This book is so moving. It was heartwarming and heartbreaking
It is the book that everyone should read

Tara J Lal has written a devastatingly beautiful book, following the suicide of her brother Adam. It is a raw and honest memorial of him, their childhood and their struggles with mental health after the death of their mum from cancer when they were young. Tara talks quite openly about how she has dealt with her grief; sometimes by burying it and at others facing it with the help of a therapist. She shares many strategies that may support someone in a similar situation, calling it her 'toolkit for growth' after suicide. This book will resonate with anyone who has experienced grief of any kind and the acknowledgement that although grief never ends, there is also no end to healing I found to be a truthful and heartbreaking reality. I cried a lot reading this and remembering people I grief for. It wasn’t an easy read at times but Tara's openness is very approachable and comforting, she encourages you not to be so hard on yourself and to find ways and people to help.

Standing on My Brother's Shoulders is a deeply moving memoir about Tara Lal's experience of losing her brother Adam to suicide.

Lal's mother died four years previously, when Tara was thirteen, and she lived in the shadow of her father's mental illness --- making her bond with Adam all the stronger. When he took his own life, Lal's grief becomes all consuming.

Through reading Adam's diaries and keeping his memory alive, Lal learns to live alongside her grief in ways that honour her brother and mother.

A sisters story of grief and loss which started at a young age after losing her mum to cancer.
Just 4 years after her mother’s death she grieves again, for her older brother who dies by suicide.
This book is brutally honest about Taras grief and her journey after losing her mum and brother but also about her dads mental health.
This book may help people who have also suffered a suicide grief of someone close to them.

Thank you Netgalley and Watkins publishing for the arc in return for an honest review.

I think this book will stay in my mind for a long time. It is a very well written account of someone dealing with loss and grief, and I don’t think it is similar to anything I have read before. The author walks you through her life, but in doing so, she tells you an incredible story of dealing with things that could as well happen to anyone else. I admire the author's honesty, and how well she was able to write down what has happened in her life. Definitely worth a read.

Tara is very open, honest and raw in this account of her dad’s mental illness, her mum’s passing from cancer and her beloved brother’s ending of his life. Tara starts from the very beginning to create a backdrop to her story which is a tough one to read but a privilege.

In this incredible book, Standing on My Brother’s Shoulders: Making Peace with Grief and Suicide, we see not just a family struggling with heartache but a true study in the impact that mental illness, grief and suicide can have on both a family and an individual. Tara J Lal talks us through living with a father struggling with mental ill-health, a mother that has taken the brunt of most of the family life and then sadly passes away, a deep sibling bond with her brother Adam and the shattering loss she experienced when he lost his life to suicide, and ultimately where that left her and how she learnt to heal.

This is a raw but beautiful account of a life so heavily impacted by grief and mental ill-health, showing the devastating effects this can have within a family and as an individual trying to find your way in the world. In the case of her brother, Adam, who did not manage to find his way, Tara shares his inner thoughts in such a caring, delicate way, it felt like she was truly honouring who he was and how he felt. It was a privileged insight into another person’s struggle. The way that Tara wove his writing into her own experiences, thought patterns, challenges and discoveries was masterful. It was like an echo of two souls connected even through death.

Tara handles this incredibly delicate subject with care and sensitivity. Working within mental health, I really appreciated the re-write and subsequent re-release of the book to include adaptations to the language and descriptions that better reflect our understanding of suicide now compared to 5 years ago at it’s initial release. This shows instantly how Tara has a real thoughtfulness and compassion surrounding these topics and can handle them well.

Having said that, this book does cover some incredibly difficult and intense topics. The writings she shares, both of her own thoughts and those immortalised in her brother’s writing are often so raw and brutally honest, it is hard not to feel. There is beauty in what is written too, it’s there throughout, in the descriptions, the understanding and genuine human responses to these experiences. But it’s wise to make sure you are in a place where you are able to read this without it having an adverse effect.

As someone that has experienced loss through suicide and had periods of time where I too made those attempts, it felt like this book spoke to me on a whole other level too. I related to both Tara’s and Adam’s writings, the inner turmoil, the aftermath and the healing. Although no two experiences are ever the same, I found comfort in the explanations and a sense of not being alone in this experience. I was often left lost in thought after certain phrases, appreciating the explanation that at times has been hard to find, and yet there it was, right in front of me. Even if you’ve not been impacted by suicide, this book will provide you with such an insight into the plight and struggles of those that have. It is powerful and invaluable!

Thank you to Tara J Lal, Watkins Publishing and NetGalley for the opportunity to read this ARC.

TRIGGER WARNING - suicide
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Thank you to Watkins Publishing and NetGalley for approving me to read this ARC of Tara Lal's story, which will be available in September.
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I admire Tara Lal for writing this book and sharing her experiences. To be so vulnerable and open is not easy, especially about topics like mental ill health and suicide, which still receive a lot of stigma even today.
People can be well-intentioned, but their responses can still be damaging because they don't know what to say, or seek to avoid the topic rather than allowing it to be discussed.
As someone who has had an immediate family member (my Mum) die by suicide, this book was very relevant to me, and I wish I'd come across it sooner.
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'words matter and language matters when we talk about mental ill health and suicide. By changing the way we talk about mental ill health and suicide at an individual level, we can gently reframe the public narrative to effect change at organisational, community and international level.'
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Lal's portrayal of her family is very honest throughout her book. She talks candidly about her memories and experiences of her Father's mental ill health, her Mother's death while she was still very young, and her Brother's suicide.
It is a tender story, but one that is full of love and seeking understanding. I especially liked how she wove her Brother's own writing through the story as a parallel to different points in her own life.
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'I have often asked myself whether whether my father's psychological struggles were the result of a genetic trait passed onto him from his mother or a product of the trauma he endured during his childhood. I could ask the same about my brother.'
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Lal's book spoke to me specifically as I recognise a lot of my own behaviours in her portrayal of herself: shrinking 'to avoid conflict, to avoid being seen'; being 'the ultimate goody-goody' in school; the anger, the crushing loss, and the worry that what has happened to her Brother could happen to her.
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'Just as words cannot adequately describe love, so they cannot adequately convey unimaginable pain.'
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Every death that touches us is unique, and the way that it affects those involved can be very different.
Lal's growth through the story is very endearing, especially in her recognition of her sister's response to the griefs they have both suffered. Recognising the pressure her sister was under is, in a way, very generous. I often think people can be so wrapped up in their personal grief that they don't acknowledge the struggles of those around them, or that they somehow dismiss them as being less important than their own feelings.
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'one doesn't find peace in another person or a place or even an experience. I had to find my own peace from within'.
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I would highly recommend this book, especially for anyone who has suffered grief where someone has died by suicide. Only by talking about it and normalising it more can we finally break the stigma and support each other.
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'while I believe there is no end to grief, the same is true of healing, and with the healing comes hope, selfdiscovery and clarity.'
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IF YOU ARE HAVING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS PLEASE SEEK HELP - Samaritans call 116 123

Absolutely loved this book!!! Would wholeheartedly recommend to all of my friends, and I cannot wait to read more from this author.

This book made me have mixed emotions, so many parts I could personally relate to, if you know of anyone struggling I would highly recommend giving this book a read....... Actually I would recommend to anyone thanks netgalley for the opportunity to read this

I have mixed feelings on this memoir. On one hand I really liked Tara and cheered her accomplishments and her ability to cope with her father’s often bizarre behaviour. But on the other hand, her car crash relationships with men and the habit she shared with Adam of navel gazing rather than just getting on with things did frustrate me. Adam’s writing style did nothing for me and I’m afraid I skimmed a lot of it. It is desperately sad that he took his own life at such a young age and wasn’t able to be honest with Tara about how he really felt. His writings did feel a little bit ‘prep school poet’ to me though.
Equally with Tara, though my heart broke reading how movingly she talked about her mother’s passing and Adam’s death she then lost me as a reader when she talked about ‘digging into crevasses’ and all the other flowery therapyspeak.
I am a very practical, pragmatic person though and I’m aware that most reviewers found her analysis of emotions really helpful.

Thank you for the opportunity to read 'Standing on My Brother's Shoulders'.

Tara Lal has written a very moving account of her family and the losses she experienced. She comes across as a lovely person who had an incredibly difficult time growing up with the death or her mother, the mental illness of her father and the death of her brother. The loneliness she must have felt is heartbreaking.

I was fascinated to read where life took her and how she came to terms with everything that she had experienced. I applaud her for her efforts to help others and just hope her life continues to be filled with love and happiness.

Standing on My Brother's Shoulders is an honest and insightful reflection into mental illness, family, and identity. With excerpts from her brother's journals woven through the telling of her own experience, Tara Lal lets us glimpse the effects of suicide and mental illness on families, and the many ways in which we try to process and heal. I appreciated the way she both honored her family and shared the reality of the difficulties that come with both mental illness and untimely death.

I started this book and stopped about 20% into it. The writing was okay, but I could not continue because of the chunks of text. I would recommend serious formatting changes within the galley, because the text is all over the page. As far as the writing is concerned, I enjoyed what I read of this book.

An incredibly brave and moving memoir.

I'll admit there are parts that gets easier dense in detail, but nothing can take away from the raw pain and beauty of this story.

I applaud the author for her honesty and wish her all the peace in the world moving forward.