If you know nothing about gender then this is the book for you. Ally ship is really important and this book gives you some support with this, the book is more like an open letter from the author and wasn’t what I expected (don’t know what I was expecting to be fair) this could resonate with so many young people or anyone who is not cis gender

Thank you NetGalley for my ARC!

I will 100% be putting a copy of this book in my classroom for students. This was a great intro guide to what being non-binary means and common questions/ situations arise for non-binary folks and how those topics can be approached.

My 2 big dislikes of this book/ 2 big things I would have liked: 1) the author skims a lot of HEAVY topics at an extremely surface level. While I think that’s a great way to start conversations with non-binary newbies, I wanted way more depth on the super important topics. The author does provide resources at the end, but idk. I wanted more direct input. 2) I wanted more personal experience from the author and contributing writers about their experience on whatever topic was being presented. I think the book would have benefited from that kind of structure and so would readers.

I think this book wasn't for me.
There is a need for self-help books, when it comes down to marginalized identities. And many nonbinary people do struggle with their identity a lot. But hearing someone telling me what to do to have a chance at happiness actually doesn't help—especially not if I feel like my hand is being held by someone who's treating me like a child. The use of “darling” and other sentences that makes it look like an older, more experienced person is talking to you about your identity simply doesn't work for me. I want to see people who are on my same page, people who simply want to share themselves. Equals, you know?
What was lacking in this book, at least in my opinion, were more insights on lived experiences that go deeper than a how-to books that's telling you all the right things without actually giving you expanded real life examples. The few comments from other nonbinary people sharing their opinions and experiences were the best part of the book, but really it wasn't enough for me.

I'd recommend this book to anyone who's just starting out in their nonbinary journey and still isn't sure about the terminology, the community, and how to actually crack the egg to express themselves. It can definitely be a guide, in that sense.

[Review by a non-binary reader]

So....

I was really excited to read what sounded like a self-help book made for me, but it went south as soon as I started reading. As many have mentioned, the author's tone is unbearable. Calling us readers darling repeatedly and saying things like "how was it?" after you finish chapter one was distracting and annoying. I felt like I was listening to a meditation or other self-guided app when that's not what I was prepared for. A lot of the narrative voice grated and came across as so patronizing that I couldn't focus on what was being said.

It was nice to have material gathered in one place specifically for those who do or may in future identify as non-binary, but I'm not sure there was anything new here that I couldn't find in a twitter thread amongst my very-queer timeline, to be honest. There was a section explaining gaslighting, coming out to your family, etc., and it was just nothing new for me, though I can see the value it'd have for a young reader.

I did think it was neat that the book was structured so that the different chapters could be read out of order. The part about fashion was good, too - non-binary people don't owe you androgyny or overalls every day.

This book tried for a cute, kind of softened self-help approach, probably really approachable for youths or people less comfortable with this aspect of themselves. Unfortunately I'm a little too pragmatic for such coddling. The tone and delivery was just ... not it for me. Maybe they can edit a bit more before this releases in May.

This is a really good, basic, book on a lot of aspects that come with the non-binary experiences. It covers a broad array of subjects from understanding what non-binary is, to wardrobe and make, to mental health online. If you’re someone just getting into the subject and think you’d benefit from some starter information, this is where to turn to.

I have a few cons with the book too. My first being that almost none of the subjects get super in depth in the ways I feel like would’ve been helpful. Each talking point is short and sweet, ranging from a paragraph to a page, and while this helps cover a lot of info, I feel like more explanation could’ve been put in. My second con is that the author’s own biased experience can come through a lot. For example, when talking about make up, it still feels like the author only talks about it in a way that makes someone fem-presenting, even with the disclaimer. There weren’t any mentions of how make up can be used to create a more masculine look, and to someone reading this book for the simple info, little details like that are important to mention. There’s also a disclaimer against self-diagnosing, which I don’t think is relevant to the book nor the place to speak on in it.

If you’re looking for a soft, easy, self-help feeling book that validates your experience, this is a good book. But if you find yourself in non-binary social circles and already have a general knowledge, keep your expectations mild.

*Special thanks to NetGallery and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for the eARC of this book*

TW: Mentions of transphobia, homophobia, gender dysphoria

(Note: This review is from a queer, disabled, non-binary person)

This book was a little delight to open, read, and experience. I loved the author's very clear voice and style that felt very conversational, which is great for avoiding the stale ted-talk like styles these books can often end up having. The illustrations were amazing. I loved them, all the differing presenting people. The style is cool and fresh and unique.

I do have one VERY big critique, but as important and necessary this critique is, I don't want it to seem like the rest of the book wasn't amazing.

As mentioned before I myself and disabled, and so when the author goes into the section "Avoid self-diagnosis online my fur got rubbed the wrong way. This section is incredibly tone-deaf to the classism and ableism that act as gatekeepers to the neurodivergent community (gatekeeping being something the author even brings up earlier in the book).

Often neurodivergent people cannot afford to be formally diagnosed, or have family who keep them from being able to reach out to the proper doctors or channels to find out this information about themselves. Many in the neurodivergent community support and encourage self-diagnosis (never self-medication) as a great stepping point in a person understanding themselves and learning to love themselves and find support and structures to help them function until they can get a formal diagnosis. 

Then there is the problem that so many trained professionals know little to nothing of CURRENT care and research on neurodivergence, and many often have incredibly outdated schools of thought that haven't been updated since many attended school 20-odd years before. Example of myself: I self-diagnosed myself as autistc ADHD, went to a general psychiatrist, who dismissed me, told me I was only being "emotional", wanted to prescribe me the wrong medication, and emotionally abused me. When I was lucky enough (and $1000.00 dollars richer enough) to go to a DR specializing in current research on ADHD and Autism, he diagnosed me right away as a classic case. Before this 'official' diagnosis however, my life had improved dramatically since I had read up and taught myself strategies to function that I learned online about ADHD and autism from advocates online. Self-diagnosis can be life-saving.

I'm not saying being professionally diagnosed is wrong, but I'm saying it is an incredibly gray area, and this section paints the picture of "Don't think you have X condition, only wait for a professional to diagnose you and they are always correct". I know this is not what the author is intending. They are trying to say "Don't just do a quiz and invest no other effort", but the message comes across ableist, classist, and wrong. Encourage professional diagnosis, yes, but also include they can get second opinions, find DRs who specialize in those areas, and until they can afford to be seen, work with strategies that can help in the area they think they fall into.

This is a fantastic resource that feels like a warm hug to nonbinary readers and also one that invites readers who may not happen to be nonbinary in. There are sites to visit, recommendations for folks to follow online, etc. A really lovely read.

What a lovely resource!

I really enjoyed this book, and feel I was able to take something away where I am in my journey of gender exploration. I can only imagine how helpful this would be to someone just starting off or someone insecure in their gender identity.

The author's voice came through very clear and felt like I was reading their passion project, which always feels like an honor to receive. Throughout the book labels, definitions, even a self care word search are provided as you learn to find joy in your gender identity.

While not everything resonated with me due to where I am in my life, I know this book will help many young trans people. That makes this book invaluable.

This was quite frankly a joy to read. As someone who came out as non-binary late in their life, this is the kind of book I wish I could have found while in my questioning stage. Not only does this book focus on finding joy in being non-binary, but all of the information given can be used in many life situations. From how to handle emotional labor to setting boundaries. I didn't find a single bit of information to be unhelpful. This book is perfect to give to someone who is just starting their non-binary journey or an ally who wishes to learn more.

The only thing I caution, is it felt especially geared towards femme presenting non-binary individuals. And I wish there had been an equal focus on the masculine.

I gave this a five stars! I love how it resources and people to follow on social media. It had word searches and cross words. That will be fun in the finished copy. This book is great for people who think they are non binary, ally’s, or people wanting to learn more about non binary people.

This truly was a book of pure joy. When I read on my Kindle, I like to use different colors to categorize things as best as possible. I used yellow to highlight quotes that resonated deeply with me. Out of my 89 highlights, 21 of them were yellow.

As part of my educator's union, members can sometimes hold book studies. I think this could be an amazing book study to hold for other educators.

When reading this book, I tried to look at it through the eyes of my younger self, who I think would have needed this book quite deeply. Ben themself mentions throughout the book that some pieces of the book are not for everyone, and this is certainly true. While I perhaps didn't need makeup recommendations, I did need reminders that I do not carry the weight of responsibility of education on my shoulders.

"We are not a trend. We are finally getting the visibility we deserve." This phrase outlines itself the importance of a book like this. Since coming out as nonbinary (agender, to be specific), I have struggled with visibility and understanding. Books like [book:I Wish You All the Best|41473872] have been so encouraging. That was the first book I'd ever read with a main character who used my pronouns! Since then, I have been realizing that the literature is out there... it simply wasn't made *visible* to me.

This book was far from perfect, of course, because quite simply not everybody's viewpoints on how to approach activisism will perfectly align. That being said, I felt the way Ben approaches educating allies in the book to be that gentle yet informative way that I find to be the most amicable way of doing so that allows for sense and understanding.

I definitely want to give this book to anyone with questions about being nonbinary. Whether that be someone questioning their identity or a new ally. Perhaps the next time I get invasive questions, I'll just shove this book at them instead of carrying the burden myself, as the author suggests. This book was a pleasant reminder that I do not have to feel exhausted perpetually defending my gender expression and who I am.

My last note! I would recommend a physical copy of this book. There are segments of it that are interactive and using my Kindle did decrease my enjoyment of those parts a bit. Which is not the book or the authors fault, of course!

Thank you to NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for providing me with an eARC in exchange for an honest review.

This book feels like a hug to my younger self. I was not familiar with Ben Pechey before reading this book, but their voice comes through instantly and it was so warm and inviting, and an integral part of the reading experience. Covering a broad range of topics surrounding the non-binary experience, this book provides an easy to absorb, introductory guide into all things non-binary. Paired with beautiful illustrations, fun activities, and bulleted takeaways to wrap up each chapter, I believe that any reader of this book can take away something from reading it, whether or not they are non-binary. It is so refreshing to see a book specifically about being non-binary, something I never had when I was younger and struggling with my identity, and that was part of what drew me to read it. While a lot of the content was things I already knew for myself, I enjoyed getting some of my experiences affirmed and I know that this book will be a valuable resource for many people.

This book was a wonderful, comforting experience for me as a non-binary individual. Ben Pechey put words to so many different things I've felt over the years as I tried to understand my own gender identity and tried to explain that to others around me. This is definitely one that I want to keep on hand just as something to turn back to, to read through again, to use as a reference when someone tries to invalidate my existence. Just to have it on the shelf and know those words are there if I need them. I'd also recommend this to anyone who's trying to understand their non-binary loved one's experience. This isn't a book for allies, it's not a guide on how to wrap your mind around something you haven't experienced, but it is a peek into what it's like. There's one section specifically for allies, but the rest holds something you could use, too. It holds experience and discussion of trauma and things that your loved one might not be able to put into words or might be too afraid to. And for non-binary folks, there were some parts in here that hit home. I don't know if that'd be a universal experience, but I'd say it's worth it.

Super cute and affirming! I would definitely recommend this for middle school and high school ages. The illustrations are great, and the key takeaways at the end made the book very digestible.

Thank you to Jessica Kingsley Publishers for this ARC copy!
Firstly, I'm really glad that books that centre queer joy are starting to come into existence. This is a friendly, optimistic guide to embracing your identity and all of the beauty and pain that can come with that. I don't think it's necessarily something I personally need at this point in my journey with my identity, but there's definitely a space for books like this to exist for young (and older) questioning people. There's a lot of space for pain in the community, as unfortunately a lot of pain exists, but there's so much joy and freedom too and it's a beautiful thing to see explored. It's a book with good intentions. It's quite basic, and fairly non-political, but well-meaning.

Welp - here it is. My first five star of the year and already in my top reads of the year.

As I mentioned in my 2022 in review, I wanted to read books with more queer representation, as well as more non-fiction reading. However, I would have read this book if that wasn't one of my goals. It's phenomenal. I have been following Ben Pechey on Instagram for years and when I found out they were writing a book, I could not have been more excited.

When I tell you how much I cried during this book, it was because of all of the truths I didn't realize that I needed to hear. Ben did a beautiful job writing this book, and I can't wait for it to come out so I can not only buy myself three copies, but I can give a copy to my mom, my partner, my tattoo artist, and just about everyone I know.

Each chapter is wrapped up beautifully, listing takeaways, and the book is sprinkled with illustrations as well as activities to keep you engaged. I would have read this book in an entire sitting if I could have, but sleep was not my friend.

It is an immense privilege to have been able to read this book before its release. Thank you so so much to Ben Pechey, Net Galley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for the e-ARC. I cannot wait for its release so I can see everyone else read it.

I want to praise this book for making joy the focus. We can all use more joy and having a positive perspective can change everything. In terms of content I found there wasn't anything groundbreaking in this book (it felt more like a blog or a collection of bite size posts) but that makes it accessible to everyone, particularly to the younger readers. I'd say its target audience could be young adults aged 12-18. It covers a bit of everything without delving too deeply (perhaps to keep the content light). It is full of good resources though and they suggest people to follow on Instagram, movies to watch, fashion brands that offer gender neutral clothing, etc. Some suggestions were really random, and just things the author enjoyed rather than being specifically nonbinary focused, but if it brings joy I'm all for it!
There is also a chapter at the end full of links to therapy and lgbtq organisations for those who need it. Kudos for that.

There were some opinions I didn't always agree with, but Pechey is very aware that everyone's experience is different and
acknowledges this at the end of the book. They even list other books to check out if theirs missed the mark.

Overall, I'd say it's an entry book for those newly aware of their nonbinaryness or those who aren't frequent googlers (although I feel like that is a rite of passage where you're trying to figure out your identity? 🤣). It's nice to have the joy in one neat little book and to remind people that they are awesome and they are valid. 😊

A good, basic starter for anyone wondering if they don't fit the binary. Full of examples and definitions and resources. Will be a great book for teens, young adults, and parents/loved ones of non-binary folk.

a delight to read, told me some things I really needed to hear, too.
I am nonbinary. I have been pretty secure in that fact for about 5 years now. but sometimes the inner critic is really mean. but Ben is really kind. and it really helped.
At the start, I feel like the book was still trying to find it's footing, to get everything together, and nail the audience it is aiming for, but it blossoms eventually. I would predominently recommend it for trans people (both enby and binary) people who are still new to this world of self discovery.
There is a lot of information here, and not everything is relevant for everyone. (being on the masculine side of things, I have kindly skipped the advice on makeup, for example), but the well meaning outstretched hand of "let me show you what helped for me" is a very powerful tool.
Thank you, Ben, for writing this one.


just...please stop calling me darling?

This truly was a delight. Like a slow-burn romance, or satisfying session of self-indulgence and self-care. There were times that I was worried that it might fall short, that it might leave me wishing it was more, but as I sat with it and let its content seep in I realised how much it was already doing. I accepted the book for what it was already doing and allowed myself to see that magic that it already contained.

There was a lot in this that a cisgendered person (such as myself) can take on board as good life advice; but I'm really glad that this book caters specifically to non-binary people. My main takeaway and one of the books' very well made points: is to be absolutely in awe of non-binary and trans people for already being several steps ahead of cisgendered people on the journey of self-understanding.

Ben's voice is crucial to this book. Both in terms of how they come across as a character but also to help understand intonation occasionally. Their voice just bounces off the page. So much so that I imagined I could hear them talking to me.

And - while not wishing to give them more work! - if they could read this as an audiobook it would be just *chef's kiss!" (not to mention more accessible for the visually impaired or those whose neuro-divergence is more receptive to audio than visual). However, having said that - I recognise the puzzles would present difficulties.

I would also suggest (if I may) that the book cover is changed to feature Ben. Fashion and visual representation is obviously important to Ben as a person, to their journey as a non-binary person and as a theme of the book itself. I'm not a marketing exec, but as a consumer I felt more connected to Ben as the author after I looked them up online and saw photos of them on their agency's page.

I wish Ben the very best as the next chapters of their life are written - can't wait to hear/see what they do next.
Thank you to Jessica Kingsley Publishers for an ARC via NetGalley