'Maybe I'm so deprived, I misinterpret innocent favouritism as sexual interest. Maybe it's all in my head.'

Dark, gritty, and disturbing, 'My Dark Vanessa' blew my mind with the psychological foreplay, staying true to its name. Vanessa believes her enigmatic English teacher didn't force himself upon her at the age of 15, which is technically true. But the level of manipulation Jacob, this pedophile teacher is capable of, is beyond comprehension. When a story comes into the limelight, where another student is 'groped' by Jacob, Vanessa is forced to revisit what actually happened with her only to realize that she was indeed brainwashed into believing that she was his one true love and their chemistry was real.

The highlight of this story is how the lives of the survivors of such an abuse revolve around the same incident and they are incapable of letting it go because without it, their lives have no meaning. Vanessa has been taunted all her life for her 'affair' with a teacher, she was a social outcast and her parents did very little to pull her out of it. Eventually, she set down on a path of self-destruction, ruining the chances of a brilliant future. Vanessa strongly believes that what was between the two them was real and meaningful and as a reader, for a little while I 'had' to look at this story from her perspective, which again makes a lot of sense.

Nonetheless, Vanessa is severely affected by the entire incident, leading to a dysfunctional lifestyle and repeated mental breakdowns. This story will hurt you, again and again, but will also make you want to keep reading, in hopes of justice of some sort. The author draws multiple parallels from 'Lolita' by Nabokov, reminding us of Humbert, a selfish and cruel pedophile, hopelessly and mercilessly in love with Lolita.
This is a book that will wreck you, so pick it up only when you're prepared (though, you can never be prepared for certain kind of people this world holds). 'My Dark Vanessa' is a glimpse inside the head of a 15-year-old child and later, a 30-something-year-old adult, traumatized from one incident but also incapable of detaching herself from the memories and the toxicity.

This is an uncomfortable yet gripping read looking back from a grown woman's point of view looking back on an unhealthy and abusive relationship with her teacher 17 years earlier. It is a book of out times relevant to all the experiences of women revealed jn the me too movement.
Personally I found the subject matter difficult to read but I know that it is thought provoking and will open up many a discussion in book clubs everywhere.

An enjoyable and provocative read. However having read "Putney" a few years ago, I felt that outclassed it and dealt with similar issues in a more compelling way. Neither were pleasant reading experiences but that one out of the two stays with me. This one did offer interesting perspectives but it has not stayed with em in the weeks since finishing it.

I knew nothing at all about this book when I first turned its pages and had no idea that the nauseating subject matter would disturb me so much or stir up such intense emotions within me. I found it immensely uncomfortable and stomach churning. At that point, I almost put this book down never to finish it, but members of my book club urged me to keep going with it and I did. This reaction is unusual for me and is a testimony to the depth and power of the writing.

This is an extremely well written book, so much so, that the reader really gets inside the protagnist's head and can see the world from the victim's perspective. Did I enjoy it? Hmm! I don't think I would use the word enjoy, but it most definitely was an excellent read and one which will stay with me for a long time yet.

Many thanks to Netgalley for a copy of this ARC for which I have given my voluntary and unbiased review.

I found this a very difficult book to read and review.

The subject matter is extremely difficult to engage with and is obviously very dark. It's therefore hard to say I enjoyed reading it.

However, the writing is good and the author handles the subject carefully. She cleverly shows us how Vanessa is groomed without knowing it, then realises that she has been abused.

The fluid timelines help to show the lasting impact of the experience, offering a realistic insight into victims' lives.

It was a well crafted book but not one I took pleasure in reading.

My Dark Vanessa is a very intriguing novel. It’s a dark (as the title would suggest), disturbing, and very convincing portrayal of a teenage-teacher relationship, from the beginning, and its effects for so long afterwards.

The novel tracks Vanessa from her time at the boarding school where she was groomed for sex by teacher Jacob Strane, and their ensuing ‘affair’ – though it is of course more of an abuser-abusee relationship, seeing as Vanessa was only 15 years old when it started – through to Vanessa’s adulthood trying to come to terms with what happened to her. Because everything is told from her point of view, we really get to know Vanessa’s thoughts and feelings, and we see why she is so taken in by Strane and how he manipulated her so effectively, maintaining his hold over her even as an adult. I think this is partly why I felt the story was so realistic, or at least I imagine it to be – because we can see how something like this could really happen.

It’s so interesting to see how blind Vanessa is to Strane’s abuse of her, even as an adult. In certain scenes, where she meets someone who has been through something very similar, she completely refuses to awknowledge Strane’s guilt, despite now being old enough to realise. It demonstrates how taken in she is by him.

The story is well paced and I never fond myself bored, despite some parts of the story developing fairly slowly. Kate Elizabeth Russell’s writing flows so well that you forget you’re reading the inner thoughts of a fifteen year old.

My Dark Vanessa is a great debut and one which gets me excited about future releases from this author.

Talking about abuse is never easy. But how do you tell a story of abuse when you don’t realize you have been abused (even many years later)?

You tell a “love story” instead.

“My Dark Vanessa” is a disturbingly powerful read that focuses on the victim’s side of the story — except Vanessa doesn’t consider herself a victim. And this is why it’s so uncomfortable when we get to read from Vanessa’s point of view as an adult, her life in the present, the memories from the past, and the repercussions of being abused as a teenager. We are in her head.

Being in Vanessa’s head is not easy. It’s uncomfortable, painful. It makes us feel a wide range of emotions, from sadness to anger. Even frustration sometimes, a sense of injustice. Powerlessness, perhaps?

Can we help Vanessa? Well, we can’t. Because “My Dark Vanessa” is not a fairy tale. It’s a raw depiction of grooming, an awful story of a teenager who had been manipulated and brainwashed by a predator. That’s what’s powerful about this book. We get to experience the abuse through Vanessa’s eyes.

We all want to be “special”. We crave someone who sees what’s unique in us, who understands us, who “gets it”. Vanessa saw that in Strane.

The hardest part is to accept that despite being fictional, this story is also very real and raw.

For a book that is so hard to read, I surprisingly couldn’t put it down. It felt a bit longer than needed and I thought some details were unnecessary (too many rape scenes as well). Overall it was well written, the pace was appropriate, and you really get into Vanessa’s head.

A very horrifying and harrowing read. Because of the subject matter this was very difficult to get through at times, it’s really something that plays on your mind. I didn’t enjoy it reading it one bit, but it’s one of the best books I’ve ever read and is something I know I’ll think about often. It's a book I would recommend to everyone but at the same time caution anyone who picks it up to be aware of the content and make sure you read the synopsis first because this book hits unbelievably hard.

I’ve really struggled to articulate what it is I do and don’t like about this book. I’m usually so forthright and confident but I can’t quite figure this one out. It is a dark, uncomfortable and provocative novel that shows the 2-sides of sexual abuse and the misuse of power by adults. .

One side you have Vanessa, 15 years old, poetic and innocent. She is given power by her 42 year old English teacher Strane and becomes engulfed in the secret that they both share. Then you have Strane, who knows that he is attracted to young girls. He’s created a fantasy where Vanessa has seduced him and innocent Vanessa starts to believe that she has.

I think it’s an important book to read although the ending is leaving me frustrated!

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this one. When I think I’ve made my mind up on this book, it changes!

At this moment, I give it 3 stars.

I found the content of this book at times very difficult to read but I felt compelled to finish it. It gives graphic descriptions of how a young adolescent is groomed by a teacher so that ultimately he can sexually abuse her.
Vanessa feels unloved by her parents and not one of those girls who fits in with the gang but when her teacher singles her out and makes her feel special she is delighted.
Praying on her weakness he continues to groom her for his own satisfaction but little do they both know of the consequences it will have on both of them in later life.

This story was very intense and raw. Difficult to read at times. Kate Elizabeth Russell does an amazing job at depicting the horrific abuse Vanessa went through. Including the mental manipulation that even as an adult in her 30s she still struggled to live a somewhat regular life and struggle to accept what really happened. The power imbalance between Strane and Vanessa still in affect over a decade later.

The characters Strane and Vanessa felt so real. In Strane’s case disgustingly real. The way he always found a way to pass all the blame onto her. Making her feel guilty for questioning his behaviour.

“The power you hold over my life is immense. I wonder how it must feel to go about your day, masquerading as an average college girl, all the while knowing you could destroy a man with one well- placed phone call. But I still trust you. I wouldn’t send an incriminating letter if I didn’t.”

Even when she finally says it out loud to him.

“Well, it’s your fault, you know,” I say. A pause. “Ok.” “Everything wrong with me originated with you.” “Let’s not do this.” “You created this mess.” “Baby, go to bed.” “Am I wrong?” I ask. “Tell me I’m wrong.” I stare up at a water stain stretching across the ceiling. Finally, he says, “I know it’s what you believe.”

Strane even puts so much doubt into her mind. That it’s her fault if someone else shows interest. That she caused it. She is to always be blamed.

“Vanessa, stay away from him,” he says. I screw up my face, fake indignation. “What are you talking about?” “Be a good girl,” he says. “You know what you’re capable of.”

Throughout the book there are moments Vanessa knows the truth. But it’s like she is too afraid of what that truly means. My heart broke for her. She was so young and he preyed on her. Using her insecurities. Even up until the end. He never gave her a chance.

“I just really need it to be a love story. You know? I really, really need it to be that.” “I know,” she says. “Because if it isn’t a love story, then what is it?”

I can’t say I enjoyed this. This isn’t the type of book you enjoy. It’s a,book that leaves you uncomfortable. A book that stays with you. It’s so well written.

Throughout the book I just wanted to take Vanessa away from him. Protect her. Help her see the truth. Get to the point of acceptance. To where she can start to find a way through it. To stop letting him ruin her life.

Vanessa Wye is a fifteen year old student at a prestigious prep school when she firsts sets eyes on her new English teacher Jacob Strane.

Strane is Forty Five, a whole thirty years difference in age to Vanessa, and yet he still wants her, and she (she believes) is strangely drawn to him also.

When Vanessa enrols in an after hours English club to improve her overall school profile, she does so with an ulterior motive, of getting closer to Strane.

At first Strane is subtle in his pursuit of Vanessa, pointing out paragraphs in books for her, bringing her his 'favourite' texts to read, and then he becomes bolder, placing a hand on her knee when she's sat at his desk, telling her he'd like to kiss her goodnight after a school Halloween party.

He knows that he has gotten inside Vanessa's head, Vanessa of course thinks that she is the one pursuing Strane, that he cannot possibly be interested in her, an ordinary fifteen year old girl with no friends.

Of course, that is precisely why he is interested in her.

Seventeen years later and Vanessa is working in a hotel when she hears that Strane is being accused of sexual abuse by another former student at the school Vanessa went to. Vanessa cannot believe what she's hearing. Strane wouldn't hurt anyone.

Their relationship was consensual, and loving. She is sure of that.

Until she isn't.

As more allegations come to the surface, Vanessa is forced to rethink everything about the past seventeen years of her life, and she may not like what she discovers.

My Dark Vanessa is a brilliant, hard hitting and thought provoking novel that will unsettle the reader, but must be read.

My Dark Vanessa is a book that has been on my radar since early 2019. At the time, a 2020 publication date felt soooo away! The more I heard, the more I wanted it. Well... it's 2020 and I have now finally read it. What did I think? Did it live up to the hype I had created?

Vanessa Wye is 15 years old when she enters into a relationship with Mr Strane, her English teacher, who is 3 times her age. Vanessa sees their relationship as love where as readers, we see that she has been groomed by the predatory teacher and is being abused, both physically and psychologically. When other girls come forward with their stories of abuse at the hands of Mr Strane, Vanessa is adamant that she is different. She wasn't abused, she was in love. Wasn't she?

My Dark Vanessa is a deeply uncomfortable read and whilst I didn't want to put the book down, I also had to put it down to give myself a break from it. It is not an easy read; its actually quite dark and disturbing. As a reader, you see first hand the manipulation and gaslighting that Vanessa is subject to over the course of the novel, as it flashes back and forth between the past and the present. The effects of the abuse are still present several years later, as Vanessa often relies on drink, drugs and meaningless sex, unable to move on from him and the memories. As you can imagine, some scenes between Vanessa and Mr Strane are graphic and stomach turning and I felt physically ill. I did find that putting *those scenes* to one side, the novel is well written with some verses striking a particular chord with myself. However, if we turn back to a negative note, I thought the ending was quite rushed and didn't seem to follow the same style as the rest of the book. It felt a bit - oh.. that's it? I could have read at least another 100 pages..

The infamous novel Lolita is heavily referenced in the book, and the title of My Dark Vanessa is in fact taken from a poem from the same author. There seems to be an inference that readers will be familiar with Lolita, which I wasn't. Personally I don't think it took anything away from the story, however if you are familiar with Lolita (perhaps you've read it fairly recently), you might be able to read further between the lines.

My Dark Vanessa is not really a book I would wholeheartedly recommend to a friend as something they HAD to read, as I felt SO unsettled and uncomfortable by it. On the other hand, I cannot deny that it is one of those books that will get people talking. My Dark Vanessa is going to be a book that pops up a lot in book clubs as its ripe for dissection and discussion.

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go read something a bit more.. nicer.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publishers for this arc. I’ve heard many good things about My Dark Vanessa so was elated to read this, however, upon finishing it my feelings are very conflicted.
This told from the POV of Vanessa alternating from her present timeframe - where she is in her 30s and works as a concierge at a hotel, and in this #Metoo era the story about her high school teacher is being pursued by a journalist - and her past when she’s 15-years old and moved to a prep school where she meets Jacob Strane, her English teacher and the two embark on an affair.
This was a frustrating, emotional and draining read. The prose is bleak and harrowing. Being in Vanessa’s head felt claustrophobic. For much of the novel she romanticises her traumatic relationship with Strane, even as an adult she’s in denial about it, which was frustrating nonetheless shows the rawness and messiness of the situation. I did struggle reading this, though, due to the lack of plot. Much of the book is in flashbacks and I much preferred the present day narrative situation. I was also repulsed by all the sex scenes between Vanessa and Strane which after awhile got repetitive and felt gratuitous. Reading this I was reminded of Precocious by Joanna Bernard which is also about a relationship between a teacher and student and has a similar now and then timeline structure. To be honest, while I commend the author’s efforts and intentions, I just felt like the book doesn’t say anything new on women’s sexuality and dealing with trauma. I wanted to like this book more than I ultimately did. However others may feel differently. This book will be polarising and it’ll interesting to see the debates it provokes amongst readers. Definitely a book club read!

My Dark Vanessa is the harrowing tale of fifteen-year-old Vanessa Wye’s relationship with her forty-five-year-old English teacher, Jacob Strane, and the lasting impact it has on her life. It also examines themes of consent, coercion and manipulation, and asks what is it that makes someone a victim. It also forces the reader to look at their own preconceptions and the prejudices that are often found when these situations come to light.

The story is told from Vanessa’s perspective, both as an adult and teenager. In both timelines she is under Strane’s spell and believes it was a great love affair rather than abuse. But when another of Strane’s former students claims he abused her, Vanessa is forced to reconsider if it was really love and whether she was a willing participant in a loving relationship or a victim of abuse.

Kate Elizabeth Russell has written a novel that is powerful, compelling, timely and thought-provoking. Eighteen years in the making, it feels like this story has come at the perfect time with the rise of the #MeToo movement and the increasing number of victims who are finding the strength to vocalise their experiences. She addresses the nuances of this movement, the pressure put on victims to come forward even if they aren’t ready, and the way the tide can turn so quickly in how they are portrayed.

This isn’t an easy read. The book contained some graphic, nauseating and unsettling scenes of what I consider to be abuse and a number of times I had to put down the book and stop reading for a while. After one particularly distressing scene, I was left feeling utterly broken with tears running down my face. At these times I was especially glad that I was reading this as a buddy read as I was able to talk through my feelings with my reading buddy.

It has been said that Vanessa is an unlikeable character, and it’s true, she’s not particularly warm or bubbly, but I think the decision to make her so complex made the story all the more compelling and real. Victims of any kind of abuse often don’t see what is happening for a long time, if at all, and Vanessa wouldn’t have begun her affair with Strane if it had been obvious to her. Reading her desperation to be noticed and loved by him as she was unwittingly groomed was heartbreaking. In her adult years we see the immense damage he has done to her psyche, her unwillingness to see the truth and tear down the house of straw she’s built in her mind and heart. I couldn’t help but wonder if she would ever be able to heal.

It was heartbreaking to read her desperation for him to notice her, want her, like and love her, as her feelings are misdirected towards a man who has groomed her.

The real unlikeable character was the manipulative, predatory, and vile Strane. But even he has layers to his character and has an awareness that what he wants and does is wrong. He tells himself it’s true love, that they are soulmates, that she is in control and sets himself boundaries. These are all designed to negate the wrong he is doing and reassure himself that he can’t help it and that he is being ‘good’. The tragic part about Strane is that I think he truly believes these things; even when he’s saying the most awful things to scare her into complying or saying it to another girl, I think in his mind it’s actually all true. This made him someone I detested but also, as much as it pains me to say this, pitied very slightly. He was a sad and pathetic man but also a loathsome predator and there were so many times I wanted to reach into the book and do him actual physical harm for what he did to Vanessa.

My Dark Vanessa is the most dark and disturbing fiction book I have ever read. But it is also a well-written story that offers an insight on the intricacies of the dynamic between an abuser and their victim and on the #MeToo movement, filled with characters, situations and emotions that many will recognise. Just be prepared for a distressing read.

Apologies for the delay in the review of this stunning, dark and gripping debut. I had to put it down a few times because the exchanges between Vanessa and her teacher were so uncomfortable and reminded me of so many incidences I've heard from friends. This is a novel every parent of a teenage girl should read, ditto every headmaster/mistress of a school too. It is dark, uncomfortable and yet it brilliantly portrays the subtle manipulation involved in grooming a teenage girl. A difficult read but a necessary one. Kudos to the author for pulling this off. It's a triumph and I have recommended it to many girlfriends.

I didn't particularly like this book's content, and I don't think the reader is supposed to, but I found it compelling and even when I was revolted by what was happening I had to keep reading.
Possibly a little over long but one I won't forget in a hurry

A dark, powerful, blistering debut novel. My Dark Vanessa is not an easy read. Most of the characters are pretty awful, being inside Vanessa’s head is frustrating and the justice I desperately wanted for her didn’t quite materialise, but this is a really interesting look at the life-long affects of abuse and the system that allows it to happen.

It’s a beautifully written novel about a horrific situation, and if you’re likely to be affected by stories of abuse then read with caution as it’s fairly graphic in places.

WOW! What a book! Such an important subject and something that is happening on a daily basis. We are very quick to judge people and say they should have put a stop to things or should have told someone but can we really judge if we are not in their shoes?
I was fascinated by the psychological aspect of the story, how Vanessa tried to make excuses for her behaviour and also for what was happening to her. She hated what was happening but also could not get enough of Jacob. It's like a mix of Three women and My Absolute Darling.

It is a very dark and disturbing read and definitely not for the faint-hearted.

Wow this was an emotional read and also very gripping - I had heard about the book so I knew a premise of what it was about but it was still a difficult book to read. The story of Vanessa is told in a dual narrative both from her point of view - one when she is 15 years old and the second when she is in her 30's. I couldn't put it down and when I was finished I was left with lots of questions. I think that this book will stay with me for a long time yet - fantastic book so well written