This is a highly emotional story of family misunderstandings. Audrey has two daughters who have been at loggerheads for too many years, passing this hatred down to their own daughters. All Audrey wants is for the girls to be reconciled.
For a family to be torn apart for so long just because one person had made a decision about something she thought she had see, seems terrible, and I wonder whether it would really happen. If only one had asked the other what had gone on behind the bedroom door that day.
Sometimes difficult to read, sometimes very sad, but a book that is worth going back to.
Thanks to NetGalley for a review copy.

Two sisters have been estranged since childhood when a trauma changed their family forever. Now adults, Jess and Lily are facing their mother Audrey's terminal illness separately whilst Audrey tries desperately to reunite them whilst she is still alive.

Beckerman writes beautifully about several different topics, and I felt that all of her characters were very real. There are five main women in the book whose personalities are all equally rich and had a real depth to them. I found the first half of the book a little bit slow, and there were many hints about the trauma that had torn the family apart. I found not knowing what had happened quite frustrating but once the past was revealed I really began to enjoy it. The trauma was not what I had expected it to be, and I was glad of this. The events in Jess and Lily's childhood were explained very clearly, and I felt every emotion along with the characters. From about half way through the book, I really got into the story and raced to the end. I am not usually someone who cries at books, but I found parts of the novel incredibly upsetting and had to stop at certain points before carrying on.Parts of the book were seen through a child's eyes and I did not find this annoying, rather it was believable and helped with the plot.

Despite the very upsetting storyline, Beckerman's writing was beautiful; her characters were so sensitive to each other and the dialogue was very moving.

Thank you to the publishers and NetGalley for allowing me to review this novel.

It took me a little while to settle into this book and it did flit backwards and forwards all the way through. I did enjoy it in the end and the storyline was giid

This is a story of a family torn apart by sadness and loss. We meet Audrey who is suffering from cancer, and she's dying. Her one dying wish is that her daughters who have been estranged for almost three decades find peace and reconcile. It is a beautifully told story, with full characters and a lot of heart.

The twists didn't take my by surprise in this book, but that didn't actually matter, it was the emotion that ran through it that made this book such a triumph. A really touching and emotional read. It makes you ask questions about the way we live life, what is important, and how do you even begin to forgive someone, or yourself for mistakes you've made.

I have just finished If only I could tell you & am stunned by the emotion it conveys.
I did not think that I would get to the end of this book because I spent the first part disliking Jess & feeling frustrated by the lack of 'action'. However I am so glad I persevered!
This is a story of family, loss, misunderstandings & tragedy. But ultimately it is about love. Make sure you have a box of tissues close by.

I could not put this book down once I started it. The story of estranged sisters Lily and Jess, their respective daughters and their mothers attempts to bring them back together was at times frustrating and heart breaking.

The characters were well described and demonstrated the effect that events in childhood, beliefs and misunderstandings can have on our personalities as we grow and develop adult relationships.

I will look out for more books from this author.

Writing down my feelings about this one is difficult. On one hand, it was well written, exceptionally emotive and beautiful to read in parts - but in terms of engaging me it just didn’t hit the spot and I did struggle to continue reading, rushing toward a conclusion I’d already made.

3.5 stars.

As a mum this book broke my heart. I have three very headstrong, feisty and opinionated daughters and when they fall out it is awful as I always feel caught in the middle of all the drama! It’s hard to remain impartial and show that you are there for everyone but thankfully it usually passes within a few days and they are friends again. So I really felt for Audrey who was also caught between her two daughters especially when I realised that whatever they had fallen out about had caused a rift that had lasted for thirty years! How dreadful it must be for anyone caught up in such a long-standing family estrangement especially a mother. But it’s the reason for this family fallout that really frustrated me. What on earth could have caused a young girl to refuse to talk to her sister for such a long time? The answer is one that, when it comes, will fill you with many emotions so be prepared!

I adored Audrey from the moment I met her. Having to choose between her daughters was never an option for her so she continued to have completely separate relationships with each daughter and their respective family. So I was surprised by one of the decisions that she made but this did eventually become clear to me! I have to say that the character of Jess was the one that provoked the most reactions from me. I just couldn’t understand why she had taken such an extreme stand against her sister and also to have kept it up for so long. And at a time when families tend to come together to support each other, this family still seemed determined to remain estranged.

The frustration I felt with Jess and Lily was compounded by the fact that now their daughters seemed to have been brought into this family feud. I just wanted to knock their heads ago and tell them to grow up! But I wasn’t prepared for the emotional fallout from what happened next! And I have to admit to sobbing some great, big, fat tears towards the end that took me completely by surprise. I wasn’t expecting to have my heart totally shredded to pieces and even now I can’t think about the ending to this book without a lump in my throat. It’s just so beautifully written that I felt humbled to be allowed access to these characters who felt so real to me and who I was reluctant to let go of even when the book ended.

So be warned that this book will break you, even if you are convinced it won’t! But you do need to read it, take all of these wonderful characters into your heart and then just be truly thankful for all that you have.

I enjoyed this book - thank you NetGalley.

One can only feel sorry for the characters whose lives have progressed separately as the result of a past event. The reader is left imagining what could have possibly caused this rift throughout much of the book and once the truth was revealed, I have to admit that I wasn't totally convinced that this would cause most sisters not to have anything to do with each other for so long.

The book was well-written and easy to get wrapped up in with a poignant ending.

I had been dying to read this book for ages; there's been a lot of hype about it on social media. I raced through it in only a few gulps and while I did really enjoy the book, it was a tad over-sentimental for me.

There are lots of quite big themes within the book (terminal illness, suicide, homosexuality and even 9/11 gets a mention) and I found a lot of the characters not that easy to like. While the topics and main story of the book is utterly heartbreaking, I didn't understand some of the actions taken by characters that had such a long and lasting intensity. Jess and Lily, the two sisters never felt rounded enough characters and by the time we actually got to know what the gulf between them was about, I was almost over it (and had imagined something more sinister from the way the scenes were set). The ending was a little too tied up nicely in a bow for me too.

Great and quick read, but too much on the sentimental side for me.

To begin with this books starts of as something of a mystery. Something happened between sisters Jess and Lily when they were young that completely tore them apart and resulted in them not speaking for the best part of three decades. I love a plot that centres around some unresolved issues so for me straight away as a reader I was hooked wanting to know what had happened that was so bad that meant two sisters would not speak or even acknowledge each others existence.

The book is told primarily from Audrey, Jess and Lilly’s point of view, although the sister’s own daughters also have quite large parts to play throughout the story. Every now and then throughout the book we are given flashbacks into memories each of the characters have from that time. It was these flashbacks that gripped me to the story as each time the characters went back I felt like the story was slowly start to move forward towards finding out what the big family secret is.

The tension between the sisters is absolutely gut wrenching and I could literally feel Jess’s hatred for Lilly as if I was feeling it myself. At times I had to remind myself that these are just characters in a book because the emotions from them really rubbed of on me!

Audrey, the girls mother, is a character I really grew attached to. With everything she has had to endure through her life as well as trying to maintain a relationship with two daughters who don’t speak couldn’t have been easy to say the least. By the end of the book she was the character I felt I most related to and spent most of the time trying to put myself in her shoes and wondering if I could make the same choices and decisions she had.

This is one of those books that really will stay with you long after you put it down, especially if you’re mother. The way that secrets can literally rip a family apart and ripple through time and change the course of so many people’s lives is so intricately woven in these pages. There are so many different concepts at play throughout this story and just so you’re aware, some are really heartbreaking so you many not want to read this book if you are in an emotionally vulnerable place. However, the writing is beautiful, even when it’s hard to read, and the author has done justice to all the plots at play.

This book is completely and utterly heartbreaking. I was beginning to doubt that I would have a book worthy of 5 stars this year…. This book has smashed that, and it truly deserves at least 10 stars.

This book had me questioning various scenarios throughout the first half, all the way up until the big reveal of what actually happened for Jess to hate Lily so much. It had me going through event after event in my mind as to what actually made everything in this family go from happiness to hatred and bitterness… I did not even consider the actual event that did happen. It just wasn’t something I had even considered. It was awful. But at the same time, it all made sense. It also made me question what I would do. Would I have jumped to the same conclusion as Jess? Would I have kept a secret that big like Lily? Would I have protected my children from that massive guilt like Audrey?

You could really feel Jess’ hatred for Lily. It was a pure hatred. You felt her disgust, her fury. And then you felt her confusion, her anxiety. I felt for Jess, as well as Lily. Out of both the sisters though, I felt more for Jess. She seemed more realistic.

But, I felt for Lily as well. She didn’t ask for the hate from Jess, or the upcoming events with her husband Daniel. She has her own secrets from her family. Her life isn’t perfect like everything assumes it is. I think that I pitied her more than anything else. I felt sorry for her.

I also felt sorry for Mia and Phoebe. They were innocent in the whole situation and yet they were missing out that connection as well. Both had parents who weren’t really there. Mia had her own problems with Jess, and Phoebe had her own with Lily. Both eventually stood up for themselves though.

Audrey. I liked her. I come to care for her. I also understood why she done what she did. However awful it was. I could feel her pain, in the present and in the past. I completely understand why she did it, but at the same time I’m sort of horrified about it as well. It’s shocking, it’s… God. I can’t even find the words. I cannot imagine what I would do in her place if I had to…

If Only I Could Tell You is such a heartbreaking tale about what loss, grief, and secrets can do to a person, to a family. This book portrays that wonderfully. It was written brilliantly and I really loved the little flashbacks into the families memories. I liked that we got all this information separately to the current time.

This book is superb. It makes you question things you would normally ignore, it makes you think about the what if… It also makes you think about family and how much you love them. It is written beautifully, it makes you connect with the characters a deeper level. This book will stay with me for a long time, and deserves every brilliant thing being said about it

If Only I Could Tell You is a beautifully complex and emotional family drama about how tragedy, how secrets, can tear you apart.

Jess and Lily are sisters, estranged for years after an event in their childhood split them down the middle. This is their story and that of their relationships, a story of love, loss, misunderstanding and renewal. Hannah Beckerman is a taut, intuitive artist with words, ingraining the characters into the reader’s mind, keeping your emotional attachment to them complete from first page to last.

I devoured this, the quality of the storytelling, the beautiful writing and most of all the sheer power of the two sisters and their Mother as you travel with them towards the truth.

If Only I Could Tell You is a deeply insightful life story, a genuinely compelling and authentic drama and I defy you not to cry at the perfectly formed finale. Huge love for this one.

Highly Recommended.

This would be a great holiday read, especially for readers looking for something to shed a few tears over. Audrey has moved in with her younger daughter Jess after being diagnosed with terminal cancer. Jess has refused to speak tour older sister Lily since an event when she was 10 years old and its Audrey’s dream to get them together before she dies. I found it a little bit irritating that the real reason for the split doesn’t surface until part way through the novel which confounded all of my theories for the spli but other than that it’s a very enjoyable read. Thank you Netgalley and Orion for giving me a chance to read an advance copy in exchange for an honest review.

Sorry, but I found this book just dragged. The story of two sisters who have clearlt had a rift in their lives, and now years later their mum wabts them to come together. I read about 1/4 of the book, and had guessed what had happened, but not the circumstances, but I found the book too slow for me to want to read it fully. I am sure its a beautiful and emotional read, but I found it too slow paced for me. Maybe another time I would have enjoyed it more.

This book will, I guarantee, make you cry – even if you’re a person who usually just raises an eyebrow, and sometimes wonder how people can be so deeply affected by a work of fiction. You’ll feel this one at your core, because it’s such an exceptional piece of work that takes you right into the heart of a fractured family, torn apart by a misinterpreted moment that impacts their lives. And when the big secret is uncovered, it’ll break your heart yet again – and it really wasn’t what I was expecting at all. We’ve all become rather blasé about jaw-dropping twists these days, but this one is so very different – a moment of such massive significance, a belief and understanding that has blighted the family’s relationships and driven a wedge between sisters Jess and Lily, preventing a relationship between their daughters, and created a rift that mother Audrey has an overwhelming need to heal.

The characters are wonderful, the story told from the perspectives of Audrey, Jess and Lily – Audrey seeks to provide a healing force and is immensely likeable and easy to empathise with, while her daughters are spiky and brittle, struggling with life for different reasons, reacting in ways that aren’t fully understandable until the story unfolds. I might be making it appear a difficult read, but nothing could be further from the truth – Audrey gives the book an immense warmth, there’s a nice touch of gentle humour and lightness, and some of the moments in the book that move you to tears are those of sheer joy, and you’re most definitely left with a smile by the uplifting ending. Her daughters are real people – complicated, sometimes likeable but more often not, sometimes making wrong choices, sometimes behaving very badly for deep-seated reasons that the reader doesn’t fully understand.

I really liked the way the author used the different viewpoints in the story’s telling, and the uncovering of the secrets of the past was beautifully woven through the story – this was very accomplished writing, and I was so engaged that I read the book in almost a single sitting, so powerful was the story. The issues at the heart of the story are immense, but every element is sensitively handled and perfectly managed.

Don’t miss this one, whatever you do – it’s one of the best books you’ll read this year.

I've just finished If Only I Could Tell you and I'm feeling quite frustrated. Not because I didn't love this book because I did, but because of the crux of the storyline, the two sisters who haven't spoken for nearly three decades, ripping their entire family apart. I want to rage at the misunderstandings, the mistakes, for nothing is ever black and white in families is it?

It's the story of Audrey, and of Lily and Jess. Audrey is their mother and she's had to witness the fracturing of her family. Only Jess ever knew why it had happened. Lily and Jess now have daughters of their own, born within six months of each other, cousins who could be close but can never meet. Very early on we learn of something that becomes the catalyst for matters to finally come to a head.

Hannah Beckerman's writing is warm, it's complex, it's beautiful. It's completely heartfelt but this is never a book that is twee or corny. It had me in tears more than once and when I thought I had an inkling of what might have happened Beckerman turned that on its head and dealt me a complete surprise.

What dawned on me right at the end as I thought back to what I had read was that this is very much a book about women. There are five strong women at the heart of it and only two men who feature in a very small way. It's a story of motherhood, of sisterhood, of ruptures in families that can last for years.

It's also an uplifting tale, particularly for Audrey who does something that she has wanted to do for years and it's only now, when time is critical, that she does it. I thought it was wonderful to witness her living her dreams. Her main dream though is for Lily and Jess's relationship to be repaired. I could only hope that her dream would come true.

Keep the tissues handy if you read If Only I Could Tell You. You must have a hard heart if you don't feel anything. The flashback scenes are particularly poignant and particularly difficult to read, but also written with great care and sensitivity. This is a gorgeous read in every way.

Audrey’s family appears irrevocably broken, and she doesn’t know why. Her greatest wish is to see her daughters talking again, but is it within her power to achieve this after thirty years?

Family drama is the main theme of this story but the tragic event that catalyses it is not what it seems. Told from three points of view: Audrey(Mother) Lily(Daughter) and Jess(Daughter). The story slips from the present to the past and back again, highlighting the family’s tragic history that blights their current lives, and hints at the secrets, which are tearing it apart.

The early chapters of the book suggest an obvious secret, but as you read on, something just as devastating but different is suggested, and finally revealed. The characters are flawed, tragic but relatable. Most will empathise with their predicament and their reactions to it.

The story flows well and enthrals. The twist is cleverly concealed and makes the sense of loss and waste even greater. The ending is believable, and hopeful and demonstrates that forgiveness makes anything possible.

I received a copy of this book from Orion Publishing Group via NetGalley in return for an honest review.

Absorbing yet frustrating

Why does Jess hate her elder sister Lily to the point of estrangement and refusal to let their same-age daughters meet? Will mother Audrey bring about a reconciliation before being claimed by an aggressive cancer?

The story is absorbing but still, the first half of the book dragged rather. Neither Jess or Lily are sympathetic characters. There was also a growing frustration that the author is keeping back the secret so long into the book. A sense too of sometimes wallowing in angst. The book is very well written though and ultimately satisfying.

I received a review copy from the publisher via NetGalley.

A sensitive story of how misconceptions can blight lives and tear families apart.
How when everything seems hopeless and time is running out there can still be hope.
Beautifully written it will tear your emotions to threads and you will laugh and cry at the same time.
It will make you think very carefully if your family has secrets that have caused division and hopefully make you act to resolve it.