A wonderfully written story about family, love and secrets. About a rift between two sisters, keeps you guessing what happened on that afternoon in 1988.

A must-read, a compelling story. Highly recommended.

Thanks to netgalley and the publisher for an ARC in exchange for an honest review

A beautifully written heartbreaking read. I read this book in one sitting. I was glued to my seat from the first page. There is so much sadness and love in this story. I loved the characters and the way the story was written. I was nearly in tears at the end. That to me is the sign of a great story.

Thank you to Netgalley for my copy.

A wonderful story about family trying to reunite themselves. Told from different perspectives it’s great to see both sides explored. You’ll need tissues for this and thought provoking, a great read.

Thanks to netgalley and the publisher for a free copy for an honest review

I was drawn to read this book because it has a family at the core of its story. A mother, her daughters and their daughters. But their family has secrets that have stayed secrets for decades and it all comes to the fore.

It is a lovely story told from a few of the characters' viewpoints and at different periods in time, but with most of the book set in the present day.

I've no doubt this will be one of my favourite reads this year.

Oh my word what an absolutely wonderful book . A story of two sisters who haven’t spoken properly to each other in over 20 years . A mother who is desperately trying to reunite her daughters and two cousins who barely know each other . This is a book that you will need tissues for, lots of tissues to get you through it . This is such a poignant read and one that will stick with me for a long time . A must read .

I thoroughly enjoyed this book despite the fact that I found both sisters Jess and Lily dislikable and occasionally irritating, Still characters don't always have to be sympathetic! I thought the story was intricate, well plotted and in particular Audrey was well portrayed and heartbreaking. A well written story of family secrets, lies and half truths. Sometimes hard reading but worth it.

It was waaaaaay back in 2014, heck, maybe even 2013 when I read Hannah’s debut novel The Dead Wife’s Handbook. I still have a signed proof sitting on my bookshelf of ‘books to keep forever’ and still remember the effect it had on me when I read it for the first time. Hannah’s writing was beautiful and lyrical and she had the ability to paint this vast and immersive world for the reader to get lost in. There are faded highlighter marks and bent sticky notes from where I recorded all the quotes and parts of the book that made me go ‘yes. Oh my god yes, that’s exactly right.’ So I was a little bit gutted that a second novel didn’t follow very rapidly. But, as with all wonderful things, they take time and I’m so glad Hannah is back this year with her second novel If Only I Could Tell You.

I was very lucky to get a proof via NetGalley so thank you to the publisher for allowing me the chance to read it early.

If Only I Could Tell You was worth the wait. Following the lives of three women in the same family, If Only I Could Tell You explores how the choices we make to protect others can have detrimental consequences. We’re aware early on that two sisters are estranged and haven’t spoken for years after something, we don’t know what, happened. Their mother is frail and ageing and is desperate for her two daughters to heal the rift that has developed between the two of them. There’s a sense that time is running out and an urgency to the longed for forgiveness and reunion.

The story is narrated through all three women’s eyes and we get a beautifully rounded picture of the situation and how each of them feel. It’s enigmatic for the majority of the book because we’re kept in the dark about what caused such an unrepairable crack in the family and Hannah’s skill in keeping the reader guessing and engaged is excellent. There’s no point where I was bored of being teased and left in the dark – the reveal was perfectly timed – in fact the whole novel’s pacing and timeline was spot on. A lot of work must have gone into this novel to make it so seamless.

One of the most surprising things for me about this book was that I didn’t have a ‘favourite’ character, in the sense that I could see, understand and sympathise with them all. I didn’t think one had a more valid point than the other and that’s rare. I normally find I like one more than the other but I could see the whole situation so clearly through all three pairs of eyes which made the ending all the more emotional. I even ended up crying on the bus to work!

It was so worth the wait for Hannah’s second novel and I am sure it will be a very big hit and a raging success. I can’t wait to read a third novel from this wonderful writer.

If Only I Could Tell you is a heart-wrenching, heart-warming, deeply moving novel about love, loss and the lengths we go to protect those that we love.

I have absolutely loved everything about this book. It’s not a story where you sit on edge holding your breath waiting to find out what happens - but delivers a shocking and satisfying twist nevertheless. This is a story about an ordinary family with (relatively) ordinary secrets that tore them apart for 30 years. What I loved about this story is that it made me think about how we all have secrets that we keep from each other, and quite often it’s in the hope of protecting not ourselves, but the people we love, and how sometimes preconceptions and misunderstandings can lead to decade long family feuds.
It’s told in third persons from the POVs of Audrey, the mother and her two daughters, Lily and Jess, who have not spoken to each other for 30 years and neither Audrey or Lily is exactly sure why Jess decided to shut Lily out of her life.
The opening scene is 30 years ago, on the day that it all happened, Lily closing the door of the spare bedroom with a look of shock and guilt on her face, not letting Jess in the room. It’s only much later in the story that the exact same scene is shared again with the readers, but by then we have the knowledge of why and it puts the whole scene in a completely different light. The story jumps between different timelines but it’s very easy to follow.
All three women carry the heavy burden of decade long secrets that lead to the family falling apart, and each character is portrayed so beautifully and realistically that it makes the story to be one that will be hard to forget and one that will stay with me for a long time. It made me cry so many times, the mother-daughter relationships, the void that a sibling fallout and a loss of family members can cause is very well written and is easy to imagine happening to any of us.
I will definitely recommend this book to all my friends and family, it is such a beautiful story!

Thank you NetGalley, the publisher and the author for my free advanced copy to read and review!

"If Only I Could Tell You" by Hannah Beckerman introduces us to two sisters, Jess and Lily, separated by a secret and guilt for almost most of their lives. They both have children of their own now: Mia and Phoebe, sixteen - years - old cousins who were never allowed to meet. After Audrey, mother of Jess and Lily, has been diagnosed with cancer, she's been living with Jess and she's desperate to find out what has happened in the past, why her daughters are estranged, and to bring the family together again. Will she be able to do this? Has she enough time? Which secrets are still to come out into the open?

It was not the highly appraised and advertised twist that made this book so special - it's relatively easy to guess. But what makes this book special and unique is the way it was written, author's way with words, descriptions and the beautifully captured relationships and family dynamics and the story itself. It's unbelievable how beautifully Hannah Beckerman touched upon issues and themes that feel so very personal and difficult.

We are introduced to Jess and Lily and their families: Jess is a single mum to Mia, and Lily is a successful businesswoman with a husband and a daughter Phoebe. There is also their mother Audrey. Then the author takes are on a journey, jumping between past and present, telling us what has happened as far as in June 1988. What I really appreciated was the fact that the big secret hasn't been kept till the very end, that it was revealed at the right moment when we were still desperate to know what has happened. Though I must admit that I couldn't believe that Jess was able to keep her grudge for so long - a grudge, that, let's be honest, was not worth it. It was really difficult for me to imagine that it really could happen, and her obstinacy made me feel desperate. I was also probably expecting that something really, really out of this world has happened on this day but - unfortunately - the revelation didn't shake nor shocked me. Yes, my biggest problem was with Jess. I simply couldn't get over the fact that she was so stubborn, cold and fierce. It annoyed and exasperated me, especially as I a) guessed what it was she was so angry about and b) it wasn't dramatic enough for me to agree with her decisions. This one moment of misinterpretation has broken so many lives - I understand she was only 10 years old then but she had enough chances to clear the air throughout the years. Yes, learning the truth has helped me a little to fell for Jess, but only a little, it was really hard for me to warm to her, though I of course understood her sorrow. I felt much more empathy to Audrey, Lily, Mia and Phoebe to be honest, though all the characters were really well developed and they had depth to them.
However, it is a story about how the long - held grudges can affect feelings and whole relationships, breaking their whole family and the author has captured and described it brilliantly. She has got into her characters' heads, as we got incredibly broad and detailed insight into Jess and Lily's lives - she didn't make the lives of the characters easy. They all had their share of sorrow, sadness and unhappiness in their lives.

There is a lot of grief and sadness on this book but it doesn't mean that it's depressing - on the contrary, I've never lost hope when reading this novel, and even though I've finished it in tears, there was still light in me. Simply, the author has gorgeous ways with words and how she describes how loss and grief affected the characters was beautiful and uplifting. She writes about different kinds of loss, not only when we lose someone literally but also when life choices drive us apart - and this all written in a tender, understanding way without judging. There were many layers in this story and I couldn't wait to unravel them all.

Altogether, "If Only I Could Tell You" was a tender, gentle tale with a family at its core. It was heart - breaking. It was unbelievably honest and genuine in perception. There was so much depth to this book, it was clever, complex and touching upon such tender issues as love and loss, forgiveness, grief and family. The characters felt very real, and it doesn't happen often when I experience so much feelings and emotions towards them. It was a powerful and moving story, exploring unconditional love, and it will make you think - the moral dilemma that you'll never want to contemplate by yourself will make you think and understand even more what real love is. It describes the bonds between mothers, sisters, granddaughters and cousins in a poignant, honest and realistic way. Highly recommended

If Only I Could Tell You is a moving story of a family torn apart by secrets, grief and loss.

Audrey wishes she could reunite her daughters Jess and Lily after 30 years of estrangement - in doing so, she would also enable her two teenage granddaughters to be part of each other's lives. But some wounds are embedded so deeply that they seem impossible to mend. Now the clock is ticking, is it possible for them all to move onwards, forwards and upwards?

If Only I Could Tell You is cleverly plotted, with a mystery at its heart - what caused Jess and Lily to fall out those years ago? It switches seamlessly from past to present, and back again, as secrets are unlocked and emotions are laid bare. This is a story about sisters, mothers and daughters, fathers and daughters, and tragic secrets that can bring families together but also rip them to shreds.

There was a game-changer around halfway through the book, which floored me and then put everything else into perspective, switching my views on the different characters and the parts they played. By the time the truth was there, I had tears rolling down my cheeks.

This book is an ideal choice for a book club or reading group. It's heartbreaking, poignant and uplifting, and raises many moral questions about serious issues by the end - perfect for discussions.

Oh wow, what a beautiful, moving and poignant novel this is! It broke me into a million pieces and then somehow managed to put me back together again. A heartbreaking read that will stay with me for a long time to come.

My full and expanded review will be posted on my blog as part of the blog tour soon.

This is definitely a book to watch in 2019. A truly beautiful read that kept me up well into the early hours as I couldn’t put it down until I’d read the last word.

Oh boy! Hold on tight- a book that will spin you around and not put you down until the very end.Two sisters separated by a secret thirty years beforehand which only they know. Jess and Lily are now adults with children of their own.The cousins have never met and don’t even know of the others existence. They haven’t spoken since whatever it was happened and one shut the other out physically and verbally.. Their mother Audrey now has a terminal diagnosis and is living with Jess and her daughter and wants to find out why they are estranged before anything happens to her. They lead very different lives. Jess is a single mum and struggles day to day despite having a good job in TV. Lily is a successful marketing executive and is married to a millionaire businessman and has all the trappings that it brings- however her marriage is not on the best of footings. Jess regularly thinks back to when they were children and when she was shut out of a room and her sister telling her she mustn’t go in despite having just come out of it herself.Wow! Where do I begin? I took to Jess and Audrey, Lily somehow having that air about her and not being so likeable especially how she was with the other characters. I felt so moved by Audrey’s achievement, I was almost in tears. A very cleverly crafted novel. I won’t spoil anything just prepare for the unexpected. A brilliantly written, well thought out novel that I will remember for a very long time. Stunning just doesn’t cover it.
(rest of links as part of blog tour)

It is with a heart laden with sadness and eyes soaked in tears, I write this difficult review.
If you ever want to read a book which makes you cry - read this

If you ever want to feel deep melancholy - read this

If you ever want to feel a mother's love - read this

If you ever want to feel sisters hate for 28 years - read this

If you ever want to see sisters bonding - read this

If you ever want to read about family and strength - read this.

A dying mother and estranged sisters due to a misunderstanding 28 years ago caused the family to break apart. A beautiful, poignant book by Hannah Beckerman, depicted the sisters, Tess and Lily, connected by grief and anger, each going through life missing the other, with the mother Audrey caught in between. Till she was diagnosed to have a few months to live and wanting her two daughters become sisters again was her only wish.

Hannah's writing made the scenes come alive, sadness was palpable in the depth of emotions. One moment of misinterpretation by a 10 year old child caused ripples in time and behavior. The story showed the lives of all the 3 women with shuffled timelines casting glimpses like the lens of a viewfinder as they grow up, from their dreams to their realities, from their hopes to their sorrows, from their anger to their knowledge.

The last few chapters had its shocking tale to narrate, but I understood the decisions taken by them. Each was right, but they were all so wrong. This book had me crying and breaking down at many points. It was a tough read.

It took me a little while to get into this book, at first the characters didn’t seem particularly appealing but this soon changed and I found it a real page turner. I half guessed some of the plot twists and motivations but only generally and in the end I was waaaaay of the mark.
I smiled, winced and sobbed my way through the novel and look forward to discussing some of the dilemmas raised with other readers.

It’s well written but I felt the two main characters were awful people and I didn’t feel the story quite justified their ghastliness. Plus I seem to have read a lot of books recently with dead children, miscarried children, or lost children and there were more of the same here. While I think it’s a taboo worth breaking, and having discussions about, I’ve read 6 books this year with dead children in and it’s quite wearing on the soul. I have a lot of admiration for the writing.

OMG I loved this book.  There aren't many books that I start reading and by chapter 3 I can't stop thinking about the characters but If Only I Could Tell You is definitely one of them.

This book covers everything you need for a heart-warming, heart-breaking story.  Family, friendship, love, guilt, lies, grief, honesty, deception, bravery, acceptance and fear.

The story revolves around Audrey, a mother to 2 grown up women Jess and Lily, each with a daughter of their own.  However Jess and Lily haven't spoken in over 30 years and the family are in literally in pieces.  Audrey's final wish is to reunite her daughters and heal the rift before it's too late.

If Only I Could Tell You is narrated through Audrey, Jess and Lily and it's impossible not to feel and care about these wonderful characters.  This is a moving and emotional story that will tug at your heart strings.

Grab your tissues because you will need them when reading this book .

Audreys daughters lily and Jess are estranged and her teenage granddaughters Mia (Jess’s daughter) and Phoebe ( lily’s daughter) have never met. Audrey’s greatest wish is that they can all become a family again.

The events which occurred in 1988 has caused a deep rift which has continued for decades. I must admit I was completely wrong in my guess of what happened on that day and was shocked to find out the real events which were revealed half way through the book.

This book moves back and forth between the 1980’s and the present. I loved how it was told from the three womans perspective.

A mother’s selfless love for her children is beautifully explored in the book.

The unimaginable moral dilemma at the heart of this book is enough to have you questioning what you would do in such a situation and hoping you will never have to find out.

I was thinking of this book long after I had finished it. It reinforces that life is short, we must hold our loved ones close, try not to hold grudges and forgive mistakes and misunderstandings.

Thank you to Hannah Beckerman for such a compelling page turner. Also thank you to netgalley and the publishers for my chance to read this fantastic emotional book.

I liked this book, but I didn't love it. This will be a spoiler free review.

I had so many guesses for what happened that summer. Some uneventful, some downright chilling. I was miles off when the reveal did come halfway through the book.

I loved the multi narrative aspect of the book. It was done seamlessly and with fantastic effect.

I didn't warm to Jess at all. I found her irritating, selfish, and completely uncaring of her daughter's wishes. She was my least favourite character of this book, and I often found myself skimming over her chapters.

I also found her way of thinking odd at the best of times. I couldn't understand how she thought Lily was solely responsible for the hardships her family had been through.

I should not have started this book before bedtime because then bedtime ended up being 4am with an alarm set so I could wake up and immediately finish reading this. This book covers so much: Family, friendship, love, loos, grief and honesty. I really didn't know which direction this book was going to turn in next, there is just so much depth and so many hidden messages throughout the novel.

I loved the family featured in the novel. Audrey is mother to Lily and Jess and grandmother to Mia (Jess's daughter) and Phoebe (Lily's daughter). I love the fact that Audrey's pattern of two daughters is repeated with her having two granddaughters. They live so close to each other and yet are so far apart in so many ways. Although Audrey is the lynch pin of the story, the majority of the time we either see things from Jess's perspective or Lily's but we do sometimes have an Audrey narrative as well, just to add another layer to the events that unfold.

There is so much grief and loss in this novel in so many different ways and I love the fact that this author shows how loss can affect people so differently and in just so many ways that may not become clear until a long while after the fact. We know that it can affect life choices and either bring people together or drive them apart. And then there is the loss that we can experience even when nobody has died, the loss that we experience through rifts in families or marriages and all of this is explored so tenderly and so beautifully in this novel. I expected to cry a lot but I didn't because I was marvelling at the clever way Hannah Beckerman has woven this novel with its layers and its mirroring of feelings and events, it really is a spectacle.

I loved the setting of this story with so much of it taking place in one corner of London. It was easy to picture and easy to imagine these characters placed in that setting. There definitely is a care warning for grief and loss in this novel so make sure you are in the right place to do so before picking this one up. These characters became very real to me as I was reading, their lives and their unique perspective of themselves and each other and I imagine that they will stay with me for a while to come. This is a beautiful novel so full of real life and so full of loss but in a very tender and sympathetic way. I definitely recommend adding this one to you TBR now.