The idolisation of pop-stars by their superfans who obsess over them is an interesting premise for a story. This is not it. The writing is extremely pretentious with many, many instances of attempting a convoluted simile where a single adjective would have done. Despite it being in the first person, I didn’t get a feel for our central character other than that they are completely deluded and can’t distinguish between fact and fiction in real life. They seem to exist only in their own little bubble. The different locations are not evoked. The work just stops with no real ending.

A more interesting story would have chartered the protagonist’s drift into super fan/obsessiondom rather than it happening immediately, her friends/boyfriend trying to talk her out of it and give her something better to live for rather than just seemingly acquiescing, her failure to track down/meet her idol having pitched up in Seoul instead of having some weirdo facilitate their meeting, and her idol calling security on her rather than listening at all to her ramblings concluding with a voyeuristic weird sex-like scene.

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

Y/N by Esther Yi
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Thanks to Netgalley for the advanced copy in exchange for an honest review 💙
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Esther Yi’s debut novel follows our unnamed narrator who is a Korean American living in Germany. One night she is dragged to a K-pop concert. During the concert she becomes obsessed with a member, Moon.
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Soon Moon becomes her world and infests her everyday life; her job, relationship and her thoughts.
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Soon she starts to do what every good fan girl does, obsess and feed into her obsession on the internet, including writing fan fiction. Her stories, which the main narrative of the novel switches to occasionally, feature the popular y/n trend where they reader imagines “your name” in place of the narrative.
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Soon our main character falls deeper into her fantasy and finds herself searching for Moon himself.
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The novel is eerie, quiet and always has you on the edge. The novel doesn’t necessarily seem like a commentary on fandoms and celebrity culture but more a metaphor for all consuming love when you struggling to find a meaning for life. The narrator never seems satisfied and is always searching for meaning or the next step towards happiness which never comes. For the narrator, Moon is a manifestation of happiness and perfection. In short she is the ultimate woman facing the void vibe.

The novel is short but is densely written with a surrealist twist and a bit of dark humour for good measure. I throughly enjoyed it and will be interested in reading more books by Yi as well.

Unfortunately, this ended up being a DNF for me.

I was intrigued by this at first, as someone who actively enjoys k-pop but I couldn't tell whether the author hated k-pop and it's fans or found them a fascinating subject. Any reasonable fan of k-pop would acknowledge that the industry has a lot of issues, and the way it encourages fans to often become far too obsessed with idols is a big problem. Especially when it ends up reaching the level of being a sasaeng (an obsessive stalker like fan, similar to our main character in this) who becomes a danger to the idols themselves.

I was eager to read a book discussing this and exploring these topics but I just didn't enjoy it. My main issue was the writing style itself. I spent so much of it going 'what on earth is being said here?' Because it felt like the author would rather use 50 words when 5 would do. It made it complicated to understand, and I wasn't sure if this was meant to read like this to add to the sense of confusion and separation from reality the main character experiences.

Either way, it was too much for me and I probably spent half my time rolling my eyes. I can see this book being a hit in some places, but it wasn't for me!

Thank you to NetGalley and Europa Editions for the digital ARC!

Y/N is a surreal novel about a woman who quickly descends into obsession with a K-pop idol and believes she is the only person who understands him. The narrator is a Korean-American woman who lives in Berlin and had no interest in K-pop or fandoms until she happens to go to a concert with her roommate, during which she discovers Moon, the youngest member of a globally famous boy band. She is immediately obsessed, writing fanfiction where you can insert Your/Name (Y/N), and then suddenly Moon leaves the band, and she ends up on a quest to South Korea to search for her obsession at the cost of everything else.

This book is a fascinating idea: turning the story of fandom and obsession into surreal literary fiction that questions identity, self, and what obsession and love really mean. Initially, it can be hard to pick out quite what it is going on, as the book is dreamy and disjointed, purposefully not really telling you that much about the narrator as she doesn't feel any need to tell you much beyond her obsession, and once you start getting snippets of her self-insert fanfiction as well, which is even weirder, some people may find it too much. However, I really liked how you drifted through the prose, with a lack of control that feels like what she encounters as she feels like she must find Moon, that she is destined to know him because she's the only person who understands.

The book also has some interesting commentary on the globalisation of K-pop and fandoms, in terms of languages, origins, and even authenticity of self and what that might mean in different places. This all links together with identity and loneliness, and the narrator's strange connections with people as part of her quest to be closer to Moon, to find him and settle what she sees as a key part of herself. I imagine that a lot of people would expect quite a different style of book to be about fandom culture, maybe one that delved more into the specifics and commentary on fans, rather than more of a boundary-less journey into the surreal world of one woman, but it works effectively for me to question what people really use to give meaning to their lives and how hard it can be to express that, as the narrator struggles to really explain clearly what her obsession is about.

I enjoy this style of literary fiction and the subject matter brought a fresh angle to the book. It's a short novel that's easy to read in a couple of sittings and once you get into the style and the fact that you might not always know what is going on, there's a lot to get out of it.

Author and critic Esther Yi’s debut revolves around an unnamed narrator, like Yi she’s a Korean American living in Germany. The narrator is disaffected, perhaps alienated, sometimes open to ideas as in the literature she regularly devours, sometimes almost jaded in her responses to the world she inhabits. One day she reluctantly attends an event featuring a phenomenally-successful, K-Pop group “the pack of boys” and is transfixed by Moon, one of its five members. Suddenly Moon dominates her thoughts, taking her away from an everyday shaped by a mundane job writing copy for a business selling artichoke hearts and a desultory affair with the demanding Masterson. She starts to delve into fan fiction, devising ever more elaborate stories which she posts online, part of the ever-expanding body of Y/N fanfic - in which Y/N (your name) provides a space for readers to insert themselves into the narrative. The narrator’s growing obsession leads to an encounter with representatives of Moon’s vast band of adoring fans, and eventually to Seoul in search of Moon himself.

Yi’s novel’s slippery, deliberately enigmatic, Yi has stated that she’s not so much interested in fandom and celebrity culture as she is in the state of being in love in its most extreme sense. Her narrator seems less a character than a manifestation of a form of existential quest, a symbol of a search for meaning that was once catered for by religion or philosophies offering ways to navigate the intricate process of living. For the narrator it seems intense feelings of lack, or the impression of a void, might be addressed through bonding with a love object created and fuelled by a capitalist system in which meaning and identity are tied to consumption. For the narrator Moon seems to hold out the possibility of transfiguration. But at the same time this pseudo-relationship seems to represent Yi’s commentary on cultural notions of all-consuming desire and the ways in which longing is often a fixation that has nothing to do with the person supposedly longed for. For Yi’s narrator this fixation also overlaps with their profound feelings of displacement, their liminal identity as both Korean and not Korean, something particularly marked in the later Seoul-based chapters.

Yi’s ambitious novel is short, closer to novella in scale but it’s also exceptionally dense, packed with gnomic interactions, and increasingly surreal scenes. The style is curiously formal, and the phrasing and dialogue can be disconcerting, almost jarring at times. But there are also some striking passages and moments of wonderfully dry humour. For me this was, perhaps, more interesting than it was entirely convincing but it could also be fascinating and furiously inventive, often totally subverting my expectations.

I was initially interested in this book after hearing it was a satire about a fangirl and the dangers of parasocial celebrity relationships. As a former fangirl (One Direction I miss you) I was intrigued to see how Yi wrote about this topic and was amazed that no one (to my knowledge) has written a fiction book about the dangers of parasocial relationships with celebrities and internet personalities, especially as it has been so relevant for years now.

However going into it I thought it would be more of a comedic novel rather than the intentionally disturbing one that it is. We follow the unnamed narrator who has recently become obsessed with a K-pop star and witness the dissolution of her life because of it. In her disturbing break from reality she ends friendships and relationships, quits her job and moves across the world to follow the recently retired idol, convinced that she is the only person who truly understands him.

The writing itself matches the pretentiousness of a women who thinks her love for this idol is more unique than anyone else. I can see why Yi wrote in this way and narrates in a broken stream of consciousness as the narrator continues into her delusions, but I was expecting something a bit more tongue in cheek that has the reader actively thinking about what is acceptable or not when being a fan of someone, rather than it being completely obvious from the start that this women’s obsession is not okay.

I think it could have been more interesting to see a slower descent into madness and have the narrator start with a more harmless and acceptable love for Moon, the K-pop idol she becomes infatuated with. If her obsession started first as a curiosity and engagement with the fandom, mirroring many peoples experiences, but to then see her continue further and further from what is ‘acceptable’ that the reader is left questioning, ‘how far is too far?’ Not just for the celebrity’s safety but for the safety of their own mental health.

I do like how she remains unnamed, the main character writes a self insert ‘y/n’ fanfic that is interspersed throughout her own narrative. The main character is different from the stereotypical ‘y/n girl’, she is older, has agency, unlikable and distant and I found that contrast interesting. But while her personality is different from what is expected of a ‘y/n girl’, she has the same speaking style as every other person in the book - where everyone is constantly intellectualising and philosophising their emotions and thoughts, to the point where I am wondering did they all actually speak like that or did our main character just imagine they did, retelling a romanticised version of her life?

I think this novel has a great basis and ideas, but I just couldn’t connect to it. I nearly had to stop reading at some scenes, due to the grotesque imagery. I couldn’t see myself recommending or rereading it, but the story did keep me interested enough (due to it being so surreal that I could not predict where it would end up) to finish the book.

This book wasn’t for me for me but if you enjoy surrealist, creepy narration about parasocial relationships with celebrities, this might be the book for you!

Thank you Net Galley and Europa Editions for this ARC, in exchange for an honest review.

It is important to note that most of the themes explored in this book deal with sensitive subject matters. My review, therefore, touches on these topics as well. Many people might find the book's subject matters & those detailed in my review overwhelming. I would suggest you steer clear of both if this is the case. Please note that from this point forward I will be writing about matters which contain reflections on stalking, mental instability, & others.

The algorithm that masterminds my social media has yet to arrive at a conclusive stance about me. Sometimes, when the algorithm’s mood is just right, when it is feeling particularly generous, I am met with content that suits my interest. My timeline is decorated with abstract art, antiquated brush strokes, & teetering towers of literature from across the vast expanse. Most days, I find myself rather uncomfortable with the world I am met with online. My algorithm plays me for a fool, knowing that I will log on & anticipate that which I enjoy. It will present me instead with the nameless communities of people that exist under my radar & ensure that once I log back into the real world, my brain will be plagued with the knowledge that there exists a sickness for everything; gustation for the seething parts of human society which I was previously innocent of knowing.

Loathingly I learnt that confusion was not acceptable to the algorithm. One afternoon, I drew a hesitating thumb backward as I pondered the scene that lit my screen. An edited video of men signing, smiling, & enamoured to a tune I had never heard before. This brief hesitation was enough for my algorithm to drown me in K-Pop-related content. I was lucky enough to be brought to the doorstep of the largest fanbase in the world.

As Yi opens the pages of her book to the hesitant reader the margins of the pages take heed of the calloused fingers that hold the story together. Should the reader have prior experience with the world of fan fiction they might have eagerly chosen this book hopeful to be met with the devious world of their own imagining. Somehow, I escaped the land of erotic imaginings. This is no great mystery, one need only look at my shelves to understand that it would have taken a great reckoning to beam me out of my reading habits. However, I chose to read this book because of my one-time experience with A-R-M-Y; the civilization of people who outnumber us all enough to ride the world of good or evil—or truly whatever they so please.

I had no real understanding of what a fandom was prior to my algorithm sneaking me through the virtual doors of A-R-M-Y. I knew that people became enamoured with popular personalities, whether that be movie stars, authors, singers, or social media creators. Maybe it was willful ignorance that kept me at bay from the murky water, or perhaps it was simply that I was living a different kind of life than the one that calls for devotion. Regardless, I was stumped & not a little surprised to find that there was a budding Atlantis behind the ellipsis that I ran through every day seeking my curated content.

For readers who are familiar with the world of fandoms or acute para-social obsession, Yi’s book will cater to the whims of the hopeful while also dragging along the unhappy pessimist intent on a downfall. What is important to remember before deciding to read this book is that it is Literary Fiction which means, it’s not what you think it will be. This is an artsy book. The author presents the story in a metaphorical sense while simultaneously allowing her main character to go without a name & sterilize herself beyond repair. Readers who do not enjoy books that remind them of themselves; books that bridge the gap between insanity & a blimp in judgment; books that row boats down white water waves, will find themselves angry. This is a book for a very specific reader & I believe that this reader needs to understand whom the narrator is without being it themselves.

Does this stance ostracize certain readers? Perhaps. I am inclined to believe that this book is brilliantly written but, it is not one that will be appreciated for what it is by all readers. The main character is a South Korean expat living in Berlin. Her parents are not around, we are unsure if they are alive or dead. Her uncle still lives in South Korea & she has a network of friends in Berlin. The author hints that this main character might have lived somewhere else before Berlin as her roommate reminds her of an appointment with the immigration bureau before she escapes to trace the steps of a K-Pop star. All of these things make her a normal person. She has likes, & dislikes, she has a family, & friends but, she is also completely unknown to us.

During the introductory period of our relationship with the main character, we learn that she is alone. Her solitude plays out in the worst way—it is a malaise of the mind. Outside of herself, she has a friend who is dedicated to roping her along through adventures & knowledge. There is a man that enjoys time spent with her, though he is honest in his sentiments—he does not think that what he can ever feel for her is love. The reader is able to discern that these relationships direct the main character. She might have a name but, I cannot remember it because she is supposed to be me—she is meant to be the reader as much as she is the decomposing self of her own reality.

Though her social relations attempt to keep her afloat it is truly down to luck, or a switch of cards, that she becomes a person who is enamoured by a stranger. Her first glimpse at a boy band that mirrors that of many K-Pop bands but, who strongly link to the South Korean’s Bangtan Sonyeondan, Bangtan Boys, Bulletproof Boy Scouts—BTS. Each member of the K-Pop band in this book is their own solar entity. They represent a planet & just as with the members of BTS, they have their own following, their own lore, & are beloved for their own intentionally crafted selves. The main character finds herself staring aghast at the bizarre neck of Moon, the youngest member of the band. From here, the short hours spent listening to productions of song & dance, the main character develops an adoration that allegedly supersedes the casual love of intimacy between people who see eye-to-eye.

As I watched from the comfort of my own home, my algorithm took my brief hesitation for consent & throttled my platform with BTS content to match the timeline of dedicated admirers. I felt like a visitor lost in sand dunes. I was confused as to the prolific nature of the city that lay hidden while also experiencing sentiments of overwhelm—how could people find so much to love in the face of complete strangers? I read comments from people who thanked the boys for saving their life, for showing them what love was, & for making music that would transcend the oceans that divided them. Where did these feelings come from? Who were the people that loved an unknown?

Though I stood at the precipice of the golden city of Jin, Suga, J-Hope, RM, Jimin, V, & Jungkook, I wondered what it must be like to dedicate one's life in such a way. I will not hide the fact that I perused the city streets in awe. I scrolled through endless fan edits that littered my own timeline & from there, gave up hope of ever being met with my original interests ever again. Was I meant to become a BTS Stan? Would I ever see a cutely formatted book recommendation video again? What made Suga appear so quiet & why did everyone adore Jimin? Who were these people?

The main character followed a similar path as I did though, she chose to move forward whereas I reeled back. The concert led her to become obsessive about a stranger & a life that she had no knowledge existed before theirs met in passing. From there she grew paranoid of a life without Moon. Her spare time was filled with evasive behaviour of her adult responsibilities as she sought to fill her time with live streams of Moon; catering her own content as I never could, with the images & videos of relevant stimulants that finger-trapped her in the virtual world of Moon. It’s difficult to understand how this happens, to anyone. I am in no position to put forward negative judgment as this is something outside of my realm of understanding.

Para-social relationships have been in bloom since the dawn of the age of the internet. As recently as social media became mainstream we have seen the ways in which human beings clawed at proximity. No longer would we feel that Pangea left us deserted. These apps allowed us to see what our favourite artist was doing or what food they enjoyed eating. For some people, this became a topic of conversation—why would anyone eat food this way or, how could we begin to care if they ate food at all? For others, this bright light shone through the darkness of their own mind. Once again, I do not know what this is like. I have not sought out a stranger when my mind clouded. Perhaps, I am from a different time. I lived in the world with people who were present & evasive in their own tangible ways. To want to reach through the pixels of my phone to be ostracized by someone who doesn’t even know me feels too vulnerable to conceive.

Watching live streams of Moon became casual & did not bring the main character what she hoped for, there needed to be more. Her intimate relationships began to suffer from a lack of care. Every person that she knew was a stand-in for Moon. This story quickly became something morose. The reader is introduced to communities of compulsive nature; people who no longer reside in the social world as others do. Yi allows the reader to feel absolutely insignificant throughout these stages even when the main character becomes friendly with O, we are never so much as a speck in the rearview mirror—no one matters as much as Moon. This leaves the reader in a strange position. Having not read fan fiction & having only recently discovered what “Y/N” meant, the spiralling demise of the main character was sad for me to witness.

What leads a person to become catatonic in their own lives without the presence of an Idol? Bordering the virtual world of A-R-M-Y, the BTS fanbase, I was riddled with confusion. So many people found themselves enlightened by the community of foreigners strangely adopting the same display pictures, edits, tones, & desires as each other. Yet, in all of this, I saw people who wanted to be close. Certainly, as in every community of people, there are those who have lost their way & shed the nature of what it means to be human in an attempt to shoehorn themselves into the life of their desire. The majority of A-R-M-Y was welcoming & encouraging of patience & kindness.

I never interacted with anyone in this community as I remained sheltered in the streets as their houses lit up by the warmth of their own happiness danced along the darkness where met feet stood. What if I had gone inside the house? How easy is it to lose oneself in the promise of comfort? So many accounts that I stumbled across were hopeful to the newcomer that would knock & ask them for admittance. So many people were eager to speak on the things, the people, that they cherished. The underbelly of this love is the reality. Each member of the idolized group is a stranger. We are strangers to them too.

This book is a prime example of the reasons why I adore Literary Fiction. Yi utilizes such colourful & bludgeoning prose; I became lost in the ease of laying on a sinking ship. Did I want the main character to find Moon? Why was I hopeful for a conclusion? This story does not necessarily give the reader what it hopes for, it presents the reader with a story & stories have their own conclusive end. In her travels to South Korea, she is met with overwhelming luck & everyone seems eager to understand what it must be like for her to believe that her life is intertwined with that of a stranger. She is gifted opportunities to sit in sanctity with Moon as she grimaces at her unknown face. Try as she might, she is never more than a stranger who stalked the catered personality of his professional life.

I am certain that it is not outside the realm of one’s understanding to grip the twist that plagues this story. The love that Moon feels is hidden in his heart. His heart is in a body that the fandom doesn’t know & cannot know unless they actually know, Moon. Where does this leave the main character save for empty in herself? She has left behind all of the things that made her who she was to wander into cafes where Moon ate & in theatres where his sweat coloured the wood floors, a deeper darker brown. So much of the adventure in this book opens the cavern of the absurd.

At once teething for a new life & capsizing on her own abilities to grow, the main character is lost in a world that has no room for her. She cannot go back to the place she knew because where once she lay, imagery & sound of Moon’s existence cloistered the space around her. Her life must move forward in a way that is practically indistinguishable from the one that everyone else seems to be living. Her only friend in South Korea has found a love that mirrors the obscene. Is all love debilitating?

Starving from a lack of connection, the characters in this book hobble through interactions with each other in a disingenuous fashion. They paint portraits of each other knowing that the image will more closely resemble the picture they have in their head than the actual friend with whom they share space. They write stories where others might fill in their own name as surrogacy for the tenderness their relationships might never offer them. They tend to the fantasy that love can feed them without food & water them without nourishment from the natural elements of the world. It is not necessarily a plague that riddles their spine but the weight of a virus unnamed. There exists the gentle touch of the emoji’s hand, waving us through the gateway of the lost city of stardom; room for one more who seeks to find the cavity of innocence & intimacy.

Ultimately, this is a book for a very specific reader. The author baptizes her characters in their own ignorance & insecurities. They change hues throughout the narrative as we see them shed their own essence. At once a story of love for that which is unattainable, Yi denounces that love is anything other than a feeling of pulsating pleasure in the mind. No one can offer the feelings from bone to bone. One is hopelessly fraught in attempts to transfer the weight of their sentiments to the benefactor. To love one more than the earth & stars; to love one from the moon & back, does not leave room for the moon itself to shift & travel if cratered by the borders of selfish desire lewdly strewn across its agency.

Thank you to NetGalley, Europa Editions, & Esther Yi for the free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!

3.5🌟


I weirdly quite like it despite not being a fan of the whole "plot feels like a fever dream" thing. The concept of y/n which you could say is the bread and butter equivalent of the fanfic category getting incorporated in the highbrow litfic category is very cool too.

There were a number of quotes that I highlighted but I will say that the writing can come off as pretentious from time to time.

The ending left me unsatisfied, though. Ultimately I don't really understand what happened and I don't think you are supposed to anyway which is pretty annoying, ngl 🥲


Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for providing me with a free digital copy of this in exchange for an honest review.

This was a little book that was compelling. The concept is a little odd but I read it in one sitting because I couldn’t not finish it.

This book wasn't what I expected. There were really good bits here and there. However, the story was all over the place and a bit pretentious. I love fandom and I am a fan myself but this was like reading ramblings of different types of fanfiction. I really liked the idea but the execution not so much.