This book is certainly out on a limb in terms of how much is written about some of the topics the author covers - which is definitely part of the point she is making. She doesn't shy away from areas others have avoided or misinformed on and she goes into quite a lot of detail. I would actually say too much depth in some areas, and by that I mean she really labours certain points, going over and over them, round and round from various angles but not really looking at different take it options perhaps.
She also raises a number of very important medical issues and briefly explores how to get help for some of these.
I found some of the chapters needed more and others needed less. The section on asexuality felt only surface deep and I still didn't feel it was a subject I actually understood once I'd finished reading, whereas the section on vaginismus seemed to go on forever and could have been shortened substantially.
I'm still not really sure who the book is aimed at? It seems to want to be a sex education guide but it certainly isn't aimed at younger readers as the language is quite challenging. Perhaps it's a book telling teachers what they should be doing but it doesn't really fit that category either as it spends rather a long time saying what they shouldn't be doing instead.
It's a good book and I'm glad I took the time to read it but I think it may struggle to find it's place/readership.

I reviewed this book as part of my May Reading Wrap Up https://youtu.be/FdliyyUETkc

It has also featured in other videos on my channel. A great non-fiction read!

Incredibly informative, it's so sad that this book has to be written and this information isn't accepted/taught to everyone. I did find it quite dense ready so picked up a few times but would highly recommend the content.

This was a really informative book that I learnt a lot from, while also being able to put into better words some things I experienced myself. It's a very timely book but it's definitely something that I think we should get more people reading and it definitely gives the strongest case for completely rehauling sex education in schools around the world.

This was a super informative book about sex education and how much we really don't know. Sophia has a strong style and an ability to cut through and make sure nothing is left uncovered. Sophia really did take a deep dive into all elements of the internet and beyond to create a well-written book intended to provide a deep guide to virginity and what it entails - who's responsible and who takes control.

I found this really informative and funny at the same time. The topic of Sex Ed was approached in such an interesting way that i flew threw this book. I finished this and felt like i really learnt something, Sophie Smith Galer covers such a wide range of topics and that really helped me understand a lot of the wider discussions that take place within this book. This feels like a Sex Ed book designed for adults who were let down by their PSHE teachers and it shows the modern-day Sex Ed needs.

losing it is a brilliant look into modern sex and sexuality - namely, busting myths, broadening minds, and a scathing look at where sex education systems have failed, and are continuing to fail, generations of young people. i can't wait for the day when books like this are no longer necessary because young people are taught more than the bare minimum to ensure their sexual wellbeing. but for now, a book like this is an amazing place to start. sophia smith galer covers a range of topics with nuance and empathy, including virginity/virility myths, inceldom, and "sexlessness". i now go out of my way to seek literature and other media on topics like these; i have no choice, because i feel i've been failed failed by traditional educators (schools, parents, etc.). i always end up learning so much and am reminded how much sex and sexuality is a lifelong lesson. we have a long way to go as a society to reach a level of true sex-equity and sex-positivity, but books like losing it go a long way to bridging the gap. definitely recommend.

massive thanks to 4th estate, william collins and netgalley for providing me with an eARC in exchange for an honest review.

Sophia Smith Galer's book is a practical, no-nonsense account debunking many of the still-recurrent myths around sex and sexuality.
She pulls no punches when she discusses how woeful sex education as a whole is in the UK (and generally in most of the world but she focuses on there as that is where she is from) and how there is huge work needed to bring this important element of education to the necessary level.
She uses factual reference from various studies to back up points, but also interviews with a variety of people affected by a lack of proper sex-positive knowledge plus her own anecdotal references; this makes it a very accessible read and one which should be made widely available. While a lot of the issues and myths she writes about are something I know about myself, I in my mid-30s absolutely did not know about most, if not all, of it as a teenager and only through my own curiousity and openness in this area am I now relatively more knowledgable than I was, but as Galer points out it should not be well after we become active in this area that we learn the important elements, we should be well prepared for them before we begin engaging sexually. This book is definitely a step in the right direction, now let's just hope things start catching up.

Good fact-, evidence- and... mainly UK-based read. I think "Losing It" will be an important resource for teens and young adults, as well as their parents.

Sophia Smith Galer recognises that sexuality requires life-long learning and her choice of case studies is just spot on. Thanks to the contributors, she's able to showcase the good, but also the bad aspects of the current state of UK's SRE programme and how formal and informal sex-ed informs peoples' choices and beliefs around sex.

That being said, I don't think "Losing It" is very original. Considering other similar publications, it feels repetitive at times, and I think it would be great to focus on more nuances and intersections of sex education. I understand that these types of books needs to appeal to the majority of people, however it's helpful to always ask oneself: whose experiences did I choose to leave out?

While this isn’t always the most nuanced portrayal of sex myths, it’s light years ahead of what most of us grew up with in terms of sex ed. This book and others like it should be required reading in secondary schools.

This is a must read for everyone!! Swipe for the books details.

As a Kurdish woman growing up under religion/culture in Western society this book hit very close to home.
Don’t get me wrong, some of the horrors Sophia talks about I am lucky to not have experienced. Not was I ever made to pray or wear a headscarf. But simply revealing skin was shameful for a respectable girl which is a continued internal argument I have with myself.

Sophia no longer believes in the term ‘losing’ one’s virginity and I very much agree with that. It puts too much importance on the act of first time sex which is usually negative and about women. Although this doesn’t ignore the fact that men also have problems, especially with things like ejaculation.

It’s wonderfully written and I wish I could talk about the entire book but instead I want you to read it for yourself and be better educated.

Sophia makes very good points regarding the education system in that sex education needs to be improved in how its taught and what is included. Especially when we’re combating with how it’s put across by the porn industry which can be very unhealthy, even dangerous, for children.

I grew up in a somehow open-minded household in regards to sex. My mom has always been like, 'you don't have to wait marriage to have sex but just do it with someone you love'. However, that was the whole conversation. I didn't learn about consent nor about any other sex-related topics, not at school not at home. Coincidentally, the only year when my school did a class (4 hours) on sex-ed, I was studying abroad so I never got to take the class. It took me years to debunk a lot of the myths described in the book, but that was done through my own curiosity. I didn't have a proper school education about sex, and I wish so much that this book were available at the time and I hope that a lot of the topics it covers start to be talked about in schools and universities, not just in the UK but worldwide too.

Losing It is a very informative book, aiming to dispel various myths surrounding virginity, sex, sexuality and relationships. Galer begins by discussing the dimsal level of sex education in UK schools before covering a myth per chapter. It certainly made me re-evaluate my perspective on several topics. I enjoyed learning about other cultures and their views and attitudes towards sex and relationships, even if some of the subject matter made for uncomfortable and upsetting reading.

However, I can only give three stars due to the lack of nuance throughout. The author seems to think her views are correct and there's no room for other viewpoints. For example, she doesn't believe porn addiction exists so she simply mocks and dismisses the idea of it, missing out what could be a very informative part of the book, particularly for the younger generation for whom porn is forming their initial views of sex. The writing is also rather clumsy in parts, with some chapters appearing to be more researched that others but nonetheless still readable.

An informative, if somewhat narrow minded read.

Thanks to NetGalley and William Collins for the ARC.

I wish this book was available when I was growing up, I wish this book was available 10 years ago to help me inform my first born! I myself have learnt lots from reading this and dispelled myths I’d grown up believing, I intend to use this knowledge to inform my youngest child still in primary education not to far off secondary and give her knowledge I certainly didn’t have available for myself or first born.
I will share with as many people I can possible. Sophia has changed my mind, my views and perspective on lots of sex topics never too old to learn.
Interesting, insightful , eye opening brilliant writing.

Losing It is an informative non-fiction book, making the case that sex education in the UK is not and has never been fit for purpose - drawing from theory and practical studies, it made its case well.

The book is structured into chapters each focusing on a specific pervasive "myth" about sex, covering topics from toxic masculinity to virginity to consent. At times the writing was slightly clunky, but its well worth a read for anyone wanting to get a beginners overview of the state of sex education today and a peek at what it could be.

Firstly many thanks to the publisher for the advanced reading copy.

I do believe in life long learning. I was certain when I saw this book on offer to review that I would learn something. I most certainly did. This book is a great tool. It is set out in easy to read chapters with a central idea in each. The one where I added the most book marks was the 'consent' one.

An absolutely compelling non-fiction read about the complexities and politics around sex and the conversation of sex. We tackle issues of vagina-pain, pressures on men to be constantly virile and the industry around “fixing” genitalia as well the problems with sex Education and consent. Such an eye opener. A must read.

Such an important, informative read. Being able to relate to the lack of proper sex education in school I felt I really learnt a lot from reading this. I also have a preteen daughter who I feel would really benefit from reading this in a couple of years time, although there is more being done about sex education in schools it still isn’t enough. Great storytelling, interesting factual information, some life lessons we didn’t realise we needed. Fantastic

Smith Galer is a self-confessed storyteller. In Losing It, a cacophony of voices relate experiences around having, deferring, avoiding, anticipating, and regretting first sex. These are mainly tales of error, pain, misjudgement, and mystification. Perhaps usurpingly, pleasure doesn’t get much of a look in; it’s too complicated, compromised by miscommunication, misalignment, paralysis, or worse, botched surgical procedures.

The research sources bridge a dizzying range of virtual and real-world platforms, showing how difficult it is to know where to direct demand for change, better relationship education and information.

There are a couple of elephants eying each other in the book. In my view significant polarities in considering Losing Its information landscape. One is culture, in the form of representations of first love and lust, coming of age, and rites of passage. The other is masturbation. The latter gets mentioned, but its obfuscation from the central discourse indicates that this beginner’s pleasuring is inconvenient. Private, it remains taboo excluded from the public myths and regimes of disinformation and power.

It hadn’t occurred to me before reading that in recent talk of consent, harassment, abuse and rape culture, fantasy is never mentioned as part of human sexuality. Smith Galer points out learning about sex today requires a legal mindset. I guess no one needs fantasy now with so much shown on the internet. The pornography industry engaged in a campaign of fetishizing power imbalances.

It’s appropriate that Smith Galer rounds up this collection of incorrect beliefs about first-time sex with a misattributed quotation. In her view, Oscar Wilde said, “Everything is about sex, except sex itself; sex, instead, is about power.” It’s unlikely that this was Wilde because, in his era, the word sex had not yet started to be used to denote coitus (or cunnilingus, or whatever); it referred to biology, gender. Ironically it makes sense in a different way. Patriarchy is sex invested in power, and it doesn’t benefit anyone. It divides, coming between what you think you want and need and what you will get. I hope Smith Galer will produce a companion volume on the “triumph and virility” demanded of men.

Like everyone else, my sex ed at school was pretty poor. Emphasis on pregnancy, and male pleasure with a lack of information or conversation around consent or female pleasure.

This book is the sex ed you wished you had at school, from unpacking FGM, to why ‘virginity’ is bullshit, and how the patriarchy just loves to bring women down.

Sophia Smith Galer is honest about her own experiences which also gives you the reassurance you need.

I highly recommend to everyone out there, I’m making my boyfriend read this!