I absolutely adored this. I really needed a thriller to bounce back from a little reading slump and this was perfect. It was equal parts heartbreaking and terrifying. Chrissie was the devil but at the heart of it neglected and unloved. Just brilliant and loved it!

I must be honest, and admit that I struggled with the first quarter of this book, until something just seemed to click in to place for me. It is a difficult read with often harrowing subject matter, but it is an important book nonetheless.

Chrissie is a neglected young girl, often left to fend for herself with no clean clothes and no food. Unloved and uncared for, she can often be found wandering the streets, or picking select friends to 'play' with, because she knows that she will be fed, or at the very least be able to have some sweets.

She is afraid of nothing, and no one, even brazenly stealing from the local shop so that she can get her hands on sweets, defying the shopkeeper, and confirming her own thoughts that she is 'bad'. Chrissie understands that being bad makes her feel powerful, a feeling that she doesn't get at home.

A feeling that leads to her act in a terrifying manner with tragic consequences...

Julia is a scared first time Mum, scared of messing up, and scared of the authorities due to her unconventional upbringing. Although she is scared that they may take her daughter away, she doesn't feel that she should be. She feels that she deserves to be punished for a terrible crime she committed when she was younger, and that justice will finally be served.

She is unable to forgive herself, so why should anyone else?

The First Day of Spring is a remarkable book, recommended but with a word of caution-it's not for the easily disturbed.

This is a difficult distressing read but certainly a page turner. It’s told over two timelines, one as 8 year old Chrissie child killer and the other as adult Chrissie with her own daughter. The killing of a child is hard enough, but when it’s committed by another child it’s hard to understand. Chrissie was unloved, underfed and left to her own devices. She didn’t have any boundaries or parental guidance. Did this lead her to become a killer? In that respect you can’t help but feel empathy for her, even though you know what she did was very wrong. I found my feelings for her flip all the way through the book and it’s certainly not for the faint hearted. This is the author’s debut novel and I would definitely read more from them. Thank you to NetGalley and Random House UK, Cornerstone, Penguin for letting me read and review this book.

Thank you to the publishers for the opportunity to read this book. Unfortunately this book just wasn't for me. I loved the premise of this book but I found the content quite confronting which is definitely a kudos to the author for the emotive writing. The main issue I had with this book is that I didn't connect with the style of writing so I couldn't get absorbed in the story.

Little Chrissie is a difficult child to find any empathy for and it’s not just knowing what she did. She has a smart mouth and can be cruel with both her thoughts and actions. The author has given her an upbringing of being unloved and suffering from neglect, often having to go without food as there is none in the house. Her mother at one point, in a really tragic scene, goes as far as to try to give her away. Even with this heartbreaking backstory I still found I couldn’t accept it as an excuse, her narration had put pay to that. She acts like she is God and her bravado with her secret was astonishing and taunting, using it makes her feel all powerful. I wanted her to be caught and punished, made to pay for her shocking crime against an innocent little boy. She invoked in me a quiet but all consuming rage.

Then she becomes Julia, as a parent I judged her and her abilities to be a mother after what she had done. Has she paid enough for what she did? Should she be given a chance? How could she possibly be trusted? I have definitely come to understand that this is the reason they are given new identities, away from where the crime was committed.

This book will tear at your emotions, pulling you in two separate directions. The narration from eight year old killer Chrissie will turn you inside out and upside down as you struggle to comprehend both her life and her actions. This is an astonishing debut and while it won’t be for everyone due to it’s topic for those that do read it, you will be rewarded with a book that is as thrilling as it is alarming.

This was an uncomfortable read. The story of Chrissie/Julia is sad and upsetting. As a child Chrissie was left to run the streets with her friends. Scavenging for food - hungry, unloved and uncared for. Her mother a husk of a human being. Her friends are all loved and cared for and she is jealous, at the age of 8 she just doesn’t understand what this means. With little adult interaction she spends a lot of time in her head trying to make sense of the world around her and the things the adults say.

The book runs in two timelines - before and after, when she is Chrissie and when she is the adult Julia. As an adult Julia now has a little girl called Molly. Who is the centre of her universe. Although she is constantly waiting for the other show to drop and for social services to remove her - because Julia feels that is her punishment for the sick things she did as a child.

This is a story of loss, pain, hurt, and redemption. I will still be thinking about it long after I’ve completed it.

EXCERPT: I killed a little boy today. Held my hands around his throat, felt his blood pump hard against my thumbs. He wriggled and kicked and one of his knees caught me in the belly, a sharp lasso of pain. I roared. I squeezed. Sweat made it slippy between our skins but I didn't let go, pressed and pressed until my nails were white. It was easier than I thought it would be.

ABOUT 'THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING': Chrissie knows how to steal sweets from the shop without getting caught, the best hiding place for hide-and-seek, the perfect wall for handstands.

Now she has a new secret. It gives her a fizzing, sherbet feeling in her belly. She doesn't get to feel power like this at home, where food is scarce and attention scarcer.

Fifteen years later, Julia is trying to mother her five-year-old daughter, Molly. She is always worried - about affording food and school shoes, about what the other mothers think of her. Most of all she worries that the social services are about to take Molly away.

That's when the phone calls begin, which Julia is too afraid to answer, because it's clear the caller knows the truth about what happened all those years ago.

And it's time to face the truth: is forgiveness and redemption ever possible for someone who has killed?

MY THOUGHTS: Inside Chrissie's head is a scary place to be. Probably the scariest place I've been. It's dark, disturbing and more than sad. An eight year old should be full of the joys of life. Chrissie is full of nothing, except rage. The word 'neglect' doesn't even begin to cover Chrissie's mother's treatment of her. She tries to give Chrissie away. Her dad keeps disappearing. The other children have two parents, they are cared for - fed, and clothed, and loved. Chrissie wants this for herself, all of it.

The book is narrated entirely from the point of view of Chrissie/Julia. Chrissie as the neglected and abused eight year old child and Julia as the mother she becomes. As Julia struggles to be the mother she wanted to have, her backstory as Chrissie is revealed.

One of the most emotionally stunning points in the book is when Chrissie reveals, 'Most people were scared of me, at least a little bit. Just how I liked it.' This is an eight year old child! She is vicious, spiteful, and violent. She lies. She just wants to be loved, but has no idea how to be. She has no moral compass, no role model. Tucker's portrayal of the child Chrissie puts the reader inside the mind of a seriously disturbed eight year old, accurately depicting an eight year old's emotions, naivety and thought processes. It is not a comfortable experience.

Adult Julia is a slave to routine, giving her and Molly's lives structure. But she lives with the guilt of what she did when she was Chrissie, and the fear that someone, one day, will take her own daughter away from her. After all, isn't that just what she deserves?

The First Day of Spring is a tense, addictive and harrowing read. There were times I felt physically sick at the neglect, the cruelty, the cries for help that went unanswered, and both Chrissie and Julia's loneliness. This is a book that pummels the emotions and makes no apologies for doing so. Chrissie the child horrifies and appalls; Julia the adult tugs at the heartstrings and embodies hope.

A thought provoking and ultimately satisfying read.

⭐⭐⭐⭐.3

#TheFirstDayofSpring #NetGalley

I: @nancycntucker @randomhouseuk

T: @NancyCNTucker @RandomHouseUK

#contemporaryfiction #familydrama #crime #mentalhealth

THE AUTHOR: Nancy Tucker was born and raised in West London. She spent most of her adolescence in and out of hospital suffering from anorexia nervosa. On leaving school, she wrote her first book, THE TIME IN BETWEEN (Icon, 2015) which explored her experience of eating disorders and recovery. Her second book, THAT WAS WHEN PEOPLE STARTED TO WORRY (Icon, 2018), looked more broadly at mental illness in young women.

Nancy recently graduated from Oxford University with a degree in Experimental Psychology. Since then she has worked in an inpatient psychiatric unit for children and adolescents and in adult mental health services. She now works as an assistant psychologist in an adult eating disorders service. The First Day of Spring is her first work of fiction. (Amazon)

DISCLOSURE: Thank you to Random House UK, Cornerstone via Netgalley for providing a digital ARC of The First Day of Spring by Nancy Tucker for review. All opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own personal opinions.

For an explanation of my rating system please refer to my Goodreads.com profile page or the about page on sandysbookaday.wordpress.com

This review is also published on Twitter, Amazon, Instagram and my webpage

The First Day of Spring by Nancy Tucker
Pub Date 17th February 2022
'So that was all it took,' I thought. 'That was all it took for me to feel like I had all the power in the world. One morning, one moment, one yellow-haired boy. It wasn't so much after all.'
Chrissie knows how to steal sweets from the shop without getting caught, the best hiding place for hide-and-seek, the perfect wall for handstands.
Now she has a new secret. It gives her a fizzing, sherbet feeling in her belly. She doesn't get to feel powerful like this at home, where food is scarce and attention scarcer.
Fifteen years later, Julia tries to mother her five-year-old daughter, Molly. She is always worried - about affording food and school shoes, about what the other mothers think of her. Most of all, she worries that the social services are about to take Molly away.
That's when the phone calls begin, which Julia is too afraid to answer because it's clear the caller knows the truth about what happened all those years ago.
And it's time to face the truth: are forgiveness and redemption even possible for someone who has killed?
Wow-what a remarkable debut. The First Day of Spring is a gripping, thought-provoking, complex, haunting story of abuse, neglect, poverty, vulnerability, murder and reprieve.
A compelling read with perfect characters that feel genuine and realistic. The story is told on two parallel timelines Chrissie and Julia, Chrissie, a cruel, cold killer and Julia with a daughter of her own.
I enjoyed it (if that's the right word), but it is quite a long, challenging read.
I'm happy to recommend it. It is a book that I will re-read and indeed mention to others.
I want to thank NetGalley, Random House UK, Cornerstone Penguin and Nancy Tucker for a pre-publication copy to review.

Wow! That's what I thought when I first started reading this brilliant book! From the first page it had me hooked. As darkly disturbing as it is - it made me want to read and read and read. I got so immersed in the life of Chrissy. I felt sorry for her, was angry at her, laughed at her and wanted to save her and give her the love she so desperately needed.

Loved this book and look forward to reading many more from Nancy Tucker.

Thank you for letting me preview.

It may seem over the top to rate a book one of your top reads of the year as early as February, but there is no way to read this novel without agreeing - it is perfect in every way. Haunting and emotive, full of characters you really care about - one of the first novels I have read in a long time where I desperately wanted it to continue and felt a sense of loss at the end.

Not an easy read by any means, but so well crafted that, despite the heavy topic, you will skip through the pages breathlessly.

'So that was all it took,' I thought. 'That was all it took for me to feel like I had all the power in the world. One morning, one moment, one yellow-haired boy. It wasn't so much after all.'
Chrissie knows how to steal sweets from the shop without getting caught, the best hiding place for hide-and-seek, the perfect wall for handstands.
Now she has a new secret. It gives her a fizzing, sherbet feeling in her belly. She doesn't get to feel power like this at home, where food is scarce and attention scarcer.
Fifteen years later, Julia is trying to mother her five-year-old daughter, Molly. She is always worried - about affording food and school shoes, about what the other mothers think of her. Most of all she worries that the social services are about to take Molly away.
That's when the phone calls begin, which Julia is too afraid to answer, because it's clear the caller knows the truth about what happened all those years ago.
And it's time to face the truth: is forgiveness and redemption ever possible for someone who has killed?

This is a stunning debut read.
Wonderful well written plot and story line that had me engaged from the start.
Love the well fleshed out characters and found them believable.
Great suspense and found myself second guessing every thought I had continuously.
Can't wait to read what the author brings out next.
Recommend reading.

I was provided an ARC from NetGalley and the publisher. This is my own hone\st voluntary review

A deeply disturbing and heartbreaking book, but written with a lightness of touch that keeps you turning the pages and thinking about the deep questions of life, particularly forgiveness and redemption
Ms Tucker is a very talented writer and I look forward to reading more from her.
Thank you to netgalley and Random House UK for an advance copy of this book.

It is so difficult to talk about this book without descending into rapture. Occasionally, a novel comes along and takes a piece of my heart; this is one.

Chrissie is eight years old when she kills a boy. You discover that on the first page. What follows is a narrative told by Chrissie as a child and an adult. This is a hard hitting read, it is dark and heart rending. The characters and their stories seep into your soul. I felt an almost unbearable sadness for Chrissie despite her crime. Adult Chrissie, now Julie, struggles with her past and fears for the future for her own daughter.

Whilst this is a disturbing book it is so well written that I could not put it down. There is some humour in young Chrissie's naive musings about life. I won't forget her for a long time.

This is a superb debut.

Many thanks to NetGalley and Random House for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Seldom have I encountered a protagonist quite as pitiable as Chrissie Banks. She was not an easy little girl. She could be vindictive, nasty, and bullying. While sometimes I found myself disliking her, at other times my heart broke for her. So young, so alone, so deprived, so hungry… People called Chrissie a ‘bad seed’, and she knew this was true.

The writing in this very dark, very disturbing, very chilling novel, was spectacular. The reader becomes immersed in Chrissie’s head, and that is not a comfortable place to reside. Both as a child, and as an adult, Chrissie has felt unworthy. When she has a daughter of her own, she feels that she does not deserve a child, because she has taken away another Mammy’s child. She tries very hard to be a good mother – though she has no experience of how motherhood is supposed to work. She is afraid that her daughter will turn out like she did.

The advice to writers is sometimes ‘write what you know’. “The First Day Of Spring“, is written with profound understanding and empathy that I can only hope that this novel is not a case where the author writes what ‘she knows’. Her portrayal of an unwanted, neglected, desperately unloved child is one which will haunt me forever.

A profoundly chilling and disturbing character study, this novel is deserving of all the stars…

This was not my fave out it’s style of book. I could not get into it as it was quite disturbing and dark. Out of my comfort zone, but others may enjoy it!

Based loosely on May Bell this was a good premis and food for thought. Just didn’t think it was well written.

Read and reviewed in exchange for a free copy from NetGalley. This was a powerful read. Tucker captured the distinct voices of Chrissie and Julia well and handled very difficult themes sensitively and skillfully. My only critique would be of the early regular descriptions of characters' weight, which to me stuck out and felt superfluous. However, overall, a very engaging read.

This book unsettled me and I found it uncomfortable reading. A good book brings out your emotions and this book certainly did. I felt sorry and repulsed by the main characters in equal measure.
Not my usual genre but very well written.

From the very first line I was immediately hooked on this book. A little girl has killed a little boy and the most frightening part is...she liked it.

There's been a few books recently with the trope of a young child gone bad, and while these have been gripping reads, The First Day Of Spring stands miles ahead in so many ways. For me, it's one of the few of these types of books where it's possible to empathise and with the child who has done such terrifying acts. Nancy Tucker writes so well and draws you in so much that you flip from being revolted one minute to then wanting to scoop up Chrissie and rescue her the next.

The book switched back and forth in timelines and perspectives and it flowed brilliantly. It gave such a good insight into the Chrissie before and after her crimes and indeed what may have caused such unthinkable actions.

There is no doubt this is a harrowing read, from the descriptions of the murder to the repetitive neglect of Chrissie by her mother but it is one of the best books I've read in quite a while and poor Chrissie will stay with me for a long time to come.

would like to thank netgalley and the publisher for letting me read this book

sorry to say this one wasnt for me...i dreaded opening the book to read it sorry gonna pass on this one