I felt the writing style of this one kept jumping around too much for me. The premise was intriguing and I had high hopes of going into this one and enjoying it, however, I was left wondering who, what where and why things were happening. Maybe I’ll try pick it up again in the new year or when it’s released and see how it goes.

I wasn't sure whether I would enjoy this book, and I am still not sure. It is a very dark read, but absolutely compelling. Not a book for the beach, but definitely one I would recommend.

KATE ELIZABETH RUSSELL – MY DARK VANESSA

I read this novel in advance of publication through NetGalley in return for an honest review.

Vanessa is a thirteen-year-old schoolgirl when her English teacher first touches her knee. That innocent, or not so innocent gesture, depending on the dynamics of the people in question, their relationship, their age difference, the authority one has over the other; that gesture is the start of a love affair that tears their lives apart and has consequences that continue well into Vanessa’s adult life.

This is a beautifully written story, told in the first person by Vanessa herself, convinced that the middle aged teacher loves her and that she loves him, and dissects their relationship back and forth over the years. The story at its centre is simple, but the telling is justly complex: it allows the reader to follow the ups and downs of Vanessa’s life, not just as a schoolgirl but how the affair impacts her life and behaviour as an adult. It is told with honestly and compassion, and a constantly changing perspective as Vanessa reluctantly comes to terms with what has happened to her.

For me, this was a brilliant read, not merely convincing, but written by someone who knows her subject, and who has considerable dexterity in her writing abilities. It delves into the potential heartbreak behind the tabloid headlines. I thought it was first class.

My Dark Vanessa is an incredible debut novel. I genuinely think it will be the literary sensation of 2020 that everyone talks about.

Vanessa Wye is 15 years old when she first has sex with her middle-aged English teacher, Mr Strane, at Browick boarding school in Maine, northeast America. It is the turn of the 21st century; sexual politics feel defined by Britney Spears seducing the world in a school uniform and Monica Lewinsky intriguing it with a cigar.

But the story of My Dark Vanessa starts in 2017, when Vanessa is 32 and working in a hotel. Now the zeitgeist is dominated by the #MeToo movement; Strane has been accused by another student of assault and it's all over social media - playing out through Vanessa's phone whilst she's at work.

It is the cultural chasm between 1999 and 2017 that creates much of the conflict in My Dark Vanessa, and within Vanessa herself. This is a detailed and profoundly credible psychological study of a grown woman's struggle to make sense of what happened to her as a teenager. Her determination to rationalise it, to validate her relationship with Strane is quietly devastating because one senses it comes from a building block of character that in a different lifetime would have been a positive strength.

My Dark Vanessa is packed with literary and cultural references that give the novel extra depth and history. Lolita is a central theme, with Strand giving Vanessa the book to read as part of his grooming process. She identifies with Lolita and this gives way to semi-articulated musings on power, consent, agency and complicity - the cornerstone themes of My Dark Vanessa. There is cultural complicity too with articles from magazines like Just 17 and More - remember journalistic advice aimed at teenage girls such as 'How To Give the Perfect Blow Job?' And of course the school is complicit, and to an extent Vanessa's own parents, although their failing is indicative of a wider failing of the 20th century: if Vanessa's abuse had taken place in the #MeToo era, they would have known how to react.

There are parallels between My Dark Vanessa and the hit TV show The Affair - the final season of which saw the #MeToo movement turn the character of Noah from naughty boy to sexual predator; not by changing his behaviour, but by changing the context in which is past behaviour is viewed. Perhaps it's no coincidence that the musician Fiona Apple provides the soundtrack to both The Affair and My Dark Vanessa - she is Vanessa's favourite singer and Fiona Apple's own childhood trauma creates a connection with Vanessa.

The first person, present tense narrative of My Dark Vanessa renders Vanessa slightly unreliable as a narrator. We see everything through her eyes as it happens, with no benefit of hindsight. It is down to the reader to determine, for example, when a line is first crossed by Strane, or how unreasonable the school's response was. And this is why, for many readers, this book will make for uncomfortable reading.

My Dark Vanessa feels so real, with the abuse so convincingly depicted, that I was relieved to discover a comprehensive reading list of academic texts and fictional works on author Kate Elizabeth Russell's website. This didn't happen to her. She just researched the hell out of it: Nabakov, 'nymphet culture', rape survival, trauma, grief.... the full list is testament to all that fictional Vanessa, and her countless real-life sisters, have endured.

I can't wait for My Dark Vanessa to be published so I can discuss it with my friends; not just those with an interest in sexual politics, but those who appreciate brilliant writing. Because the themes of My Dark Vanessa are so strong and so essential, it is perhaps easy to overlook the fact that Kate Elizabeth Russell also happens to writes like an angel.

Many thanks to to NetGalley and 4th Estate for the free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Some topics are difficult to read - but equally must be read. The tale of Vanessa and her English teacher falls into that category and undoubtedly draws comparisons to Lolita, which is referenced throughout the book.

This book centres on the relationship between Vanessa and her English teacher whilst she is a boarding school. It flits between the past and the present as we learn how the relationship develops between Vanessa and 45 year old Strane whilst she is is his 15 year old pupil and how that relationship impacts on Vanessa even at the age of 32. Throughout the book, Vanessa tries to justify the relationship between her and Strane, she considers that she holds the power and even at one stage states ‘It wasn’t rape rape’. But the reality is she has nothing, no power and in fact he has the power. The book sets out clearly how childhood abuse can have a lifelong impact.

The topic has always been a sensitive topic but in the current Me Too age it has become an even more important topic. The start of the book had me hooked, trying to comprehend why an adult would still be in touch with the person who groomed and abused her as a 15 year old. As the story develops we see how well Strane can manipulate girls, how easily he groomed Vanessa and how that grooming continues to impact on her even more than 15 years later. Strane was a very well written bad guy.

To say I enjoyed the book seems wrong given the topic. What I can say is that I think the author handles the topic well and writes for the most part a compelling story.

Where I struggled was in the jumping back and forth - often to me it wasn’t immediately clear we had jumped to the past or were back in the present and for me that, along with some of the typos and wrong language used, meant that the flow of the book was sometimes not as smooth as it could have been.

Leaving aside the need for a clearer structure and a bit more editing, this earns a 4 star rating.

Vanessa is a 15 year old who could not wait to go away from home to the school of her choice. There she is groomed by her teacher, the 45 year old Jacob Strane. The story is told from Vanessa's point of view and is deeply disturbing in its detail and sad reality. One of the saddest facts is that she does not truly see herself as a victim, she believes that amongst all the girls he has groomed, she is the one he truly loves. It highlights the very complex psychology behind grooming and , although disturbing, is very well written.

An insightful portrayal of how damaged a life can become following mental manipulation by an adult on an adolescent. There are clues enough that Jacob Strane was a serial offender even before Vanessa was his student. I think Vanessa can now see this. It’s wonderful at the conclusion of this book she found solace in her new best friend Jolene. This book got me wondering about adulthood. In some countries being 15 and married would be acceptable. In the West we think that the teenage brain is still being fashioned and doesn’t know its own mind. I think this is largely accurate but could it be that the childhood and education we impose on young people could itself be a factor in delaying good decision making? Here I consider research which indicates that Mary, the mother of Jesus, could have been a similar age, if not younger than Vanessa at the time of her confinement. Perhaps it’s the shortened lifespan of past ages which condenses time? A commendable work by Kate Russell.

I received a free copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review – thanks so much as always for sending this to me!

Trigger warning for mentions of sexual assault, a 'relationship' between a minor and an adult, grooming etc.

My Dark Vanessa is a book that intrigued me as soon as I heard about it. I knew it was going to be a difficult and possibly controversial read, as it follows a young woman named Vanessa Wye who had an affair with her high school English teacher, Mr Strane. Aged just fifteen when the affair happened, Vanessa is now pushing thirty and she and Strane are still in contact, if sporadically – which means that when he reaches out to warn her that he’s being investigated for numerous allegations of sexual offences towards other students, Vanessa becomes personally invested in the case and in the stories of the other girls Strane was involved with. While she sympathises with the other girls, Vanessa is convinced that she’s different – she’s not a victim. She knew exactly what she was doing when she slept with him. As the book goes on, alternating between teenage Vanessa’s affair and adult Vanessa’s life in the aftermath, Vanessa begins to wonder if her relationship with Strane was as straight-forward as she thought it was, and starts to question the effect it has had on her life.

As I understand it, this book has come under fire for allegedly justifying a predatory relationship – but having read it, I entirely disagree. The book doesn’t take a blazing, black-and-white view of Vanessa’s relationship with Strane. It’s more nuanced than that, and I think that’s important. Abuse is a complicated thing, and people often love and care for their abusers. For those on the outside it may be mystifying, but it’s still true, and I think this book did a great job of exploring that. Make no mistake: Strane was repulsive and he disgusted me, but I could also understand how a precocious fifteen-year-old might be drawn to him. His manipulation was sometimes so blatant that he seemed almost like a caricature of himself, like someone might pop up behind him and shout “he’s behind you!” – but that was how I felt as an adult. Strane promises Vanessa the one thing she wants most, the thing he will ultimately take away from her: power. It’s an illusion she clings to for her entire life, the conviction that she was in control of their relationship, that everything was on her terms. Watching it unravel is equal parts painful and rewarding. I was cheering her on, but I also sympathised with her. Forced to reevaluate this thing that has defined her entire life, Vanessa is lost… but there’s a sense that she’ll find herself again one day.

It feels a little out of place to talk about things like writing style and pacing with reference to this book. With reports of sexual assault on the rise, it’s (unfortunately) a very relevant read – it feels like an Important Book, if that makes sense. That being said, the writing style was very atmospheric and the prose was so evocative, provoking just the right mood for the moment – at times nostalgic and lovely, at others almost disturbingly hyper-realistic. In terms of plot, it’s not exactly a page-turner in the traditional sense – teenage Vanessa has a fairly active storyline, but adult Vanessa just sort of wanders around, lost, for a few hundred pages. Nevertheless, I was hooked the whole way through, constantly dipping in and out of the book until I’d finished it. This is definitely a character-focused story, and I liked that it honed in so much on the people rather than the plot. It felt real, in the most saddening way.

This is a thought-provoking and fascinating book that is well worth the read. I’d compare it to the YA novel ‘Goodbye Perfect’ by Sara Bernard, but with a little more immediacy, so if you were a fan of that book then this would be a good Adult counterpart. I’m so grateful to Netgalley for allowing me to read one of my most-anticipated 2020 reads a little ahead of time!

Vanessa Wye is 32 years old and working in an upmarket hotel when we first meet her. Gradually, the story of what has brought her to this point in her life is revealed and it's a shocking and sad story. As a 15 year old, she became involved with her boarding school teacher, a 45 year old man called Jacob Strane. His relationships with underage girls are being investigated by the school and media and Vanessa is asked for her experiences.

What makes this a very uncomfortable read is that it is narrated in the first person by Vanessa. The grooming and abuse is revealed in graphic detail, but the most shocking element is that Vanessa feels that she is the exception to Strane's victims, the one he truly loved. The reader is put in the difficult position of seeing Vanessa and Jacob's relationship for what it truly is - a predatory older man abusing a schoolgirl - while Vanessa cannot. She defends him while the reader can see that he is an inadequate, manipulative and repulsive man who takes advantage of a vulnerable child.

I cannot say that I enjoyed this, but it was certainly an eye-opener. It made me realise why some victims do not speak out and why some might actually defend their abusers. Vanessa is a highly believable character and the story follows her thought processes in a way that the reader can understand even as they see how she is being manipulated. The impact of the abuse on Vanessa's life is evident: at 32, she struggles to maintain relationships and is a drink and drug user.

Although the book isn't enjoyable in a conventional sense, I am so glad that this story has been told. Too often, abuse victims are portrayed as flirtatious, knowing young women whereas here is a girl whose innocence is destroyed by a person in a position of trust - although she feels responsible for the events, the reader is in no doubt that the blame lies entirely with the adult. An important, well-written but ultimately uncomfortable read.

“If it isn’t a love story, then what is it?”

At fifteen, Vanessa Wye had a sexual relationship with her forty-five year old teacher, Jacob Strane - a relationship that has been the defining element of her life. Now, years later, other girls have come forward to say they were abused by Strane and to urge Vanessa, too, to speak out. But Vanessa can’t relate at all to those other girls. She was different; she was special. She was the one he truly loved.

She never identifies herself as a victim, reframing the experience as a great love affair. Nevertheless, it’s clear to the reader from early on that Strane is a textbook abuser, preying on Vanessa’s vulnerability and naïveté and constantly testing how far he can safely go, skilfully grooming and manipulating her to ensure her compliance and her silence.

In one of their earliest interactions, he says “I will ruin you” - it’s one of the only true things he ever says to her.

Vanessa as an adult of thirty-two is clearly deeply damaged, her potential unrealised, numbing her feelings with drugs, alcohol and sex with men she despises yet in some twisted way needs for validation.

We follow both Vanessa’s life in the present day - as further allegations about Strane come to light - and her memories of the past. As we follow the development of her “relationship” with him, it becomes very hard to read at times, as Vanessa narrates her story with unflinching and at times brutal honesty. And when rumours inevitably begin to fly around the school, the response of the authorities is appalling, compounding the harm.

Throughout, the reader can see what Vanessa, unable to face the reality of what Strane did to her, cannot. Instead she insists unconvincingly on her own power, her instigation, her willing participation... though on some level she knows full well how wrong it is, how wrong it has always been, and how badly it has damaged her. Even then she cannot attach the blame where it truly belongs, blaming her own darkness, her eagerness to “hurl herself into a swamp”, to become Lolita to Strane’s Humbert Humbert. (Nabokov’s work is a theme throughout.)

My Dark Vanessa is a dazzling, devastating exploration of the damage caused by abuse. The subject matter makes it a hard read at times, but it’s an important and powerful one.

Well powerful is one of the words to describe this book, scary is another because it feels like a true story and for many it may well be. The story of a girl or is it the story of a lady in her thirties telling you how it all began when she was just 15.
This is the story of Vanessa groomed at 15 and abused for long afterwards but that's not how she sees it to her this is love, this is a story of her feeling special but hating parts of it. She feels in control not manipulated even as I read this it was clear she was. Yet things look so different from the inside to those looking from outside. It's a case of you don't understand that's because the teacher is good at his evil well practised deceit.
The writing is so good it feels more like a biography than it does a novel but then maybe it is or rather an autobiography whatever it is it's well-researched incredibly well-written and can profoundly impact it's reader. It takes its victim Vanessa many years to understand but can anyone truly understand the full impact of their past because everything is based and shaped by our experiences, it will be so different from the person say next to you (on the bus, train or coffee shop).
However this is a book review so that is probably a bit too deep sorry but it is my feelings after finishing reading Dark Vanessa, feelings of why is life not nicer to people the world less controlling, tell you what please read this great book and see how it touches you & what I mean. It's a easy five stars for all of Kates hard work.

When we first meet Vanessa she’s 32 years old and working at a dead end job in a hotel, having recently split from another short term boyfriend, She seems to harbour an obsession with her past, looking up the details of a news story involving her old teacher and another former pupil. As we read, we learn Vanessa has an unnatural attachment to the case - Vanessa had an affair with her English teacher Mr Strane when she was 15 years old. It was love - dark and romantic. Dangerous. But it was never abuse, she was never a victim, or at least that’s what Vanessa has always believed.

This was, as the title suggests, incredibly dark and difficult to read at times. There’s quite graphic content, that was incredibly uncomfortable to see unfold, as the reader watches Vanessa’s life come undone due to the manipulative grooming of her teacher. What makes it all the worse is that the reader can see the ways in which Vanessa is used, the methods employed to make her believe everything was her fault, and we can do nothing to stop it. This brought up so many interesting and important questions, such as the validity of Vanessa’s feelings and emotions that she felt at the time, and her twisted views of what happened. Just because other people looking from the outside in called it abuse, does that make Vanessa’s opinions any less valid? Also, the opinion that Vanessa should be made to feel weak or guilty because she doesn’t want to speak out against Strane for the ‘greater good’. I found the ideas deeply compelling and intriguing to discuss.

The writing is beautiful too. At time’s it feels like an endless poem, reflecting Vanessa’s love of writing and literature (which is nurtured and exploited by Strane), and sets the tone of the novel well. Every sentence is loaded with meaning or foreboding, which created this sense of uneasiness that permeates the novel throughout. It also manages to surprise me at time’s, as the story took turns I wasn’t expecting, and Vanessa finds herself caught up in this obsession with Strane that she can’t seem to escape from. As if by admitting she has been abused instead of loved and adored would be an admission that her life, her childhood, was destroyed. It’s a coping mechanism. A very powerful one.

This was a novel that I found myself still thinking about days after I finished it. It was intense, I couldn’t read it in large chunks due to the content matter, but when I did read I was completely absorbed by it. Sucked into this haunting story, and feeling grief for the loss of Vanessa’s innocence.

Hard hitting, and a very difficult read, but ultimately one that warrants telling.

Eight years ago I was giving a lift to a former headmaster of a local comprehensive school; he told me a story of a teacher who was found having sex with a 13 year old girl in the back of a mini. "He was a great bloke; beautiful wife and children and that S*** ruined his career and life". I asked him to leave my car. I wish My Dark Vanessa had been published then, to recommend to him.
This story is compelling AND horrific. A lonely, vulnerable 15 year old Vanessa is groomed, manipulated and abused by a predatory male teacher. There are two narratives: one from when she first met the teacher, and a contemporary story, where she is finally realising that his behaviour was not acceptable.
The behaviour of the school and the lack of care towards her is painful reading as are some of the descriptions. Yet it was a well written book which certainly touches the emotions.
My Dark Vanessa challenges the excuses made by predatory men who are drawn to young girls: the "Gail Bait", "She led me on", "She wanted it", and invites the reader to appreciate that these girls are children and should be protected.
This is an important book; expertly written and I hope it will generate debate on this difficult topic.

This is so dark and because of its subject matter, such a hard read it gave me sleepless nights. I found it extremely harrowing to read about a teacher grooming Vanessa, a young 15 year old awkward teenager. For me it was the detail that was so shocking it was uncomfortable and emotionally draining to read. I often found my self feeling physically sick and having to close my kindle. That said it is an important book, its not poetic there is no love story here this is grooming in it's grim reality. Would it recommend the book? perhaps not as I found it too distressing but it is very well written.

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell is a hard-hitting and quite disturbing book about 15 year-old Vanessa Wye who is groomed and seduced by 45 year-old male teacher ,Jacob Strane. The book is very explicit and like watching a car crash about to happen as the motives and methods of Strane are very obvious to adult readers while Vanessa thinks she's part of some great romance with a smitten teacher. As the years go on she is still in denial and can't see her relationship with Strane for what it is rather than what she wants it to be.
The book switches between time periods and another part of the story is when Vanessa is 42 and under pressure from another of Strane's victims, and a journalist, to go public with her experiences. Evan decades later and hearing that far from what the twisted Strane has always told her she was not ,"the only one" she struggles with the reality.
That's the bare bones of what is a superbly written book that will make you think about the effects of abuse,the insidious nature of those who reel in the needy and vulnerable and the pre -"#Me Too" years when victims were more often silenced or blamed than listened to.
This isn't an easy book to read, I was torn between sympathising with Vanessa and frustration that she was in complete denial about her situation..
A book on this subject could have been exploitative but it's sensitively and intelligently written. with characters that really come to life and finally some sense of closure for Vanessa at the end..

Thanks to Kate Elizabeth Russell, 4th Estate and Netgalley for the ARC in return for an honest review.

From the title, I thought this would be a thriller. Instead, it's the story of a woman coming to terms with the fact that her teacher groomed and abused her and she's spent her life kidding herself it was love.

As such, it's a hard read at times and not one to read if you're feeling fragile. It references 'Lolita' a lot and this is nowhere near in the same league, but at the same time, it's touching, compelling and heart rending. The character of Vanessa is complex and well drawn and the way in which she was seduced is very cleverly and delicately handled without any hint of victim blaming.

I'm not sure who this novel is really targeted at, because I suspect that for many the subject matter is simply too distasteful. Still, it is worth a read if you can stomach it.

Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC with no obligation to review.

VVanessa Wye is a 16 yr old only child living in Maine and attnending Browick boarding school. She is a bit of a loner. She is completely reeled in when her 42 year old English teacher Jacob Strane, begins to pay attention to her by lending her some of his favorite books and commenting on her hair, clothes etc.,. Vanessa is convinced she’s been singled out as someone very special to him and starts a sexual relationship with the teacher. Strane is a maniupulative paedophile and a skilled groomer but Vanessa does not realise this and thinks of it as a love affair. Seventeen years later, Vanessa is in a dead end job, smoking weed and drinking herself into oblivion. Her one bright future is not there and her life is ruined. She still does not think she was abused or violated in any way even when other students go public about his abuse of them, she thinks their relationship was different.

This was quite a difficult read at times, especially knowing that he was responsible for the way her life turned out. You wonder about her parents and whether they could have done more, particularly her mother as she had an idea what was going on. It is a powerful read and frightening how easily Vanessa fell under his spell.

Really enjoyed this book. Thank you to Netgalley, the author and the publisher for the ARC.

I could not put MY DARK VANESSA down. Every chapter packed a punch. This is a book not easily forgotten

My Dark Vanessa is indeed a dark book but I was gripped by the excellent writing. A brave story of grooming and love, this book deserves to be debated much as We Need To Talk About Kevin was.

I thought that the writer's ability to show how Vanessa couldn't bring herself to say anything when her teacher, Strane, did things to her that she disliked was excellent. How many girls feels the same, especially with someone older, who holds power over them? Years later Strane is brought to task by other students and Vanessa, who doesn't consider herself to have been abused has to decide whether to add her story to theirs.

A difficult but enthralling read, perhaps not one for women who themselves have been abused by people in authority though?
However I highly recommend it. Readers who 'enjoyed' Louise O'Neil's 'Asking For It' and Zofka Zinoviev's 'Putney' will find this equally as good.

My Dark Vanessa is sure to be one of the most discussed novels in 2020, if not beyond. Many thanks to NetGalley and 4th Estate for the opportunity to read and review it.

This book just knocked the wind out of me. It discusses a very complicated and distressing subject with such grace and whilst it makes you feel deeply uncomfortable, I think it’s an important story. It’s compelling and yet sensitive and I think it somehow manages to tackle the grim topics of grooming and abuse with an elegance I hadn’t expected. A chilling but brilliant read.