Despite the fact that this book is primarily about post natal depression, and I have never (luckily) suffered or known anyone who has suffered from this terrible illness, I still continued to read this book, which others could find too hard to read - while others could lose their sympathy. I did find I lost empathy with Gigi and her relationship with her husband as I thought she expected the moon and more. I particularly liked the description of Gigi’s relationship with her mother and her 3 best friends. These relationships made the book for me. Having said all this, I would recommend this book to those who are going through hard times - just so they know they’re not on their own.

I'm always unsure about books focusing on motherhood as I'm not a mother myself but the synopsis looked good and I'm always keen for a New York backdrop.
Our protagonist is Gigi , a New Yorker who marries a Brit and moves to London after having lost her brother in the 9/11 tragedy. What follows is Gig's journey into motherhood and her struggles with post natal depression, her grief, relationships and also home sickness. Its a very moving read but not depressing as the author uses humour and wit to point out cultural differences and make light of situations which I expect others can relate to more than myself. It's told through flashbacks which at first was confusing as 3 different time periods are used but once you get involved in the story it all comes together.
A great debut read.
Thank you Netgalley for the eARC

Gigi and Harry are thrown together in the most tragic of circumstances, fleeing from the collapsing Twin Towers in New York on 9/11, and he is there when she gets the news that her beloved younger brother is one of the dead. Years later, they find each other again. Gigi, now a single mother to a young son, agrees to marry Harry and move with him to his native London, where she is very aware that she doesn’t fit into this different culture and his lavish lifestyle. They have a son, but the birth is deeply traumatic and she is plunged into postpartum depression and cannot cope, until one day she just walks out. Can she ever find a way back?
This is the best description I have ever read of the struggle to care for a baby and an older child, while trying to also run a home, keep a career and maintain a relationship. Gigi’s pain and sense of inadequacy is portrayed with unflinching rawness and is totally believable, but the narrative is also lightened with humour which prevents it from becoming too grim. The characters are skillfully drawn and really come alive, even the minor ones, and the development of the relationship between Gigi and Harry is moving but realistic. I was sorry to part from Gigi at the end of the book as I had become very involved with her life and grown to care for her!

Wow! This book is flawless. It’s so refreshing when a book is so raw and honest... why can’t more books be like this?! Motherhood depicted in honest terms,... highlighting that behind everyone’s closed doors... it’s NEVER plain sailing!

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for this ARC.

This was such a powerful book. It made me laugh, cry and think with almost every page - everyone should read it, women for solidarity and men to understand why women need them to step up, particularly with childcare. Post-partum depression is an issue that isn't discussed much in fiction, and though I've never had it, it struck me as a thoroughly realistic depiction. Gigi is a flawed but understandable character, and the way Bannister writes about grief, mental illness and love is impressive. One to watch.

Heart-felt, heart breaking but full of hope. I loved the threads of time woven together going backwards and forwards between the events of 9/11, the birth of Rocky & the present where Gigi has run away.
It felt like a truth telling, raw and honest account of loss, love, trauma, grief, pain and motherhood.
I was especially thankful that not all the women in it were likeable, and their characters reflected reality.
Be aware that the themes of trauma are gritty, unashamed and painful. It was good to read such clear, open writing, without a saccharine ending.
Having said that the ending was both perfect and frustrating, leaving threads undone and ends open - but perhaps that's life in all its glory; messy, undone and unfinished.
I liked the one voice portrayal of the story, it meant I felt like a trusted friend listening in and walking with Gigi rather than an outside observer of events.
As I reflected after reading I realised that there were threads of story I wish had been developed further, or taken deeper, especially in the middle of the book. However this did not detract from what was a compelling read.

Wow, just .. Wow! what an amazing book.
I started off not really liking the characters at all, but then I became completely absorbed, to the point where I was thinking about the book at work and wanting to get back to it.
The writing is extraordinary, its a stream-of-consciousness style of writing, very raw and sometimes un nervingly so.
At the start we are in the middle of 9/11 as it unfolds and the main characters meet, but as it progresses Gigi's pain and trauma mirrors that of New York on that awful day. Her childhood experiences begin to infringe on her marriage and friendships while she struggles with motherhood and depression in a strange new land far from home.
This book is about childhood hurt, relationships and healing, it is really beautifully written and Im actually sad to finish reading, very highly recommend it.
Thank you to John Murray Press, Two Roads and Netgalley for the opportunity to read and review.

This is an impressive debut novel that surprised me - it is so well written and I loved it. The book follows Gigi, a New Yorker, who lost her brother on 9/11. Married to a Brit and living in London, we see her struggles as she deals with grief, motherhood and post-natal depression.

Whilst a tough read in many ways, Bannister manages to combine dealing with difficult issue with sensitivity, whilst at the same time injecting humour throughout the book. As a Brit who has has spent a lot of time in the US, I loved some of the cultural references as Gigi adjust to living in a foreign country, and she was such an interesting character who I so wanted to find her happiness. I felt so may emotions whilst reading this book - it is both heartbreaking and heartwarming, funny and sad - and I didn't want to put it down.

When the Twin Towers collapsed, Gigi Stanislawski fled her office building and escaped lower Manhattan on the Staten Island Ferry. Among the crying, ash-covered and shoeless passengers, Gigi, unbelievably, found someone she recognised - the guy with pink socks and a British accent - from the coffee shop across from her office. Together she and Harry Harrison make their way to her parents’ house where they watch the television replay the planes crashing for hours, and she waits for the phone call from her younger brother that never comes. And after Harry has shared the worst day of her life, it’s time for him to leave.

Ten years later, Gigi, now a single mother consumed with bills and unfulfilled ambitions, bumps into Harry again and this time they fall deeply in love. When they move to London it feels like a chance for the happy ending she never dared to imagine. But it also highlights the differences in their class and cultures, which was something they laughed about until it wasn’t funny anymore; until the traumatic birth of their baby leaves Gigi raw and desperately missing her best friends and her old life in New York.

As Gigi grieves for her brother and rages at the unspoken pain of motherhood, she realises she must somehow find a way back - not to the woman she was but to the woman she wants to be.

This book is such an excellent debut. It’s raw, emotional and extremely reflective. I loved Gigi. Through her dialect and character, the author creates a very real and relatable character. Gigi is both humorous and an emotional wreck.
The book deals with motherhood and the pressures of being a mother.
Anyone who loves women’s fiction will love this book. It is highly recommended.

This may be a hard book for some to read as it relates back to 9/11 but it has been very well written. A lot of mothers can say that their motherhood and being depressed was hard going but this tells the tales of how things happen. Some may have to think hard about reading this but others will find it a very good read. Not the best I have read but as I said it has been very well written and if Ilona continues to write like this she will go far.

Thanks to Netgalley and publisher for this eARC

A great read about motherhood, loss and grief....So many emotions that we go throug adn can relate to.
I loved the book although it was a rollercoaster read.....gret debut.

Thank you to the author, John Murray Press and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

This is a bleak, heartbreaking read spread over two formative events, each terrible in their own way: the terrorist bombing of New York on 9/11, and a physically and emotionally traumatic birth experience 15 years later. We follow the protagonist, Gigi, through the impact both events had on her. She met the man she (much) later married by chance on the day of the terrorist attack, and the story also involves a hard look at how these stressors (and others, like culture clash) work themselves out in their marriage.

The story is told entirely from Gigi's POV, which I had a hard time with - it was a bit too stream-of-consciousness for me. At the same time I liked the way the book depicts the struggles faced by new mothers adjusting to life with a newborn. The relentless, exhausting, physically and emotionally draining reality of caring for a new baby while recovering from childbirth is described in truthful language. No whitewash or hearts and flowers - so many mothers feel stressed and inadequate due to marketing and untruthful narratives.

When I Ran Away by Ilona Bannister

Gigi leaves her husband and young sons. Whilst staying in a nearby hotel she binge watches Real Housewives and fields increasingly desperate emails from her husband. Gigi's story is told in flashbacks to 9/11 and the aftermath for her and her family, and to the birth of her youngest son.

This book is EVERYTHING! I'm so stressed writing this review as I know I can't possibly do it justice. It's witty (school mums, list of middle class musts absolutely on point), heartwarming (Gigi's friends and her son Johnny), heartbreaking (9/11, childbirth, postnatal depression) and just so so WISE... it's like the writer was in my head and wrote everything I every thought about motherhood and relationships and just everything! I knew she 'knew' me when Gigi composed a response to the email from her husband about Johnny's medication! Yes OMG yes! And so many other 'nodding vigorously' moments throughout the book. For years my go-to for those 'does anyone else feel like this' was Meg Wolitzer's 'The Ten Year Nap' but this... this is my new favourite. Absolutely 100% recommend - READ IT!

Thank you so much to NetGalley and the Publisher for an ARC of this book.

This powerful, emotional debut will resonate with many women.

The author brings us straight into the unfolding drama of 9/11. Gigi escapes to her parents house with a British man named Harry who she knows from the local coffee shop. It soon becomes apparent that her brother Frankie had been at a job interview on floor 90 of the tower and it was very unlikely he would have survived,

Frankie's girlfriend, Michelle, is consumed with grief and turns to drugs, tragically losing her life. Gigi ends up caring for her baby, Johny and does an admirable job, despite not having much money.

11 years after they'd first met, Gigi bumps into Harry at the park and they reconnect. Gigi agrees to move to the UK with him and they have another son, Rocky.

After a traumatic birth, Gigi suffers from post natal depression and I felt the author handled this subject extremely well, painting a picture of how Gigi is feeling. She presents us with the façade she puts on for her husband and the yummy mummies, while sharing the inner monologue of how she's really feeling inside. I felt invested in Gigi's situation, especially in the new mother's coffee group and when she is in the hotel room.

The story unfolds at a good pace and I liked the structure which alternated between after and before she ran away.

Thanks indeed to Netgalley and the publisher for this ARC. This would make a super drama and I look forward to reading more by this author.

After loosing her brother during the 9/11 terroristic attack, Gigi not only have to deal with her grief and her mother depression, but she has to take care of Jonny. While they were at a park in New York, she sees him, Harry, the guy that was working just across her office before that day, the same guy that has helped her on the day she lost her brother. He has been looking for her and so did she.. and now here they are. They fall in love, and want to share life together in England.

Already during the first chapters Gigi’s story is heartbreaking, loosing her brother and feeling powerless because she can’t take the pain away from her parents and his brother’s girlfriend, and then there is Jonny that has been left to her, because she is the only one that can take her of him.
Then mostly of the books will let you believe that when you Prince Charming comes everything will be ok, but Ilona instead has decided to keep everything real! So we see Gigi feeling a stranger in his husband home country, that sense on not belonging even because they clearly had different upbringing. Then the pregnancy, and the complications and the postpartum depression and how Gigi is stacked in wanting help, but at the same time being afraid to ask for it in case they will take her kids from her, and she is crushed by the ideal that society put on young mums, where they had to be perfect and always ready to care for their kids. But life is not perfect, life is raw and Ilona has done a great job in bringing all that into her book!

Thank you John Murrays book and Ilona for the gifted copy of the book!

I found this book hard to read, the pace of the books ,the characters and subject matter just didn't click with me .I have been trying to push myself out of my usual genres, with mixed results and I feel somewhat guilty for requesting this book because it was maybe too different for me .I hope other readers enjoy it more.

It feels strange to say that this book is beautiful when the themes of the book are so utterly heartbreaking but it is because the author has done such a wonderful job at portraying the character of Gigi and everything that she goes through. Just beautiful!

If you’re a mother yourself then this will definitely be a book that you can relate to. There were plenty of times where I was nodding along or laughing because the exact same things had happened to me, such as her husband trying to find the baking tray or him texting asking where the medicine is kept.

Throughout the book we have flashbacks to Gigi’s past, from the aftermath of 9/11 to the traumatic birth of her second child. It’s from here we can see that she is struggling with postnatal depression and so many of the thoughts and feelings she experiences, again, we as mothers can all relate to.

Your heart will ache for Gigi as I wanted her to feel better, safe and loved. You can feel her pain and grief seeping from the pages as she tries to figure out what to do.

It’s hard to say much more but this book is about Gigi’s journey from 9/11 survivor to an American mother living in London dealing with anxiety, postnatal depression and home sickness.

Overall this is such a raw and authentic look at handling the pressures of motherhood, life, society and grief. I highly recommend!

The story starts with the devastating events of 9/11 and sadly Gigi loses her brother in the tragedy. A chance meeting with a friend from her past helps Gigi tackle some of her grief. The story moves on ten years and Gigi and Harry stumble across each other again. A new life in London awaits for them both. A very emotional journey covering grief, survivor guilt, motherhood and the inequality of being a woman. This book is beautifully written and the sometimes difficult topics covered are poignant. Praise to Ilona Bannister.

A story that starts with the 9/11 disaster and follows Gigi as she meets Harry that day and he becomes involved in her life. She leaves behind the sadness, the loss and her family to start a new life in the UK.
But she can’t escape her past, her sadness follows her abs after a traumatic brief it comes to a head one day and she walks out of her life tries to escape the pain she feels.
A story filled with emotion, Gigi is trapped in her head, in her life, in her world.

I really enjoyed this story. It was eye opening, gut wrenching in places and warm and fuzzy in others. Would recommend.