A powerful, must read book. Honest, real, raw. Thank you to both NetGalley and the publishers for gifting me this book

Aged 23, actor David Harewood experienced psychosis and was sectioned under the Mental Health Act. In this memoir he reflects on his his childhood in Birmingham and the early experiences of racism that he believes lead to a fractured identity and ultimately to his mental health struggles. After recovering from psychosis he builds a successful acting career and rarely looks back on the experience until 30 years later, when he revisits this for a documentary, Psychosis and Me. This is an insightful read for anyone who would like to understand the impact of racism on mental health and identity. The title of the book refers to David's sense of not quite fitting in either to the 'white space' or among Black people. I would have liked a bit more focus perhaps on his recovery but that's a minor criticism of an honest and thoughtful memoir.

CW: Racism, mental health, incarceration, grief

With thanks to Netgalley and the Publisher for this review copy.

David Harewood is the kind of actor that once seen will always be remembered. He has the kind of natural talent on screen that means his is always believable and engaging. Thankfully, this talent extends to writing too!

This autobiography dives deep into his childhood and his experience growing up in Birmingham, focusing on his experience as a black child and young man. It was insightful, engaging and thought provoking. At parts I was uncomfortable, rightly so. David's story made me question all sorts of things, learn yet more, and end up being very sure that David absolutely does belong here.

Reading while listening or immersion reading, whatever you want to call it was how I read Maybe I Don't Belong Here which was perfect for me. I think a memoir when read by the author imbues an indescribable element that enhances the enjoyment of a book.
Concurrently reading the text gave it an added resonance.

This isn't a book where enjoyment is the first thing that springs to mind. Whilst there are humourous sections, interesting tidbits of the life of a eworking actor that you've actually heard. What I was left with foremostly was gratitude for this honest insight not just into David Harewood's mental health and wellbeing but the context around it.

If being colourblind was a real thing, not tokenism aka, treating people equally, according to accomplishment or potential (dependent on the situation), then truly the world would be a better place, less divisive.

Words matter, assumptions and stereotypes stigmatise and micro aggressions are real and damaging.

This book showed the consequences of this and more. Through a personal lense it touched on family history, mental health provision for non whites, funding of the NHS and role of a strong support network to advocate.

On finishing this, I was reminded of those individuals going through similar situations and challenges but not in the same privileged position of the author. I realise that Ill health is not limited to only the poor or disenfranchised, however money and influence can afford interventions that make a real difference in treatment and sustained recovery.

There was nothing new here in the topics shared and themes explored. But the delivery made what could have been a downbeat read, hopeful. Because people are more aware of the impact of racism on mental and physical health and are willing to share openly to remove the stigma, there is hope that things can and will change.
And by change I mean not only access to services, personalised care, delivery of a patient focus service that meets the needs of the population it's serving rather than the one size fits all approach. I mean too treating non whites as human beings who have different characteristics but are fundementally the same rather than different.
An interesting read.

This incredibly powerful book by David Harewood is a must-read for everyone. It is so poignant, so personal, so insightful and so honest. I can't find the words to do justice to how important this book is so please, please do read it.

i've been familiar with david harewood's work for years, homeland and supergirl, and more obscurely, an episode of pbs's shakespeare uncovered where he presented on othello. i had no idea until i watched his episode that he was the first black actor to play othello at london's national theatre, sam mendes directing nonetheless. i could only imagine the pressure he must've felt, and in reading his memoir, i feel even more empathy and awe at his talent and craft.

Talking about psychosis is so important, because it's something so many are scared of. But I think we should all know the signs - for ourselves, for our loved ones, to recognise the poor mental health services in the UK
Fabulous read ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Maybe I Don’t Belong Here by David Harewood is the Homeland actor’s account of his mental health breakdown in his early 20s shortly after leaving drama school and the racism he experienced growing up in the West Midlands in the 1970s and 1980s. The book follows the excellent documentary Harewood made for the BBC a couple of years ago called ‘Psychosis and Me’, and sees him reflect on the impact of racism on mental health and identity in the most harrowing terms. He was sectioned twice during his illness and says: “I’m absolutely convinced that had I been in America at the time of my breakdown, I’d most likely be dead.” The racist abuse he was subjected to as a child caused him to have “a Black half and an English half” and his fractured sense of self and identity was apparent in the nature of his breakdown where a psychiatric report states: “Patient believes he is two persons”. Even though Harewood made a full recovery and went on to have a successful career, making the documentary and reading his medical notes about what happened during his illness has clearly had a profound effect on him. Harewood’s informal and conversational style is very engaging to read. Many thanks to Pan Macmillan for sending me a review copy via NetGalley.

A great journey through a great life! But not an easy life: before landing famous roles in Homeland and Supergirl, David Harewood struggled for a long time. He struggled with his dual identity of being both Black and British, and having to face everyday ordinary racism. Or to join the "white space" and forget his origins - but the white space won't let him forget.

This constant fight will lead to a nervous breakdown and a psychotic crisis. But instead of ending his career before it even began, this episode will give David strength and hope for a better future. Even if he has to make it so himself.

"Maybe I don't belong here? And that's when it happened, the two halves of me split. There was now a Black half and an English half and I could feel myself slowly coming apart."

Homeland actor David Harewood, describing the moment an elderly white man called him a "little Black bastard", shouting for him to get "the fuck out of my country." He was aged just seven at the time.

In Maybe I Don't Belong Here, Harewood puts some of the most challenging aspects of racial identity into words, in ways I haven't been able to describe myself. This is a searingly powerful and profoundly honest memoir charting how racism intersects with mental health and the act of day to day living. Racism is so often seen as something which exists in isolation, but Harewood unquestionably shows how acts of aggression and othering cut to the core of who we are. This, as well as his unfiltered account of his experience of severe psychosis, make his story incredibly valuable.

The fact that he is a successful actor is secondary to the human story he's telling, but perhaps makes it feel even more impactful, as a person with a public profile discussing his deep discomfort found at times within 'white spaces'. A vital work on identity, assimilation and race relations in the UK today.

Thanks to Pan Macmillan and Netgalley for the advanced copy.

Maybe I Don't Belong Here: A Memoir of Race, Identity, Breakdown and Recovery by David Harewood.

"On stage I played King Lear and Othello - in TV I had three lines. I played Macbeth and was asked if I thought Shakespeare meant for him to be black- reviews said I looked more like Mike Tyson than Macbeth"

Last night I was lucky enough to get hold of a limited ticket to see David Olusoga interview David Harewood at Southbank centre where he spoke of recovery from the trauma of both racism in this country "there's no black in the Union Jack" and suffering a literal psychosis and being sectioned.

Honestly it was chilling, endearing, funny "I've decided not to go on social media first thing in the morning. Waking up to 'GET OUT OF MY COUNTRY YOU BLACK BASTARD, just ruins your entire day. So I leave it for a few hours you know, afternoon racism is a lot more palatable", heartbreaking and relatable as... well yeah, you get the drift.

He spoke about how he is always surprised at how people are surprised and 'shocked' that racism is 'still a thing because it's 2021' and honestly, so am I. It's more frustrating than I could EVER put into words to have people tell you that your ENTIRE life experience is something they've only just realised is a problem. Like, do you not know ANY people of colour? Are you unintentionally telling me that you just didn't believe me when I would tell you my experiences? And why on earth are you reporting your surprise to me? Unless you want me to placate your naivety in some way? That is not my responsibility!

He also spoke about the sad truth of how every person of colour KNEW ahead of the football match that if England didn't win, the black players would be blamed and receive a torrent of abuse (and true to form, this glorious country proved us right). At the time, we had loads of people putting up #flagstacks in support and hopes that football was coming home. My post simply stated that I was aware of the fact that if we didn't win, I'd spend the next week being told to 'go back to my own country'. Last night, he said something so prominent - "Maybe that day it was the truth that finally came home, not football".

I cannot wait to read this book and I hope as many of you as possible get your hands on a copy!
I am so excited...and a little scared to read this book and I hope as many of you as possible can get your hands on a copy!
These are conversations that will NEVER get old and despite the rumour that certain people like to spread, us talking about it, ISN'T what "keeps racism alive".
Remember, it's ok not to be ok. We are tired and it's time that the people who claim to care about us, actually start caring in ACTIONS, not just words. It's a mantle that EVERYONE should be holding.
Mental Health issues (especially when it comes to people of colour), should stop being criminalised! We are afforded so many less opportunities for simple human compassion and understanding, based on the fact that we have more melanin in our bodies?!?! Stop being scared of our greatness. That fear is what makes you small, not our existence and an incessant need to 'put us in our place'.
Anyway, before it turns into a rant - thank you and let me know if you get your hands on a copy. xx

Maybe I Don't Belong Here - David Harewood

5/5

📖This is a memoir of the actor David Harewood with a huge difference to any other celebrity memoir you'll read.

This is one of the best books I've ever read. It is a harrowing and heartbreaking account of how his mental health and career was affected by racism.
It mentions how he couldn't remember much of his mental health deterioration until obtaining the files years later as part of making a BBC documentary concerning his breakdowns. WATCH THE DOCUMENTARY
I've never read of anyone in his position making himself so vulnerable in such a way discussing mental health. It is important that this book was written in the way that it was.
Was a long time before I knew he was from Birmingham - I only really knew him for his amazing performances in Homeland which illustrates his point about Black actors having to get work in the US to get quality roles for the most part.
It's saddening and disgusting that because of the way he's been treated he doesn't feel he truly belongs anywhere.
GO OUT AND BUY THIS BOOK

Thanks to NetGalley and The Publisher for this eARC in exchange for an honest review.

I would like to thank David Harewood for providing such an honest, open, and raw account of his mental health struggles in his early 20's and the journey it taken him on. Furthermore, I applaud his bravery in calling out the British establishment in not acknowledging the racialised society that it is, preferring to 'not see colour' or see racism as an American problem only, despite knowing that it could affect his highly successful career, A career that shows that a breakdown doesn't put an end to greatness. Moving and uplifting in equal measure and really readable. An important book for the times.

A really fascinating book about race in Britain, identity and psychosis.

David Harewood is an actor, and relatively well-known (many would know him 'off something', most recently I've seen him in Supergirl). Still, I'd missed his TV show about his breakdown and didn't know any more until I saw this book.

He grew up in a black family in very white surroundings and for many reasons grew up with a conflicted identity that didn't even recognise the conflict it was in. Eventually, under pressure (and, it has to be said, a shedload of drugs), he broke.

This is a hard book to read because it's true and he pulls no punches. He writes conversationally, as if talking to a friend, but it means you have to hear and accept things you don't necessarily want to hear. I'm a white woman who grew up in Merseyside. Hearing about the time he went to Liverpool only to be met with a horribly racist crowd made me wince. I winced because I knew it to be true. I winced because I didn't want it to be. Imagine being the person actually going through it!

I admire his resilience, and I also admire his friends and family who helped him through it all. It was an incredible challenge to pick out a career against so much adversity and mental stress. And it's brave for Harewood to bare all now, especially as he'd struggled with doing so along the way.

Talking about psychosis is so important, because it's something so many are scared of. But I think we should all know the signs - for ourselves, for our loved ones, to recognise the poor mental health services in the UK and to campaign for better. Harewood also shows that racism is something we still have to tackle here. It's so easy for those not experiencing it to shrug away the people who are. But let's face it, most of us are completely ignorant of the challenges anyone different to us has. We can only learn if we start by listening.

A good read.

4.5

A powerful, moving and thought provoking memoir on what it means to be Black and British.

Harewood has a wonderfully informal writing style, almost as if he is writing to a friend. It makes for an unputdownable read but also makes his mental health struggles all the more poignant. The journey the reader is taken through - from a young boy in Birmingham encountering racist abuse for the first time, to a successful actor in America struggling to find his place within the "White Space" - is heartbreaking and life affirming.

His mental health struggles - and discussion of the subsequent documentary examining this - are tactfully written and are used to highlight the disproportionate amount of BAME people who are suffering with regards to their mental health, as well as being a damning indictment of racism in the UK.

A beautifully written, timely and necessary read.

Thanks to Pan Macmillan Bluebird for the ARC.

Actor David Harewood pulls no punches in his autobiography in which he shares the formative events of his life that led to psychotic episodes after becoming an actor, and which ultimately led to him being sectioned twice. Harewood writes in such a friendly, conversational style that is so easy to read that it makes his harrowing depiction of the psychotic episodes that much more effecting. He is completely open about his breakdown and hopes that the book will encourage others, especially Black people, to overcome the stigma of mental health and seek help.
He vividly describes his early childhood and an early life-changing experience of racist abuse in which his psyche is “split” into two separate personas, English and Black. This is juxtaposed with scenes of a warm and loving family life, his love of the TV comedians of the time and the rarity of seeing a black actor on television at the time. This is something I remember myself from growing up, and he paints a very familiar picture of late ‘60s, early ‘70s Britain. Soon David finds himself assimilating into the “white space”. His happy school life, in which he evolved to be the class clown, changes when his father is sectioned following a breakdown. Harewood sees similarities in the drastic changes both he and his father had to undergo through living in England and admits “the white space had taken its toll on both of us”. His parents later divorce also causes the young David a great deal of pain and confusion.
We share his initial euphoria at becoming an actor which soon ends in a haze of alcohol and drug use due to psychological pressure from another actor. The title of the book is a phrase that Harewood keeps saying to himself as he struggles with his identity and feels rejected even by the “Black space” - “maybe I don’t belong here”.
It is around this time in his life when, David admits, his mind begins to unravel. He vividly describes his manic episodes where he would take walks late at night, wavering between periods of lucidity and psychosis, and often wake up the next morning in completely unfamiliar surroundings. The most extreme psychotic event results in him being arrested after believing the voice of Martin Luther King was in his head, directing him, and ends with David being sectioned twice and admitted to a psychiatric hospital. The chapter on this, entitled “The Ward”, is heartbreaking, and on the (probably unwise) advice of his brother he decides to “act normal” to get out of the hospital. Eventually, through sheer resilience, he is able to restart his acting career and to finally find inner peace while playing parts all over the world, which would ultimately lead to him starring in the show “Homeland”. He admits that his illness has given him a resilience to survive in the acting business and that it possibly shook “some of the bullshit” out of him.
The book also touches on Harewood’s shock at discovering the disproportionate amount of black people in the mental health system in the UK. A 2019/2020 survey discovered that “Black and minority people suffer elevated rates of psychosis and schizophrenia compared with white people”. This leads to Harewood making his acclaimed BBC documentary, “Psychosis and Me”, in which he finally learns the real truth about how ill he had been during his breakdown and the production is a profoundly moving experience for him.
This is a raw and honest book about being Black, (Harewood capitalises the word throughout) and about what it means to be Black with mental health problems. The book is refreshingly free of “luvviness”; Harewood necessarily mentions the famous actors he has worked with, but he never loses his starstruck amazement at meeting people like Al Pacino. He bemoans the greater opportunities for Black actors in the USA compared to the UK; pointing this out once got him into a bit of trouble. David Harewood’s book is heartbreaking yet hopeful, and I read it in one sitting.

Many thanks to NetGalley and Pan Macmillan for allowing me to read an advanced copy of this title.