Beautifully written, tacking loss & grief and how everyone deals differently. Definitely a book I will be recommending!

I enjoyed this book. It was very well written with a good story line. I also enjoyed the insight of another culture.

4.5
Nik’s grandfather has passed away and shared with him something he has kept a secret since Nik’s father passed away. Nick’s mother, Avani, wants him to get rid of the car, like she has asked her dad to do, she doesn’t like to be reminded of her late husband, she doesn’t want to talk about him.
There is a fracture in the relationship between Avani and her son, like there is never been before. He has moved away from Harrow for university, confronted with a reality unknown to him, where people stares at people who are a different colours.

A book about grief, a mother and son relationship- the characters are well developed and the story is told beautifully.

The things that we lost is a beautiful book, exploring how individuals choose to protect themselves from emotional pain in all it's rawness with the necessity to face reality in it's singular newness. A story of grief, growth and acceptance.

With the death of his grandfather Nik is lead down a path into the past as secrets relating to his father's death are revealed and the unspoken is forced to be heard. Patel's story focuses on pivotal moments in Nik's life exacerbated by his transition into adulthood as he takes his place at university. The palpable mental tension is expressed in the strangeness of his new predicament: emotional unmoored from any familial male role model, culturally isolated in a predominantly white northern town and physically distanced from his friends support, Nik is left to puzzle out where he belongs and what price knowing the truth is worth paying.

A tale of grief, secrets and families set in multi-cultural London. It does jump around in time which was slightly disconcerting. The characters are interesting, and their grief and hurt pull you into their worlds.
It does meander a bit in the middle section, almost as if the author is skirting the main issue. Thankfully they then get down to business and there are a few 'Ah! I understand now' moments as the past is uncovered.
An enjoyable read.

The Things That We Lost by Jyoti Patel in an incredible debut. Picked as an Observer debut of 2023, following in the shoes of great books like Shuggie Bain and Lessons in Chemistry.

When Nik’s grandfather dies shortly before he goes to University, he tells Nik to go to house and find a key. Nik has no idea what the key might open and suffice to say it raises high emotions and a lot of questions. The funeral sees Nik and his mother going back to India a land which should be so dear to him, but which he barely knows.

Told across 2 timelines, we unravel Avani’s marriage to Elliott and her subsequent relationship to Paul. The relationships pivot around Nik but he has little idea as to what went on in his early life.

This is beautifully told and compelling reading. Touching on clashing cultures and generations, it’s a cracking debut and one that will have you up late turning the pages.

Thanks to Netgalley and the Publisher for an ARC.

Nik has always known that if he mentions his late father his mother, Avani, will shut down. He gets a clue from his grandfather but loses his opportunity to find out more. His anguish at losing the only father figure in his life stays with him as he embarks on his first year at university leaving his friends behind. We follow Nik's journey of discovery and self-awareness which drives a wedge between him and his mother. An emotional story of grief and its consequences.

"The wide expanse of life was waiting for them, yet unwritten, and so gloriously full of possibility."

I'm unsure whether I am lacking in the ability to process my own grief, as to why I lapped this gorgeous novel up, or whether I just love reading about the intricacies of grief. Either way this book had me all the way in my feelings from start to finish.

"The Things That We Have Lost" follows the lives of mother & son, Avani & Nikhil. Following the devastating loss of their beloved Dad/Grandad, secrets from Avani's past stirs up a desire within Nikhil to learn more about his deceased father, much to Avani's dismay. The story is told  over the course of the 80s, early 90s & the present day. The reader is taken through the whirlwind of Avani's teenage years, her marriage, the untimely death of her husband, her grief & the loss of her father. Avani's story is beautifully interwoven with Nikhil's story which is essentially a coming of age story; The difficulties of navigating race, belonging, grief, mental health & relationships.

Have you ever felt compelled to hug the pages of your book whilst reading? Well this was me whilst reading Nikhil's pain. He was so lost & so hurt throughout this story. What I found even more heartbreaking, asides from his grief and breakdown of his mental health, was that the source of his pain stemmed from his mothers inability to manage & navigate her own grief.

I really love books that encourage me to reflect on my own experiences. Grief is something that I personally do not deal well with, and it was comforting to feel seen within the confines of Avani's character. Grief is something that we expect, but very rarely know, nor understand how to navigate. Patel explores this concept so beautifully in this stunning debut.

Definitely one to check out if it is not on your list yet. One for lovers of "Someday, Maybe".

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

This is a daring debut with a wide scope of themes bravely depicted within. Here you will encounter grief and loss, relationships, family friction and enduring love as the narrative alternates between the present day and the past.

With a deft and delicate touch, issues of racism, prejudice, culture clashes, secrets and sacrifices are shared through the history and stories of Avani, her parents, her husband, Elliot, and their son, Nik.

When Nik leaves for university in the North of England, shortly following his grandfather’s decline and death, he is blissfully unaware of his differences and how he will be perceived by others.

This precipitates a prolonged season of depression for Nik and his mother. She had already buried, rather than embraced, her grief at losing her husband, Elliot, years ago and now mourns her father as well.

Avani and Nik’s relationship is very believable, although I did feel a bit irritated with Avani sometimes for failing to open up to him and provide the answers about his father that he so desperately needed. In her maternal protectiveness, she didn’t seem to notice how grown up he actually was.

The dramatic closing scenes are moving and might pave the way for a sequel. A beautifully written, enlightening, intriguing, slow paced read that allows for great characterisation to take place. But it also made for a sluggish plotline at times.

✨There are some books that are just meant for you. And this was one of those novels for me.✨

When I first sat down to read this over the December holiday period, I met Nik, one of the main characters. He was visiting his grandad in Northwick Park hospital as he had just had a stroke. He took him Indian food and tea.

Many years ago, my grandad spent months in Northwick Park too. We also took him Indian food and tea.

Then, Nik's grandad died.

The day I read that part was the day of my grandad's funeral.

While the similarities between our experiences end there, my feelings towards this novel only grew deeper. Jyoti Patel has beautifully captured the impact that those who are no longer with us leave behind. She has thought of it all. The inner conflicts, the misunderstandings, the things that are said because the things we want to say go unsaid. The grief that is carried alone because misguidedly, we think it will be a burden to share with others.

While the novel centres itself around grief; the way it consumes us fully on some days and holds us back lightly on others, there were other themes that Jyoti covered too. And honestly? I wish I had read this with someone as I want to discuss it all. From losing a parent to the impact of going against the grain and not following family and cultural expectations, from exploring mental health, extreme sadness and possibly depression and the so very common, 'we don't talk about uncomfortable things in Gujarati households but here is some tea and nasto anyway'.

Jyoti Patel has written a book that is so worthy of the Merky Books New Writers Prize.

While beautiful lines were scattered throughout, I'll leave you with my favourite:
'In his nativity, he assumed that bereavement was simply an absence. Now, it dawns on him that it is an inescapable presence.'

✨

Nik has been looking for answers about his dead mother but his mother won't help. When his grandfather dies, the path opens up for him to discover his past. Nik discovers hidden secrets that challenge his relationship with his mother. A slow but interesting read about bereavement, racism and finding out who you really are. I enjoyed this book and the issues that it covers.

A story of grief, loss. Family dynamics and secrets. Told from multiple povs and timelines, a heartwarming and heartwrenching story.

We start this engaging novel encountering one of a series of microaggressions which will be scattered through the book, reminding us of the daily onslaught people racialised as black and brown often have to weather. Avani, after a university lecture, is surprised by a fellow student shoving an ankle tattoo of India in her face and wittering on about her trip to Goa. This is in 1990, and yet in 2017, Avani's son Nik is enduring open racism from his university flatmate as well as incidents of microaggression (and moments of huge warmth from other people even not quite of his culture who he encounters). But that's not the only thing he has to endure - his grandfather has just died after trying to tell him something about his dad, who died before it was even know Avani was pregnant.

Nik has a key and an empty house to check, but things only come together when Avani's with him and she's horrified at the secret his grandfather has kept all these years. And as the story progresses and Nik tries to hold it together to get to university while Avani tries to maintain the silence she's held over her perceived blame for her husband's death and mulls over her escape from her abusive mother, who had been furious about her inter-racial relationship and marriage, and her beloved Elliot's escape from his own dreadful parents, more objects are found that were saved, and more relationships fracture, while others grow.

Nik has been looking for father figures through his life, and now his grandfather's gone he thinks of his stepdad Paul - however, he gets to see Paul through new, more adult eyes. Thank goodness for his good friends, old school and college mates and a couple of new university friends, as well as his friend Will's dad, a found family he will be glad of. His growing anxiety and depression are not helped by being at university in a small, very monocultural city after growing up in multicultural Harrow, and we're left hoping he'll be able to transfer, as his cousin also did.

So there's a lot going on in this book but it's not cluttered and not at all writing-course-y, but flows naturally with themes of friendship and family and friendship within family pushing to the fore. There's a beautiful redemptive moment with an uncle who had seemed to have become almost a cliche, and there's a very nice dog which doesn't have anything awful happen to it (phew). We're not left with all the ends neatly tied, which I liked, but with enough resolution and hope to make it a positive as well as an interesting read.

My blog review: https://librofulltime.wordpress.com/2023/01/20/book-review-jyoti-patel-the-things-that-we-lost/

This novel is a quietly powerful story about a mother and son, and the secrets they keep from each other.

Although that sounds like a fairly familiar premise for a family drama, there is a quiet haunting quality to the book- Avani especially appears beaten down by everything she is attempting to carry at once, and I found her a fascinating character, full of complexity, warmth and fear.

The perilous balance of Avani and Nik's relationship was wonderfully drawn- as a reader, I was always aware that any moment this balance could tilt in the second it took to say the wrong thing.

It is a rich family story that I think will stay with readers.

I received an advanced copy of this book from the publisher and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

This is a story of grief, at its core. Avani, Nikhil, Chand, Maya, and Rohan are all shown to grieve in their own ways. It is heartwarming and heartwrenching simultaneously, but at it's end it is full of hope and promise. It is left open ended, but it doesn't feel unfinished.

It's constructed with dual POVs and multiple timelines. And covers topics such as abuse, racism, deep love, grief and moving on.

It's an extraordinarily beautiful book.

A really heartfelt and well-written debut novel that I raced through. Couldn't wait to find out the secret that was keeping this family fractured. I didn't feel like I had closure at the end of it, but I think the characters weren't going to get that either. The characters were well constructed and Patel's writing felt authentic, I could feel the depth of feeling in her characters. I think the dual narrative worked really well and allowed us to piece together the story and the secret bit by bit and showed the impact of secrets or leaving things unsaid can have on a family dynamic. Really enjoyed this book and think fans of the podcast Family Secrets by Dani Shapiro would love this.

Patel's ability to construct characters that fully engage the reader belie the fact this is her first novel. The story centres around Avani and her son Nikhil who are both desperately struggling to come to terms with the loss of Elliot, some 17 years previously, when he was killed in a mysterious road accident. Avani refuses to talk about what she believes really happened to her husband and Nikhil just wants answers about his dad so he can move on in life.
By spanning a period of some 30 years the back stories of the 3 main characters and their families are gradually revealed. Pyoti's skill is akin to that of an artist who, in applying layer after layer of paint, ultimately reveals a picture that we can all recognise and understand. By the end of the book it will be a cold reader who doesn't feel for Nikhil and Avani and wish them well for the future.
Lastly, Patel is to be congratulated on addressing issues such as inter-racial marriage, cruelty to children, love and loss with both sensitivity and intelligence. Clearly an author to watch.

This book was featured in the 2023 version of the influential annual Observer Best Debut Novelist feature (past years have included Natasha Brown, Caleb Azumah Nelson, Douglas Stuart, Sally Rooney, Rebecca Watson, Yara Rodrigues Fowler, JR Thorp Bonnie Garmus, Gail Honeyman among many others).

It was winner of the 2021 Merky Books New Writers Prize – Merky Books is a PRH imprint set up with Stormzy with a worthy aim to publish “bold voices from untraditional spaces that are inclusive and intersectional .. [and] .. to break down barriers in the publishing industry”. As an aside one of its very best publications was Derek Owusu’s brilliant Desmond Elliott winning “That Reminds Me”. The New Writers Prize is a key part of their strategy – aimed at “unpublished and under-represented writers aged 16-30 from the UK and the Republic of Ireland” and Patel, a UEA Creative Writing Graduate born in Paris and who grew up in NW London with Indian parents, won from some 2000 entries with an extract from what went on to be this novel.

This book is at heart an exploration of two things – grief and growing up in a multicultural family.

The novel has two main protagonists – Nik(hu) and his mum Avani, and is partly set in the second half of 2017 as Nik prepares for his first term at University (studying History at an unnamed Northern seaside University) and part across Avani’s earlier life. The Prologue has her at University in 1990 studying Mathematics and also introduces us to her then boyfriend and future father of Nik – Elliott – from a poor and abusive white family and her older brother Chand.

Other crucial sections are set in 1998 when in less than 2 months Avani loses her strict mother (with who she has a very difficult relationship only partly mediated by her beloved Dad) and before that Elliott in some form of (for much of the book) unspecified incident.

Elliott’s death – at a time when she was unknowingly pregnant with Nik- locks Avani into a world of private grief which she is never willing to allow Nik to enter so his knowledge of his father is largely from third parties and his information on his death even sketchier.

The post prologue open chapter has Nik visiting his dying grandfather (Avani’s father) in hospital before his death – his grandfather gives him a key to something that he has kept for Nik for years, but is reluctant to discuss Elliott, suggesting instead Nik speaks to Chand.

The rest of the book really examines the impact of this latest death (and the two in 1998) on Avani and Nik, the latter in particular really struggling at University, partly from the unfamiliar monocultural society he finds there and partly due to mental illness struggles. Meanwhile Avani is forced to revisit her suppressed guilt around the circumstances of Elliott’s death and her new found isolation without either father nearby or son living with her. And neither is helped (and nor is their suddenly fragile relationship) by the reappearance on the scene of his stepfather Paul (the true reason for whose break up with his mother is another of the family secrets kept from Nik) and by a newly assertive stand-in family patriarch Chand (who has always had a difficult relationship with both).

Overall I found the book a fairly conventional family drama – with a relatively limited plot and gently unspooling understanding of past events. Although I did – as often with point of view novels – feel that the author was artificially holding back things from us that Avani would naturally remember until such time as, in the novel, they became clear to Nik. The movements between time periods are easy to follow as each chapter is signposted with its date – and there are also heavy musical references to anchor each period – but perhaps can feel a little disjointed.

My favourite parts of the novel included the dialogue which, particularly in the sections featuring Nik, is a lively mix of London street slang and untranslated Gujurati. I also liked the portrayal of male mental illness struggles – both in the life of Nik but also his father. There was also a side-plot involving a relative of Elliott that, while I wavered over its plausibility, was well handled.

On the weakness side I found the book disappointingly London centric – as already mentioned the University Nik attends is not even named, whereas in London individual streets are name checked. And the characterisation of the town and its inhabitants seems stereotyped. If this book had a map at its front – it would have London featured in A-Z level detail with the rest of England shown as an unknown blank marked “Here There Be Racists”

I also felt that a number of the characters were portrayed with almost no redeeming features – including Avani’s racist mother, the feckless philandering Paul and a racist student house-mate of Nik.

Finally though I would say that the author really lands the ending – which manages to avoid dramatic revelations or overly saccharine resolution, but still finished on a memorable and hopeful note.

I really did not get into the flow of this book but persisted and finished it and came away with some seemingly universal truths.

Nations, whatever their colour or stripe, are challenged by intermarriage. They are also challenged by religion and Nations just love to blame someone else for their misfortunes and they just love to form ghettoes.

In summary, many Nations have a basic challenge when they move to another country. They have no wish to blend into that new environment, culturally or physically.

None of this is new, it has been around for many centuries and this book just reiterates these universal truths in a 21st Century setting.

Thank you Netgalley, the author and publishers for a copy of this book.
It was an incredibly heart wrenching read!

This was a beautiful story and a mother and her son, going through some tough times and trying to find some answers.
It took me some time to get used to the jumping timelines and POVs but it was so worth it and so well written! The transitions were smooth and complimented each other brilliantly.

I grew fond of this family and found myself getting frustrated at each of them at times, but because I cared about what they were doing to their relationship with each other.

If you are after a slower paced, family focused read, please put this at the top of your TBR, you won’t be disappointed.