Unfortunately, this book missed the mark for me. The formatting issues in the e-book provided were a little distracting, but not deal breakers. What left me feeling somewhat uneasy with 'Sounds Fake but Okay' was a level of alienation. To be fair, I do not identify as being on the aspec spectrum, so this work is not necessary meant to appeal to me, nor does it owe me that. However, repeatedly throughout the book generalizations are made about allosexual individuals which feel very glib and judgmental. If the purpose of this book is to educate Everyone on the aspec spectrum, it would serve the authors not to isolate and alienate a portion of their audience.

These generalizations about allosexual folks left me wondering if some of the assertions these young ladies made about their own community could be just as generalized. Though there are excerpts from a survey they conducted of individuals in the aspec community, the portions written by Costello & Kaszyca felt very constrained to their own two experiences. Just as with the generalizations about allosexual folks, they do spend a lot of time backtracking and reassuring the reader that these are just their experiences and that they are by no means able to represent a very vast and diverse community.

So that leaves me asking...why write this book?

If this was meant to be a coming of age memoir of their own journeys with the aspec spectrum, I think it would be a wonderful little story. But as a book meant to educate and empower, it falls very flat. Beyond the problems mentioned above, no one topic is every fully explored and addressed. Nothing is truly researched. The authors reference their every day observations, "surveys" of a small group of friends, baseline assumptions they posit all people make, and "case study" information. Additionally, Costello & Kaszyca give examples of relationship dynamics (both romantic and platonic) in various works of media, but often choose works that have problematic elements. For example, they reference Harry Potter and even discuss the issues with JKR's stance on gender. They say that you can take the good with the bad and that doing so is part of viewing the world through an aspec lens. Personally, I don't care if the authors enjoy JKR's work in a nostalgic way. However, I find it in incredibly poor taste to include such a problematic individual and their work in a book that is targeted towards a demographic that could be harmed, triggered, or re-traumatized by the mention of the work, much less being told to "give it a chance" again. It's just irresponsible.

Thanks to NetGalley for an ARC for this book!

I've been reading lots of the upcoming a-spec books coming out and this is another great addition to the growing collection. If you've listened to the podcast, you'll know exactly what type of book you are in for. There's lots of information, but presented in an easy and fun way. There are stories of the authors lives to help explain the content and give context, but as both authors are cis white women, they try to include as many other perspectives as they can through quotes and conversations they've had with other marginalized groups.

It's hard to rate non-fiction books when they include people's perspectives, but this is a solid 4/5.

I've seen other comments about formatting issues and that must have been in earlier versions because mine had no issues. The book has sections that are divided into one author's experiance or general information that both of them have had input in.

If I was to compare it to two other a-spec books I've read recently, this fits right in the middle.
"Ace Voices: What it Means to Be Asexual, Aromantic, Demi or Grey-Ace" by Eris Young also uses quotes for other perspectives, but there is significantly more in Ace Voices than in SFBO. SFBO is also laid back and easier to digest. So if Ace Voices went over your head, this one might be a better pick for you.

In "I Am Ace" by Cody focuses on the self discovery and finding your place in the world as an a-spec person. SFBO addresses the issues with society that make it hard to be accepted after you have already accepted yourself.

That being said, there are a few things that could have been left out. There are two Harry Potter references (that I remember) that could have been avoided, as well as mentioning a racist Western film.

It's absolutely crazy how much this book resonated with my line of thinking as an asexual. Sarah and Kayla put a lot of thoughts I've had into words that just made sense. Everything clicked so easily! I also enjoyed the quotes they added to this to see all sorts of various perspectives. I would say that this would be a nice supplement to an Asexuality 101 type of lesson!

So as an AroAce, i was interested in how this would go, i have never listened to the podcast before this book but after this i am probably not gonna check it out

The way they talk about certain things is very speculative and yes it has quotes from Aspec people, it still was not flowing in the best way for it to be engaging. It took me a lot to keep reading till the end.

Like there is things i am glad it did talk about but overall it was not the best

As white cis women, they talked about a film that is racist, they even acknowledged this but then went on to say but watch it anyway

One of my concerns with this book is that it mentions HP once then goes on to talk about JK and her views and that just left a sour and sick taste in my mouth if you are not trans please do not try to get people to look at it that way thank you. Also her books are antisemitic and racist anyways so ...

Thanks for the E-ARC of this netgalley for an honest review

As someone who identifies outside of the ace spectrum, I didn’t necessarily expect to relate to this book when I first picked up the arc. I am, however, always curious about alternative perspectives when it comes to relationships and sexuality. Especially since my own views on the topic are considered outside of the social norm.
I very much liked how this was laid out, and how it was almost conversational. There was an ease and humour about the explanations that I appreciated as some of the concepts I was familiar with, and others were brand new. I always love an informative book that doesn’t make me feel dumb for not immediately understanding something.
My only real discourse with the novel has to do with: One, the number of fan testimonials to each chaptered subject—the sheer amount was repetitive and too much. And two, that there was a definite subtext of justifying the existence of aspec sexualities as valid sexualities. It seemed unnecessary to me that a book meant to promote an aspec view of sex and relationships would spend so much time attempting to convince its reader that such a view exists, when said reader would most likely already believe that, otherwise why would they pick this book up in the first place?
Overall, an interesting read that I would definitely recommend, especially for anyone interested in examining how social norms affect the formation of gender and sexual identity.

Sounds Fake But Okay discusses sex, relationship, family, gender, and many other topics through a 'purple aspec lens". This "lens" is used throughout the book. I think this book would be better consumed as an audiobook as the content of the book is more personal and bring up many personal stories from the authors and the views of their survey. This novel asks its readers to question the things we know about gender, relationship, and other aspects of their lives. It gives multiple examples of people living on the ace spectrum. I enjoy the chapter about family and different types of families. It was interesting to read about people's meaning of family. The authors have also reassured their readers do not necessarily have to identify as asexual or aromantic at the end of the book. However, they should leave with an understanding of the terms and apply whatever material to their lives.

However, two things decrease my reading. The authors use a controversial figure in the book, Hanya Yanagihara. Also, certain lines could be framed differently. For example, the novel points out that the author of Harry Potter has said offensive remarks but that does not take away the hope and enjoyment of the book. I think it is insensitive to tell people that they should look at certain media from a larger view.

This is a fine book for anyone who wishes to learn more about asexuality and aromanticism.

This book has been very eye opening to me. As someone trying to figure out her sexuality and identity, seeing the world through the asexual and a romantic lens is very informative. All my life I’ve been fed the heteronormative way of living, including what my love life and sex life should look like, when in actuality not everybody fits into that box. I think we need more books like this, telling real people’s stories and letting the rest of us know we’re not freaks or weirdos for not fitting in to societies standards. The writing was really well done, and I think having these two similar but not identical points of views on the topics was very well done and well though out. I highly recommend, not only to people who might see themselves in here, but to people who want to learn more about other people’s experiences.

Thank you to Jessica Kingsley Publishers and Netgalley for providing this E-ARC in exchange for an honest review.

I was looking forward to reading this nonfiction because of the focus on the ways in which being on the Aro and/or Ace spectrum can alter someone's view of culture and sexuality. While these perspectives are incredibly important, this book fell flat for me.

Sarah Costello and Kayla Kaszyca (co-authors) have hosted a podcast on Aro/Ace topics since 2017, and this book branches off their original platform. Like many reviewers have already stated, this book was written "podcast style." While I don't necessarily mind this approach, in this case, it made the book seem disjointed at times. Additionally, the writing style was a bit meandering. The authors would make broad assertions, but continue to follow it up with exceptions to those assertions. (I would be curious to know how often the word "society" was used in this book.) While I agreed with many of their statements, the message would've been more potent if they'd stuck to writing about each of their individual journey's in uncovering their ASPEC identities. (Those were the passages that interested me the most.)

I appreciated Costello and Kaszyca including quotes from their survey participants to enrich the conversation. However, using them more sparingly, rather than throwing in several at once, would have been more effective.

Despite my critiques, there were aspects of the book I appreciated. Their introduction to the topic of ASPEC individuals within the kink community was interesting and isn't something addressed enough in sexual discourse. Also, there were some important insights on the topic of boundaries/consent for ASPEC individuals within several passages.

Even though this book didn't work for me, it may be a helpful and affirming guide for individuals who are questioning whether they may be apart of the ASPEC community. There is a vocabulary list included, which is a great resource for those unfamiliar with much of the terminology discussed within the pages.

On a final note, I am interested in listening to Costello and Kaszyca's podcast of the same name! I've gathered that they're both adept at sharing their stories in ways that are both funny and educational. I believe my enjoyment and appreciation of their work would greatly improve within a podcast format.

I accessed a digital review copy of this book from the publisher through Edelweiss.
This book covers various elements of asexual and aromantic life. It is by two authors and has many inserted comments by various people to help give a wider perspective. The book describes how asexual/aromantic people relate to relationships, love, sex, and other elements of living compared to traditional perspectives.
This book is useful in that it shows what the a-spec is and what the various options an a-spec person has.
The writing style is problematic because it goes between the two authors and a combined voice without any sort of introduction or indication of change. This would have been better with one combined voice and a few consistent clear sections that indicate only one author is speaking.
Another issue is that the book is repetitive. Some clear editing and structuring could have removed this.
The extra comments were both useful, but also could have also been used better. They would use multiple people to make a point when they only needed one.
Due to the writing style, I found the book a slow read and a bit of a chore to get through.

I DNF'd this at about 20% because it felt really basic and not really for me. I think this is a really basic overview of asexuality which I really didn't need. I was hoping for something more unique.

I was really excited to read this book on asexual and aromantic relationships and love. However, the way this book is formatted makes it choppy and hard for me to read. It reads like a podcast manuscript. Which would make sense because the co-authors host a podcast together. Unfortunately, this book left me confused and with more questions than it answers due to its lack of depth. I did like some of the points that were made about societal constructs and platonic relationships, but really wish the book was more fleshed out.

While I completely understand that this book is nonfiction, and I am a cis woman, the authors’ comments on gay marriage and lumping an entire group of people together (generalizing) did not sit well with me.

I received this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Even though I’d listened to a few episodes of their podcast in its early days and it wasn’t for me, I’ve really appreciated the support of ace books from this publisher and wanted to give this one a chance. It started out with a conversational-style reminiscent of their podcast (which is not my favourite in the book format), but I did appreciate that it was generally easy to tell who was speaking, something that became more difficult to parse out as the book went on. I suspect it had a lot to do with formatting that will hopefully be corrected upon publication, but I would be reading a section and not know who was speaking only to discover it was a quote from someone they had interviewed.

I liked the idea of the book, using an asexual lens to look at different topics, but it felt a little too surface-level and I felt like I wanted more. I really like hearing from a variety of different people in the aspec community to get advice, see how our experiences can be the same and different, but for that I would recommend Ace Voices by Eris Young that has more lengthy responses on specific topics grouped in more intuitive ways. As an intro to asexuality that is still accessible and casual, I would recommend Cody Daigle-Orians’ upcoming book, ‘I Am Ace.’ In fact, even though it’s also a short book, there were a few things briefly touched on in ‘Sounds Fake’ that were expanded upon in Cody’s book, particularly when it comes to disclosure of asexuality in relationships, different types of relationships, setting boundaries, and living in an amatonormative, chrononormative world.

So while I love that there’s another ace book in the world that can hopefully reach more people, it wouldn’t be my first recommendation on the subject of asexuality and relationships.

An ARC of this book was provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

This book is a nonfiction book that discusses the process involved with asexual identities. It book starts out with a dictionary of terms, and a prologue outlining the topics that will be discussed through the book.
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It covers: Society, Yourself, Friendship, Romance and Partnerships; Sex, Family, Gender and Miscellanea.
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One thing I feel that this book did well was to highlight the fact that while the phrase 'love is love' is important, that love doesn't have to fall solely into sexual and romantic forms, and that other forms of love do exist and some people don't feel romantic and sexual forms of love.
It talks about how sometimes when someone is in a romantic and sexual relationship, their platonic bonds are then less important to them, and I can totally understand where that idea has occured from, because that can be the case. But for me personally, as someone who is aromantic and asexual, my platonic friendships are so important to me, and I don't really understand how someone's relationships can be more important than friendships, but that's my perspective on it.

This is an important topic, and I definitely think many people will recognise themselves/traits of themselves when reading.
However, I didn't like the writing style. I found it to be very 'bitty' and lacking in any real structure. It flittered about too much, and repeated itself at times.

I didn't enjoy my reading experience with this book, but will be looking for another book on this topic to educate myself.

"Sounds Fake But Okay," is great in theory but drags in execution. It makes sense that the authors are podcasters because the text suffers from the same fundamental flaws podcasts do: it rambles, often circuitously going back over the same points over and over again. It says the same few points multiple times in different words. Fans of the podcast may enjoy this book. It may also be a good read for individuals who need a 101 crash course on asexuality and aromanticism. But for anyone who has familiarity with the topic already, this book will not add anything new to the conversation.

"The idea that there is only one type of meaningful love is a ridiculous notion in and of itself. The idea that there is only one type of acceptable existence is even more so"

Sounds fake but okay is a book about asexuality, and how by merely recognizing its existence we might change our outlook in a deeply patriarchal and cis/heteronormative world. It deals with love and relationships but also friendship, family, and gender. The authors acknowledge from the very start that they come from a privileged white, cisgender background, which they try to compensate by adding quotes from people on the ace spectrum with different backgrounds. The effect is that of a collection of testimonies connected by a slightly superficial analysis.

If you're in the community yourself, you might already be familiar with most of the concepts in this book (such as the split attraction model), and the book may feel too basic. However, if you're new to the world of asexuality, aromanticism, and their spectrums, this might be a nice introductory read before delving into more complex works, but it's definitely not the ultimate nuanced read.

All in all, this was a light, quick read. It wasn't too dense, which makes it great for someone wanting to learn about the ace spectrum. Unfortunately, I was not that public, so the book fell a bit short for me. It was, however, great to see ace voices be given a space, and that alone makes it worth giving a read.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for the opportunity to read and review this book.

Written in a conversational tone reminiscent of their podcast of the same name, Sarah and Kayla skim the breadth of human relationships and how they can affect and be influenced by asexuality. Doing their best to be inoffensive and inclusive of all perspectives, they include quotes of other aspec lived experiences.

Sounds Fake But Okay is a book exploring what it means to be Asexual and/or Aromantic in a world that is filled with allonormativity. The authors of the book are hosts of a podcast by the same name where they explore similar topics and stories. If you're questioning, if you're trying to learn, or even if you know you are Aro and or Ace, this book is something that you can take something away from.

Throughout the book, Sarah and Kayla share some of their own experiences in finding and accepting their identities as well as sharing quotations from others about their experiences. In terms of scope, this book discusses being aspec in relation to society, yourself, friendship, romance and partnerships, sex, family, gender, as well as some miscellaneous topics at the end.

As Sarah and Kayla note themselves, they are writing this book and talking about their life experiences coming from a place of privilege in some ways. If you're looking for a book with some more nuance and intersectionality, I would suggest taking a look at Ace by Angela Chen, which gives a look at the intersection between asexuality and race, ethnicity, disability, as well as more on gender. If you're looking for a more simplified place to start looking at asexuality, this is a good starting point.

The writing style of this book is really great, especially as someone who mainly reads fiction. This book feels more like a conversation rather than a dusty academic text, providing breaks between ideas to present quotes from people and Sarah and Kayla's own thoughts. I think the one complaint I would have for the writing itself is the number of times aspec or purple lens/glasses are mentioned.

I'll leave with these two quotes from the book:

"The idea that there is only one type of meaningful love is a ridiculous notion in and of itself. The idea that there is only one type of acceptable existence is even more so."

"[H]umanity is vast and complex, and although our social order may do everything in its power to force us to act otherwise, we are welcome to build our lives and our own personal worlds however we goddamn please."

Sounds Fake But Okay is something of an introduction to asexuality and something of a self-help guide. It broadly discusses a variety of topics 'as seen through the aspec lens', such as concepts of family, gender, and the intrinsic way society has shaped those ideas.

I haven't listened to their podcast (I actually wasn't even aware of it), so I don't think any prior knowledge of the authors is required to understand and engage with the text. I do, however, think this book is most helpful to those starting out on their asexual journey. People who may be scared or questioning and want to dip their toe into asexual research, for example, or those who want a basic understanding so they can support a friend. SFBO is a very short book at only 160 pages, so it only lightly covers most of the topics, but does source well and offer plenty of starting points for further research.

Thank you to NetGalley for giving me an ARC copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!

If you want to learn more about asexuality or even if you already have the knowledge about it and just want to read more, this is the book for you! The writing style was super easy to read and was very engaging. It did take a little time for me to get used to them talking about themselves in the third person sometimes, when I knew it was nonfiction, but that didn’t ruin the book for me.

There were so many things I could relate to in that book! Whether it was something about myself or something I have seen in other people. It felt really nice to be seen in those ways and learn things I haven’t even thought of before. There were so many points in this book that I can now take with me going forward in life.

I really liked that the authors put in quotes from different people with all different backgrounds that they interviewed. It was nice getting perspectives that weren’t the authors’ own, especially when the authors couldn’t exactly relate to what was being talked about. It added a more personal touch to a book that already felt very personal. I also enjoyed the authors writing about their own experiences. It made it easier to be engaged with what they were saying.

The only reason why I couldn’t give it five stars was because there were a couple of things the authors wrote about that I didn’t agree with, including a section in the last chapter. I didn’t think there was any real reason to talk about an old school Western if that one specifically and most of them are racist. They could have either not wrote about Western movies at all, or just have written about newer Westerns that aren’t racist. There was a disclaimer at the point it was talked about, but I still believe that should not have been in the book at all. Just so readers are aware that it is talked about very briefly in the last chapter.