Some topics are difficult to read - but equally must be read. The tale of Vanessa and her English teacher falls into that category and undoubtedly draws comparisons to Lolita, which is referenced throughout the book.

This book centres on the relationship between Vanessa and her English teacher whilst she is a boarding school. It flits between the past and the present as we learn how the relationship develops between Vanessa and 45 year old Strane whilst she is is his 15 year old pupil and how that relationship impacts on Vanessa even at the age of 32. Throughout the book, Vanessa tries to justify the relationship between her and Strane, she considers that she holds the power and even at one stage states ‘It wasn’t rape rape’. But the reality is she has nothing, no power and in fact he has the power. The book sets out clearly how childhood abuse can have a lifelong impact.

The topic has always been a sensitive topic but in the current Me Too age it has become an even more important topic. The start of the book had me hooked, trying to comprehend why an adult would still be in touch with the person who groomed and abused her as a 15 year old. As the story develops we see how well Strane can manipulate girls, how easily he groomed Vanessa and how that grooming continues to impact on her even more than 15 years later. Strane was a very well written bad guy.

To say I enjoyed the book seems wrong given the topic. What I can say is that I think the author handles the topic well and writes for the most part a compelling story.

Where I struggled was in the jumping back and forth - often to me it wasn’t immediately clear we had jumped to the past or were back in the present and for me that, along with some of the typos and wrong language used, meant that the flow of the book was sometimes not as smooth as it could have been.

Leaving aside the need for a clearer structure and a bit more editing, this earns a 4 star rating.

Vanessa is a 15 year old who could not wait to go away from home to the school of her choice. There she is groomed by her teacher, the 45 year old Jacob Strane. The story is told from Vanessa's point of view and is deeply disturbing in its detail and sad reality. One of the saddest facts is that she does not truly see herself as a victim, she believes that amongst all the girls he has groomed, she is the one he truly loves. It highlights the very complex psychology behind grooming and , although disturbing, is very well written.

An insightful portrayal of how damaged a life can become following mental manipulation by an adult on an adolescent. There are clues enough that Jacob Strane was a serial offender even before Vanessa was his student. I think Vanessa can now see this. It’s wonderful at the conclusion of this book she found solace in her new best friend Jolene. This book got me wondering about adulthood. In some countries being 15 and married would be acceptable. In the West we think that the teenage brain is still being fashioned and doesn’t know its own mind. I think this is largely accurate but could it be that the childhood and education we impose on young people could itself be a factor in delaying good decision making? Here I consider research which indicates that Mary, the mother of Jesus, could have been a similar age, if not younger than Vanessa at the time of her confinement. Perhaps it’s the shortened lifespan of past ages which condenses time? A commendable work by Kate Russell.

I received a free copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review – thanks so much as always for sending this to me!

Trigger warning for mentions of sexual assault, a 'relationship' between a minor and an adult, grooming etc.

My Dark Vanessa is a book that intrigued me as soon as I heard about it. I knew it was going to be a difficult and possibly controversial read, as it follows a young woman named Vanessa Wye who had an affair with her high school English teacher, Mr Strane. Aged just fifteen when the affair happened, Vanessa is now pushing thirty and she and Strane are still in contact, if sporadically – which means that when he reaches out to warn her that he’s being investigated for numerous allegations of sexual offences towards other students, Vanessa becomes personally invested in the case and in the stories of the other girls Strane was involved with. While she sympathises with the other girls, Vanessa is convinced that she’s different – she’s not a victim. She knew exactly what she was doing when she slept with him. As the book goes on, alternating between teenage Vanessa’s affair and adult Vanessa’s life in the aftermath, Vanessa begins to wonder if her relationship with Strane was as straight-forward as she thought it was, and starts to question the effect it has had on her life.

As I understand it, this book has come under fire for allegedly justifying a predatory relationship – but having read it, I entirely disagree. The book doesn’t take a blazing, black-and-white view of Vanessa’s relationship with Strane. It’s more nuanced than that, and I think that’s important. Abuse is a complicated thing, and people often love and care for their abusers. For those on the outside it may be mystifying, but it’s still true, and I think this book did a great job of exploring that. Make no mistake: Strane was repulsive and he disgusted me, but I could also understand how a precocious fifteen-year-old might be drawn to him. His manipulation was sometimes so blatant that he seemed almost like a caricature of himself, like someone might pop up behind him and shout “he’s behind you!” – but that was how I felt as an adult. Strane promises Vanessa the one thing she wants most, the thing he will ultimately take away from her: power. It’s an illusion she clings to for her entire life, the conviction that she was in control of their relationship, that everything was on her terms. Watching it unravel is equal parts painful and rewarding. I was cheering her on, but I also sympathised with her. Forced to reevaluate this thing that has defined her entire life, Vanessa is lost… but there’s a sense that she’ll find herself again one day.

It feels a little out of place to talk about things like writing style and pacing with reference to this book. With reports of sexual assault on the rise, it’s (unfortunately) a very relevant read – it feels like an Important Book, if that makes sense. That being said, the writing style was very atmospheric and the prose was so evocative, provoking just the right mood for the moment – at times nostalgic and lovely, at others almost disturbingly hyper-realistic. In terms of plot, it’s not exactly a page-turner in the traditional sense – teenage Vanessa has a fairly active storyline, but adult Vanessa just sort of wanders around, lost, for a few hundred pages. Nevertheless, I was hooked the whole way through, constantly dipping in and out of the book until I’d finished it. This is definitely a character-focused story, and I liked that it honed in so much on the people rather than the plot. It felt real, in the most saddening way.

This is a thought-provoking and fascinating book that is well worth the read. I’d compare it to the YA novel ‘Goodbye Perfect’ by Sara Bernard, but with a little more immediacy, so if you were a fan of that book then this would be a good Adult counterpart. I’m so grateful to Netgalley for allowing me to read one of my most-anticipated 2020 reads a little ahead of time!

Vanessa Wye is 32 years old and working in an upmarket hotel when we first meet her. Gradually, the story of what has brought her to this point in her life is revealed and it's a shocking and sad story. As a 15 year old, she became involved with her boarding school teacher, a 45 year old man called Jacob Strane. His relationships with underage girls are being investigated by the school and media and Vanessa is asked for her experiences.

What makes this a very uncomfortable read is that it is narrated in the first person by Vanessa. The grooming and abuse is revealed in graphic detail, but the most shocking element is that Vanessa feels that she is the exception to Strane's victims, the one he truly loved. The reader is put in the difficult position of seeing Vanessa and Jacob's relationship for what it truly is - a predatory older man abusing a schoolgirl - while Vanessa cannot. She defends him while the reader can see that he is an inadequate, manipulative and repulsive man who takes advantage of a vulnerable child.

I cannot say that I enjoyed this, but it was certainly an eye-opener. It made me realise why some victims do not speak out and why some might actually defend their abusers. Vanessa is a highly believable character and the story follows her thought processes in a way that the reader can understand even as they see how she is being manipulated. The impact of the abuse on Vanessa's life is evident: at 32, she struggles to maintain relationships and is a drink and drug user.

Although the book isn't enjoyable in a conventional sense, I am so glad that this story has been told. Too often, abuse victims are portrayed as flirtatious, knowing young women whereas here is a girl whose innocence is destroyed by a person in a position of trust - although she feels responsible for the events, the reader is in no doubt that the blame lies entirely with the adult. An important, well-written but ultimately uncomfortable read.

“If it isn’t a love story, then what is it?”

At fifteen, Vanessa Wye had a sexual relationship with her forty-five year old teacher, Jacob Strane - a relationship that has been the defining element of her life. Now, years later, other girls have come forward to say they were abused by Strane and to urge Vanessa, too, to speak out. But Vanessa can’t relate at all to those other girls. She was different; she was special. She was the one he truly loved.

She never identifies herself as a victim, reframing the experience as a great love affair. Nevertheless, it’s clear to the reader from early on that Strane is a textbook abuser, preying on Vanessa’s vulnerability and naïveté and constantly testing how far he can safely go, skilfully grooming and manipulating her to ensure her compliance and her silence.

In one of their earliest interactions, he says “I will ruin you” - it’s one of the only true things he ever says to her.

Vanessa as an adult of thirty-two is clearly deeply damaged, her potential unrealised, numbing her feelings with drugs, alcohol and sex with men she despises yet in some twisted way needs for validation.

We follow both Vanessa’s life in the present day - as further allegations about Strane come to light - and her memories of the past. As we follow the development of her “relationship” with him, it becomes very hard to read at times, as Vanessa narrates her story with unflinching and at times brutal honesty. And when rumours inevitably begin to fly around the school, the response of the authorities is appalling, compounding the harm.

Throughout, the reader can see what Vanessa, unable to face the reality of what Strane did to her, cannot. Instead she insists unconvincingly on her own power, her instigation, her willing participation... though on some level she knows full well how wrong it is, how wrong it has always been, and how badly it has damaged her. Even then she cannot attach the blame where it truly belongs, blaming her own darkness, her eagerness to “hurl herself into a swamp”, to become Lolita to Strane’s Humbert Humbert. (Nabokov’s work is a theme throughout.)

My Dark Vanessa is a dazzling, devastating exploration of the damage caused by abuse. The subject matter makes it a hard read at times, but it’s an important and powerful one.

Well powerful is one of the words to describe this book, scary is another because it feels like a true story and for many it may well be. The story of a girl or is it the story of a lady in her thirties telling you how it all began when she was just 15.
This is the story of Vanessa groomed at 15 and abused for long afterwards but that's not how she sees it to her this is love, this is a story of her feeling special but hating parts of it. She feels in control not manipulated even as I read this it was clear she was. Yet things look so different from the inside to those looking from outside. It's a case of you don't understand that's because the teacher is good at his evil well practised deceit.
The writing is so good it feels more like a biography than it does a novel but then maybe it is or rather an autobiography whatever it is it's well-researched incredibly well-written and can profoundly impact it's reader. It takes its victim Vanessa many years to understand but can anyone truly understand the full impact of their past because everything is based and shaped by our experiences, it will be so different from the person say next to you (on the bus, train or coffee shop).
However this is a book review so that is probably a bit too deep sorry but it is my feelings after finishing reading Dark Vanessa, feelings of why is life not nicer to people the world less controlling, tell you what please read this great book and see how it touches you & what I mean. It's a easy five stars for all of Kates hard work.

When we first meet Vanessa she’s 32 years old and working at a dead end job in a hotel, having recently split from another short term boyfriend, She seems to harbour an obsession with her past, looking up the details of a news story involving her old teacher and another former pupil. As we read, we learn Vanessa has an unnatural attachment to the case - Vanessa had an affair with her English teacher Mr Strane when she was 15 years old. It was love - dark and romantic. Dangerous. But it was never abuse, she was never a victim, or at least that’s what Vanessa has always believed.

This was, as the title suggests, incredibly dark and difficult to read at times. There’s quite graphic content, that was incredibly uncomfortable to see unfold, as the reader watches Vanessa’s life come undone due to the manipulative grooming of her teacher. What makes it all the worse is that the reader can see the ways in which Vanessa is used, the methods employed to make her believe everything was her fault, and we can do nothing to stop it. This brought up so many interesting and important questions, such as the validity of Vanessa’s feelings and emotions that she felt at the time, and her twisted views of what happened. Just because other people looking from the outside in called it abuse, does that make Vanessa’s opinions any less valid? Also, the opinion that Vanessa should be made to feel weak or guilty because she doesn’t want to speak out against Strane for the ‘greater good’. I found the ideas deeply compelling and intriguing to discuss.

The writing is beautiful too. At time’s it feels like an endless poem, reflecting Vanessa’s love of writing and literature (which is nurtured and exploited by Strane), and sets the tone of the novel well. Every sentence is loaded with meaning or foreboding, which created this sense of uneasiness that permeates the novel throughout. It also manages to surprise me at time’s, as the story took turns I wasn’t expecting, and Vanessa finds herself caught up in this obsession with Strane that she can’t seem to escape from. As if by admitting she has been abused instead of loved and adored would be an admission that her life, her childhood, was destroyed. It’s a coping mechanism. A very powerful one.

This was a novel that I found myself still thinking about days after I finished it. It was intense, I couldn’t read it in large chunks due to the content matter, but when I did read I was completely absorbed by it. Sucked into this haunting story, and feeling grief for the loss of Vanessa’s innocence.

Hard hitting, and a very difficult read, but ultimately one that warrants telling.

Eight years ago I was giving a lift to a former headmaster of a local comprehensive school; he told me a story of a teacher who was found having sex with a 13 year old girl in the back of a mini. "He was a great bloke; beautiful wife and children and that S*** ruined his career and life". I asked him to leave my car. I wish My Dark Vanessa had been published then, to recommend to him.
This story is compelling AND horrific. A lonely, vulnerable 15 year old Vanessa is groomed, manipulated and abused by a predatory male teacher. There are two narratives: one from when she first met the teacher, and a contemporary story, where she is finally realising that his behaviour was not acceptable.
The behaviour of the school and the lack of care towards her is painful reading as are some of the descriptions. Yet it was a well written book which certainly touches the emotions.
My Dark Vanessa challenges the excuses made by predatory men who are drawn to young girls: the "Gail Bait", "She led me on", "She wanted it", and invites the reader to appreciate that these girls are children and should be protected.
This is an important book; expertly written and I hope it will generate debate on this difficult topic.

This is so dark and because of its subject matter, such a hard read it gave me sleepless nights. I found it extremely harrowing to read about a teacher grooming Vanessa, a young 15 year old awkward teenager. For me it was the detail that was so shocking it was uncomfortable and emotionally draining to read. I often found my self feeling physically sick and having to close my kindle. That said it is an important book, its not poetic there is no love story here this is grooming in it's grim reality. Would it recommend the book? perhaps not as I found it too distressing but it is very well written.

From the title, I thought this would be a thriller. Instead, it's the story of a woman coming to terms with the fact that her teacher groomed and abused her and she's spent her life kidding herself it was love.

As such, it's a hard read at times and not one to read if you're feeling fragile. It references 'Lolita' a lot and this is nowhere near in the same league, but at the same time, it's touching, compelling and heart rending. The character of Vanessa is complex and well drawn and the way in which she was seduced is very cleverly and delicately handled without any hint of victim blaming.

I'm not sure who this novel is really targeted at, because I suspect that for many the subject matter is simply too distasteful. Still, it is worth a read if you can stomach it.

Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC with no obligation to review.

VVanessa Wye is a 16 yr old only child living in Maine and attnending Browick boarding school. She is a bit of a loner. She is completely reeled in when her 42 year old English teacher Jacob Strane, begins to pay attention to her by lending her some of his favorite books and commenting on her hair, clothes etc.,. Vanessa is convinced she’s been singled out as someone very special to him and starts a sexual relationship with the teacher. Strane is a maniupulative paedophile and a skilled groomer but Vanessa does not realise this and thinks of it as a love affair. Seventeen years later, Vanessa is in a dead end job, smoking weed and drinking herself into oblivion. Her one bright future is not there and her life is ruined. She still does not think she was abused or violated in any way even when other students go public about his abuse of them, she thinks their relationship was different.

This was quite a difficult read at times, especially knowing that he was responsible for the way her life turned out. You wonder about her parents and whether they could have done more, particularly her mother as she had an idea what was going on. It is a powerful read and frightening how easily Vanessa fell under his spell.

Really enjoyed this book. Thank you to Netgalley, the author and the publisher for the ARC.

I could not put MY DARK VANESSA down. Every chapter packed a punch. This is a book not easily forgotten

My Dark Vanessa is indeed a dark book but I was gripped by the excellent writing. A brave story of grooming and love, this book deserves to be debated much as We Need To Talk About Kevin was.

I thought that the writer's ability to show how Vanessa couldn't bring herself to say anything when her teacher, Strane, did things to her that she disliked was excellent. How many girls feels the same, especially with someone older, who holds power over them? Years later Strane is brought to task by other students and Vanessa, who doesn't consider herself to have been abused has to decide whether to add her story to theirs.

A difficult but enthralling read, perhaps not one for women who themselves have been abused by people in authority though?
However I highly recommend it. Readers who 'enjoyed' Louise O'Neil's 'Asking For It' and Zofka Zinoviev's 'Putney' will find this equally as good.

My Dark Vanessa is sure to be one of the most discussed novels in 2020, if not beyond. Many thanks to NetGalley and 4th Estate for the opportunity to read and review it.

This book just knocked the wind out of me. It discusses a very complicated and distressing subject with such grace and whilst it makes you feel deeply uncomfortable, I think it’s an important story. It’s compelling and yet sensitive and I think it somehow manages to tackle the grim topics of grooming and abuse with an elegance I hadn’t expected. A chilling but brilliant read.

This is an incredible book. Dark, gritty and hard reading, this deals with the subject of abuse and grooming by a person of power. This is such an important and relatable book that deals with issues around power, desire and the after effects of grooming so fantastically. The characters are complex, human and flawed and Kate Elizabeth Russell's writing is flowing and will hook you instantly. A must read.

Quite a dark read, not surprising the topic it covers. But it is quite disturbing and raises a lot of questions that aren't easy to answer. Very difficult to read, but also very hard to put down.

★★★✰✰ 3 stars

“I think we’re very similar, Nessa,” he whispers. “From the way you write, I can tell you’re a dark romantic like me. You like dark things.”


Recently I read a nonfiction book which claimed that when reading a book “However you get it, you’ve got it right”. When I read those words I found them vaguely patronising and equivocal. Case in point, in My Dark Vanessa the misreading of a novel has disastrous consequences.
When fifteen year old Vanessa is given a copy of Lolita by her forty-five year old teacher, Jacob Strane, she becomes obsessed with it and comes to regard it as a tragic love story. In her eyes Humbert Humbert is not a degenerate pedophile but an unlucky man who happens to fall in love with a twelve-year old girl.

“That seems the likely ending to this love story: me dropping everything and doing anything, devoted as a dog, as he takes and takes and takes.”


Narrated by Vanessa, Kate Elizabeth Russell’s novel opens up in 2017 when the #MeToo movement became viral. Vanessa, a disillusioned thirty-something concierge, is forced to re-evaluate her relationship to Strane after one of his former students, Taylor Birch, writes a Facebook post accusing him of assault. Although Vanessa is still in touch with Strane, the two are no longer ‘involved’, and she believes that “Everything [Taylor] wrote is a lie”. Yet, even as she tells herself this, there is a niggling doubt at the back of her mind. When Taylor messages her asking her to share her own experience with Strane, Vanessa finds herself wading back in time in order to re-examine her relationship to Strane.

“I know what he thinks, what anyone would think. That I’m an apologist, an enabler, but I’m defending myself just as much as I am Strane. Because even if sometimes I use the word abuse to describe certain things that were done to me, in someone else’s mouth, the word turns ugly and absolute. It swallows up everything that happened.”


In 2000 fifteen-year old Vanessa returns to her second year at Browick, a private school in Norumbega, Maine (although I don’t believe a town called Norumbega actually exists Russell vivid depiction of this fictional place makes it seem all too real). Vanessa is all too aware of being a loner. She feels that her red hair, her lack of friends, and her penchant for morose observations distance her from her peers, so it isn't all that surprising that Vanessa initially ‘responds’ positively to Strane’s attentions. He compliments her appearance and her writing, and soon enough Vanessa starts to believe that he is attentive because he thinks that she is ‘special’.
Vanessa regards her relationship to Strane as a consensual love story hindered by an age-gap. The only reason why she entertains the possibility of it having unethical is because he was her teacher. Yet, when Vanessa revisits her past, she does not always able to romanticise Strane and his actions.
The first few graphic scenes between them felt horrifyingly necessary. In spite of the superficial charm that Strane uses in order to make his abhorrent actions appear ‘darkly romantic’ readers are aware of his true nature. He is a perverted manipulator who masks his inclination for young girls under the guise of being a hopeless romantic, as if he is a blameless victim of love. He instills in Vanessa his own skewed perception of their relationship, he uses her own insecurity against her (time and again her reminds her that she is ‘special’), and makes her feel complicit. Often he draws similarities between them (for example he tells her they both have the same ‘darkness’) in order to make her feel as if it is ‘them’ against the world. Strane also uses Vanessa’s poetry against her as he attributes to her poems and verses mature and inappropriate meanings (for instance he calls one of her poems “sexy”...).
Strane also implements Lolita in order to introduce to Vanessa the possibility of an adult-child ‘relationship’, and while he often compares Vanessa to Lolita, he refuses to cast himself as Humbert (“Is that what you think I am?” He asks. “A pedophile?”).

The novel does a terrific job in portraying the power-imbalance between a grown man and a teenager girl. Strane uses his age and experience to manipulate Vanessa, often leading her to believe that she is the ‘boss’. His disgusting behaviour is rendered in minute detail as the author does not shy away from portraying him at his most repugnant.
Rather than ‘empowering’ Vanessa however he is disenfranchising her. He convinces her that she is ‘precocious’ and far more mature and independent that the other girls her age.

“Every first step was taken by him. I don’t feel forced, and I know I have the power to say no, but that isn’t the same as being in charge.”


While we are made to see how Strane manages to convince Vanessa that they are mutually complicit, two ‘dark romantics’, his charm never reached me. Everything he says and does felt wrong and illicit. While Nabokov’s Humbert Humbert admits to himself that he likes little girls, Strane seems to actually believe that he has fallen in love with Vanessa not because of her age but in spite of it. Yet, as present-Vanessa grudgingly realises, he would find it arousing to infantilise her and his attraction for her diminishes as she grows ‘older’.

“Like I was crazy. A stupid, crazy little girl. I get why you did that. It was an easy way to protect yourself, right? Teenage girls are crazy. Everyone knows that.”


While I think that this novel does an exceptional job in depicting Vanessa’s horrifying story of abuse (she would dislike my using this word but I call it what it is) I did not feel incredibly affected by it and for the most part I was disgusted.
Strane was the only character who struck me as believable...and he was a monster. Vanessa however remains more ‘blurred’. While this is surely somewhat intentional (the trauma caused by Strane has had horrific repercussions on her life and her sense of self) it also made it harder for me to believe in her as a character. Her dissociation and alienation are a result of her ‘relationship’ with Strane and his presence in her life is toxic , that much is clear. Still, she often makes out-of-character choices or big decisions without any distinct reason. There are two instances were she makes potentially life-changing decisions without articulating the reason behind her actions. Much was made of her ‘darkness’ but I could only see it as a consequence of Strane’s gaslighting her. Part of me wished that we could have seen her before him, perhaps during her first year at Browick. That way we could have gotten to know her on her own terms, and not as Strane’s victim (not that Vanessa labels herself as victim or survivor, in fact she hates these terms: “But that word, with its cloying empathy, that patronizing, flattening word that makes my whole body cringe no matter the context”).

At times there were moments were more could have been made of her personality. Even if Strane has forced her into taking on this role of ‘Lolita’, there could still be some traces of her own distinctive personality. Her job sadly seems merely to recount in an almost detached way Strane’s repulsive actions towards her. And if she is totally disconnected from her own self than I wish we could have been at least made privy to what she was thinking when she makes those potentially life-altering decisions (usually she just describes her movements or surroundings in these instances).
There are many other characters but they all blurred together. Once again this may be deliberate, given that Vanessa herself knows that she struggles keeping people straight in her mind. However, even during those scenes set in her past, I found that the characters to be lacking: there were a few named J-something and I could barely distinguish them from one another. Most of them seem to have been included only to say or do something to hurt Vanessa. Their motivations were sketchy and given that their personalities remain off-page, I had difficulties believing them.
Vanessa’s parents are incongruously depicted. Her mother seems to undergo three or four changes of character in the course of the novel. The father is totally expandable. Maybe if they had more page-time, I could have seen glimpses of their personalities and of their thoughts. Not only do we never know how they felt about their daughter’s time at Browick but the few times where we see their behaviour it seemed to be all over the place.

“So if someone doesn’t want to come forward and tell the world every bad thing that’s happened to her, then she’s what? Weak, selfish?”


While I appreciated the way the novel unflinchingly discusses sexual and emotional abuse, its praise and critique of certain aspects of the #MeToo movement, as well as its incorporation of texts (Lolita and Ethan Frome) and historical figures/anecdotes which can be used to normalise or romanticise ‘relationships’ between under age girls and middle aged men, I found that much of the narrative relied on explicit content. The first few times, as I already mentioned, I thought that however revolting these scenes were necessary. Needless to say, these scenes were not easy to read. Strane eroticises his fifteen-yearl old student and makes Vanessa believe that, like Lolita, she is ‘precociously seductive’. Although Vanessa tells herself that she enjoys this feeling of making a grown man sexually desire her, readers will have a less rose-tinted view of things. Although their first encounters are graphic, I did not see these as being included for shock value. However, as these scenes grew in number, I grew tired of them...they made me want to gag and to be repeatedly exposed to them seemed unnecessary. If anything they made the first explicit scenes less impactful.
Sometimes keeping certain things off the page isn’t a sign of ‘cowardice’ or ‘sensibleness’. If anything it requires even more effort to make your audience aware of certain ‘transgressions’ without having to actually to include them. For instance, in a recent episode of one of my favourite tv shows, a character is forced into the realisation that he was abused as a child. Rather than cutting to a tasteless flashback of this, the camera remains trained on his face, and viewers can see the incalculable hurt that this abuse caused him. His trauma, anguish, and despair are conveyed without the episode having to actually show this abuse happening.
Another example I can give is by the great Stephen King (who happens to have appreciated My Dark Vanessa more than I did, given that he described it as a ‘package of dynamite’) who in his latest novel avoids depicting in horrific detail a scene in which a child is tortured, cutting instead to the before and the after. Even if he doesn’t include e the ‘during’ scene, his readers can clearly see the harmful effects that this maltreatment has had on the child in question.
Sadly, I found that once I was 30% into My Dark Vanessa the graphic scenes lost some of their significance. They were so lurid that I could not see why there had to be so many of them. I get that some were meant to show us why present-Vanessa has such as distorted perception of her sexuality but when a story relies on numerous revolting sex scenes...I loose interest. I don’t find ‘splatter’ films to be good horror films, so perhaps it shouldn't surprise me that I wasn’t all that impressed with My Dark Vanessa.
Additionally this year I read two other books that deal with similar topics. What Red Was is a stark novel that depicts the lasting effects of rape on a young woman's mind, body, and life. I found that novel poignant and heart-wrenching. Promising Young Women instead tells an imaginative and subversive story of a relationship between a female employee and her boss. Those two novels resonated with me a lot more than My Dark Vanessa did. In Russell's novel, the only character that was truly believable happens to be one of the most disgustingly perverse characters I've read of in a while. For all her self-fashioning, Vanessa did not strike me as ‘dark’ or even ‘precocious’. For the most part she is passive and apathetic towards other people. In one scene she willingly stands by as one of her young colleagues is harassed by a patron. In those instances where she is spurred into action, I still could not understand her or her motivations. More could have been made of her sense of loneliness and of her fraught relationship with her mother.
The novel takes its time discussing the guilt she feels, and by the end I just wanted this novel to end.

“But it’s the truth, even if no one believes it. Driven towards it, towards him, I was the kind of girl that isn’t supposed to exist: eager to hurl herself into the swamp.”


Still, future readers should not be deterred by my not so positive review. So far most of the reviews for this novel are glowing and singing this book’s praises. Heck, even King liked it...so maybe I’m not the right reader for it...I can't help it but I found some of Russell's descriptions to be trying (eg: “dishwater blonde hair and granola clothes”) and I was frustrated by the way in which she would convey Vanessa's distress or her anguish (Vanessa bites her cheeks a lot).
There are some great discussions in here (about abuse, guilt, gender, power) and while this is ultimately a story of an uneasy self-reconciliation, it is one that is as uplifting as a work Joyce Carol Oates (ie. pretty depressing).

Wow, what a terribly emotional read. It had my heart torn in a million pieces and constantly needing to read more and more. I found it to be a very important read, especially knowing the lengths Vanessa went to protect her abuser, because as parents, administrators, teachers, friends, I believe we could truly learn from this book. Be ready to have your heart broke and be in different thoughts at different times, but also able to be thankful you can see it from outside instead of in.
Will make sure I buzz this book up everywhere!

My Dark Vanessa certainly lives up to its name; dark, absorbing and very disturbing. Vanessa is a small town girl with a scholarship for a preppy boarding school where she doesn’t fit in. She’s fallen out with her only friend and so, lonely, clever and vulnerable, she is delighted when her teacher singles her out. Soon his attention makes her feel special, validated and so when that attention gets physical, Vanessa is compliant, blocking out any unpleasant reality in order to keep hold of the power she tells herself she has.

Over a decade later other allegations against her teacher surface and a journalist tries to persuade her to tell her story but Vanessa refuses. It’s not the affair that’s responsible for her drinking and drugtaking, it’s not her teacher’s fault she’s not living up to her potential and instead is working front of house at a local hotel. She wasn’t abused, she’s not like the other girls, she was in a relationship and she chose to be there. That has to be her truth, because if she’s wrong, if she really lets herself examine the reality, then who is she? Just one of a series of victims, not special after all.

This is an unflinching look at grooming and control. It’s explicit, uncomfortable and all too real, a coming-of-age story for the Me Too generation. Written in the first person we stay with Vanessa as she is manipulated and seduced and raped, understanding her actions whilst repulsed and horrified by her situation. My Dark Vanessa is a difficult read thanks to the subject matter, whilst expertly plotted and beautifully written. Highly recommended.