**Listened to the audiobook version, as well as reading along with the electronic version**

I really loved this. Travis Alabanza's personal voice is a breath of fresh air! This book has such a strong sense of personality. It's incredibly honest. Some hard hitting moments, but it just felt 100% genuine.

Only downside is I wish it was longer!

this book so elegantly and messily and precisely navigates so many truths about queer identity and stifling gender politics, particularly in the uk. operating on both personal and socio-political levels, intersecting with race and class. it's deft in it's articulation and stark in it's honesty. resists a lot of pigeon holing, which i suppose is a good thing. a right thing. travis' theatre work is some of the most stirring, immediate, urgent stuff i've ever seen and this is no exception.

An important addition to the few books on the non-binary experience, you get a very clear sense from this book, about some of the challenges of being 'beyond the binary', especially as a person of colour. I was less fond of the stylistic choice to repeat the chapter heading over and over. I particularly liked the opening chapter, where they are exploring the external markers that healthcare professionals look for in order to believe their own gender identity. Very much their personal story, this book is full of frustration, exhaustion, cynicism and rage.

"A vivid reminder that, to be neither, within a binary world, is to sacrifice both state and sometimes community protection."

Alabanza's memoir is separated into seven chapters, each with a phrase that has been directed at them throughout their life. As a gender-nonconforming, mixed-race person, Travis talks about their life and struggles from living in an estate town to being who they truly are in a binary-focused world.

The writing in this memoir is truly remarkable and life-changing. Travis gives us room to question the society we live in where gender has been so structured up to the point that it is difficult to navigate a safe and comfortable world if you don't identify as 'male' or 'female'.

The memoir challenges the binary world to look beyond its borders and demand change before it gets any worse. The world cannot stay binary for much longer.

This is a deeply personal memoir that truly connected with me and makes me want to do whatever I can to make the world we live in more acceptable and kind to everyone no matter their gender, race, identity...etc. I have struggled with my identity all of my life and there was one particular quote that hit so close to home that I had to consider who I was trying to satisfy with my answer, myself or the people around me who won't stray from the binary.

"I think of some of the people I have met who say 'My pronouns are she/they,' and when you ask which they prefer, they say, 'Always they, I actually only want they, I just want to be less difficult.'"

But this memoir made me realise that I want to be difficult. I want people to use my correct pronouns, not just the ones that they gave me at birth. I want to fight, to be heard, to be seen, not as difficult, but as a human being wanting to live their life to its fullest.

So, thank you Travis Alabanza for writing this memoir and providing me with this discovery. It was a true pleasure to read (and also listen to you read this through audiobook) and I would highly recommend that people pick it up.

Listen to it. Read it. Learn from it. Share it with your friends, your family, your teachers, your community.

It's time for people to understand and accept people of all genders and identities.

Let them live their lives. Kiss who they want. Fuck who they want. BE who they want.

What gives you the right to decide how someone else lives their life?

Nothing.

I wanted to read this book as I had hoped to gain a greater understanding of transgender issues. Sadly I am now more confused than ever. I've learnt that the term "transgender" is offensive but have no idea how to replace it. I have to say I did resent how the medical profession are assumed to break confidentiality rules (which could get you struck off) just so we can have an entertaining joke at our patient's expense in order to make us appear more "right on liberal". No. We. Don't. If you seek a medical opinion about a problem we have to ask questions based on your biology. If you still have a prostate and are attending because of urinary symptoms we can't not examine you and ask questions. Letting someone die of prostate cancer because they don't like the questions is not good medical practice. As to the question, when did you know I would expect an answer like the author gave rather than- for example-22/7/1990 2pm.
Some issues like why do we have to record gender on forms/legal documents anyway are very valid indeed. There are so many sexualities now that it is impossible to keep up and what is OK one day is offensive the next.
I really don't care what you wear, who you sleep with (none of my business unless medical) or what toilet you use. As regards pronouns just tell me what you prefer. If I get it wrong tell me but don't assume I'm being deliberately offensive. The author did tend to make the assumption that we get things deliberately wrong to cause an issue. Everyone Cis (a term I loath) is tarred with the same brush. As far as I'm concerned you can use any loo/changing room you want. I really wanted to have a greater understanding of the issues but I'm just as confused as ever. One day we will treat everyone with respect and kindness no matter what. That will be a great day

“Ladies, gentlemen and those lucky enough to transcend gender” - you need to read this book.

None of the above is a powerful book from an equally powerful voice; that authentically explores the experience of living life outside of the socially accepted gender binary.

This is a deeply personal memoir like no other — using seven phrases that seem to be continually targeted at the author as a black, mixed race non-binary person, the ones that are used to attack and hurt, to judge and condemn, that spring from ignorance and misinformation and things other people just don’t hear. It provides a unique, intersectional gaze at the world and a society that cannot accept life outside of their own opinions.

This book is accessible and easily readable — each section is both informative but conversational and direct to the reader. It sits somewhere between a string of thoughts, a collection of stories and a well-laid out essay. Not only giving an insight into living life outside the binary, but into arbitrary gender roles, societal expectation, racism, mob mentality. healthcare inequality and community. As a Queer white person, there was still plenty for me to learn from Travis and their own experience of how racial inequality and erasure shaped their own journey with identity.

There was a real sense of connection, of support and care with Travis throughout this, as though they were a friend talking to us directly. This is a timely and critical work that everyone should read whether for self-reflection or understanding more about people that exist outside of your understanding.