I have mixed thoughts on this book. I enjoyed some bits but felt bored and frustrated by other bits. I listened to this book so I was able to listen to it at a faster speed which I think helped with my enjoyment. I’m not sure I would have liked this in print.

There were some parents that came off entitled to me. He talked about how hard he worked and how much he sacrificed which I don’t disagree with but I think most people who try to make it as a pro in a sport sacrifice a lot. There are a lot of jobs not in sports where you have to sacrifice a lot. The way he talked about it made it seem like his sacrifice was so unique. He also talked about how much adversity he faced which I agree he faced adversity, but I was rubbed the wrong way when he said that by the time he was a teen had faced more adversity then most people face in a lifetime. Plenty of people face a lot of adversity and I just didn’t like the way he wrote that.

I like that Justin wants to make the game of hockey accessible to all and I think its important to have discussion on the bad sides of the game.

I found the title to be a little deceptive. I think the subtitle - “An Average Player’s Journey to the NHL” is a little deceptive. He was drafted by the Washington Capitals in the fourth round in 1996 but he was just invited to a few training camps and never played an NHL game. I think a better title would have been “An Average Player’s Journey to Pro Hockey'' or something similar.

Thank you to NetGalley and ECW Press for an arc of this book in exchange for an honest review.

I found this book fascinating. Justin Davis clearly has a love for the game of hockey even with the bad experiences he has had over the years. What I took away from this book is that despite his experiences, he wants to make it accessible to all and is trying to do just that. His memories of his playing days, particularly the earlier ones, are, at times, difficult to read, but well worth getting through. I applaud him for his desire to change the toxic culture.

I’m a hockey mum in the UK so this book appealed to me. As ice hockey isn’t the big sport in the UkK as it is in the USA and Canada I was hoping for more of an insight to behind the scenes.
Unfortunately the author failed to take me on the journey with him. His anecdote’s were particularly funny. The abuse and the racism concerning.
However this book became a DNF for me.
Many thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the opportunity to see an ARC

The first person to come to mind when reading Justin Davis' "Conflicted Scars" was Andre Agassi. Yes, the tennis player.

Agassi wrote a fabulous autobiography called "Open." He candidly discussed the fact that he generally hated many parts of his tennis career, even though he was always really good at it.

Davis has a similar mindset. He enjoyed portions of the game, but other parts brought him depression and sadness. Along the way, he paid a price for the toll that he had to take to chase a hockey dream. The book is an attempt to figure out what the heck happened along the way.

One thing probably needs to be set straight at the start. The subtitle - "An Average Player's Journey to the NHL" - might be a little deceptive. Yes, he was drafted by the Washington Capitals in the fourth round in 1996. However, Davis was merely invited to a couple of training camps for a few days and never reached the NHL.

He was, however, a heck of a player at the lower levels - one who simply wasn't good enough to reach the big leagues. Davis often would dominate games as a child, as he was big for his age as he eventually grew into a 6-foot-4 body. However, he learned that fame and talent brought some baggage. The game came easily to Davis, prompting jealousy and slights from teammates, parents of teammates and opposing players, fans, etc. That can be rough on a seven-year-old. One time Davis scored six goals in a 7-1 win in a championship game. You'd think that would be enough to earn MVP honors, but no - organizers thought Davis won awards all the time, and someone else should get a turn to be honored. Try explaining that to a kid.

The hazing came later. At a rookie initiation, Davis was ordered to strip, drink a glass of liquid that was shall we say left behind from the previous rookie in the process, and then do push-ups while putting private body parts into the cup. The 15-year-old Davis had his first beer after that, naked while surrounded by teammates.

Soon it was on to junior hockey and the Ontario Hockey Association, where Davis suffered his first major concussion. A team doctor told him, "Take your equipment off, try to shower, turn off the dressing room lights and lay down in the shower until we get back ... Try and stay still." That's rather bad advice, but 16-year-olds figure out not to argue with anyone in authority. There was another bit of hazing there during a long bus trip. The rookies were stripped and had to do a "walk of shame" in the back of the bus while the veterans slapped their butt and pulled a string that was tied to the players' genitals. Then all the rookies were stuffed into the bus' bathroom, where the heat was turned up to full blast. Their clothes were tied into a knot and thrown into the room, where they had to figure out what went where. It took a few hours before everyone was dressed and freed. Coaches ignored this stuff - it's all part of "team-building."

Mature behavior was hard to find back then. At one point, Davis and some teammates decided to have a little fun with someone else's expensive paintball gun, leading to an confrontation with police. While nothing too serious came out of it, some newspaper headlines about the incident followed Davis around for much of his remaining hockey career.

Davis had some injury problems as well as issues with management, so he bounced around a bit in junior hockey. In one game in Michigan, Davis was knocked out and had convulsions on the ice. While the team acted as if it just wanted him to get on a bus and go back to Canada, where medical care was covered financially, a trainer insisted Davis be taken to a hospital. The young player ended up in intensive care; his family (and not the team) received a bill for $15,000 for the three-day hospital stay. The forward finally thrived in Ottawa, where legendary coach Brian Kilrea could look good among his peers simply by acting like a grown-up. No wonder he's in the Hall of Fame. Davis played well enough to win a championship there - and be a good scorer in the process.

After finishing his junior eligibility, Davis headed to the University of Western Ontario. He was 21 when he started there, and played five seasons including one that saw the team win a national championship. Then it was on to Germany for two years to finish the formal part of his career, although Davis has played some senior hockey once in a while. He also has done a little coaching.

Youth and junior hockey have received plenty of criticism for its dealings with such matters as penalizing diversity and not dealing with sexual abuse over the years. There have been some efforts to change that lately; it's tough to say how successful it has been at this point - especially from a distance. Davis raises these points to show that other activities within the so-called "hockey culture" might need examining too. He admits he more or less forced himself to "buy in" to all of it, figuring it was just part of the price needed to move up the ladder. But now while looking back, Davis knows that attitude came with a price of its own - such as 12 concussions, OCD and shoulder problems.

The resulting book from all of this comes off a little unevenly. It's a little difficult to make old tales of generally forgotten hockey teams too interesting, particularly when looking across an international border. There are also some stories about practical jokes that either fall into the "you had to be there" or "grow up already" categories. Some readers certainly will enjoy stories about ketchup being secretly spread on the good shoes of a teammate in a restaurant. The stories, often told in a locker room after a game over a cold beer, are part of what keeps luring Davis back to the game in one form or another.

"Conflicted Scars," then, is something of a therapy session - someone's attempt to sort out "how did I get here?" There's plenty to unpack here, and it might take others to figure out what happened to people like Davis and what to do about it. This isn't a great book, but it's good enough to start some conversations that we've been avoiding for decades. If that happens, it will be a success.

3.5*

I had some mixed feelings with this book, I enjoyed most of it, felt bored by some bits, and would have liked more depths in other places.

The premise had originally grabbed me, as I find sporting memoirs of those 'journeymen' players - professionals in any sport who are far more talented and successful than 98% of the world but who aren't the top talents and superstars - far more interesting. The background and details of what life is like to keep moving and joining different teams, of aiming for the top and then finding your place elsewhere, was indeed worth the read and was a great insight into the pro hockey world.

The descriptions of the negative and sometimes hugely traumatic and abusive parts of the professional game were as necessary as they were painful to read. Davis is open about how he didn't see or accept the abusive racism that was (and is) endemic, while also laying bare the negative impact that the system pushed on young teenagers and adults. These parts of the book were the most successful for me.

What I felt lacking however was some major omissions to this assessment of the downsides if professional hockey, especially that of sexual assault committed by players. There were brief mentions of the normalisation of various misogynistic attitudes within the youth teams, but Davis somehow avoids mentioning how any of this may have impacts on the way these young men are encouraged to view and treat women. I was really expecting more here.

The book also lagged a lot for me whenever it moved into the 'hilarious anecdotes' parts. Essentially a lot of recounting of tales which I'm sure where entertaining to drunken 20 year old, but really worn thin when repeated over and again in a 'well I guess you had to be there' way, especially with Davis repeatedly saying how their frat boy behaviour was so much funnier than any 'civilian' could comprehend. Unfortunately it just ended up being repetitive and dull for me. YMMV of course!

I would still recommend this memoir for people interested in seeing more detail and backstage scenes of what it is like to be one of the mid-tier level pro hockey players, and for Davis's honest and well-intentioned attempts at facing the negative aspects of the sport that often get brushed under the carpet. I would have liked more, but I also suspect that Davis is perhaps not the person to confront it all!

Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC

This should be "must read" for all parents who have children in hockey.

I read quite a few memoirs on the subject and this one is probably in line with most of them.

Hockey is a dark room that so many people find themselves sucked in.

This impact is well portrayed.

I love hockey and everything related to it so I was happy to read this one. I was under the impression I would learn about the toxic culture of hockey and get some tips for parents into the world of hockey. I don’t think the author did succeed in his quest.

There is nothing particular about his years in hockey and he does not give many examples of what was considered toxic. He says he loved hockey but failed to explain how. He did not convince me. Wish he had shared more about being a chaplain leader in today’s hockey and what young players still face.

Unless you are a die hard fan and are interested about the culture of hockey, I don’t think you will be excited with this story.. it’s part biography, part documentary but not solid as either one.

Thank you to Netgalley ant the publisher for granting me a complimentary e-arc in exchange for my honest review.

A really interesting look into the behind the scenes of the professional hockey world in both North America and Europe, Justin Davis’ memoir uncovered many flaws in the system that have hopefully been corrected by now, and revealed how much hard work goes into making it even to a lower level of sports leagues. The NHL is not the end game or even a feasible dream for everyone but there are so many other layers to the journey there. I really enjoyed his writing style - very conversational and informative without getting bogged down in too many details - and I appreciated the references to players, coaches, and teams I recognized. Well done!!

As somebody who grew up in a household that followed hockey, it was definitely disheartening to hear some of the stories he wrote about and to answer the author's question, yes, I think those incidents were abuse. While obviously he had tough stories to write about, it did seem like there were, at times, happy moments as well. I believe if more players, current and former, speak out, perhaps changes can finally happen. These things need to be brought to the surface.

3.5

Thank you to netgalley, the publisher and the author for allowing me access to this book to read. I have seen this online so I was intrigued to be accepted to read this as an eARC.

This was an interesting take on the NFL hockey team and learning some more behind the scenes thoughts, many prominent issues were discussed from parents forcing their children into clubs to live vicariously through them and not only the physical trauma but mental trauma that comes with the toxic community behind the scenes in the hockey teams from feeling replaceable, not having proper treatment for injury and introduction into team scenes which are crude.

Overall this was interesting and I learnt a lot thank you for that but feel like this could be written in a more engaging way overall I would recommend it to those who want to know more about the underbelly of the fitness industry.