This wasn’t an easy read, but that is not to say it isn’t good.

Vanessa is a complicated main character, I found myself never really liking her and at times wanting to throw my kindle across the room in frustration at some of her thoughts and actions. But this is where the writer shows that she truly understands what her main character is going through. Vanessa is conflicted, not thinking herself a victim when we the reader know that she definitely is, and this made a novel dealing with such a controversial subject matter so absolutely compelling.

Really well written, I enjoyed how the different timelines all interspersed to create the full story.

Thanks to netgalley for this copy in exchange for an honest review.

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell
This is a very difficult story to read as you know from the outset the damage which this relationship between Strane and Vanessa will wreak in her life. We first meet Vanessa aged 11 at boarding school. She is a girl with few friends. Her one close friend has a boyfriend and now she is alone. Her mother tries to encourage her to make friends with other people as do her teachers. Taking their advice she decides to join a literary group. However there is only one other member of this group which is led by her 42 year old teacher.
The teacher begins to compliment her to tell her how special she is and she begins to seek him out. He uses the literature of the greats to beguile and seduce her. She is lonely and he pays her attention when no-one else does. This is a dangerous combination he is basically grooming her and inevitably the relationship becomes a sexual one. When Vanessa is 32 and seeing a therapist to help her to cope with her father’s death Strane is accused, by another pupil , of sexual abuse. Her story is posted all over Facebook and initially Vanessa defends her relationship with Strane.
Vanessa believes that she entered into a sexual relationship with him willingly and that in many ways she led the relationship. She believes that they had a very special relationship and indeed they are still in contact. Her relationship with Strane has been the most important in her whole life.
My reasons for not giving this book a 5 star rating would be that I felt it was overlong and some of the descriptions of sexual abuse I found too explicit and too emotionally challenging to read. Many thanks to Net Galley and the publishers for the opportunity to read this book in return for an honest review.

Vanessa is an ambitious and bright 15-year-old.
Jacob Strane is her 42-year-old English teacher.
But their relationship goes way beyond teacher-pupil boundaries.

The story, exploring the disturbing relationship between a naive teenager and her manipulative teacher, weaves between the present and the past and is told through Vanessa's eyes. We witness all that Vanessa goes through firsthand and learn how she perceives their relationship, and as she revaluates her experience we learn how it affected her future relationships and life in general.
This is a brilliantly written, dark, and compelling story that is unsettling and might be difficult for some to read.
That said, I found it very slow. It actually felt unnecessarily drawn out, and I think that it would have been better suited as a novella.
I conclude that this book simply wasn't for me, hence the rating.
However, it is a striking debut, and if you're not sensitive to the subject matter, you should definitely give it a go.

Disturbing, unsettling, dark, My Dark Vanessa focuses on the titular character who, in her view, had a loving relationship with her teacher from the age of 15.

Switching between timelines detailing the grooming and the abuse then the effect it has on Vanessa as an adult the reader follows as she realises, maybe everything wasn’t as she remembered.

I found this book well written but not an easy read due to the subject matter.

I'd seen this book on a couple of lists of "books to read in 2020", so had a look on NetGalley to see if it was available - and it was!

Here is the blurb:

"An era-defining novel about the relationship between a fifteen-year-old girl and her teacher
ALL HE DID WAS FALL IN LOVE WITH ME AND THE WORLD TURNED HIM INTO A MONSTER
Vanessa Wye was fifteen-years-old when she first had sex with her English teacher.
She is now thirty-two and in the storm of allegations against powerful men in 2017, the teacher, Jacob Strane, has just been accused of sexual abuse by another former student.
Vanessa is horrified by this news, because she is quite certain that the relationship she had with Strane wasn't abuse. It was love. She's sure of that.
Forced to rethink her past, to revisit everything that happened, Vanessa has to redefine the great love story of her life – her great sexual awakening – as rape. Now she must deal with the possibility that she might be a victim, and just one of many.
Nuanced, uncomfortable, bold and powerful, My Dark Vanessa goes straight to the heart of some of the most complex issues our age."

Firstly - this is not an easy read.  It's dark and disturbing and I could see would be a trigger for some people who've been in a similar situation.  That said - it is also a very good read.

It flicks between present day (when Vanessa is 32 and working a pretty dead end job in hospitality) and back when she was a teenager and first crossed paths with Strane.  As the reader you can totally see how Strane groomed and abused Vanessa - but in her eyes it was the love of her life.  It then follows her life through the intervening 17 years - and how her entire life is entwined with the abuse she suffered / her great love affair - depending who you are.

I think the fact Vanessa was a similar age to my eldest daughter made it all the more difficult to read - I could empathise with her parents - as well as with Vanessa herself.

Vanessa is just so totally blind to what is happening to her - and really feels that Strane is in love with her and caring for her and only doing what she wants - it's desperately sad.  You can see this affects her relationships with all of those around her - family, friends, men, future lecturers, colleagues.

When Strane is accused by another girl of abuse - Vanessa has to question what happened to her too - but still she sees it as a great romance, and that she was far more special to him than anyone else has ever been.  The grooming was exceptionally well done.....

Lots of famous literature is quoted, as Strane is an English teacher - in many instances where there is a similar type of relationship - like 'Lolita'.  I've never read this and wonder if there were more references that I would have understood if I had?  But it didn't detract from my understanding of the book.

In this era of #MeToo it does make you stop and think more about the older powerful man and the younger vulnerable woman keen to impress.  (Actually - one of the jurors in the recent Harvey Weinstein trial has reviewed this exact book on 'Goodreads' which made it to the press for the similarities with the legal case).

This is thought a provoking and well written book, and I was keen to find out what happened  - but it was not an easy read, and some of the sex scenes are quite graphic - although probably needed to be in the shocking context of the book.

Many thanks to the publishers and Net Galley for my advance review copy.

The author does am excellent job showing the long-term effects of Vanessa's abuse - from the relationships she has with her family and the lack of friends she appears to have, to her education and career choices, her sexuality, and even how she sees and defines herself.

The novel educates the reader on an important topic - how a victim is able to fall for an abuser. Vanessa is a child who is coerced and taken advantage of simply because she's scouted as the lonely girl she is. Strane allows her to feel important, wanted, needed And has convinced her he's a good man. She's an exception and her soul is so "tempting" that he just can't stay away and does a "bad thing". The novel promotes an understanding of the individuals who may or may not come forward with their stories and why it may take so long.

The novel's length could have been a bit shorter. Some parts are repetitive and maybe even unnecessary to the plot or character development.

I would recommend the book. I think it has a lot of important things to say.

I haven't been as uncomfortable reading something in a long time; this is dark, very dark. It is also excellent. Really well written and totally convincing. The complicated feelings of a woman as she comes to terms (or doesn't) with the fact that the 'relationship' – that she considered to be consensual – with her teacher, was in fact grooming and rape. If she admits to herself that it wasn't consensual she also has to admit that she is a victim and accept the consequences of that.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for this e-copy in exchange for an honest review.

This is one of those books that's so uncomfortable you actually feel nauseous reading it. Detailing the relationship of a 45-year-old teacher and his 15-year-old student, MY DARK VANESSA is compelling, incisive and brutally honest. I expect this will be one of the most talked about books of 2020.

Many thanks to 4th Estate and Net Galley for an ARC of this book in exchange for a review.
This is a dark book, which of course the title does indicate, it’s a little disturbing and difficult to read in places, but as a reader I was drawn in to the story about 15 year old Vanessa and her English teacher, 42 year old Jacob Strane and their affair which continued until she was 21.
He tells her from the beginning “I am going to ruin you”.
Vanessa tells her story so vividly, she doesn’t see herself as a victim., she is grateful for his attention and love, but she definitely is a victim Her teacher lured her in to his web of darkness, stole her innocence. So many emotions while I was reading this book, anger towards Jacob Strane and the headmistress at the boarding school, he lured her in towards himself but the headmistress didn’t investigate enough when a concerned father reported his concerns.
Other girls come forward and accuse him but Vanessa refuses to believe them, she believes Jacob and herself belong together and that he only has eyes for her.
Even though it’s a disturbing read, I would recommend it and it is extremely well written, would be an excellent choice for a book club read as there is a lot of material for group discussion.

My Dark Vanessa was unlike anything I’ve read before. At times I literally felt sick to my stomach and so angry I could scream. I’ve never read a book that made me so uncomfortable.

Told from the point of view of Vanessa, a 15 year old girl, who “falls in love” with her 42 year old English teacher, we get a unique insight into her mind and how she doesn’t believe she was abused because they were in love. Despite that it’s also clear, through Vanessa’s narration, that she knew what was happening wasn’t right. She talks about having to believe it was a love story otherwise how could she cope. How he would ask a question but he wasn’t really asking.

My heart broke for her. She was a scared, young girl, away from home in a new boarding school and he (yes I despised him so much that I’m not even going to use his name) manipulated and abused her. There is no other way to look at it in my opinion and although Vanessa convinced herself that she wanted it and agreed to it, as the reader we know that’s not true.

“I’m nothing, no one, nowhere.”

How incredibly sad and lonely is that. It’s obvious, even before the abuse, Vanessa is depressed and vulnerable. Then he comes along and robs her of so much: her youth, her sexuality, her confidence, her trust. But still she doesn’t see herself as a victim. However when another former student accuses him of sexual abuse she is forced to relook at their relationship and consider if it was indeed rape and abuse.

As we alternate between various times in Vanessa’s life (15 years old, 22 years old, 32 years old) we see the physical, mental and emotional repercussions of her “love story”. The impact this has had on her whole life. We see how she was let down by so many people. People who should have done something, anything, to stop this abuse from continuing. People who knew something wasn’t right. Her teachers, her classmates, her mum! There were so many opportunities to stop him from continuing to sexually abuse these young girls but instead most people turned a blind eye or chose to believe it wasn’t happening. This all made me so angry!

But feeling so much emotion is testament to the author. The writing was powerful, compelling and engaging. The story disturbing and complex.

In a time where sexual assault and abuse are covered in the media on an almost daily basis, this story gives you an insight on what it’s like to be at the centre of the storm and how easy it is for men in positions of authority to abuse their power.

It’s not difficult to see why this book has generated so much attention and I’m sure that will only continue to grow once it’s released. One I recommend but please be aware this was a distressing read (trigger warnings for sexual abuse, rape, grooming, mental abuse)

4 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Thank you to the NetGalley and the publisher (4th Estate and William Collins) for providing a copy. All opinions are my own and provided willingly

Dark and immersive. This book had me hooked early on. This is the dark and disturbing tale of the manipulation a bright and lonely young girl and the ramifications of has in the rest of her life.

A tale of love (undeserved, coerced, manipulated and terrifying) and loss (of innocence, potential and any real future).

I do feel this book lost it's way at the very end but maybe that is more a reflection on the main character and her own arc.

Wow, Incredibly powerful and very disturbing and heartbreaking. A gritty story exploring the world of grooming. I’d definitely recommend, it’s not an easy read but a very worthwhile one

A sensitively written novel about a modern thorny issue of grooming. Shocking. Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers

This debut novel is one you are going to need to talk about. I think it will be an excellent conversation starter with plenty of different viewpoints; a particularly good choice for Book Clubs. It is based on child abuse. Or is it? There we go; straight away there will be conflicting views. What is child abuse? Can it be called child abuse if both parties are adamant that they are in love? I have very strong views on this subject and they are based on my own experiences and they will never change.
Vanessa Wye is being educated in a boarding school (as I was). She is gifted in the subject of English and her English teacher, Jacob Strane, claims that he has fallen in love with her. She is so flattered by being treated as ‘special’ and to be the subject of such devotion. Her teacher tells her she is beautiful in every way; alluring, incredible and intelligent and that he cannot help himself, so within the blink of an eye they embark on a clandestine physical relationship, using many different excuses to be together and enjoy the fun they have.
Vanessa is convinced it is love. She cannot get enough of him. It is not abuse it is everlasting true love. She sacrifices herself when rumours start circulating, insisting the mumbled accusations are not true. Her life is altered and will never be the same. But he carries on as normal. She is humiliated and has to leave the school but still she sees him secretly and the relationship flourishes.
The novel is loosely written in dual time frame and is not always managed chronologically. I found this aspect very confusing and disturbing. The first thread is about Vanessa as a fifteen-year-old student and the second frame sees her as a thirty-two-year-old mature woman living a chaotic life on minimum pay, struggling to live on her wages, eat, pay the rent and live comfortably like she did as a child. She is a mess: she drinks too much and kids herself that she manages her drug use. Her flat is dirty and neglected; she is still unmarried and still believes that Strane is the great love of her life. But is it true?
She is urged to tell her story, but solidly protects Strane, even when he is accused of abuse by other girls. She feels the knife of hurt and disbelief and believes they were not special like she was. She goes over and over their relationship and in the wake of breaking news she is forced to re-evaluate her previous thoughts. Was it true love or was it indeed rape? That is for you to decide when you have read Vanessa’s story.
I somewhat floundered a few times throughout this novel. It felt like it had more than 386 pages to read. The story was jumping here and there timewise and I found it very difficult to identify with Vanessa. I loathed Jacob Strane and thought he was a manipulative, cunning monster. What he was stuck out like a sore thumb. What was Vanessa thinking? I thought she would wake up. Her promising life as an academic was ruined by him. I would have been so angry with him. In fact I am angry with both of them. The novel has been introduced as ‘The standout debut novel of 2020’ and it may well be. It is thought provoking and very much ‘the novel of our times’. I cannot get it out of my mind.
I received this novel through my membership of NetGalley and from publisher Fourth Estate all in return for an honest review. This is my 3.5* review. All the opinions are my own with no influence from other parties. There are many injustices in life and I felt a great frustration for what Vanessa went through, albeit she didn’t see it that way. She didn’t recognise the nuances and subtleties of Strane’s behaviour and thought she was actually acting appropriately. That is the greatest misunderstanding in Elizabeth Russell’s first novel. It’s a 3.5* review from me.

Wow. Oh wow. Thought provoking, uncomfortable, troubling, gripping and completely unputdownable.

Such a necessary book for our times in its examination of the nature of toxic, predatory relationships. Where the victim is made to believe that they are the responsible for the abuse (mental and physical) they are subjected to.

I found this book referenced on Must Read lists for 2020 so was pleased to get an advance copy before what I am sure will be an avalanche of praise for a blockbuster debut. My Dark Vanessa was both a pageturner and impossible to finish in one sitting- the subject material and descriptions of sexual abuse are unashamedly raw and honest but Vanessa herself I found hardest to take.

"...isn’t that what consent is, always being asked what you want? Did I want him to kiss me? Did I want him to touch me? Did I want him to fuck me? Slowly guided into the fire – why is everyone so scared to admit how good that can feel? To be groomed is to be loved, tended to, handled like a precious, delicate thing."

In this book we as readers are confronted with some grim realities about the confusion of childhood sexual assault. Vanessa adopts the persona of Nabokov's nymphet to both normalise and romanticise her situation. Even as her potential crumbles away she denies her own victimhood and most heartbreakingly, that of other women like herself. As she dismisses the groping of a fellow alum as 'not that bad' I was reminded of the many women even in the public eye whose grievances were ignored not because they were invalid but because they had the bad luck not to be raped by penetration. Their claims "not that bad" considering the real monsters walking the world. The author gives us the opportunity to witness and judge for ourselves, throwing into stark terms just how important it is to recognise not just sexual abuse, but smaller abuses of power too.

This is a phenomenal debut that I found utterly compelling. The story is told purely from the perspective of Vanessa who is recounting the sexual abuse she experienced from her teacher when she was 15 years old. The book explores Vanessa's conflicted feelings about what happened in such a nuanced and authentic way that never feels preachy, or that the author is trying to manipulate your emotions, and the story is all the more powerful because of it.
Thank you to Netgalley and 4th Estate for the ARC.

My Dark Vanessa is an incredible book (even more so as it’s a debut). It is uncomfortable. As it should be. The premise is smart but sadly not uncommon - naive 15 year old girl has a relationship with a 40-something year old man, in this case one of her teachers. He is manipulative. She is impressionable and deeply changed by their interactions. Spool forward c.20 years and others come out the woodwork making allegations against the teacher. Told across the 2 timelines, we watch the relationship develop and unfold as society wakes up to power imbalance and sexual predators amidst the #metoo movement.

I sat on this book for a few weeks as I was a little nervous that it was too soon to fictionalise such events. However this is a must read. It is a book that will make you think and stay with you. Dark and with depth, brilliant characterisations and deftly told, I would highly recommend. A 4.5*

With thanks to Netgalley, 4th Estate and William Collins for an advanced copy in consideration of an honest review.

Trigger warning, this book contains graphic sexual abuse.

As a school librarian I would recommend this as a modern companion read for the 6th formers who have read Lolita.

As an adult reader, I found this book both very hard to read (due to the very detailed abuse included) but also very hard to put down due to it's addictive storyline, however shocking that may be. The characters are frustrating but that adds to the readability, and makes you think hard about the experience of victims, abusers and those around them.

It is certainly unforgettable.

I'd recommend reading Asking For It by Louise O'Neil next, for a different but again important book about teenage sexual assault.

My Dark Vanessa is a disturbing, provocative, powerful and stunning debut novel. The pupil teacher relationship changes subtly. He's seeks Vanessa's approval, yet he's always the one in control, manipulating.

The story runs on two timelines – present day when the 'me too' movement emerged, and going back to when Vanessa was boarding at High School at the start of her relationship with Jacob Strane.

This is not a gratuitous sleazy story. It is very well written and gets to the crux of grooming (Jacob Strane is a master of grooming). It shows how the process is often misunderstood, misinterpreted that a consenting schoolgirl knows her own mind, is in full control of a situation with a man three times her age. Her friends knew, the school knew, her mother knew, yet nobody did anything. And then there's the guilt, Vanessa feels guilt. This is a masterpiece.