"What Have I Done' by Laura Dockrill is a memoir of surviving postpartum psychosis.

This memoir is both heartbreaking and inspiring. It tells the story of Laura Dockrill's journey to recovery after suffering from postpartum psychosis after giving birth to her baby. This is a very honest and heartbreaking story but one that needs to be told to raise awareness of this illness.

A well written and emotionally packed story of being mentally unwell and coming out the other side.

Highly recommended.

Thanks to the author, publisher and NetGalley for allowing me to read in return for a review.

Wow. This book moved and challenged me - it's a powerful, emotional read but an essential one. I'll read anything Laura Dockrill writes, but in particular, this is an incredibly brave piece of publishing and a book I couldn't put down.

Due to a sudden, unexpected passing in the family a few years ago and another more recently and my subsequent (mental) health issues stemming from that, I was unable to download this book in time to review it before it was archived as I did not visit this site for several years after the bereavements. This meant I didn't read or venture onto netgalley for years as not only did it remind me of that person as they shared my passion for reading, but I also struggled to maintain interest in anything due to overwhelming depression. I was therefore unable to download this title in time and so I couldn't give a review as it wasn't successfully acquired before it was archived. The second issue that has happened with some of my other books is that I had them downloaded to one particular device and said device is now defunct, so I have no access to those books anymore, sadly.

This means I can't leave an accurate reflection of my feelings towards the book as I am unable to read it now and so I am leaving a message of explanation instead. I am now back to reading and reviewing full time as once considerable time had passed I have found that books have been helping me significantly in terms of my mindset and mental health - this was after having no interest in anything for quite a number of years after the passings. Anything requested and approved will be read and a review written and posted to Amazon (where I am a Hall of Famer & Top Reviewer), Goodreads (where I have several thousand friends and the same amount who follow my reviews) and Waterstones (or Barnes & Noble if the publisher is American based). Thank you for the opportunity and apologies for the inconvenience

This kept me up at night. Honest and painful, a really important book for post partum psychosis. I’m sure it is one that will help many people in years to come.

I downloaded this book a few months after giving birth but couldn’t bring myself to read it until my child was almost two as I was scared by what I would read. What I found was an incredibly powerful account of postnatal desperation and psychosis. This book is so important and explains what the author went through in a touching and often humorous manner. Which was a complete surprise to me. It was easy to read which is essential if you’re going through it yourself. A must read for anyone, whether you identify with any of the subjects raised or not, you will know someone who is. The book also includes really useful guides to mental health. Thank you for writing this powerful book.

Having experience with PPD personally, found this book startling raw, honest adn emotional.
Dockrill has a beautiful way of describing such a personal and emotionally draining account of postpartum psychosis, and draws attention to a medical condition that needs much more understanding.

Terrifying and powerful, this book will help so many people. so beautifully written too. it is an eye opening experience on the mental health of new mothers, something dangerously under discussed

After an uneventful pregnancy, Laura's labour and birth were not as she had envisaged and she was left shell-shocked and incredibly sleep deprived. Even in this postnatal fog, Laura and those around her started to observe very out-of-character behaviour which was more worrying than the baby blues and which could not even be explained as postnatal depression. What followed was the rapid onset of a mental health crisis which saw Laura becoming so unwell she had to be hospitalised.

This deep dive into postnatal psychosis is harrowing and unnerving. Dockrill is searingly honest about her experience, and at times I had to come up for air. As someone who also has mental health issues, I felt how thin the line can often be between good and ill health. Laura's retelling of her time in psychosis and treatment felt almost touchable, and so this was not always a comfortable read. However, she also holds your hand as you walk with her through her memories, reassuring you of her recovery and the light that does exist at the end of the tunnel for any woman going through a similar experience. She is funny and has such a warmth to her writing, that it is almost as if you're sitting with her in her living room, sipping coffee as she talks directly to you.

It's a rough ride, but a vitally important story to be shared.

Requesting this book not long after giving birth was a curious decision, and it's sat on my e-shelf for a long time before I could turn to read it, and it is - as everyone says - a must read.

"Mourning the death of me", it's a hard line to read. Exceptional to read as a mum, I'd imagine illuminating and insightful as a non-parent also. Breaking the stigma around this topic and raising true understanding of what it's like, the spectrum of feelings an experiences post-partum, is so important.

Dockrill is a British children’s author. Her style reminded me of others of her contemporaries who do a good line in light, witty, warts-and-all, here’s-what-it’s-really-like-to-be-a-woman books: Dolly Alderton, Caitlin Moran and the like. From a labor that quickly deviated from her birth plan due to an emergency Caesarean to the usual post-baby blues to full-blown psychosis, Dockrill recreates her experience with fluid dialogue and italicized passages of her paranoid imaginings. Her memoir resembles Cho’s in its broad strokes but also in certain particulars, like imagining surveillance cameras and hearing a voice in her head telling her she is a bad mum. I skimmed this one because of a library deadline and because of an overload on similar content. I had a greater affinity for Cho’s literary style compared to the more between-girlfriends, self-help bent of this memoir. With the glossary and resources at the end, though, I’d say this one would be more useful for someone going through the same thing. (3.5 stars)

Wow ...... what a book would highly recommend you are guaranteed to have different emotions, some parts made me smile, while alot had me crying, thank-you to Laura for writing this book hopefully it will help people understand postpartum psychosis

This was very honest in a grueling way. There are some parts which feel out-of-character and a little odd but that's the nature of post partum psychosis. That's right, Dockrill goes from post natal depression into full-blown post-partum psychosis and you are there for the ride. I am personally firmly child-free and read this as part of confronting my fears. I'm glad I did. Even if you're into children though, this could be a 'useful' read. The ending is hopeful and the overall tone is not overbearing negativity-a good balance was struck.

Raw, brave and powerful, this memoir of postpartum psychosis is compelling and vivid. A strong and powerful book that shed light on a subject I knew little about. I can only imagine how vital this book would be for a mother who has felt the way the author did. I believe this book will save lives.

Wow! So moving, powerful and yes, brave. Thank you Laura, for sharing your experience with such honesty.

Startling, necessary, important. A very good memoir on postnatal psychosis, worth reading for everyone who had a baby, might have a baby, or knows someone who will have/has had a baby.

Frankly terrifying account of her post partum depression and psychosis, which absolutely comes out of nowhere for many people. A lot of her thoughts at first are the relatable worries and woes of all first time mothers but it quickly spirals into something much more scary and problematic. Writing is great and really honest, I’ve never read anything on this topic before and it’s essential reading.

Wow.

The word 'honest' really is the perfect descriptor for Laura Dockrill's What Have I Done?. In fact it's pretty impossible to review, because it's filled with raw emotion and is an extremely candid look at the way that post-natal mental illness (particularly postpartum psychosis) can completely destroy what should be the happiest time of your life.

As a mother of two, I found myself thanking my lucky stars that both of my births were (comparatively) easy to Dockrill's experience, and that I was able to enjoy the first few months with both of my chunkos. Post-natal depression was one of my biggest fears during pregnancy - I've always suffered with anxiety and suffered with depression when I was younger - so to see the way that it impacted someone who came from a background with no mental health struggles was eye-opening and filled me with so much sympathy for anyone experiencing any mental health issues following a birth.

I read the first half of this book in one sitting, wincing and flinching as Dockrill described the birth of her son Jet, but the second half of the book is so hard to get through because Dockrill's desperation, pain and paranoia seeps from the page straight into your soul. If you've experienced post-natal mental illness and want to read the experiences of someone who is in the same boat as you, I highly recommend this one, but alternately if you just want to learn more about this misunderstood aspect of motherhood then I'd recommend it too. Dockrill does a brilliant job of raising awareness of the differences between post-natal depression and postpartum psychosis, and her honest recounting of her experiences with therapy and medication shows that it is possible to get better, and there are cures out there - no matter how impossible a return to 'normality' might feel at the time.

This book has touched me on so many levels with the fearless and searching moral inventory Laura has documented.
I have bi Polar, depression and anxiety and I can relate to so many parts of her journey and medications she was prescribed.
It is an honour to read her journey and the great strides she has made into recovery and getting the bond with Jet that she so desperately wanted to feel.
Absolutely beautiful book, I have nothing my respect for Laura!

This book is about postpartum psychosis, which is related to postpartum depression, but even if you have not suffered from it, the book is very relatable to anyone who has had mental health issues or knows someone that has.

The way she narrates, how she explains how her brain was processing everything that was happening after such a frightening birth, made her reactions and fears make sense, even during the darkest moments of her journey. I appreciated the fact that she says that one of the main things leading ultimately to her recovery was reading books about other people's experiences with mental health, as I find myself reading very therapeutical. Loved her family and partner and how much support they all gave to her. I also appreciated the practical advice as well, especially at the end of the book.

Highly recommend this book, especially during Mental Health Awareness month!

💕💕Book Review💕💕
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What Have I Done by Laura Dockrill. Published by @randomhouse .
A memoir that is raw, honest, bare, truth and close to the heart.
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Laura talks about her journey of becoming a mother and how she suffered with Post Partem Psychosis and not realising it.
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She has laid bare everything that both she and her family went through. Also her treatment and recovery.
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It is an unspoken illness that needs some much more awareness than it gets. It’s a silent and very lonely place to be for any suffer. Not only are you trying to fight the voices but also you are trying to look after your new born.
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What Laura has achieved is a very honest, raw , personal experience of this illness. .
I encourage you to read this. It isn’t an easy read but that’s not it’s aim. The aim for this book is to raise awareness.
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It’s out now.