We all want impossible things is a fictionalised account of the author’s time spent with her best friend, Ali Pomeroy, in her final days at hospice. In the book the characters are Ash and Edi.

Ash’s grief management manifests itself in having physical relationships with others - doctors, ex-teachers and partners. She needs the contact and shared feelings to balance the impending loss of Edi.

It treads a well-judged balance between the brutal and ugly reality of palliative care (there are upsetting descriptions of messed beds from dislodged tubes) and the supportive coming together of friends and family to support Edi’s passing. There is humour but never any excessive sentimentality.

Death is something we all have to cope with - both those of friends and family and our own. Depending on our attachment it can be a traumatic experience. It has gradually become less of a taboo subject to talk about with a rise in non-fiction memoirs and death-positive philosophies but this is the first fiction I have read that explicitly engages with the topic.

This is really quite a difficult book to review, partly due to the subject and partly because I am struggling to find the words.

Ash and Edi are best friends and the book, in essence is about Edi’s last weeks in a hospice after a terminal cancer diagnosis. This is a book which lays out how hard it is to watch your best friend, or in fact anyone you care for, die, wasting away before your eyes. It is about trying to pander to their every whim and wish and make their final days more comfortable. It is also about how to make the experience more comfortable for the person and people who are left behind. The above could be taken that the book is all doom and gloom but there is an undercurrent of humour throughout which makes it a less sad read. However it will make you cry and laugh in equal measures.

This book was a joy. That’s going to seem odd when I explain what it’s about, but it is joyful and full of life. Even though at it’s centre there’s a death. Ash and Edi have been friends forever, since childhood in fact. They’ve gone through adolescence together. Survived school, other girls, discovering boys and even that awkward phase of starting adult life, when one went to college and the other stayed behind. They’ve both married and been each other’s maids of honour and become mothers. Instead of any of these things pulling them apart they’ve remained platonic partners in life. However, now Edi is unwell and decisions need to be made. After years of struggle with being, treatment, remission and recurrence Edi now has to decide where she wants to die. With all the hospices locally being full, Ash makes an offer - if Edi comes to a hospice near Ash, she can devote time to being with her and Edi’s husband can get on with every day life for her son Dash. There’s a hospice near Ash that’s like a home from home, with everything that’s needed medically, but the informality and personal touch of a family. Now Ash and Edi have to negotiate that strange contradiction; learning how to live, while dying.

This is just the sort of book I enjoy, full of deep emotion but also humour, eccentric characters and situations. It takes us through a process of how someone’s life and death changes those around them with unexpected behaviours and consequences. Firstly the environment the author creates is so wonderfully rich and full of warmth, whether we’re at the hospice or in Ash’s welcoming home. She does this with layers of detail, from the decor to the people and some seriously mouthwatering food. The hospice is an absolute wonderland - this may sound like a very weird description, but having had a loved one become terminally ill from multiple sclerosis and not cancer, it was a horrible wake up call to realise there was nowhere for him to die. I would have loved to be in this incredibly nurturing environment that’s more of a family home, putting comfort and individuality first with the medical care always available in the background to play their part. I loved the busy kitchen with a cornucopia of treats in the fridge, because no one is on a diet. Each room is very individual, but there’s are little links between each room such as the hospice dogs wandering in and out, the smell of someone else’s favourite food, the wandering guitar player or the ever present soundtrack to Fiddler on the Roof from another room. All of these elements come together and create a warm embrace for Edi, but also for her loved ones who spend a lot of time there.

Ash’s home and family life is so enviable I wanted to be part of it. Her estranged husband Honey is an incredible chef and her daughter seems to have picked up the talent. The author’s descriptions of their meals really did make the mouth water and are their way of contributing and supporting Ash. All of these people are so nurturing, in Honey’s case this is despite he and Ash being separated. Before you think this sounds schmaltzy and sentimental I can assure you that these characters are not perfect. Each has their flaws and their ways of coping, some of which are destructive and possibly difficult for others to understand. Ash particularly has a novel approach to grief, but I understood it. If we look beneath the surface, it’s a way of forging connection with others on the same journey and expressing their love for Edi. It’s also a distraction, a way of leaving all the paraphernalia of death behind and affirming life. That doesn’t mean her behaviour isn’t confusing, especially to her teenage daughter who supplies whip smart commentary, eye rolls and remarkable wisdom. The men in this friendship group seem to understand that their grief is secondary, because Edi is the love of Ash’s life. I enjoyed the little addition of Edi’s other friend - the college friend - who Ash has concerns about. Does Edi like her more than Ash? Do they have a special bond? The author provides us with this loving picture but then undermines it slightly, so it isn’t perfect. We are imperfect beings and no one knows how they will react in a time like this, until we’re there.

Edi and Ash have been best friends since they were both asked to look after the Venus fly trap at school. 40 years of sharing everything that life threw at them. Marriage, kids, infertility, the whole lot. 

So when Edi is diagnosed with terminal cancer, Ash decides that the best thing is to move her best friend into a hospice near her home. Edi says an emotional goodbye to her son, Dash, and husband, Jude, so that Dash doesn’t have to watch his mom deteriorate further and so Ash takes over looking after her best friend for the last stages of her life.

This was sad, funny, beautifully written and I absolutely loved it. I loved all the characters and just the way it was written was so respectful of those in end of life care. Absolutely recommend this book.

Massive thanks to @netgally for the chance to read this book. What an emotive read. A story of two best friends, Edi and Ash who have shared everything over the years, but when one is diagnosed with terminal cancer both their lives dramatised change. A beautiful story, that is compassionately written but still manages to make you laugh and smile. I would recommend this book to anyone, it highlights the highs and the lows and importance of friendship.

Edi and Ash have been best friends since they were little, now Edi is in a hospice receiving end of life care and Ash is trying to work out how to get through life without her while her own life is getting very messy indeed.
For a book that is largely based round very frank descriptions of life in a hospice, this is for the most part a rather joyous read. It celebrates life, friendship, parenthood and taking pleasure and comfort where you can find it. However, it also puts you through the wringer, it was in floods of tears through the last few pages and resolved to treasure my loved ones even more.
This is an utterly wonderful book, prepare for an emotional rollercoaster though.
With thanks to #netgalley #randomhouse and #doubleday for the ARC

3.5 stars.

Thank you to NetGalley for this eARC. I really, really, really wanted to love this but sadly it just missed the mark for me. I felt like the second half of the book was much stronger than the first half, which felt very all over the place to me. I did like the characters but didn’t feel a strong connection to most of them as I felt character development was a bit lacking, particularly for Edi.
Without trying to sound totally morbid, I really wanted more from the scene where she died - I felt like it was brushed over very quickly.
I can see I’m in the minority with these reviews so I would certainly recommend giving it a go, but for me personally it fell short.

I don't think I am in the right frame of mind to read this story, my fault as I requested it.
But I didn't find it uplifting as I thought I might, I found it depressing, and I didn't like it, sorry.

A sad and beautiful read. I found it hard-going because some circumstances in my life made this a little to on-the-nose for me, but it is a glorious mediation on the complexities of death and friendship. We should be doing more to normalise conversations regarding the end of life, and this book is a wonderful way to start some of those talks.

I found this story quite depressing and one that I didn’t enjoy reading. It’s about a friend supporting her best friends last days in a hospice, these days are extended as she lives longer than expected. The nitty gritty of a friendship/life with nothing amazing to read about. Quite boring really.

I must admit that I struggled with this book due to the upsetting topic, but found that it was well written, and full of love.
The friendship and love between all the characters warmed my heart, and although it was sad, and Edi's dying was inevitable, I did enjoy the book as a whole.

Still not sure about this book. Too many things made me feel uncomfortable, didn't feel real. It was funny and sad at times. Not my cup of tea.

This book broke my heart, but also made me so grateful for life, family and love. I cried and I laughed, picked up some parenting tips and came out of it feeling completely uplifted. It’s an absolute must read and is so beautifully written.

I found it difficult to believe that a dying woman would choose to spend her last weeks with her friend rather than with her husband and child.
The love between the friends is well drawn and beautiful. There are too many incidental characters which I feel took away from the main strand of the story

This should have been a much less enjoyable read than it was given the heavy subject of terminal illness but it was so beautifully written, it did not feel that way. It was an emotional read but the connection between the characters and the amount of love in their relationships made it joyful and a book I feel privileged to have read.

I was absolutely blown away by this incredible book…

(Thanks @netgalley again for the ARC copy)

‘Who knows you better than your best friend? Who knows your secrets, your fears, your desires, your strange imperfect self? Edi and Ash have been best friends for over forty years. Since childhood they have seen each other through life's milestones: stealing vodka from their parents, the Madonna phase, REM concerts, unexpected wakes, marriages, infertility, children. As Ash notes, 'Edi's memory is like the back-up hard drive for mine.’’

Initially I was a little bit nervous about this book as it covers some heavy topics, from family tensions to cancer and grief. But there was absolutely no need to be.

This is one of the most well-observed books I have ever read. It is FANTASTIC and I cannot wait for it to come out on 12th January so you can get your hands on it.

I devoured this book. Every single word was so well considered, to the point where I wanted to read it all again.

Each character feels like a real person you perhaps already know? And what I really loved, was that the characters had their faults and weren’t idolised, but were shown in a completely natural state, during turbulent times and yet were still so easy to love.

Basically I bloody loved this book and think it is a MUST READ for all.

It is heart wrenching and hilarious all at once. I couldn’t put it down.

This was such a raw and honest depiction of watching someone you love die from an illness. It really resonated with me in its autheticity. It captured perfectly the inner turmoil of tiredness not wantng them to go and longing for the process to be over. I found it heart breaking to watch Ash fall apart as she tries to split herself in so many ways, friend, mother and care giver to her best friend Edi. Their relatiosnhip rang so true, it is beautifully written, the dark humour bought laughter in among all the tears. A devastating read but with love and hope at its heart.

We All Want I possible Things by Catherine Newman is a book about friendship and dying. This is a very American type of book that deals with your best friend dying in a hospice while your way of grieving for your best friend is to have sex with any male that comes close. I really struggled with this book because at times it seemed to trivialise death and other times would swing the other way completely.
It does deal with the reality of dying in all its painful parts, being constipated, having lines come out and causing damp clothes and bedding. .Edith and Ashley have been friends for over 42 years and it is hard to say goodbye and watch your best friend die.
It is a different take on death, dying and close friendships.
Recommended

Beautiful and poignant, but an extremely emotional read.

My thanks to the author, NetGalley, and the publisher for the arc to review.

I’m not sure how something so heart-rending can be a joy to read, but this was. Catherine powerfully takes us on a journey of true friendship. Beautifully written with unforgettable characters.