See-Through Marriage is an important book with a timely message for all marriages. In a time in which it is becoming the norm to show only the best parts of our lives on social media, it is also becoming easier to justify only showing the best parts of your life to your spouse. This, by nature, leaves you hiding parts of your marriage from your partner and begins to place a chasm between the two which should be one. By shining the light of the gospel, Ryan and Selena Frederick take their readers on a journey which will show the imperative nature of transparency in every aspect of a marriage.

Dealing with topics ranging from sex-life to community, Ryan and Selena show why true, Biblical transparency not only aids in relationship growth but it is the only way a marriage can fulfill the calling God has called it to. Anyone looking to grow closer as a couple would do well to embrace what’s written in this book. Get it. You will not be disappointed.

Where I live there is divorce everywhere. I wonder if it is because a couple stops sharing because they lost that transparent quality of lovers. It is sad but lack of communication kills every kind of relationship, not just marriages. Isolation in your own home may appear and strangers living under the same roof is something common. I´m glad this resource exists, hopefully, it is not just on a shelf but lived out by many.

Although not familiar with their previous book, Fierce Marriage, after reading See-Through Marriage by Ryan & Selena Frederick, I am eager to do so. With clarity and directness, this couple explores the various challenges of a husband and wife forming a healthy, Christian marriage.

The opening chapter includes two gems which set the stage for excellent discussions to come in the following chapters. First, the illustration of light shining through a stain glass window, colorfully and clearly points to the purpose and power of a See-Through Marriage. Secondly, a summary chart differentiating "false vulnerability" from genuine transparency sets the tone for the conversation topics to follow.

The next nine chapters consider the importance of each person truly being honest about themselves in various aspects of life (psychological, physiological, spiritual, etc). The Frederick's use real life examples, either from their own marriage or others they know, to share honestly about the challenges and joys of having fully transparent conversations.

This is another marriage book I would highly recommend!

In any marriage, honesty is a given. Couples are expected to be truthful to each other in all things. Put it another way, good marriages have transparency as the key attribute. No secrets. No lies. No hidden agendas. According to marriage counselors Ryan and Selena Frederick, "unfettered transparency rescues relationships, glorifies God, and multiplies joy." Transparency means vulnerability. Vulnerability involves openness and humility. It invites trust. Why is this critical? One major reason is the widespread show-off culture driven by the popularity of social media. This tempts one to pretend one is well by putting forth photos and pictures of what people wanted to see. The authors believe that we live in a culture of what we see is what we expect to get. Marriages too can fall into such falsehood. The challenge is to take meaningful risk by being vulnerable and transparent. Avoid false vulnerability which essentially hides what is important and only displays what is less important. With the central thesis of cultivating a "see-through marriage," the authors lead us through different ways to accomplish that. Using Bible teachings as the key guide, they remind us that we do not need to hide in darkness but to boldly live in the light. Living in the light according to 1 John 1:6-8 contains two promises when we do that: Purification and fellowship. Transparency means not only we not hide from God, we learn not to hide from each other. There is no fear in love. A healthy marriage means we learn to be open with each other instead of hiding things from each other. That means we learn to know ourselves and the identity God has given us. If we are secured in knowing our identity in God, we will not easily compare ourselves with others. They expand on this topic of identity through the physiological self as well as the psychological self. Experiencing oneness is one of the deepest experiences transparency can provide.

My Thoughts
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First, the idea of transparency as the key thesis in healthy marriages are deceptively simple. It is tempting to just dismiss this book as another marriage manual. Unlike some marriage books that give us a whole list of do's and don'ts, this book takes the transparency as a big idea and shows us why it is crucial for married couples. Anyone in doubt would probably need to challenge themselves with the series of short questions for them to ask honestly. Questions such as whether they have hidden anything from their spouses in the past and why? When we learn to live in the light, we need to let light shine through us totally, and for our spouses to be able to see the real person in us. Honesty breeds trust. Transparency begets continued openness. Vulnerability dispels suspicions.

Second, this book is unabashedly Christian. The authors are clear with regard to where their primary marriage manual comes from: The Bible. Every chapter is packed with Scriptural truths from which to draw their insights from. Apart from the regular passages on marriage in the New Testament, they also include narratives from Genesis. While this might deter non-Christians to even want to pick up this book, it might be an opportunity for married couples where one is an unbeliever. Being open to the faith is a test of true vulnerability. The Christian faith has withstood the test of time. Even in the most vulnerable first century of persecution, the Church have survived many onslaughts and martyrdom. Perhaps, the believing partner could openly discuss their marriage with their unbelieving partner so that their marriage can be strengthened further. I understand that religious matters can be sensitive. I would argue that if something can help strengthen a marriage, why not?

Third, the true test of transparency is in one's inner sense of security and identity. That is why the authors spent a considerable amount of time on our self-identity. Sometimes, there are couples who think that after marriage, they feel ashamed of selfishness when they focus too much on self-identity. I would then say that they are not necessarily mutually exclusive. We can build up our marriage togetherness without having to sacrifice our own identities. After all, our identities are gifts from God. Our marriage is about being free to commit to the marriage as well as our personal relationship with God. Just because we are married does not mean we jettison our own unique selves. In fact, a strong sense of identity is a valuable asset to any marriage!

I recommend this book for married couples and those contemplating marriage. The discussion questions at the end of each chapter are opportunities for study as well as deeper understanding of each other.

Ryan and Selena Frederick have been married for 17 years and have spent the last seven years ministering to married couples all over the world. They founded "Fierce Marriage" ministry to help married couples work and process through the trials and joys that come with marriage.

Rating: 4.25 stars of 5.

conrade
This book has been provided courtesy of Baker Books and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.

This is a great book that focuses on how authenticity and vulnerability can only increase the intimacy and commitment in marriage. I found myself moved in some of the chapters by the author's stories. They shared so much that helped me reflect and realize that there are places that I am wanting to grow in. I think this book would be great for any couple who is getting ready to be married to work through, or for those that have been married a while and are needing help finding that deeper connection.

This book not only met my expectations, but exceeded them. It has a catchy title and I expected it to have information about how to be more vulnerable with your spouse. I had no idea it would take me on a journey of examining myself; being honest with myself; assessing who I really am and who I want to be. All of that is necessary before I can be truly vulnerable with my spouse. It was convicting yet exhilarating. It made me want to cry and shout with joy at the same time. Silly me, I prayed that God would help me have a more intimate relationship with Him this year 2020. Well, this book is the beginning and I am sure I will re-read it over and over. There are truths that stood out and others that I needed to mull over for a time. One of those truths - "The trouble is, transparency is uncomfortable." is so simply stated and yet so profound. "The trouble is, transparency is uncomfortable." This book is not an "easy fix" or even easy to apply -- it will take work to become transparent and vulnerable. The goal is to reach that see through marriage and inspire others to get there too.