This book deals with a very sensitive topic so as expected it is a very emotional read but I also found it very moving and at times very uplifting too. A great debut novel and I look forward to reading more from this author.

Sylvia is diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 38. She fights, but eventually she realises that she’s running out of time and she hasn’t long left. The biggest worry for her is the realisation that her children, Megan and Jude, will be growing up without a mother but also that her husband Paul will be struggling with life. So she writes him a „user manual“, a kind of a guide to help him when she’s gone – it’s not only about raising the children but also a kind of a memoirs and persmission for Paul to move on. Will he manage on his own?

I think that because of the fact that we know right from the beginning that Sylvia is dead, we were supposed to like her and sympathise with her. And I felt bad that I am not able to like her and sympathise with her. The pieces of advice she was giving to Paul were a great idea though truly, through her words I couldn’t find any warmth in her. She was too self – concentrated for my liking and mostly I couldn’t understand her choices and decisions.

The story is written in the „Now“ and „Then“ chapters intertwining with each other, giving us a chance to get to know the characters, giving us the insight into their past but in the end I had a feeling that we didn’t get to know the characters, either in the past, or in the present – it felt too superficial.

The book felt very dry. I was expecting tons of feelings and emotions but I got neither, to be honest. I had a feeling that the author herself didn’t connect with her characters, that she didn’t like them, so how was I supposed to like them? For me they didn’t show any emotions. It was as if they themselves didn’t like each other and yes, I know, it was like in real life, with all the ups and down, with likes and dislikes, better and worse days, we are not perfect, sure, I really get it, but on the whole it was too cold and clinical for me.

Altogether, it is a poignant story about the fragility of life with extremely interesting concept. It deals with grief, shows the importance of love and honesty and touches upon complicated and complex family dynamics and there are some really important messages in it. This is this kind of book that will make you wonder „what if“ and you will be putting yourself in the characters’ position, hoping you will never find yourself in their shoes. A book with a great potential and premise, promising debut novel, I’ll be looking for more from Rebecca Ley in the future.

Because there’s never enough time to say goodbye. Sylvia knows that the breast cancer is terminal. She has so much to say to her husband Paul about their life, their children, Megan and Jude, her mum, Barbara, and sister, Tess, she writes it all down in a manual for Paul for when she's gone.

The chapters in FOR WHEN I’M GONE are divided up into THEN, NOW and SYLVIA’s MANUAL. The 3 periods tell the story of this family from the beginning - THEN when Sylvia and Paul meet - NOW after Sylvia has died and SYLVIA'S MANUAL. The story is woven well and flows seamlessly between the times.

I particularly enjoyed reading the chapters from SYLVIA'S MANUAL. It is Sylvia’s open, honest, frank reflection and observations on life. Her hopes, dreams, regrets, shoulda, woulda, couldas, asking forgiveness and revealing secrets that have long been buried. It is raw, tender and emotional. For me, this is Sylvia's autobiography.

FOR WHEN I’M GONE is also an exploration of motherhood: Sylvia’s relationship with it and her reaction to it, her mother, Barbara’s experiences, Tess becoming a mum.

I was in two minds about reading this book. My dad died suddenly 3 years ago so I wasn’t sure how I would react to it. It wasn’t until I finished it, that I appreciated how beautiful FOR WHEN I’M GONE is. It is a powerful and accomplished debut novel and one that will stay with me for a while.

Sylvia and Paul were like chalk and cheese that everyone thought wouldn’t be able to make a relationship work but they had been perfect for each other. Sylvia was the one with flare and sparkle, carefree and the risk-taker while Paul was the sensible steady one, the rock in the relationship. They had faced heartbreak in their marriage that had been too hard for even them to talk honestly about but they had survived and were bring up two very different children. Their daughter had a sweet nature, a little reserved and gentle while their son had his problems and faced daily struggles. All of their lives were to change the day Sylvia found a small lump on her breast. She needed to prepare the family not just for her death but for life after she was gone.

I loved the imperfect Sylvia who wasn’t at any time portrayed as a saint, she had flaws, she had made mistakes and she had a secret that she had never been able to tell her lovely husband Paul. There is something of Sylvia in everyone, the mum who doesn’t always know best and gets it wrong sometimes, the uncertainty of her choices and the fear of what the future has for her children.

I loved how her family weren’t perfect. Sylvia writes a guide book for Paul and it wasn’t something that could ever be used as a template for anyone else. This was all the small things that were particular to their lives. The words to use to get through to their son, the special treats as bribes that work. The little things that make their family tick.

The story goes from past to present, to a time when Sylvia has died and the guide book which holds not just the things Paul needs to know but the things he didn’t know about her.

Beautifully written, honest, raw and perfectly flawed.

I wish to thank Tracy Fenton, NetGalley and the publisher for an e-copy of this book which I have reviewed honestly.

For When I’m Gone tells the story of Sylvia Clarke, in her late thirties, who has terminal breast cancer. She’s married to Paul and they have two children, Jude (5) and Megan (8). She was an embryologist at a fertility clinic on Harley Street. Paul is a vet and the couple met 10 years ago when Sylvia brought in her injured pug, Ted, which had been attacked in the park.

Sylvia decides to write a manual for Paul for when she’s gone; a how-to guide to help him navigate the tricky times that will be ahead as the children grow up. She writes about all the little things that will be useful for him to know and the emotional load that comes with being a mother. She wants to pass this knowledge onto her husband and support him. Her comments are amusing and poignant – she tells Paul which school mums to avoid and suggests who will be keen to get closer to him when she dies. The manual is like a conversation from Sylvia to Paul, with little snippets and memories of their life together.

The book is written in the ‘Then’, with viewpoints from Sylvia and Paul, and the ‘Now’, as Paul and the children struggle to cope with what’s happened and try to move forward with their lives, interspersed with entries from Sylvia’s manual.

We learn all about the events that lead us up to the current day; Sylvia and Paul’s individual pasts and the various events that make up the couple’s relationship and their life together. It’s a fascinating insight into the elements that make them the people they are. It includes all their experiences over the years: the positive, happy moments, as well as the more challenging, difficult times.

The portrayal of Sylvia is very realistic and honest, and we get a full picture of her character and what she’s like. Sylvia seems so normal and she’s not perfect by any means. She had a bad falling out (the reasons for which are revealed later on) with her younger sister, Tess, has a difficult relationship with her mum, Barbara, who left both her children when they were very young (9 and 7), and is still mourning her dad, William, who died the previous year and brought the girls up by himself. The sisters are very competitive and Tess is a free spirit and rather different to Sylvia.

To add another dimension to this compelling and tragic story, Sylvia is hiding an awful secret and the truth is revealed to Paul as the story progresses.

Overall, I really enjoyed this touching novel and was thoroughly absorbed reading Sylvia’s personal and honest thoughts on life as she courageously faced what was to come and left a few bombshells along the way! It was poignant, moving and heartbreaking but also uplifting and full of hope. Sylvia’s strength of character shone through and, with her caring, thoughtful personality, she left her family in a strong position to get through the toughest of times, even though there’s never enough time to say goodbye. Such a fascinating and thought-provoking book and I look forward to reading more from the author.

This book was one of so many where its publication was delayed by the pandemic, and that really must have been such a frustrating experience – especially for a debut novelist. But now it’s available, the early reviews are stunning – and well deserved. It’s a novel with exceptional emotional authenticity, and packs a really powerful punch – it’s also immensely readable while confronting some really serious issues.

The book’s construction is very clever indeed, with Sylvia’s clear voice through the pages of her “manual” interspersed with “Then” – which takes the reader back to Sylvia’s childhood and through all the ups and downs of her relationship with husband Paul – and “Now” where we follow Paul through his grief and beyond following her death. I loved the manual itself – not just a set of instructions for the children’s upbringing and where to find all those important little things he’s going to need, but also a powerful love letter, and an opportunity to share a deeply-hidden secret. As a portrait of grief and loss and attempts to move forward, the “Now” was so well written, very real and particularly moving.

I’d love to say I thoroughly enjoyed the whole book – but I have to reluctantly admit that it wasn’t entirely the book for me, although that wouldn’t prevent me from recommending it wholeheartedly to others or giving it plenty of stars in all those important places. I’m a little older than the average reader, and found it really difficult to identify with Sylvia’s experiences: I don’t have children, and there was a heavy focus on the dynamics of the family and the whole experience of motherhood that made it all a less than comfortable read for me. I’ll also whisper that I really didn’t like Sylvia very much – I suspect she might be an acquired taste for many – although it didn’t stop me feeling deeply for her at so many points in her narrative.

The supporting characters are excellent – Paul’s “conventional” mother and Sylvia’s mother Barbara (who’s many miles away from conventional) added an extra dimension to the focus on motherhood, there’s the complex relationship with sister Tess, Sylvia’s friendship with Nush, and the interesting introduction of housekeeper Natalia (and her motivation for stepping in as she does). The children too were beautifully drawn: Megan, withdrawing into the background a little, breaks your heart – Jude is a bigger challenge, and wonderfully complex.

I’ve spotted comparisons with the writing of Maggie O’Farrell – that must be a dream fulfilled for any new author, and I don’t think I’d particularly disagree. Give it a try – see what you think…

(Review copied to Amazon UK, but link not yet available)

This one started off really slow for me. You know that Sylvia is terminally ill and she’ll be leaving behind her husband and children, so you know there’s going to be a big emotional impact. And while there were moments, that really packed an emotional punch; as Paul reads her ‘manual’ mixed in with flashbacks from their time before she became ill and to the now, but unfortunately they lost their power. I found it hard to connect with Sylvia. Her story is packed full of grief and the important message that life is short and you shouldn’t take anything for granted, but she is a very flawed character.

⚠️ Reader caution and potential spoilers ⚠️ Deals with stillbirth (the description of and the after effects and bullimia, which some readers might find upsetting.

So this book jumped onto my radar on Twitter, and I just knew it was going to be sad. One of my biggest fears has always been dying young and leaving my husband and children, thinking about having to leave them letters and cards for special birthday and weddings. It breaks my heart. We lost my Grandma to breast cancer almost 16 years ago now, she was my favourite person, and it still hurts so much. This book just broke my heart. I cried at least 4 times, and went to bed after finishing it still thinking about Sylvia and her family.

The cancer and death side of the story plays a huge part, obviously as it’s the main storyline, but there are other things going on. Each chapter moves back and forth from then and now, and has Sylvia’s Handbook chapters. Sylvias handbook chapters were really sad to read, but uplifting at the same time. She lists things she wants to make sure Paul still does once she is gone, and in her own way, it is giving him her permission to move on. In the ‘then’ chapters we find out a lot about Sylvia’s past, how she and Paul met, her family, and in a twist, a secret she has been keeping for a while. In the ‘now’ chapters, Sylvia has passed, and we see the heartbreaking way life has to go on for Paul and their 2 children.

The book for me, made me feel sad and happy in equal measures, but I guarantee By the time you get to the end I assure you, you will be weeping.

A great debut, and I look forward to reading more from Rebecca in the future.

This has been a heart breaking read for me personally, as I lost a very close family member to this awful disease in April this year, and could relate to Sylvia. One message this book gave me is that life is very precious and live every day as if it is your last. This is a very hard subject, written about in a sensitive way by Rebecca.

Because there's never enough time to say goodbye...

When Sylvia is diagnosed with cancer at the age of 38, she believes she can fight it, she has major surgery, but it's not enough and she's just been told that she doesn't have long left. Paul is an amazing dad to their two young children, Megan and Jude, but she knows it will be a struggle for him to go it alone as a single parent, so she writes him a guidebook to help him when she's gone, covering everything he needs to know about raising their wild loving son and even what to give their gentle daughter on her 18th birthday, but also capturing parts of their marriage so that he can look back at it and never forget her. There's a secret though, that she's never revealed to anyone, and she saves this till the very last pages, a past demeanour that will reveal her to Paul in a whole new light, how will he react to this, but more importantly how will he continue without her?

This is a very moving story and truly depicts a mothers love for her family, the fact that she's dying, has very little strength, yet still manages to create a guide for her husband to continue to look after their children, creating as little disruption in their lives as possible, losing their mother is going to be hard enough as it is. The story is told across two timelines; Now, portraying how the family are coping with Sylvia's illness and untimely death, and Then, where Sylvia takes us back to the past; her childhood, meeting Paul and their lives before tragedy struck. It's a very poignant tale and the author has delivered it to the reader beautifully, very sympathetically and with compassion, highlighting the fact that nothing in this life is given, that we should make the most of what we have and live for the moment, because tomorrow is never promised. This is a great debut and I look forward to reading more by this author. Highly recommend.

I'd like to thank Orion and Netgalley for the auto approval, I will post my review on Goodreads now and Amazon on publication day.

Sometimes life really throws a curve ball. For Sylvia it was breast cancer. She was a flawed wife and mother of Megan and Jude, but saw her life about to prematurely end. She writes her husband a manual to be read after she's gone. Little tit bits for raising their children. Letters for her loved ones.
Sylvia also decides its time to tell Paul a secret she's kept for years.
Such a beautifully written book. Touching on a subject that most of us mothers fear. Leaving our children to soon. You will have a tear in your eyes when you read this. A very poignant story. High praise for Rebecca Ley
Many thank to the publisher and Netgalley for the ARC in return for an honest opinion.

I loved this book. This is a beautifully written memorable story. It is emotional and heartbreaking. It is also thought provoking and almost comforting. There is a lot of raw emotion which makes everything seem so real.

Thank you to Netgalley for my copy.

I read this book in one sitting...I RARELY do that.

Sylvia is a 38 yo, married with 2 young children and is diagnosed with terminal cancer. This is a story of her how-to manual/autobiography left behind for her husband Paul. It’s told in alternating chapters of Then/Now as well as the written manual.

This is a story about real, flawed characters told in beautiful, true-to-life prose by a gifted author. These are messy, far from perfect characters who only begin to see what’s important and valuable in life as one of them is losing their grip on it. I laughed, cried and highlighted more passages than I have in recent times. It wasn’t a perfect book...the characters could be annoying, and it was perhaps a little long in the telling. But it touched me and I know will remain with me for quite awhile.

Thanks very much to both #NetGalley and #Orion for providing me the ARC. The opinions are strictly my own.

A great book with great ideas and a wonderful story line. The characters were well thought out and portrayed beautifully. Would definitely recommend.

This was a very emotional but enjoyable read. The journey it takes you on is heart breaking but so true to life. I fell in love with the characters, especially Sylvia.

A highly recommended read for all.

Thank you Orion Publishing and Netgalley.

Beautifully written, heart breaking story but also uplifting in someways. Really gets you thinking . Loved this book.

Sylvia knows that she's running out of time – the breast cancer ravaging her body & soon she will only be a memory to her loved ones. She struggles to come to terms with the fact that her children will lose their mother but knows that her husband will struggle most, not only in terms of parenting the children but in running the house, so she writes him a “user manual” for when she’s gone. In it, she captures the mundane of the everyday, but also leaves practical hints. It’s part love letter, part permission to move on & part things she should have said years ago.
The ”blurb” suggests that there is a big secret that she reveals in the story – I didn’t really find that.
I enjoyed this but it didn’t grab me. It was quite slow paced, but the characters developed well & it’s a nice gentle tale of love. There are some difficult subjects but it doesn’t aim to sensationalise anything.

Disclosure: I received a copy of this book free from the publisher via NetGalley. Whilst thanks go to the publisher & author for the opportunity to read it, all opinions are my own.

A heartbreaking read which kept me wanting to keep reading more to wanting to sit there crying for the suffering and heartbreak cancer brings to the life’s of families.
Beautifully written and although have the tissues at the ready, I highly recommend.

If you ever need a reminder to highlight just how fragile life is then this book will surely do that!

Written in the Then and Now, the chapters flip back and forth and give a real insight and depth to Sylvia's past which really helps intensify the meaning to the story.

Had me laughing in places and sad in others. A real emotional book, especially if you have children yourself as you put yourself (in your head) in that position and question the 'what ifs'

I did enjoy the concept of this book but I never fully connected with any of the characters or some of the choices made by Sylvia, her sister and her Mum (no spoilers). Personally I have the need to feel a connection with at least one character to really 'feel' a story.

*PN stillbirth, terminal illness and death are all within this book*

Thanks to netgalley and Orion Publishing for the ARC.

For When I'm Gone takes you on an Sylvia's emotional journey to the end when she finds out she is terminally ill. The chapters flit between Then and Now which gives the reader a deep insight into Sylvia's past.

Trigger content for readers may be stillbirth, terminal illness and death.

Rebecca Ley successfully highlights the fragility of life in For When I'm Gone, reminding the reader to enjoy every moment of life when they can.