*Thank you to the author and Netgalley for giving me an ARC in exchange for an honest review*

<b>4 stars</b>

This was a strong debut novel for Russell. I can't say that I enjoyed reading it, for obvious reasons. When I read books with this sort of story it feels like I've witnessed something I wasnt supposed to see, like I've been exposed to someone's dirty secret and I need a good shower to rid myself of that feeling. So, enjoyable? No. It was repulsive and raw. The impact of a good writer. I can't say much more without spoiling it. My only complaint is that it felt a bit dragged out at times and I didn't particularly like the way the book ended, but maybe that's the kind of ending a book like this called for.

I was drawn to this book as it featured I think in almost every 2020 book preview I read, on both sides of the Atlantic. A hugely hyped, zeitgeist-y debut novel attracting a huge advance.

Having read it, I can see why the fuss has been made - I expect this will be the most talked about and debated novel of the year.

It is a powerful but also deeply uncomfortable read: dealing with a subject matter which is dark but also very real.

It simultaneously confronts the reader not just with the terrible simplicity of the “act” (no one can only say crime) committed; but also simultaneously with the complexity of the wider issues raised: grooming, manipulation, victimhood, forgiveness (of self and others), consent, sexual agency, power dynamics, internet-shaming, avoidance strategies, guilt transference.

And perhaps most of all asking difficult but almost unanswerable questions about complicity: complicity of the silence of victims, of family (perhaps the most powerful scene in the novel features Vanessa, her mother and a dropped photograph), of authorities and establishments, of eye-witnesses and confidants, and even of an artistic world that celebrates Lolita as literature

An uncomfortable book to read and also to review.

It is also though a very tightly written novel, a horribly gripping and destabilising read infused with literary understanding and devastating and empathetic insight into character. Particularly remarkable for a debut novel in its focus and tightness.

My thanks to 4th Estate for an ARC via Netgalley.

5* Disturbing Stars

From the first page read I was blown away with the masterful story storytelling of the life of Vanessa. We first meet Vanessa as a 15-year-old scholar who begins a forbidden affair with her 42-year-old English teacher in the boarding school she is attending. The story then alternates between the young Vanessa who is growing close to and relying on her “predator” and the present day 32-year-old Vanessa who is living a miserable life due to the choices she chose. The whole story is told from her point of view and experiencing her innermost thoughts and emotions.

The author’s writing is so engaging and compelling! I am astounded that this is her debut novel, it is simply unputdownable! I have found a new author whose destined to have a great future.

This was not a light and fluffy read. The story of Vanessa was very real, dark and thought provoking. It is by no means a love story where two people fall in love voluntarily.

Many thanks to 4th Estate, William Collins and NetGalley for my copy to read and review.

Not my normal thing but I was attracted by the hype and thought that would make an accessible and gripping read. This book is excellent in the first third, sags in the middle and whilst i remember enjoying it more at the end I can't remember what happens (it has not been long since I read it). I found the scenes where Vanessa is at university particularly well done, the flatmate's difficulty in treating her as an adult able to make her own decision conflicting with the knowledge that all is not as it should be.

In this novel we follow 15 year old Vanessa Wye from 1999 to 2014. Vanessa starts as a boarder at Browick College when she is immediately smitten by her English teacher, Jacob Strane. He then proceeds to groom her, something the reader is aware of, but the young, naive and flattered Vanessa perceives as love and affection. The novel moves back and forth through the intervening years as the troubled and damaged Vanessa struggles to cope with her changing reality of the situation.

The subject matter is of course upsetting and will anger and frustrate. As a debut novelist Kate Elizabeth Russell has tackled a heavy topic in a way that engages the reader and that is no mean feat.

Thanks to Netgalley and 4th Estate for a review copy.

The story was told from Vanessa's perspective throughout; with the story taking place both in the past and present. This is a part of why it was so gripping that I couldn't put it down; as well as the story itself being so hauntingly tragic, yet full of hope and somewhat eye opening.

It made me feel somewhat conflicted throughout because although I knew the work is fictional, I still hated what has happening but I couldn't stop myself from reading on.

It's so sad to think that this story reflects the truth of what could have happened to many people in real life. It's terrifying to think that there are children putting themselves at fault and adults being vindictive and manipulative.

I was wrapped up in this story from the very first page: I could feel all of Vanessa's hopes for love and normalcy and then journeyed with her through her heartbreak, disbelief and denial. This book is so powerful and completely overwhelming.

A truely heartbreaking look into the mind of a young woman, Vanessa, who at the age of 15 is groomed and abused by her teacher and continues to let him dominate her very existance throughout the rest of his life.
The way Vanessa is lead to believe that she is half of the romance to eclipse all romances and that everything is her choice and she is in control is interspersed with little moments of clarity where she questions her actions- and more importantly his- but remains steadfast in her belief that she was not a victim of abuse but instead a heroine of age-gap romance.
In many ways this book is hard to read and emphasises the extremely upsetting reality of how easy it is for predators to groom young people in certain situations and how those children are expected to expose themselves in their futures if the abuser is identified by another, almost regardless of the impact on their emotional wellbeing.
Dark, difficult but definitely worth reading.

A star rating for this one... liked it, didn't like it, really liked it. It is a completely irrelevant way to approach discussing this book. It is a lengthy novel about sexual abuse, I mean, obviously you're not going to 'like' it... It is challenging to even decide where to start reviewing this one.

All the questions this book asks have incredibly obvious answers. She was 15, he was 45. He was her teacher, she was his student. There's no version of this that is not abuse. <i>So, that is it, right? </i>

But, that is where this book gets so good. To complicate something that uncomplicated, to take easy answers and instead pose impossible moral and philosophical questions. That's great storytelling.
Where do you draw a moral line? How do we decide agency? complicity? Why at 15 was it abuse, but at 18 it wasn't? What does saying 'yes' mean when the answer was coached? How does hindsight change perception? Can it be love then and abuse now?

This book could have been one-note, and exploitive, and gross. Instead it was thoughtful, unsettling, compelling and so complicated. I will be mulling on this one for a long time to come.

My thanks to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for the arc to review.

This book certainly focuses on a topical issue. Its surface level concerns the first love and sexual awakening of a young girl, the dominant issue is that the love is for her English teacher. The first-person perspective of Vanessa takes the reader into the world of Vanessa at fifteen years of age and we see how their relationship begins and develops. This is explored via the memories of the now thirty-two year old Vanessa, who has looked at the relationship as love, but other allegations of abuse from other students highlight another perspective. That the man she thought loved her, is actually an abuser: a monster.
This is not an easy read, but it is an addictive one and raises many issues. The pace is steady, and I did find it a little too long, so the impact lessened for me at times. I think sharper editing would improve the effectiveness of this read greatly. Saying that, it's a novel that stays with you and certainly opens your eyes and makes you think deeply.
A difficult but important read.

This made me so angry, but in a good way. The book talked about seuxal assault and child grooming and what it means to be a victim, so of course its gonna make you feel some emotions, mostly anger. I can't wait to read more from this author!

My Dark Vanessa is a compelling, raw, disturbing, and heartbreaking, story that will stay with you a long time after you finish. It is well written and it was like you get lost in the words, the story is a hard topic it hits close to home for me. I just wanted to hug Vanessa. This book is dark. I don't want to go into the story cos i don't want to spoil it for others. As hard as this book was for me to read I did read but I did walked away and put it down then went back to it. just needed a breather now and again.

This was such an incredible story. It handled a very dark and controversial subject matter very well. I felt for Vanessa in a way that is rare and shows the incredible skill of the writer. It is a dark story and disturbing in many different ways. It shows Strane's influence over a large portion of Vanessa's life and as a reader we get to see exactly what Strane costs her even when she's still unaware of the magnitude herself. The emotional depth in this is something i've not come across very often and i can't wait to read it again.

This was an interesting story about a fifteen year old who has a sexual relationship with her teacher. It describes how this could come about and how it would affect both over the next 15 years. The most interesting part of the story (in my view...) is how the woman views the relationship (was she victim, willing participant or instigator?), how what she says varies from her actions and how her views change over time. Set against the action is a backdrop of discussion of many literature classics (including the eponymous Dark Vanessa). not the most comfortable reading material but well-written, intriguing and challenging.

A member review on Netgalley by Sarah M says literally everything I wanted to say, better than I could have said it! So ideally, read that one:)
However, to fulfil my reviewer obligations I’ll add that I found this lyrical, unsparing and emotionally draining but definitely in the top 5 of novels I engaged with most fully in 2019. I sometimes feel wary when a book is described as ‘important’ because it smacks of worthiness, a social duty rather than reading for pleasure. My Dark Vanessa is a strange source of pleasure in that you flinch almost constantly ( several times I actually blurted out my horror and frustration in public!) but it was still gripping, unbearably sad and, yeah, important.

3 Stars from me

Yes, 3, unpopular opinion I know. I do feel conflicted over this as it is not owing to the quality of the writing which, for the record, is excellent.

For me, My Dark Vanessa should have ended at about the 55% mark. Even up to this point I found the book a little laborious but I distinctly recall looking up to see how much of the book was left as I couldn't believe it hadn't ended, and it then being 58%. I truly felt the book had reached it's natural conclusion. (I did go on to finish the book but felt it really dragged after that point.)

The subject matter isn't great but that's not to say it wasn't a good story and an important story. This level of grooming and abuse goes on far too frequently and it is important that attention is drawn to the issue so that people can stop turning a blind eye out of misplaced politeness. However, having said that the books goes to great lengths to stress that both Stane and Vanessa see it more as a love story which, for me, muddies the waters massively on this being a positive message.

I would very much read something else by the same author as the depth and quality of the writing really was great, the characters were all credible and scenes and places were are well described.

Synopsis:

An era-defining novel about the relationship between a fifteen-year-old girl and her teacher

ALL HE DID WAS FALL IN LOVE WITH ME AND THE WORLD TURNED HIM INTO A MONSTER

Vanessa Wye was fifteen years old when she first had sex with her English teacher.

She is now thirty-two and in the storm of allegations against powerful men in 2017, the teacher, Jacob Strane, has just been accused of sexual abuse by another former student.

Vanessa is horrified by this news, because she is quite certain that the relationship she had with Strane wasn't abuse. It was love. She's sure of that.

Forced to rethink her past, to revisit everything that happened, Vanessa has to redefine the great love story of her life – her great sexual awakening – as rape. Now she must deal with the possibility that she might be a victim, and just one of many.

Nuanced, uncomfortable, bold and powerful, and as riveting as it is disturbing, My Dark Vanessa goes straight to the heart of some of the most complex issues our age is grappling with.

A disturbing and at the same time a fascinating read. The subject matter here is dark and cringe inducing. This is the story of 15 year old Vanessa who begins an illicit affair with her 42 year old English Professor at a boarding school in Maine. As a teenager, young Vanessa is looking for validation and Strane feeds that need and makes her feel alive. He seduces her with his intellectual, poems, and even Lolita. He tells her that in her, he sees a bit of himself. Its the ingredients for a perfect storm and like a moth, Vanessa hurtles into the flame.The relationship carves and forever changes Vanessa, that even long after the affair is over, she can never truly let go of Strane. When Vanessa is 32 years old, other women come out to accuse Strane of sexually abusing them when they were teenage girls, Vanessa finds it difficult to believe their story, even though it bears similarities to that of her own. She thought that hers and Strane's bond was unique. He later tells her that the others were nothing special. That, unlike her, they meant nothing to him. That she was was his only true love. Talk about messed up. The dark snare that ties them is unbreakable, blinding Vanessa to Strane's predatory character. She sees him only as her soulmate. This novel will stay with you long after you're done reading it and will change the way you think.

I felt the writing style of this one kept jumping around too much for me. The premise was intriguing and I had high hopes of going into this one and enjoying it, however, I was left wondering who, what where and why things were happening. Maybe I’ll try pick it up again in the new year or when it’s released and see how it goes.

I wasn't sure whether I would enjoy this book, and I am still not sure. It is a very dark read, but absolutely compelling. Not a book for the beach, but definitely one I would recommend.

KATE ELIZABETH RUSSELL – MY DARK VANESSA

I read this novel in advance of publication through NetGalley in return for an honest review.

Vanessa is a thirteen-year-old schoolgirl when her English teacher first touches her knee. That innocent, or not so innocent gesture, depending on the dynamics of the people in question, their relationship, their age difference, the authority one has over the other; that gesture is the start of a love affair that tears their lives apart and has consequences that continue well into Vanessa’s adult life.

This is a beautifully written story, told in the first person by Vanessa herself, convinced that the middle aged teacher loves her and that she loves him, and dissects their relationship back and forth over the years. The story at its centre is simple, but the telling is justly complex: it allows the reader to follow the ups and downs of Vanessa’s life, not just as a schoolgirl but how the affair impacts her life and behaviour as an adult. It is told with honestly and compassion, and a constantly changing perspective as Vanessa reluctantly comes to terms with what has happened to her.

For me, this was a brilliant read, not merely convincing, but written by someone who knows her subject, and who has considerable dexterity in her writing abilities. It delves into the potential heartbreak behind the tabloid headlines. I thought it was first class.

My Dark Vanessa is an incredible debut novel. I genuinely think it will be the literary sensation of 2020 that everyone talks about.

Vanessa Wye is 15 years old when she first has sex with her middle-aged English teacher, Mr Strane, at Browick boarding school in Maine, northeast America. It is the turn of the 21st century; sexual politics feel defined by Britney Spears seducing the world in a school uniform and Monica Lewinsky intriguing it with a cigar.

But the story of My Dark Vanessa starts in 2017, when Vanessa is 32 and working in a hotel. Now the zeitgeist is dominated by the #MeToo movement; Strane has been accused by another student of assault and it's all over social media - playing out through Vanessa's phone whilst she's at work.

It is the cultural chasm between 1999 and 2017 that creates much of the conflict in My Dark Vanessa, and within Vanessa herself. This is a detailed and profoundly credible psychological study of a grown woman's struggle to make sense of what happened to her as a teenager. Her determination to rationalise it, to validate her relationship with Strane is quietly devastating because one senses it comes from a building block of character that in a different lifetime would have been a positive strength.

My Dark Vanessa is packed with literary and cultural references that give the novel extra depth and history. Lolita is a central theme, with Strand giving Vanessa the book to read as part of his grooming process. She identifies with Lolita and this gives way to semi-articulated musings on power, consent, agency and complicity - the cornerstone themes of My Dark Vanessa. There is cultural complicity too with articles from magazines like Just 17 and More - remember journalistic advice aimed at teenage girls such as 'How To Give the Perfect Blow Job?' And of course the school is complicit, and to an extent Vanessa's own parents, although their failing is indicative of a wider failing of the 20th century: if Vanessa's abuse had taken place in the #MeToo era, they would have known how to react.

There are parallels between My Dark Vanessa and the hit TV show The Affair - the final season of which saw the #MeToo movement turn the character of Noah from naughty boy to sexual predator; not by changing his behaviour, but by changing the context in which is past behaviour is viewed. Perhaps it's no coincidence that the musician Fiona Apple provides the soundtrack to both The Affair and My Dark Vanessa - she is Vanessa's favourite singer and Fiona Apple's own childhood trauma creates a connection with Vanessa.

The first person, present tense narrative of My Dark Vanessa renders Vanessa slightly unreliable as a narrator. We see everything through her eyes as it happens, with no benefit of hindsight. It is down to the reader to determine, for example, when a line is first crossed by Strane, or how unreasonable the school's response was. And this is why, for many readers, this book will make for uncomfortable reading.

My Dark Vanessa feels so real, with the abuse so convincingly depicted, that I was relieved to discover a comprehensive reading list of academic texts and fictional works on author Kate Elizabeth Russell's website. This didn't happen to her. She just researched the hell out of it: Nabakov, 'nymphet culture', rape survival, trauma, grief.... the full list is testament to all that fictional Vanessa, and her countless real-life sisters, have endured.

I can't wait for My Dark Vanessa to be published so I can discuss it with my friends; not just those with an interest in sexual politics, but those who appreciate brilliant writing. Because the themes of My Dark Vanessa are so strong and so essential, it is perhaps easy to overlook the fact that Kate Elizabeth Russell also happens to writes like an angel.

Many thanks to to NetGalley and 4th Estate for the free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.