A very moving story focussing on the relationships (or lack there of) between two estrangled sisters and their mum. About half way into the book the first twist is revealed...up to that point I had done a lot of guessing and although I had touched on the truth I had many other theories that kept me reading avidly to the first reveal!
As the story progresses I found myself rooting for all of the characters, wanting resolution for them and their fragile family. Beautifully written with some very moving scenes that transport you right into the middle of the rollercoaster of emotions the characters are experiencing. A fantastic and un-put-down-able read!

A real page turner. Amazing storytelling. I loved getting to know all the characters. A very poignant story which kept my attention. When sleep forced me to put it down I couldn't wait to get back to it. Very sensitively and impeccably written. It touched my soul in a way no book has ever done and brought tears to me eyes. Hannah Beckerman thank you for writing such a beautiful book.

This is a beautifully written book about two sisters, Jess and Lily Siskin who had a loving family until 1988 when certain events tore the family. Twenty-eight years later, the sisters are still not speaking. Their mum Audrey has found out she is dying from a tumor and all she wants is to bring the family back together before she passes away.

Hannah has written a heartbreaking account of family tragedy, motherly love and failed relationships. Her portrayal of the women is so honest but with such wisdom that I found I could not take anyone’s side.

The stark reality of why the sisters do not talk is not something you can guess at, so don’t even try. Halfway through the book the author throws a curve ball that I was not expecting and yet again my perception of the women changes.

This book is very emotive and you will definitely need tissues, but underlying it all is the hope that the family, albeit fractured, will be put back together.

I cannot praise it highly enough.

If Only I Could Tell You is a powerfully emotional read. The synopsis for this novel doesn’t give much away, so I’ll keep this review as vague as possible!

Hannah Beckerman doesn't have to resort to really cheesy scenes or cheap shocks to drive home the poignancy and sadness of what is happening within Audrey’s family.

I love the characters, though I have to admit that as I read on, I felt Jess was a bit too harsh and unmoving considering what her mother (and indeed her sister) were going through, but I did understand where she was coming from. I ended up really liking both Jess and Lily (poor Lily! I felt for her so much), as well as lovely Audrey. Some of the characters’ decisions were questionable at times, which just made this novel feel more real – they’re not perfect and we can’t expect them to be if they’re proper, convincing people. As a family they’ve faced a horrendous amount of heartbreak, and we as the reader learn more through the switching of perspective, between Audrey, Jess and Lily – I really like this structure.

If Only I Could Tell You is definitely a novel about not just family but friendship, difficult decisions and forgiveness. There are some surprises in this novel, and some heart-warming parts too, but I have to admit that I definitely finished this book feeling emotionally drained, but really satisfied too. I would highly recommend this beautifully written book to anyone who fancies something deep, heartfelt and lovely.

62 year old Audrey is dying. She has stage 4 cancer and not long to live. Before she dies she wants to bring her two daughters, Jess and Lily, together again. They have been estranged for thirty years with Jess believing Lily has done something unforgivable. This is a story of loss and grief and how we try, often unsuccessfully, to cope with them.

This is a heartbreaking book which tells of the folly of keeping secrets especially from children. The characters are all well drawn with Audrey in particular coming across very strongly. It is of course very sad in places especially when the truth comes out but it is also uplifting at times.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC.

My thanks to NetGalley and publishers Orion for the ARC.
This book was just so well-written, the story emotional and very moving. Audrey has two daughters, Lily and Jess, and two granddaughters Phoebe and Mia respectively. For almost 30 years her daughters have been estranged - in fact Jess, the younger sister, is the most hostile, forbidding any contact between the cousins and refusing to even be in the same location as her sister Lily. Audrey is ill and has chosen to live with Jess, but is immensely troubled by the sisters' estrangement. Since the change in Jess's behaviour Summer of 1988, she just doesn't understand. Her wish is to see her daughters together once again.
There lots of little surprising twists to this story which is told via past and present, from Audrey and her daughters' points of view, gradually completing parts of a 30yr-old puzzle which divided the family..
A cautionary tale of relationships and secrets. A really immersive read.

A very enjoyable book and one that pulled at my heartstrings. It is a very moving story and one that will stay with me for some time to come. This is the first book that i have read by Hannah Beckerman and hope it's not too long before the next. I am not going to write what the story is about, as i prefer one to read it for themselves, but i do highly recommend.

My thanks to Netgalley and the Publishers for my copy. This is my honest review.

(Reviews have been posted to Goodreads and Amazon, although awaiting Amazon to publish my review).

I found this book compelling and it had me reading late into the night. The book has an interesting plot and believable characters who you want to discover more about. Audrey has two daughters and they have been estranged for more than thirty years since Jess was ten years old! What happened to turn Jess so vehemently against her older sister, Lily? The novel focuses on Audrey - the girls’ mother, Jess, and Lily. It is a deeply moving book, and as it moves from the past to the present we build up a picture of the family and what went so wrong that they have been estranged for so many years.

Lily and Jess have daughters born weeks apart, Mia and Phoebe who Jess will not let meet. The girls have minds of their own though. I did not anticipate the twist in the middle of this book and I thought I had worked out the twist at the end only to be completely wrong-footed.

A heart-breaking and emotive depiction of a broken family struggling to mend their relationships before it is too late.

Not the type of book I normally read but glad I did. Two sisters who don’t speak and haven’t done so for thirty years. The reader is kept in suspense as the reason why. Audrey,their mother,is stuck in the middle trying to patch up her broken family before it’s too late.
Many thanks to Orion publishing group and NetGalley for allowing me to be part of this book.

This is a fantastic read, very poignant, sad but also uplifting. How could a family be torn apart in such a drastic way and all because each of them is unable to admit their own secrets and guilt. It has gone on for over 28 years and has even affected the second generation but Audrey is determined that before she leaves them she will unite her family once more.. A brilliant story but have the tissues to hand, you'll need them.

Thirty years ago a family was torn apart by an event that took place at the time and Jess and Lily, two sisters have been estranged ever since. They now both have teenage daughters who have never been allowed to meet. Audrey, their mother, is terminally ill, doesn’t know what caused the rift and is desperate for them to be reconciled. The story is told by the three women, Audrey reflects in the past, Lily, who is the successful sister and Jess who cant’t forgive Lily. What happened in the past, what secrets are they hiding and can they be reconciled? This is an emotional and moving book, that reduced me to tears. It is a book that I will remember for a long time, I absolutely loved it! Don’t miss reading it!
Thanks to NetGalley and Orion publishing for giving me the opportunity to read and review this book.

If Only I Could Tell You by Hannah Beckerman is a truly powerful read. The story is so compelling that I couldn't put it down, I had read the whole book in under 12 hours. It's a tricky one to review without giving the plot away but here goes!
Audrey has two daughters, Lily and Jess and they both have teenage daughters Phoebe and Mia born just weeks apart. But this is not a happy family, Jess has refused to speak to her sister for over thirty years and has no wish to acknowledge her niece who is so similar to her own daughter. Something happened one morning before school in 1988 and Jess won't reveal what the event was but the consequence is that she refuses to have anything to do with her sister. Audrey has decided to make one last attempt at mending her broken family but perhaps even she is not prepared to discover the secret Jess has kept for most of her life.
This book is so well written, you are left guessing as to what happened that fateful morning for the majority of the book. I had imagined all manner of things but I still did not foresee the final twist. Each time I reached the end of a chapter, I just couldn't stop myself from continuing to the next one.
Each chapter is told from either Audrey, Jess or Lily's perspective plus there are some flashbacks to Audrey's childhood. This offered a great perspective and built upon the mystery, initially I thought that maybe Lily knew what Jess was so angry about but didn't want to tell her mother but it quickly became apparent that Lily has no idea why her sister has excluded her.
Hannah Beckerman explores the complexities of female familial relationships. The bond between mothers and daughters and also of sisters is such an interesting subject to examine. The author looks at how all three females are effected by events in their past and the consequences and negative impact it is having on their present lives. Jess in particular is so focused on her daughter Mia not making the same mistakes that she did that she has lost sight of who her daughter is and what her true aspirations might be.
I had forgotten just how emotional Hannah Beckerman's writing is. There were several times I found myself with tears streaming down my face. As a mother to a young daughter I could totally put myself in these character's shoes and it is truly heartbreaking at times.
I urge you to read If Only I Could Tell You, when I reached the last page I felt like I had just read something extremely special. I think a lot of people are going to be talking about this book, it is fantastic.

A poignant, touching and beautifully written novel about a mother, her daughters and her grandchildren. It was so refreshing to read a book where all the main protagonists were female.

In 1988, an event occurred which fractured the relationship between sisters, Jess and Lily. You are kept guessing for the first part of the book as to what this event was and when it is revealed, it is pretty heart-breaking. Audrey, mother of Jess and Lily, has one wish, that before she dies, they are reconciled, after 28 years of silence. Phoebe and Mia are cousins who have been forbidden, by Jess, to meet. Can they play a part in bringing Jess and Lily back together?

The narrative is told from the points of view of Audrey, Jess and Lily and their voices are really authentic. I warmed to them all for very different reasons. There are some lovely observations of relationships and how a slight misunderstanding or assumption can lead to very sad consequences. I highly recommend this book.

I received a complimentary copy of the book from NetGalley and publisher in exchange for an honest review. Thank you.

A truly heart wrenching story. This family has a secret but what is it and is there only one? I had to read through in one go to find out - with a couple of breaks when I was too emotional to carry on. The story touched on many personal experiences for me, each of which was well portrayed and had me in tears. A story about life, death, family and secrets.

I read If Only I Could Tell You in one sitting, it was impossible to put down and I found it extremely emotional. I actually cried reading this. Hannah has such a beautiful way with words and I'd highly recommend this book! 5/5

Firstly huge thanks to Orion publishing group and netgalley for the opportunity to read this book. A massive thank you to Hannah Beckerman for writing the book. I have really struggled to write this review. I desperately want to write about certain aspects to the story but I also don't want to spoil the book for anyone. This book pulls you in from the first page and keeps you gripped. We are introduced to a family. Something happens in 1988 that changes their lives forever. Only as the story unfolds, do we learn just what this was, or do we? There may be a couple of twists to look out for. This story is heartbreaking but also heartwarming. Its compelling and believable The author writes certain scenes in such a captivating way, you feel totally drawn into that moment in time as though you are there. I highly recommend reading for yourself.

I really enjoyed this book, although it jumped between a 30 year time span it was very easy to follow. Due to personal experience, I felt very emotional at times reading it and found it very well written, I really couldn’t put it down and read it in one day.

It was very thought provoking in terms of secrets we keep to protect those around us and the implications of sharing such a secret, which in hindsight should not have been revealed.

I managed to read this book in a day which is unheard of for me! It did help that it was the school holidays however the credit has to go to Hannah’s beautiful prose and my desperation to find out what had happened in that spare room in 1988! I really enjoyed how the chapters alternated between the books main protagonist, Audrey, and her two daughters Jess and Lily, I thought this added to the suspense of what had taken place. I also love reading books that flip between the past and present and being just a couple of years younger than Jess was when the incident happened this conjured up my own memories of the 80’s, the music, décor etc, sibling relationships etc.
I did find myself getting irritated with Jess throughout the book although this didn't spoil my enjoyment too much. Her mother, Audrey, has terminal cancer and yet she’s annoyed at her for trying to heal the rift between her daughters! I found her attitude towards her daughter Mia really overbearing too. Relentlessly putting pressure on her to pursue a Cambridge university place at the expense of following her dream of becoming an artist.
This book is a very emotional read, there’s no doubt about it. I won’t say too much about what made me cry so much as it will give it away – all I’ll say is that I cried buckets and gave my children extra hugs whilst reading it. I loved how Hannah incorporated the importance of music in our lives - I had to stop reading and listen to the song that was referenced (Nina Simone’s I wish I knew how it would feel to be free) which I hadn’t heard before but thought the words fit the story beautifully. That was such a poignant part of the book for me, I felt like I was in the audience cheering Audrey on.
I like to take something away from a book that will teach me how to live a better life and there are a couple of things I will take away from this book. When asked why she didn’t pursue her dream to go to university Audrey responds... ‘It’s the greatest trick people play on themselves, allowing their fears to destroy their ambitions’. When thinking about playing surrogate mum to Lily’s daughter whilst Lily was at work Audrey wishes she had told Lily … ‘Your children have only one childhood. The years in which they need you – in which they really need you – flash by like a star shooting through the sky.’

I would highly recommend this book… just make sure you have tissues at the ready!

If Only I Could Tell You
Author: Hannah Beckerman
Publisher: Orion Books
#Family #Secrets

I read this in 2 sittings such was my need to find out what had happened to a family in turmoil. I was shocked when the twist came and it started to become clear what had happened to cause the rift. Beautifully written, populated with characters you care about, I was very satisfied with the ending.

Thanks to the author, Orion Books, and Netgalley for allowing me to read an advance copy in exchange for my honest opinion.

If Only I Could Tell You is a beautiful, yet heartbreaking novel about family relationships and how they can apart fall, or be put back together in the blink of an eye.

Audrey’s family has fallen apart, and has been in a state of disrepair for thirty years. Her two grown up daughters Lily and Jess are estranged and her two teenage granddaughters forbidden to meet.

Thirty years ago something fractured Audrey’s family, leaving Jess so furious at her sister Lily that she has barely been able to utter a coherent sentence to her since.

Audrey is determined to get her family back on track, but doesn’t realise how hard it might be. After thirty years of secrets and silence, can something so terrible really be forgiven overnight.

Forgive me for not writing a longer review, because there is so much that I want to say about this beautiful novel, but I can’t, because I really want everyone to experience it for themselves.

If only I could tell you, is a novel about the choices we make to protect those that we love, and the consequences that we face when this doesn’t go to plan.

This is definitely going to be one the novels of 2019, and absolutely deserves to be. Another amazing novel from Hannah Beckerman, and I eagerly anticipate the next.