep a grudge going for 30 years, especially when your mum is dying and wants nothing more than you to be friends again. But as the story unravels, I got to know Jess more and understood her reasoning's for her behaviour.
Audrey's story particularly touched a nerve - reminding me of how it was when my mum was dying of cancer. In many ways they are similar - living life to the fullest because time is short, protecting her family from the pain she is in and hiding her feelings to protect them.
A bittersweet read, the characters are well developed and feel "real". The pacing is perfect - the reveal as to why the rift happened coming at just the right time. Beckerman write's beautifully and the themes of this book which look at family relationships, love and grief are heart-warming. I did shed a tear or two (luckily, I finished it at home and not at my desk at work). This book is unforgettable and will stay with me for some time.

The central premise of this book is the breakdown of a relationship between siblings Jess and Lily. Fast-forward to decades letter and a life-changing discovery by their mother, Audrey, becomes the catalyst for her to set in effect a chain of events with the aim of reconciling her two beloved daughters. An enjoyable story about the damage caused by family secrets and the power of second chances. This would be a great summer holiday read.

I would like to thank Orion for a free copy of this book in return for an honest review.
I was gripped by this story. It starts with Audrey moving into a room in her daughter Jess's home. We learn that Audrey has got stage 4 cancer, and she has refused treatment, but it is apparent that the story is about events years earlier. Jess and her older sister do not speak to each other even though they live a few miles apart and have daughters born a few days apart. Mia and Phoebe have grown up not knowing each other.
The real story emerges slowly as the book progresses, leaving me an emotional wreck at times. It does not shy away from the mechanics of terminal illness, so I would not recommend this book to anyone who is too close to that situation in their own lives. I may have made this sound grim, but ultimately it is uplifting in its message that it is never too late to put things right and to do some of the things you always wanted to do before life got in the way. I couldn't put this down, waiting to find out how it would turn out. #Netgalley #IfOnlyICouldTellYou

Imagine the way the mind of a child works.

They haven't had the experience of the world, and life itself yet, enough to be able to make judgements that make sense. The sense of a ten-year-old is exactly that, only a decade old.

In this book, we followed the life of Jess and Lily, and their mother Audrey, following double tragedies in their family, and the far-reaching effects of not being able to talk to each other, because of preconceived ideas.

I rooted for Audrey the whole way through the book, and though I had an inkling of the secret, call it readers intuition, I was still captivated enough to want to read on and find out if a resolution was ever reached.

The bonds of siblings can be the strongest you will ever know, yet they can also be the most fragile.

A beautifully written story with lessons to learn.

Many thanks to NetGalley and Orion Publishing Group for providing me with an arc of this book in exchange for an honest review.

A beautiful story delivered through the voices of Audrey, Lily and Jess.

This story takes you on a heartbreaking journey of loss and anger that creates an uncrossable family rift, until Audrey finds out she has terminal cancer. This presents a final chance to heal the rift that has deepened over time and help her family find it's way back to a happier place.

This book takes you on a rollercoaster of emotions and makes you feel every word like it's being written about people you know. Once I had started this book the world around me faded away and this brilliant book and it's amazing characters captured me and took me on their journey.

A superb book that pulls on your heartstrings and leaves you grieving for everything the family have experienced.

I read this book at every opportunity over two days - desperate to discover what really happened when two sisters aged eleven and sixteen had such an awful event in their lives, that they became estranged , neither one able to verbalise their reasons.
This was such a sad story, but with very uplifting moments, and many surprising twists and turns. Both sisters went on to have a daughter each, who were kept apart from each other because the younger sister, Jess, had such a hatred for her sibling, who never knew where that hatred came from, but had her own awful secret to keep.
Their mother becomes terminally ill, and is desperate for her daughters to reconcile befor she dies, and for their daughters, her beloved grandchildren to know each other.
There are many surprises as the story unfolds, but you have to wait until the end of the book to find out what caused the the sad breakdown in this family.
I was sure I knew what had happened - but I was wrong. This book is beautifully written and kept my interest all the way through.

Astonishing!! Absolutely astonishing! I raced through this book, as I needed to find out what the deep dark secret was.
I felt at times uplifted with the characters and at other times extremely saddened by some of the events mentioned.
The characters were well portrayed and extremely believable. The author was able to fool the reader into thinking they knew what the denouement would be but then managed to still have a twist at the end.
An absolutely heart breaking and heart warming tale that will linger in my mind and make me consider that I may not have all the facts and therefore cannot leap to judgement.
An excellent portrayal of a family rift caused by misunderstanding and the consequences of one person's actions upon all the other members.
I would recommend this to anyone who enjoys drama and an intimate look at the bonds that make up a family.

A very intriguing start. Sisters Jess and Lily are getting ready for school when Lily goes into the spare room which she was asked not to. We don’t know what she sees but it causes the sisters to be estranged for years to come. I’m so pleased, I had thought I had this all worked out and I was so wrong!!

We then move forwards 28 years and Audrey is moving into her daughter Jess’s house as she is dying. Audrey’s last wish would be for her daughters to be reconciled. But can it be fixed?

The title “ If only I could tell you” was so apt. Imagine thinking you saw something, you keep it a secret only to find out that you had misconstrued it. A secret that has affected the whole family with heartbreaking consequences.

For me reading this was an emotional ride, it is so beautifully and compassionately written that it will capture you’re heart and attention from start to finish.

Definitely read this with the tissues nearby, you made me laugh and you made me cry, you also made me think about siblings that I have not been in touch with for a while and how life is too short, so grab life with both hands and enjoy it!!

This book incorporates so much, grief, loss, friendship, love, basically it has more highs and lows than a rollercoaster but is not all doom and gloom. The tension is kept throughout the book to the end which is finished off in a believable and compassionate way.

A must read , but make sure you have a few hours to spare as you will not want to put this book down.

I rate this book 10 out of 10

Looking forward to Hannah Beckerman’s next book.

Thank you to Netgalley for my copy in exchange for a review.

Trigger warning: this book talks about serious illness, miscarriage, suicide…

If Only I Could Tell You is a book everyone talked about still in 2018, even though it officially came out few days ago.
Many bloggers said it will be on most people favourite lists for 2019, how emotional and touching it was, and now when the book is released, it’s Goodreads page is full of positive, 5 and 4 stars reviews.

I am aware that I am in minority here, but I have to say I didn’t like this story as much as others. I mean, I do appreciate it, and I do think it was a touching story that talks about so many serious subjects that happen every day and need to be talked about, but I needed some hope from it.

I read books to feel better. I am aware that life is not beautiful, and I also like to read serious book, and hard books, but I like when books have at least one positive thing in the story, a little silver lining hidden between pages.
This book had none.
It was like a punch in the face filled with all the negative things life can bring, with one tragedy after another. And just when the story punched me so hard I was mentally lying on the floor, and I needed that last hope towards the end, it kicked me once again and walked away…

Okay, I know I’m exaggerating, but I hope you got what I mean…

The story follows two sisters, Jess and Lily who have no connection to each other because Jess blames Lily for something that happened in their past, and can’t ever forgive her.
The third character is their mother Audrey who wants to make things right, heal their family before she says her final goodbye.

That is all you have to know before going into the story, because there is so many tragic things that happen in this story, I don’t think any premise can prepare readers for what’s inside.
So many events from the book can be triggering, so be aware of that. Miscarriage, suicide, illness just to name the few…

There was one scene that described miscarriage in such a detailed way that it made me weak. I had to stop reading, skip some pages and then after some time I was ready to continue with the story.

The story is written in third person, following all three main characters’ perspectives.

I think Hannah Beckerman is good author, and I understand why people like her work, but in all honesty, I don’t think she’s the author I’ll come back to. At least not in this point of my life.

However, I have a need to stress out once again that this book is loved by so many readers.

If I should recommend it, I would to readers who like to read tragic and realistic stories.

This was a heart breaking story of how the death of a child affected a family for more than 30 years because of secrets and misapprehensions which weren't shared. The build up to the conclusion was masterful and the final end, very satisfying and giving closure and hope.

I'm so saddened to have finished this book. It was a heart warming story of grief, sadness, family rifts and snippets of complete happiness and inspiration. I loved the way the author wrote the story from three perspectives and travelled from past to present. Lovers of JoJo Moyes will love this book. Beautifully written, full of hope, forgiveness and a stark remainder of morality.

This was an intriguing and tender read - at times bringing tears to my eyes. A reminder of the power secrets and misunderstandings have to destroy a family - but it's not always too late to resolve things.

Once I got into this book I found it totally compelling in an almost painful way. I thought it was slightly slow to start with but totally captivated the emotional turmoil of the characters and their inability to communicate. Often communication between families is so difficult around sensitive subjects and we are all guilty of skirting around issues so as protect loved ones. One character, Jess, appears the most unyielding, stubborn and unmovable in her outlook and makes a lot of unforgiving gestures but I found, in some ways, this made her more believable as she builds a wall around herself and her beliefs.

There are a lots of twists and roller coaster rides but beautifully written from the viewpoint of three members of the same family. The main issues are sensitively written and heartbreaking in parts but also with elements of hope and future.

A beautifully tender saga about a family ripped apart by secrets.
It’s obvious from the get-go that the rift between sisters Jess and Lily is riven with misunderstandings, but the novel is well-paced and still keeps you guessing.
And it brought a lump to my throat: no mean feat!
The issues - terminal illness, suicide - are addressed, so not one for those who like their reading relentlessly upbeat!
I would recommend it - thoroughly absorbing and I read it in less than 24 hours.

This book will, I guarantee, make you cry – even if you’re a person who usually just raises an eyebrow, and sometimes wonder how people can be so deeply affected by a work of fiction. You’ll feel this one at your core, because it’s such an exceptional piece of work that takes you right into the heart of a fractured family, torn apart by a misinterpreted moment that impacts their lives. And when the big secret is uncovered, it’ll break your heart yet again – and it really wasn’t what I was expecting at all. We’ve all become rather blasé about jaw-dropping twists these days, but this one is so very different – a moment of such massive significance, a belief and understanding that has blighted the family’s relationships and driven a wedge between sisters Jess and Lily, preventing a relationship between their daughters, and created a rift that mother Audrey has an overwhelming need to heal.

The characters are wonderful, the story told from the perspectives of Audrey, Jess and Lily – Audrey seeks to provide a healing force and is immensely likeable and easy to empathise with, while her daughters are spiky and brittle, struggling with life for different reasons, reacting in ways that aren’t fully understandable until the story unfolds. I might be making it appear a difficult read, but nothing could be further from the truth – Audrey gives the book an immense warmth, there’s a nice touch of gentle humour and lightness, and some of the moments in the book that move you to tears are those of sheer joy, and you’re most definitely left with a smile by the uplifting ending. Her daughters are real people – complicated, sometimes likeable but more often not, sometimes making wrong choices, sometimes behaving very badly for deep-seated reasons that the reader doesn’t fully understand.

I really liked the way the author used the different viewpoints in the story’s telling, and the uncovering of the secrets of the past was beautifully woven through the story – this was very accomplished writing, and I was so engaged that I read the book in almost a single sitting, so powerful was the story. The issues at the heart of the story are immense, but every element is sensitively handled and perfectly managed.

Don’t miss this one, whatever you do – it’s one of the best books you’ll read this year.

Jess and Lily are sisters, but they haven’t spoken for more than three decades. Only one of them, Jess, really knows why. Audrey is their mother. She has watched her family fracture, unable to do anything to stop the anger and the hurt that this splintered family has endured.

Now she knows she has to act. With two teenage granddaughters who have never been allowed to know each other, Audrey has to find a way to expose the secrets of the past and to create a new path for the future.

Hannah Beckerman expertly weaves a sad and poignant tale that captures the heart and shows us that love has many meanings.

Audrey is our primary protagonist and we come to know her very well. Though she is approaching her last years when we meet her, we are allowed to see her as a young and ambitious woman, full of hopes and dreams at sixteen with a bright future in front of her. Though that future does not materialise, what we learn about Audrey is that she does not regret her decisions, but rather works to ensure that her future and those of her children is as good as it can possibly be.

As this novel moves gently backwards and forwards in time, we see the family through the eyes of Jess, Lily and Audrey and we can pinpoint the moment when everything went so badly wrong.

What we don’t immediately know is why it went awry, and I spent quite a lot of this book ascribing a quite different explanation of the circumstances in my mind. This meant that when the revelation did come, and it made perfect sense, I was completely surprised

If Only I Could Tell You is an emotionally engaging, tender and heart rending novel about the meaning of love. I was completely caught up in the lives of the characters and willing them to reconcile.

Absolutely beautiful and incredibly emotional. I loved this book. I felt the emotion coming from the book it was so strong. Definitely a must read.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publishers for the ARC in return for an honest and unbiased opinion.

This book was heartbreaking but beautiful at the same time. You need to have your tissues handy when you read it, I spent the last 30 pages of the book in tears. I will be recommending it to friends.

Wow. What an incredible book. I haven't been able to put it down.
I was drawn to the characters and thought about them when I wasn't reading.
This story is beautifully written, poinant and touching. It made me smile, cry and felt totally emotional.
Highly recommend, and hope my next read is as good as this book. Definitely 5 stars!

Hannah Beckerman has written a stunning, heart wrenching book about a family and their ups and downs (with emphasis on the downs). While the story could have easily become overwhelmingly depressing, the fascinating characters and the lighter, hopeful moments balance it out.

I loved each and every one of the main characters. They are all so well written, with their own individual characters traits, and flaws and I enjoyed seeing the different generations interacting. I think the loss and grief throughout the book is dealt with well, and sensitively.

I will definitely be on the lookout for more of Hannah’s stories.