I couldn't help comparing this to Ashley Audrain's The Push, which I have also read earlier this year. Both are about mother - daughter relationships where the child is evil but Audrain's comes down on the side of nature and shows things from the mother's perspective, whereas Tucker comes down on nurture and shows things from the child's point of view.
Telling a story where the first person narrator is an eight year old child murderer (alternating with chapters where she is a reformed adult with her own daughter) but makes you feel sympathy and really understand the psyche of that child is no easy task. The neglect, rejection and day-to-day hunger that Chrissie feels are terrible and her mother has no understanding or love for her child. The first person narration outlines all this in detail but also the hope and faith of Chrissie as a child and later an adult that her mother will at some point express attachment.
That's not to say that the murders and the grief of the parents involved are brushed over and Chrissie's deeds exonerated, however. As an adult, Chrissie, now Julia, shows guilt and remorse, bringing up her own child Mollie with the ever present reminder of what others have lost through her and that any moment she deserves to have Mollie removed from her custody.
The fact that the book manages to convey all this, together with humour and empathy, is a triumph.

Wow, what a debut! I can't believe that this is Nancy Tucker's first book and that she hasn't been writing for years.

This novel is not a comfortable read, with the subject matter being an 8 year old child murderer. But the writing is so well crafted that you really feel both sides of the story. The narrative switches between the present day life of 'Julia' and Chrissie, the ubiquitous 8 year old. It's incredibly difficult for an adult to write as a child, but Tucker really pulls it off, which just adds to the impact of the book.

An outstanding debut!

Chrissie used to be Lucy until they found out where she lived and she had to leave her new life behind. Then she became Julia. Each new identity is to hide her past because when she was 8, she murdered 2 children. The book begins with Chrissie saying ‘I killed a little boy today.’
Now she’s an adult and a single mum with a 5 year old daughter, Molly. She is determined to give Molly a better life than she had as a child and which led her to commit the acts for which she was sent to a secure unit for years She also wants Molly to feel loved and safe.
But with journalists hounding her and mysterious phone calls at her home from someone calling her Chrissie, the past doesn’t want to let her go.
When Molly has an accident and breaks her wrist, Julia is called in for an interview with her social worker, Sasha. Terrified that Molly may be taken away from her, Julia runs away with her and returns to her home town where she spent her childhood and where it all began. Can she and her mam find out where it all went wrong?
This isn’t an easy read, but I did find it rewarding. It’s told in the first person by 8 year old Chrissie and 28 year old Julia and both of their voices are authentic and real. Chrissie’s harsh, unloving childhood world is so well described that it made me feel angry. She is ignored by her mother who, at one point, tries to give her away. Chrissie is accustomed to there being no electricity or food at home and that she can wander the streets in her nightie as no one seems to notice. Chrissie’s father floats in and out of their lives and is uninvolved with her. She is a neglected child in plain sight who falls through the cracks and believes that she is the bad seed.
But she has a best friend, Linda, and they know the best place to do handstands and how to find glass bottles to take back to shops for pennies. A ‘70’s childhood and despite, the book’s subject matter, there is also humour. There were some memorable descriptions such as the local mothers as being ‘the mammies, a herd of cardigan backs and jiggling bottoms’ and the school playground as a sea of ankle socks and polyester.’
This is a confident debut novel, and the author isn’t afraid to tackle a difficult subject and very dark themes with great sensitivity. Chrissie is portrayed as being tougher than her years, but also still very vulnerable. In an abandoned house she writes ‘I am here’ telling the world that she exists. I felt that she wanted to be loved and missed like her two victims were but, like a child, she doesn’t fully understand what she’s done. However, I realised that Chrissie was serving her own life sentence as she’s haunted by her actions and her own notoriety. But her love for Molly and their bond, is real and a mainstay of her life.
The novel ends on a positive note for Chrissie and Molly as Chrissie resolves her relationship with her mother. She doesn’t have to, or want to give, Molly the same childhood that she had and repeat the mistakes of the past. There is the opportunity for her to almost begin again as with the coming of Spring. There was also the redeeming value of friendship and that other people, often the most unexpected, can believe that, although you can’t change your past, you can change your future.
My thanks to Random House UK, Cornerstone, William Hutchinson and Netgalley for an ARC.

Sometimes I wonder if I take my pleasures too sadly - and The First Day of Spring was one such occasion. The writing is superb and completely compelling. The characterisation is excellent and the plot grips you and won't let go. So, what's the problem? Well, the problem is Chrissie, the main character. When we first meet her she's just eight years old, small for her age and she readily tells us that she's just killed someone - a two-year-old boy. She's completely cold about what she's done with her main memory being that whilst she was killing - suffocating - her hands seized up. There's a clue that Chrissie isn't completely responsible for her actions a little later in the book: when will Steven come back, she wonders? Hasn't he been dead for long enough?

Chrissie's the child that no one wants to play with, no parent wants their child to associate with her but she suffers an almost unbelievable level of neglect at home and sometimes scrounging food at her classmates' homes, stealing if necessary, is the only way that she's going to eat. The word feral came to mind several times. You begin to have some sympathy for Chrissie until you grasp the depths of evil in her soul. This is an eight-year-old child: the psychopathy would be deeply disturbing in any adult.

Then we meet Julia. She's a single parent to Molly and she certainly doesn't fit the stereotype you might be expecting. If anything Julia is far too protective of her daughter: she wants Molly to have the childhood that she never had. Julia is the name by which Chrissie is now known, after serving her sentence for the murder of Steven in a secure unit. Now it seems that her past might be catching up with her.

I found this a hard, difficult read whilst still knowing that what I was reading was an outstanding work of fiction. Real cases will flash through your mind - Mary Bell, the killers of James Bulger - but they'll never completely eclipse the evil of Chrissie and the tragedy of her life. The read is tense: you're gripped on page one and only reluctantly let go on the final page. Even then the characters stay with you, haunt you. If you're up for this sort of read, then I doubt that you could do better.

I'd like to thank the publishers for allowing Bookbag to have a review copy.

Thanks to netgalley for the chance to read this book.

The books tells the story of eight year old Christie who killed a child and get away with it. Followed by how it is still affecting her now as a thirty year old single mother living under a new identity. She starts to receive phone calls and thinks her past is catching up with her.

Some parts of the book didn’t seem believable in the fact that a child killer would be a a well adjusted adult.

Wow - if you want a tale of mystery and suspense that will keep you awake until the early hours - this is it!

It is completely addictive and has you on the edge of your seat from the first opening page until the end.
Chrissie is the child nobody wants to play with - she seems feral, has a mean streak but is neglected badly by her parents.
One day - Chrissie commits a heinous crime which leaves her elated and with a fizzy feeling in her stomach.

Julia is a single overprotective parent who is trying to parent her daughter Molly. She overcompensates and seems to be very highly strung. The result of a phone call sends Julia spiralling into manic mode and this is where the tale truly ramps up the tension and suspense.

It is a heartbreaking tale but incredibly powerful - I've recommended this read many times and will continue to do so.

The First Day of Spring by Nancy Tucker was a really tough read. Not the writing but the subject matter. This book definitely gives pause for thought, challenging judgements and pre-conceptions as you understand Chrissie’s back story. The unthinkable crime of killing a child is narrated in Chrissie’s voice and with her level of understanding and overwhelming senses and emotions. I thought Nancy captured the reality of secure care very well. Read Jenny Molloy’s honest account of growing up with neglect and her experience of Care through social services (Hackney Child by Hope Daniels and Morag Livingstone) and see the parallels. Overall this book really upset me and I couldn’t shake it for a day or two. Well written and powerful character development but have something ready to re-balance your world view afterwards. Excellent 4 star read- but with those caveats.

Thank you Netgalley for this ARC copy.

Chrissie was eight years old when she killed two year old Steven. That was enough to get me hooked.


An uncomfortable, upsetting, dark and heartbreaking read. There were so many layers to this story and the 'ripple effect' is huge but I still couldn't help feeling sorry for Chrissie. My moral compass didn't know whether it was coming or going! It wasn't all doom and gloom. Some really heart felt moments such as when Chrissie (now Julia) meets back up with childhood best friend Linda and Julia's realisation that she is not her mother and Molly being her daughter doesn't mean she'll turn out like her.

The First Day of Spring is a terrifying and compulsive thriller about a twisted, disturbing and seemingly psychopathic child. Meet Chrissie. Chrissie is eight and she has a secret: she has just killed a boy. The feeling made her belly fizz like soda pop. Her playmates are tearful and their mothers are terrified, keeping them locked indoors. But Chrissie rules the roost -- she's the best at wall-walking, she knows how to get free candy, and now she has a feeling of power that she never gets at home, where food is scarce and attention scarcer. Twenty years later, adult Chrissie is living in hiding under a changed name.

A single mother, all she wants is for her daughter to have the childhood she herself was denied. That's why the threatening phone calls are so terrifying. People are looking for them, the past is catching up, and Chrissie fears losing the only thing in this world she cares about, her child. This is a dark, scintillating read from start to finish with Tucker adeptly managing to hold you captive throughout. It's poignant, emotive and thought-provoking and brings up that age-old question of if an individual is the way they are through nature (genetics/predisposition) or nurture (the environment in which they were raised).

I’d like to thank NetGalley, Penguin Random House UK and Hope Butler for approving me for an ARC of this book.

The story is told from two POV. Firstly we have eight year old Chrissie’s story where we are thrown straight into the drama and turmoil of her committing a deeply disturbing crime. Listening to those early chapters were very difficult and hard to comprehend but as Chrissie’s story progresses and the events unfold we learn more about her. Nancy Tucker did a fantastic job or portraying the dark side of Chrissie but she also gave her a comical side. I often found myself laughing at her no nonsense honesty and I had nothing but sympathy as I started to learn her backstory. Being a mother myself I can not imagine treating any of my children how Chrissie was treated.

Skip twenty years on and we have the second POV, Julia. This is Chrissie with her new identity and in this point of her life we see her as a mum to lovely Molly. As Julia’s chapters started to develop it was hard to match this version of Chrissie to her child self. This Chrissie was far less confident, constantly anxious and always looking over her shoulder. What I noticed above all though was how much love she had for Molly but was scared to show it. Her actions throughout the story showed the lengths she would go to protect Molly and the final scenes left me feeling oddly proud of Julia and wanting her to succeed.

Nancy Tucker has written something very dark, harrowing and twisted that will make readers question their views on young offenders. Should someone forever be judged based on their past? She took Chrissie the ‘bad seed’ and shown us readers her really personality, her tortured background and the love she was unjustly denied. We’ve been given a glimpse of what life is like for child offenders who reach adult life and show remorse for their actions.

This will not be an easy listen or read for some but it’s an important one. It asks us to think twice before we jump on the band wagon of denying someone forgiveness and perhaps ask ourselves could we of done more?

Tucker engages us immediately here by beginning with Chrissie’s admission of murder; she’s eight years old, and has just killed a little boy. It’s quite unfathomable - most of us would find it impossible to understand why anyone would kill a two year old, and yet that thought becomes all the more disturbing and incomprehensible when we consider the killer to be another child.

Twenty years later, we meet Julia and her daughter Molly. It doesn’t take too long to gather that Julia is, in truth, Chrissie, released from incarceration and living under a new identity. Tucker intersperses Chrissie’s young life with her later life, alternating chapters to allow us to build the picture together.

Oddly enough, I felt no anger at Chrissie, no disgust. I’m aware I should have; I should have been abhorred at a child taking the life of another, at her ability to wreak such tragedy and call down such misery upon the boy’s family, and indeed the entire neighbourhood. I felt none of this, I just felt heartbroken, and it’s entirely down to Tucker’s skillful and careful storytelling.

Using Chrissie’s voice is a masterstroke here. She’s strong willed and confident, believes herself to be the best of all her friends, is never wrong, and is always in charge. Yet her immaturity and naivety is strongly apparent, her values and beliefs are out of sync with the real world, and worst of all she consistently lies to herself in order to dull her own pain. As you read a child’s words as an adult you can see through them entirely, and what you see here is awful, horrible, unfair, and cruel.

I’d never suggest a child who has experienced neglect should be vindicated from the results of their poor decisions, nor would I suggest all children who are neglected have something bad inside of them. There’s something in Tucker’s portrayal of Chrissie’s life which is just so entirely sad, so incredibly devastating, that it’s impossible to hate her as a character. She’s the antagonist of her own life; the only villain setting obstacles in front of her is Chrissie herself.

Wonderfully, we get to see Chrissie (or Julia) grown up and a mother. She is in no way absolved, and she’s drowning in a fog of regret, worry, and grief. And yet there’s some hope in there for her, some solace to be pulled from her (sometimes problematic) thought processes, and we can see some faith in herself begin to take root.

What Tucker has achieved with this novel is truly impressive. It’s such a sore subject, such a taboo. I was annoyed at myself initially, and felt I was sympathising with the devil, but this is a very important story to read, and try to understand yourself by reading.

This was a difficult book to read, not because of the way it was written. That very cleverly allowed the reader into the mind and emotions of an eight year old but the subject matter was hard to deal with.
Yes the opening line sets out the tragedy but the deprived and neglected life that Chrissie had to endure was just heartbreaking. I just kept wanting someone to intervene.
This is a story that hits the emotions but told in such a matter of fact way through the eyes of Chrissie, then and now. No big dramatic scenes for effect just life as seen by an eight year old girl who has every right to feel angry with the world. This book will stay with me for a long time.

When I mentioned to my husband the title of this book when I started it, he said it sounded like a gentle, cosy read. I then read him the first paragraph, the first line of which is, “I killed a little boy today”. He swiftly changed his mind. If you are looking for a cosy, happy-ever-after read, this is definitely not the book for you. If you are looking for an intense, unfiltered tale of a child brought up in the toughest circumstances, and the life long implications it can bring, this is 100% the book for you.
Chrissie is 8, and to say she has a tough upbringing is an understatement. By her own admission, Chrissie lives in a poor area, and even measured against those standards, Chrissie is extremely poor. She is desperate for food, but more so, she is desperate for love, affection, loyalty and just to be seen.
At the start of the story, I strongly disliked Chrissie. She has killed an innocent 2 year old boy. As the story unfolds, the author, Nancy Tucker, changed my opinion. By the end of the story, I was desperately wanting someone to help her, to understand all she had endured, and to see what she needed and longed for. In her letter to the readers at the start of the book, Nancy says she hopes that this book will help people see the circumstances that can lead people to unthinkable actions. For me, she absolutely achieved this.
The First Day of Spring is a poignant, absorbing and devastating 5* book. It made me thank my lucky stars I was born into my life, with my happy, safe and loved childhood. It also made me feel so sad for those who aren’t so lucky in the lottery of birth.

The First Day Of Spring is a book that will get you to go through every emotion there is in this dark book.
Chrissie killed a child when she was eight years old, her mother doesn’t have any food in the house, she is left to do what she wants whenever she wants and the other children’s mothers don’t really want her at their house all the time eating their food and showing their children bad behaviours. After going to a home for children that have done wrong she is released many years later and with her daughter Molly she tries her best to be the mother hers wasn’t. Under a different name so no one recognises her she is still unable to mix with other mothers keeping herself to herself until the phone calls start and she thinks she has been found out for who she really is.
The book is told from Chrissies journey as a child and as Julia the mother fighting to keep her daughter and works well. No matter what I write it will not get across how dark this book is covering subjects from abuse to neglect with no real happiness in the middle to help you along as this is how it was for this poor child. I found this a really good book and enjoyed it even though it covered some upsetting scenes and subjects.
I would like to thank Netgalley and Random House UK, Cornerstone, Hutchinson for this ARC I received in exchange for an honest review.

A very very dark book, difficult subject matter and was not really for me and so although was very well written was a DNF at 20%

I'm really not sure what to say about this book.
Anger. Hate. Betrayal. Love. Loss. Empathy and everything inbetween.
I fell in love with Chrissie and loathed her mother but reading the book you can't help to feel some emotion towards her mum, only of it's the slightest.
Chrissie's a young girl deprived of love and affection and whenever her dad leaves she's told that he died. So everytime he comes back it is a normal reaction to a young girl especially as she goes to church with her mum every Sunday and that Jesus rises from the dead. And this really where the story begins.

What compels some individuals to carry out the most atrocious and abhorrent crimes? Are some crimes so heinous that forgiveness is out of the question? Do you believe there’s a small section of society who are inherently evil, beyond redemption? What if both the perpetrator and victim aren’t adults but mere children? The First Day of Spring raises questions like these and more in a thought provoking, challenging but balanced way offering an insight into the mind and thought processes of a killer. At the same time it forces you to confront issues of individual and societal responsibilities towards the more vulnerable and disadvantaged members of our communities and your own role within that framework.

Nancy Tucker’s breathtakingly powerful debut novel allows you to step into the shoes of Chrissie, aged 8, as she commits the worst crime imaginable and again years later as Julia, a young mother to Molly. Immediately I fell into the camp of readers willing to open my heart and mind and ears to Chrissie’s voice, a voice that is so compelling and authentic you will not be able to put this book down. She commands your full attention as you (maybe reluctantly) inhabit her headspace, taking you on a heart rending journey through her childhood years through to motherhood. Written sensitively but with a raw and brutal honesty, this is a narrative that’s not backwards in coming forwards, detailing a childhood tragically denoted by poverty, hunger, neglect and an absence of love. Seeking neither to excuse nor justify Chrissie’s actions, this is a dark and uncomfortable read, one that stirs up a wealth of conflicting emotions from revulsion, horror, sadness and despair through to hope and possibly even forgiveness. Through Chrissie’s eyes you see this little girl as how others, including schoolteachers, other mothers and the local shopkeeper view her, a “bad seed” and the saddest thing of all is that Chrissie understands and resigns herself to being labelled in this way, almost purposefully behaving in a manner that perpetuates this belief. Yet however harrowing the subject matter, there are small pockets of happiness to be found amongst anecdotes of Chrissie’s interactions with the other street kids, particularly her best friend Linda. You get to glimpse the normal fun loving child that exists beneath the hard outer exterior, wanting to vent your anger and frustration at the injustice in her upbringing and lack of parental
concern that is partly, if not wholly to blame for her stolen innocence. Still, owing to her direct, straightforward way of talking she manages to make you laugh;even though her words are often unkind and hurtful there’s a truth to them that only a child in her position can get away with.

This was always going to be a storyline with a heavy emphasis on the nature versus nurture debate but it’s also one about surviving against all odds, about the amazing amount of resilience Chrissie has deep within to see her through her years of hardship both before and after she’s committed such a evil, monstrous act. Giving birth to Molly is Chrissie’s chance for rebirth; as Julia there’s no doubting the strength of love this young woman feels towards her daughter however complicated and fraught with anxiety it may be. I found myself tuning into every word spoken by them both, acutely aware of the need to remain impartial but finding a persuasiveness to their voices enabling me to look beyond their past towards their future. I was desperately wishing to obliterate Chrissie’s history and start again, smothering her with the kind of love every child deserves. But did I only feel like this because this is a work of fiction and I’m removed from the stark reality of lives Chrissie and others are destined to endure? I’m still contemplating that question a day after finishing the novel and it unsettles me that the truthful answer paints me as a less than empathetic, understanding individual.

Beautifully written, this is an outstanding debut novel. Chrissie’s voice is a voice that will linger in my mind in the days and weeks to follow, haunting my moments of quiet. 5 ⭐️ in no way does this author’s debut justice. Highly recommend.

My thanks as always to the publisher and Netgalley for giving me the opportunity to read in exchange for an honest review.

This is a very clever piece of writing to make the reader see things through a child of eight's eyes - especially one from such a deprived background. It is very frustrating that Chrissie struggled alone to cope with the world and her mother. She still struggles as an adult with a child herself, a new identity but no way of understanding normal love and emotion. I found this a very difficult read but definitely one that deserves airing.

The First Day Of Spring will have you hooked from the first line. It will instantly make you feel uncomfortable, then slowly chip away at your emotions as you become overwhelmed with sadness and pity and begin to battle with your empathy.

This is definitely a book that wholly depends on how you connect to the story. It’s unapologetically bleak and hard-hitting, so it may be too much for some readers. And I can definitely understand that struggle as it really plays on your mind how Tucker is going develop this story, after the impacting opening leaves nowhere for Chrissie’s intentions to hide.

Because how are you supposed to connect with a character who has committed the worst possible crime on the very first page? The question of whether Tucker was going to try and make me sympathise with her (and if so, how) was constantly in the back of my head. But Tucker doesn’t attempt to justify Chrissie’s inexcusable actions, but instead examines what compels a child to commit such a heinous crime.

For me, this was primarily a story about motherhood, and there’s so much of Chrissie’s upbringing and adult life with her own daughter that really pulled on my emotions. Told in turn by eight-year-old Chrissie and 28-year-old Julia, Tucker’s characterisation is brilliant. You get such a strong sense of her as a genuine and fully-fleshed person, and whatever I felt about her at the end, I mostly just felt enlightened.

Although it’s a dark and chilling story, I found the narrative so powerful and compelling. You will have to judge from the synopsis yourself whether you think this is the right book for you or not as it is a difficult read, but I do like my books to unnerve me and I think Tucker handles the story brilliantly.

I am afraid i just didn't connect with this book. I knew it wouldn't be an easy read, but I really struggled both with not liking the main character, and the pace of the book. I wanted to like it, and I am sorry I just didn't.