Quite a difficult story line to read to be honest, but sadly that’s part of life. I thought it was well very put together and well written.

Thank you NetGalley for my complimentary copy in return for my honest review.

My Dark Vanessa puts you in the head of Vanessa who at 15 has sex with her English teacher and build within her the idea of this grand love story. However 32 we see the effects this has had on her life and when other women come forward to say that they have been abused by the same English teacher Vanessa focuses in on her life to question all that has happened.
This book is not an easy read. It does not shy away from the details of what happens to Vanessa. There is not let up from her thoughts and feelings as you are constantly in her head. This does make for compelling reading.
My only criticism is that the book is maybe a touch too long.

https://medium.com/@LexBrookman/recommendation-my-dark-vanessa-by-kate-elizabeth-russell-6286013b9cab

My Dark Vanessa is really strong stuff. It is a powerful novel about a girl who is brainwashed into believing that her abuse is love. Vanessa's affair with Jacob Strane ruins her life while he is free to abuse vulnerable girls again and again. This book made me so angry about what was done to Vanessa, and reinforced over the years. It as if Vanessa has been poisoned by her teacher, and cannot live a normal life. The Vanessa that she ought to have been has been killed, emotionally. It is so well realised and really puts you into Vanessa's head and heart. Five stars.

#Gifted: I obtained this arc for free via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

*Trigger Warning*

This book contains references of rape, death and drug use.

Personally what drew me to the book was the fact I have spoken to some older men online over the last couple years who made me question how good natured they were.

It was a disturbing read (I found myself only wanting to read 10-20 pages over a day) yet well written. A traumatic topic openly addressed.

The chapters move between 2000 and 2017, which ultimately meet up by the end of the book. It’s this kind of back and fourth that brings out a strong reaction in the reader. It had me thinking about the strangeness of adolescence: the juxtaposition of being a child but constantly told you’re the now and future…

Vanessa, now an adult, dealing with the rape of her fifteen year old self.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

This book has been on my radar for months so I was interested to find out if it would live up to it’s advanced praise and it certainly did. My Dark Vanessa is not an easy book to read. It is dark and it is disturbing but it is also essential reading which will leave a lasting indelible impression on it’s readers. The book follows Vanessa both in the past, when she was 15 and had an intimate relationship with her english teacher, Jacob Strane and also in 2017 as a 32 year old woman in the midst of numerous allegations against powerful men and also against Strane himself.

My Dark Vanessa is incredibly complex in the way it portrays Vanessa’s story. I recently read an article in The Guardian featuring the author, Kate Elizabeth Russell and I think it gets straight to the point of what I think is so powerful about this book. Russell talks about not giving in to the pressure to create a ‘likeable victim’ which, to be honest, Vanessa is not. Vanessa is difficult to warm to, stubborn and generally unsympathetic to abuse victims, all of which makes her character hard to empathise with. But the point is, why does a victim’s personality or likeability make any difference whatsoever to what has been done to her? It’s an interesting question and one I’ve been thinking about a lot since reading this book. I liked that My Dark Vanessa is entirely from Vanessa’s point of view and never crosses into the perpetrator’s psyche. Strane is a detestable man and his manipulation and grooming is so obvious to the reader, but Vanessa’s perspective shows us how insidiously clever men like him are in the way they make it seem like everything is the victim’s choice, assigning them the allusion of agency to lessen their own disgraceful behaviour in their minds. It is so crucial to witness this behaviour in a way that, whilst uncomfortable and anger-inducing, is also so very important.

I could go on and on about how well written and nuanced My Dark Vanessa is but honestly I would just say – read it. It is so current, challenging and deserves a huge amount of praise and attention for starting a very difficult conversation.

Unfortunately this was a DNF for me 😕 I got to 25% and really, really struggled with the subject matter.

A 40 something teacher grooms and seduces a 15 year old girl from his English class. The subject matter, the personalities, the denials, the innocence taken, the repercussions were all a little too much for me. From the get go, I really wasn't sure I would continue and it just left me feeling really uneasy, uncomfortable and tbh a bit horrified at the thoughts of it all, which I suspect is the whole point.

I absolutely commend the author's writing though as the subject matter came through vividly and piercingly depictive and graphic and it takes a talented writer to evoke such emotions in me as this book did in the quarter that I read.

Brilliant, brilliant read. Really disturbing but unable to put it down. Not an easy read and uncomfortable at times but a must read. Highly recommended.

'If I never met Strane, I probably wouldn't have ended up all that different. Some boy would've used me, taken me for granted, ripped my heart out. At least Strane gave me a better story than that.'

Meet Vanessa. When she was 15, she began a sexual relationship with her English teacher. Other's might call it abuse, but Vanessa knows they're wrong. Mr Strane didn't abuse her. He loved her. At least, that's what she's thought for the last 17 years. But now it's 2017, and Strane has been accused of sexually abusing another former student. Forced to question everything, Vanessa must revisit her past, and face up to the fact that what she thinks of as her great love story might actually have been something far more complex.

Wow. What a book! This is honestly one of the most challenging, confronting and complex books I've ever read. But it's also one of the most important, given that it focuses on what is arguably a very timely and relevant issue. Indeed, this is a very nuanced and unique perspective on the 'me too' movement, and the cases that may not fit the black and white labels of rape and abuse, but instead fall into the grey in-between.

Vanessa is a complex character; a young woman who isn't entirely likeable, and initially appears to have a somewhat questionable sense of morality. But as the novel develops, and you learn more about her past experiences, it becomes clear that so much of Vanessa is based upon and informed by the abuse that she experienced. When viewed through a different light you see how she is in fact a vulnerable woman who struggles everyday with the aftermath of the trauma she experienced. I also felt that she represented an often overlooked element of childhood sexual abuse - the fact that sometimes, you miss it when it's gone, and that does not make you a bad person. Vanessa's entire identity is based around Strane, her experiences with him, and perhaps most importantly, how he made her feel. Her relationship with him took place during such formative years that it of course she will struggle with forming an identity that is distinct from the abuse she experienced - if she moves on from who she was, then who will she be?. As such, it felt incredibly authentic to have her struggle with positioning Strane as an abuser - if he is an abuser, what does that make her? Does she have to be a victim? Why do others not see her agency in what happened to her? Is there something wrong with her for still wanting him, for missing him? All incredibly valid questions that are often overlooked, and I think for that reason alone this book is incredibly important.

Another real strength of this book is that it forces you to question yourself and your beliefs, and those small excuses that we as a society have grown so skilled at - but she said yes, she's nearly old enough, she had an orgasm, she wanted it... So many times throughout the book Vanessa excuses the abuse she experienced, and I think the one that stood out for me most was when she said that what happened to her wasn't 'rape rape'. How many times have you heard of survivors being questioned over how hard they fought, or how much force was used, as though only truly violent rapes qualify for being referred to by such a word? It really made me reflect on how we as a society almost seek out ways to excuse abusive behaviour, and also the impact that has on victims and how they position themselves in relation to their past.

Overall, I was thoroughly impressed. Russell has created a truly astounding book, that is difficult and challenging but also incredibly important. This is a book that will make you question yourself, your beliefs, and the beliefs of those around you, whist also making you reflect issues relating to abuse that are often overlooked. Perhaps the most important question this books raises is this - are those who are abused always victims, or do they have agency in their decisions? By having Vanessa be an active participant in her relationship with Strane, Russell creates a narrative that is uncomfortable and often unspoken, and in doing so forces the reader to truly challenge themselves. This is a book that needs to be read - there are no easy answers to the questions it contains, but perhaps because of this, it is a book that has the potential truly make a change in those reading it.

Disclaimer - I was fortunate enough to receive an advance reading copy from NetGalley. This has not affected my review in any way, and all opinions are my own.

This book... wow.

I know I will never forget my experience of reading this.

My Dark Vanessa is dark and twisted but so important. It follows Vanessa at different stages of her life - at school at 15, at college a few years later, and then as a thirty year old trying to make her way through life.

At school she had a relationship with a teacher and in this book we see her deal with the impact this has on her life. Can she come to terms with what the relationship actually was, or does she continue to see it as a loving and meaningful relationship, her first love?

5/5 - it disturbed me hugely but I could not put it down.

It’s quite difficult for me to talk about this book, because it deals with subject matter that I find very difficult. Not because of any personal trauma, but because of stuff I have had to deal with in my professional life which has led to any kind of sexual abuse being a big trigger for me.

My Dark Vanessa is graphic, that’s one of the first things to say about it. It is also an incredibly strong portrait of what happens to a 15 year old girl when she is steadily groomed and abused by a teacher, a man in a position of power over her; a man in in loco parentis.

Vanessa is a bright young woman who wins a scholarship to a boarding school. She finds the new environment a bit daunting and is slow to make any friends. Jacob Strane is 42 years old and an English teacher.

He singles Vanessa out for special attention, flatters her writing and commends her poetry. Sickeningly, he lends her Nabokov’s Lolita which will become their ’special’ book. Vanessa is wooed and beguiled and believes herself to be in love even as this predator is physically abusing her.

My Dark Vanessa is an exploration of what happened to that 15 year old girl, told through her own voice and spans the period when she was at boarding school together with a shift to the present day, when we meet the 32 year old Vanessa who is a complete mess. She drinks, smokes dope and sleeps with wildly unsuitable men. Any thoughts of an academic or postgrad career vanished long ago and now she works as a hotel receptionist in a dead end job.

Somehow, Vanessa has managed to hold onto that childhood belief that she was in love; that she was special, that anyone else who said they had been abused by Strane had no idea what they were talking about.

Because Strane, accused of abuse when Vanessa was his pupil and who got Vanessa to take the blame, has once again been accused. 17 years later, he stands accused by another former student of abuse and Vanessa is still making excuses for him. Vanessa is a mess though. She has conversations with herself and others where she plays out variations of the truth to try them out for size. She kept a blog, naming no names, where she tried to write out what has happened to her. But she can’t admit to herself what somewhere deep down she knows to be true, that her life has been a lie. She has to believe in a love affair, even though a part of recognises that’s not what really happened.

The strength of this book is in the writing and in the way that Vanessa is portrayed. Time and time again as she thinks about her relationship with Strane, she strains at recognising the awfulness of this situation, only to be unable to face it and to retreat into the ‘love affair’ version.

Sadly, Strane is not the only predator she meets and unlikeable and chaotic as she is, her most awful moments come when she is asked to stand witness for other women in condemning Strane. It is then that we see her sense of alienation and self-delusion hanging by a thread.

A couple of years ago, Sofka Zinovieff wrote about child abuse in Putney – a nuanced, delicate book that was incredibly thought provoking. My Dark Vanessa is much more of a blunt instrument and as such is quicker to rouse a deep visceral reaction and I experienced real rage as I read it.

Verdict: My Dark Vanessa is brutal, nauseating, anger- making and important. It shines a light on the subtleties of coercive control in abuse cases like this where the age gap is so substantial and young girls are so used to sexual imagery around them in ads, and songs. I could not say I enjoyed it, but I found it powerful and challenging and most importantly, truthful.

I found this quite a difficult read the story of Vanessa being groomed and sexually abused from the age of 15 by her English teacher at boarding school. The story is of how this abuse affected her into adulthood and she did not achieve her full potential in the academic world.

I did find half way through that the writing became repetitive and seemed to lose it's way a bit. Having said that I would recommend the book..

Thanks to NetGalley and 4th Estate Books for the ARC for which I have given my voluntary and unbiased review

This was a lonnnnng book. I lost interest about halfway through and had to force myself to keep reading. I felt nothing much for any of the characters which was a shame and I think that’s why it took me so long to read. It probably could have been half the length and packed an even bigger punch.
Obviously the subject matter is a difficult one and it’s not a ‘enjoyable’ book but I thought I would be hooked and truly invested in the story but, sadly it wasn’t what it was hyped up to be.

I don t know how to review this book as it’s subject matter is very disturbing but the writing is brilliant. The way the story has been split between young Vanessa and grown Vanessa is very clever as she doesn’t see herself as a victim but as a reader you just want to protect her. I like the fact that Vanessa doesn’t want to be involved in the Me Too movement as she sees her relationship as love and not grooming/child abuse. This throws up conflicts and moral dilemmas which caused me to stop and think.

Kate Elizabeth Russell expertly brings together past and present in this disturbingly wonderful story of a relationship between student and teacher.

In 2001, Vanessa Wye, a 15-year-old scholarship girl in an elite boarding school, is flattered when English teacher Jacob Strane, 42, pays her special attention. A sexual relationship soon develops and Vanessa finds herself very much in love for the first time. Strane exploits Vanessa’s intelligence and her naïveté, and their not-so-discreet relationship is eventually reported to the headteacher. Vanessa suffers the consequences, while Strane’s career is unaffected.

At 32, Vanessa is working as a concierge in a hotel in Portland, Maine, and seeing a therapist to deal with her grief over the loss of her father. When she discovers that another former student at the school, Taylor Birch, has filed a complaint against Strane for sexual misconduct, Vanessa is forced to re-evaluate her love affair with Strane.

In a narrative that goes back and forth in time, the reader learns that Strane has continued to be at the forefront of Vanessa's mind. She has invested so much of herself in him over the years that he has become her identity. Vanessa has never seen herself as a victim and has no wish to start doing so now.

My Dark Vanessa is an immensely powerful, challenging and thought provoking read. Kate Elizabeth Russell’s character development is masterful, as is her dialogue and I would never have guessed this is a début novel. I have no doubt that My Dark Vanessa will be a bestseller. Very highly recommended, with confidence.

I received a complimentary copy of this novel from Fourth Estate via NetGalley at my request, and this review is my own unbiased opinion.

My Dark Vanessa tells the story of a troubled affair between a 15 year old and her teacher. It was a dark tale of manipulation, sex, abuse and lies. The title is absolutely perfect and it fits the story completely.

I liked the book as it revolved around a topic I haven't read much about in novels. It was interesting to learn about the different points of view between the characters. How Strane manipulates Vanessa and how she feels attracted to attention and praise. It made me wonder: is this abuse? is this rape? Would it be okay to report it?

It's a complex tale that speaks to the reader and makes them think about this subject. Complicated and slow paced, it was an interesting read and made me realise the thin lines that separate consent from dissent.

An incredible read. A story that horrifies and astonishes and fills one with sorrow and thankfully a glimpse of hope.

A woman reflects on an illicit relationship with a teacher which started when she was 15 years old. She is determined to see it as a love affair, denying the evidence of abuse and manipulation but events and forgotten memories begin to challenge that view. The toll on her emotionally grows and her relationship with the world and her understanding of herself are limited by that period in her life.

There are scenes that made me so angry at the level of deceit perpetrated by the teacher and despair at Vanessa's willingness to placate him. But understanding grows that this is how abuse happens and remains unchecked, ignored through the complicity of institutions, the cowardice of adults to challenge authority figures and the devious ways in which abusers transfer guilt and responsibility to their victims.

This is an important novel, an anti-Lolita, which lays bare how woman are abused, even at the point when they confront their abusers. A powerful narrative that left me breathless and astounded.

I found this a very difficult book to read. It was very well written but the subject matter, a 15 year old student having a relationship with a 45 year old English teacher. The predatory nature of Strane was a very disturbing read as the reader could see what was happening but Vanessa seemed oblivious and thought she was in love. A powerful and gripping novel. Well done Ms Russell.

This astonishing debut is the chilling portrayal of calculated abuse of power by a teacher on a vulnerable 15-year old girl. Kate Elizabeth Russell hits exactly the right tone in her exploration of wilful manipulation masquerading as love. I found My Dark Vanessa, compulsive, disturbing and skilful. A brilliant catalyst for discussion, a must for all women book groups.

Vanessa Wye is now 32 years old, unable to move forward but equally cannot go back as she is still trapped in the memories of her first love. When she was 15 years old and her English literature teacher Jacob Strane is in his 40's - he grooms his way into her thoughts and processes until he is all she sees and hears. A small part of her is aware what they are doing is wrong but he manipulates her into thinking its her ideas, her wishes and her wants, he is happy to do what ever she wants.

Vanessa, during a therapy session with Ruby her counsellor, who is helping her get over the death of her father - finally admits bits and pieces of her past. As it all comes tumbling out that Strane phoned her then killed himself as he was being investigated.

As we switch seamlessly between high school in 2000 and current day we hear Vanessa's side, she didn't see a predator, she saw a man who she thought cared deeply for her