This story is a really emotional read. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and will definitely recommend it to friends.

A very thought provoking book that makes you think about how sometimes - things are not what they seem.

This is a beautifully written book with a secret that has been kept for over 30 years, but I found it to be a different secret to different people.

I spent most of the book imagining what the secret could be. We are taken back in time to 30 years ago on several occasions and the day is replayed from a different characters view point. There is also a horrific incident back then which is played down in the book, but I found quite haunting apart from the actual secret.

Not known for my patience, I did think at some points that the secret could just be revealed, and then when it was I was still impatient for the different characters to resolve their issues with one another. There are also some back stories from the other characters that aren't fully explored, maybe they could have been given more time in the book. Audrey herself is fighting her own battle and the fact that her daughters are estranged was so sad to me. However, she finds her own salvation in so many ways and some of the scenes with her grand daughters were so lovely to read.

Near the end of the book the novel is transported to New York and I feared that it was going to be tied up a little too nicely with a character from earlier in the book happening to be there too. Luckily it was not what I imagined and I can see that the author used the character as a bridge to the conclusion she wanted to reach.

I'm giving this book 4 out of 5 stars. My thanks go to Netgalley and Orion Publishing Group for an ARC to review.

I literally could not put this book down until I had finished. Each time I thought I knew what had occured behind that door, another twist was thrown at me and Inwas definitely kept guessing until the story was ready to reveal the truth.

I was in tears at various points of this story as the characters are reminiscing and looking back over losses experienced, decisions made and trying to deal with new emotions as a result of revelations. I would definitely recommend this book be added to your TBR pile.

I don't really like the term "emotional rollercoaster" but there are few better ways to describe Hannah Beckerman's second novel. It centres around a broken relationship between two sisters, Jess and Lily, who are introduced in a tension-filled prologue outside a bedroom door before the girls go to school one morning. I think I felt every emotion during this read because although it is not a huge page-count, it still fills those pages with such a rich amount of difficult topics which one family has to contend with.

The first half of the story is very intriguing as the history between the family members develops. The second half I think I read faster as the time jumped frequently from current day to the past, and also within the current timeline where it moved quickly from month-to-month as the climax began to climb. I will admit I did not guess what was going to be revealed about the contents of the bedroom, or the reasons for the sisters' ties being cut until it was told so big kudos for the surprise!

Some scenes are revisited multiple times, from different characters' viewpoints or the use of the one day in 1988 to emphasise how this was the emotional turning point for all those involved. All these narrative shifts and voice changes seem to flow easily into the next and I often didn't think about the quick alteration.

I felt so sorry for Jess and Lily throughout, especially as the reader begins to understand what actually happened in the lead-up to their severe estrangement. On the other hand, for all the attempts at reuniting her daughters and doing the best she could in her own situation, I couldn't connect fully with Audrey. It felt like she was blaming most of her problems, her lack of a career and what her family have become on everyone else rather than accepting she could be at fault. This became increasing more so towards the end, when I knew I was supposed to be feeling sympathetic from her but instead I felt angry. I just couldn't get on board with how it didn't feel as though she tried hard to find out the reason for her children's turmoil or even considered she, or her actions, may be at the root of everything. I know she was dealing with her own grief, and possibly guilt, at that time but for her not to look back on that period and see the secrets she was hiding from one, or both, the children was quite infuriating.

Minor characters play pivotal roles in the story, whether it be Edward - Audrey's husband - or the teenage daughters of both Jess and Lily, Mia and Phoebe. I almost wish the readers got to learn even more about these girls because they are extensions of the older women's personalities yet softer because they never experienced the trauma that their mothers lived through.

If Only I Could Tell You is a perfect title. It relates to every single one of the characters who are a part of the modern-day timeline for each of their secrets. I can't say it was an enjoyable read, in terms of the feelings it heightened in me due to some of the trigger events it covers, but it was a well-structured and written novel.

Thank you to Netgalley for an advance copy in exchange for an honest review.

A lovely gentle book, that considers important issues carefully, looking at crises in family histories that reverberate down through generations.
I very much enjoyed the three main characters, Audrey, Jess and Lily. The two young cousins - Mia and Phoebe - could have been more developed characters, and they could have provided a more rounded contrast to the two sisters.
The signposting to the Big Secret is not subtle. It feels like every other page is dropping heavy hints.

If only I could tell you - if only I had the words at my command to tell everyone what a wonderful novel this is. I just did not want it to end. I( read it in 24 hours but as I got nearer the end, my reading slowed as the inevitable end came in sight and all my own emotions came into play. A story of passion, anger, hate, a family ruptured for decades by secrets. Yet underneath all these is the abiding love of Audrey as she strives against all odds to bring her broken family together. This story is so believable, all Hannah Beckerman's characters live on the page and find their way into your heart. I realised finally, that despite all the bitterness, the tragedies, it is really a story of hope. I feel this will be my Book of the Year!

This is an incredibly well-written, intelligent and thought-provoking book from an author that knows how to engage her readers. We are drawn into the story of a family that encounters life-changing events with hugely dramatic consequences. From the outset I was totally intrigued as I became familiar with the the tale of a mother and her daughters which spans 30 years. At the same time, the emotional investment as a voyeur of the plot only becomes truly apparent when you realise the impact it is having on you, the reader.
When reading books, quite often I will schedue time to read a chapter or two as and when time permits. Whilst the chapters in this book are short, you will find it very difficult to put down the book once you start. This is a memorable book which I can highly recommend to anyone with a heart.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for providing me with a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

I always find that the hardest reviews to write are the ones where I absolutely adored the book so much that I don't really know how to put it into words how special that book is. Well, this is one of those times. Completely enthralling, heartbreakingly emotional, and utterly consuming are just some of the phrases that I associate with the magic that lies between these pages and it is truly a book that should not be missed.

One fateful day all those years ago was all it took for sisters, Jess and Lily, to change beyond recognition. Now they are both adults with their own families, their own struggles and hardships, and they are virtually strangers. But their mum Audrey knows only too well that life is short and is determined to get her daughters to speak about the past and whatever secret that is keeping them apart. She needs her girls to come back together again but could it possibly be too late?

IF ONLY I COULD TELL YOU by Hannah Beckerman is a story that will make you cry - now I'm not talking a little sniffle into a handkerchief, I mean straight out ugly crying of the highest order to the point where your husband wakes up beside you and says 'Jesus, what's happened?!" in a panicked voice. Sometimes an author has just got that something extra when it comes to characters and their emotions and Hannah Beckerman has just got it. The pace is perfect and there were some unexpected moments along the way which is always a plus, but it is the characters themselves which are so special in this story and the question of love, real family love and what you would do for those you love, which is the beating heart of this family drama.

Compelling, magnificent, and heartachingly beautiful, IF ONLY I COULD TELL YOU by Hannah Beckerman is one of the best books I have read and I highly recommend it to all fiction lovers.

Audrey is a loving mother to two grown-up daughters. She has led a long and happy life. But now, the past and the present are in sharp resolution. Because Audrey has cancer. Her independence is slipping and her strength alongside it. With time ebbing away, she is resolute in her mission. To overcome her fear and face up to a dark part of her past, to a place she has shied away from for too long. Something terrible happened when her daughters, Lily and Jess, were young, something that split their friendship straight down the middle and forced them apart. Decades later, not a single word has breached this lasting silence and Audrey is determined to draw them back together.

Lily and Jess are the exact opposites. Lily is affluent, successful. A high-flying marketer, esteemed and revered by anyone who meets her. With a luxurious home and loving family, she has made quite the life for herself since that dreadful day so long ago. Jess couldn’t be further from her sister. She is a location scout with a home that has seen its fair share of wear and tear and a bank balance to match it. Struggling to make ends meet and put food on the table for her teenage daughter are constant worries that niggle away. But for all their differences, the sisters share one similarity: they are drawn back to that terrible part of their past, the catalyst for their estrangement.

Although this book is told predominantly through Lily and Jess’s point of views, Audrey plays a huge role. For numerous reasons, these characters jump off the page and snatch the reader up in their stories. It’s impossible to stop thinking about them on their journey.

The author’s unflinching depiction of loss and grief is so raw and honest, I think this book will bring tears to a lot of eyes but also a sense of joy, friendship and compassion. The sheer emotion in this book is incredible. The author has written a brave and touching story with buckets of tenderness and beauty. What a remarkable book!

Raw. Honest. Touching.

If Only I Could Tell You is a book that I jumped at the chance to read solely on everything I had heard about the author. I didn’t even spend much time reading the synopsis. However little is revealed there, apart from mentioning a family rift and Audrey’s determination to mend it.

I am going to attempt to review this book without saying too much about it. It is one that is appreciated more the less you know. But I will say that Audrey is a character who I adored. I loved her spirit, determination to sort out her two daughters, stubbornness and bravery. The daughters Lily and Jess infuriated me at times, Jess in particular who came across as being willing to let bitterness destroy her life. The two grand daughters, Phoebe and Mia were just like Audrey and could have taught their mothers a thing or two.

I had planned to read some of this novel on a break at work. But on reflection I am glad that I didn’t get the chance. The blubbering red eyed look isn’t the best! if you read this novel I suggest settling down with a hot chocolate, Nina Simone playing in the background, plenty of tissues and hope for no interruptions. Just wonderful.

I usually like stories where there is a secret in the past to be revealed but I felt that somehow it just didn't work for me. I found myself mentally yelling at them to talk to each other. The majority of the book seems to say the same thing repeatedly. I loved the idea of the choir, and Mia and Phoebe's characters were more beliveable The ending was great and satisfying

Oh my, what a story this is....
Audrey is the mum and her now adults daughters Jess and Lily have not spoken for about twenty years. And then Audrey receives some devastating news and decides she has to bring her daughters together again

This book moves between the past and the present and we gradually discover what happened. And then Jess tells her story which puts things in a whole new perspective.

This book is really sad, heartbreakingly so in places. But it is also incredibly uplifting, incredibly human, incredibly real

Read it!

As the story of Audrey's fractured family unfolds, the reader is drawn into the unwitting conspiracy of secrets and silence that have created the situation in which her two daughters haven't spoken for 30 years and her two grandaughters are not allowed to meet.

The plot is subtly crafted, resulting in complete emotional involvement from the reader. It is both heartbreaking and heartwarming and impossible to put down.

I had to persevere with the book to get into the story. The book does go backwards and forwards as well. An emotional read but for me it was a little too sad. I think you have to be in the right mood to read this book. Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for letting me review this book.

If Only I Could Tell You is a very emotional read that tells of a terrible secret and a grave misunderstanding leading to family estrangement. As the story unfolds, the secret becomes apparent and the family face their future.

The plot was accomplished and the characters believable and likeable. However, for me, there was just too much sadness and not enough joy.

Hannah Beckerman has produced a compassionate, enthralling and sensitive novel featuring relateable characters who are trying to find their way through life despite the many challenges placed in their paths. The novel tells the story of a family where the two adult daughters have absolutely no contact at all. It slowly reveals what happened in the past to create this divide and how the choices we make can affect the rest of our lives.
I truly loved this novel and will be recommending it to friends and family who share my passion for reading. It is heartbreaking in parts and this is a real testament to the writing skills of the author.

At the beginning of the book, we learn that Jess and Lily are estranged sisters. After an event which took place one fateful day in 1988, Jess has barely spoken more than a few words to her sister Lily and, as adults now living their own lives, with their own families, they haven't seen each other since childhood. The novel moves seamlessly forward and back in time, from Jess and Lily's mother, Audrey's own childhood, to the present day, with the story unfolding gradually.

This was such a compelling read, I could hardly put it down. I had to know what happened that day. What had Lily done wrong? What was behind the bedroom door? The answer was the last thing I expected, and left me reeling. You absolutely must read this book.

What a beautiful and emotional read! This novel captured my heart with its heart-breaking plot and its engaging characters and I know I will be thinking about it for a long time.

IF ONLY I COULD TELL YOU is the story of two sisters and their mother. Lily and Jess haven’t spoken to each other for almost thirty years. They have missed many Christmases, many Sunday lunches, Lily’s wedding, and the births of both their daughters, all for something that happened when they were little. But what happened that made Jess hate Lily so much that she can’t even bear being in the same room as her? That’s what their mother Audrey wants to find out. Audrey knows that what happened twenty-eight years earlier changed their lives forever, but she doesn’t know what caused in Jess so much anger and hate and she wants to resolve it before it’s too late.

IF ONLY I COULD TELL YOU is a story of family, love, grief, loss, and friendship. It will make you laugh, but it will also make you cry, a lot (keep tissue close by!). Through different timelines, the author takes us on a wonderful and poignant journey between the past and the present that slowly reveals a sad past and a shocking revelation at the end that I could barely read because I had tears in my eyes.

The author created some well-crafted, realistic, and likable characters which I loved, which made me shed tears, and which sometimes made me angry (especially Jess). My favourite characters were Phoebe and Mia, Lily and Jess’s sixteen-year-old daughters, who I found very mature and smart for their age.

IF ONLY I COULD TELL YOU is a touching, beautiful, and engrossing novel that it’s impossible not to love.

I had been Seeing this book all over my Twitter feed for weeks, I follow the author and Publisher, so I knew the book looked pretty interesting. So as soon as I noticed it was available for request on Netgalley, I jumped at the Chance of getting to read it before its release.

This book is amazing. There is no other way of putting it. A family orientated Story, with a hell of a lot of drama. The story is told from the perspective of a few different Characters. I like this style of storytelling, as I think it gives you a better understanding of how each person is feeling.

Ok, so there is Audrey, an older lady who is the main character, her daughters, Lily and Jess, and her teenage grandaughters Mia and pheobe, and a few extras thrown in along the way. The daughters haven't spoken in years, no one knows why. The grandaughters have never met, and Audrey wants to fix things, while she still can.

I loved Audrey. She seemed a very caring soul, a young at heart Gal, who wants nothing more than to reconcile her daughters. But this big secret controls them all in ways the others don't even understand.

I would thoroughly recommend this book, but beware, you will need a stack of tissues( also, don't read this while you're "watching you kids play twister", or they'll Start to wonder what they've done to make you cry!).

Beautiful Story, with Such a twist you won't have seen coming. Plus... counting to 30 will never feel the same again.

***** 5 stars from me