While the book at its core deals with the masc, bisexual male experience, it grapples with broader themes such as imperialist, white-supremacist, capitalist, cis-hetero patriarchy, and phallocentric cultures.

Author J. R. Yussuf offers a searing commentary on the lives of bisexual men who are often shunned/mistrusted by straight women they date and even members of the LGBTQ+ community. Gay males frequently accuse bisexual men who date women of being secretly gay but enjoying the benefits of a socially accepted relationship.

It is interesting when Yussuf says he describes himself to new people as just 'bi' and drops the "sexual" part to avoid invasive and inappropriate questions. In fact, some bisexual men will entirely disown the label to avoid non-consensual touch and flirting. Yussuf dispels long-held myths such as bi men are promiscuous, hypersexual, and equally attracted to both sexes. Contrary to the "bad bi" trope, bi virgins do exist, and many have dated just one gender. Conversely, it isn't true that bisexual men are automatically less misogynistic or inherently revolutionary.

The author makes an important point about labels- while they make many people feel boxed in, labels make others feel seen and validated, less alone. He also touches upon the fetishization of bisexual women who are assumed to be open to threesomes proposed by cis-hetero males.

I would have given the book a 5* rating if it had undergone a tight and crisp edit. Still, it was an interesting read and a lot of research has gone into it. There is a lot of vulnerability and mindfulness without coming off as preachy.

This book taught me a lot on bisexuality and myself.

First I want to say it was very refreshing to have this book being extremely trans positive. As a trans person I have had troublesome interactions with the cis queer community and always get a bit afraid with cis queer books that they might end up being negative of trans people. This book however outright acknowledged us and took us into account. In the part with dating tips there is even a section about dating trans people that was perfect and spot on with the tips how to treat us. I haven't even seen such a good "how to date trans people" before yet and I was very happy to see that in this book.

This book obviously isn't about trans people at all and was not the focus in the slightest. The book focuses on a lot of different sides of bisexuality, the struggles it can bring and gives many great self help tips for that. There is a chapter about unlearning biphobia and I learned a lot about that. It spoke about how sometimes people hide they are bi by saying they're just gay or instead straight. And oh boy was I called out by that. Then continuing the book showing that bisexuality is a spectrum and leaning heavily to one gender is totally valid to be bisexual, really made me think on my own identity. I usually say I am gay, not bi, even though I'm also into women. I don't think I made the choice for doing that very conciously, but a part of "not being bi enough" definitely had a play in it when I looked deeper at my feelings. Since then I have been changing the way I identify more to a proud bisexual than gay hiding it away. And to be honest it has felt great and I am grateful this book brought me that.

The book also talks a lot about the authors life and the intersectionality of being bisexual and a black man. The self help parts were less relevant to me as a white bisexual man, but I learned a lot from the experiences the author shared and I feel like my understanding of that perspective of life is better now than it was before. I fully believe that the self help parts here are useful too, but for that I would recommend checking out another reviewer who's black on their opinion if you want to know more about that.

Concluding I learned a lot about this book and I am sure that other bisexual men will as well.

I am so grateful to the author for pouring their heart out in this book, I can tell it is a true labour of love.

Sadly I personally ended up having to stop around 50% purely due to not being in the right headspace to engage fully with it at the time I was reading it.

This is an incredibly powerful and important book that I will definitely be picking up in future hence why I’m still rating it so highly.

Whilst I am not technically the target audience I did appreciate what this book is doing and really hope to see more books like this on the bisexual experience in years to come, specifically for more masc leaning bisexuals as society sadly sure does have very far to go in terms of awareness, acceptance and most important celebration of the masc bisexual experience.

I look forward to coming back to this one soon!

Thanks so much to NetGalley and the publisher for the arc. All opinions are my own.

Yussuf's work combines lived experience, critical analysis, and practical advice into a thought provoking book. He masterfully combines frankness with sensitivity, not only to others but also to his past self. I appreciated his insights into how many intersections exist within the bi+ community, including the societal level (e.g., white supremacy, heteronormative) and personal level (e.g., within the LGBTQ+ community, with potential platonic, romantic, and sexual relationships). His examples and arguments were well structured and often made me pause to absorb some of the points and look up the references to learn more. I consider a text that helps readers engage with it on that level highly successful.

I feel the book has some minor weaknesses. While I appreciated the lengthy list of sources and resources at the end of each chapter, there were often statistics or other facts listed without specifying from which source they originated. In-text citations wouldn't have disrupted the narrative flow and been helpful. I also felt certain chapters were more interesting and insightful than others; however, I acknowledge that opinion may be due to me not being the target audience for the book.

Overall, I found this book excellent in exploring bisexuality in masculine identifying people and learned much. I think others will likewise find it engaging and useful.

First things first, although I’m around a 4 on the Kinsey Scale myself — it’s important to recognise this book wasn’t ‘for’ me, so my opinions of it don’t particularly matter but I still encourage you to always read things from other perspectives because it’s always an amazing learning experience.

This book not only gave me a little more understanding and insight into life as a bisexual man, particularly those of colour, but actually had some really useful advice for any queer person about dealing with internal biphobia on top of the external rampant biphobia that is pushed further by systemic racism and misogyny - after all, how many times has someone told an LGBTQ+ guy to “be a man” because they’re not following the socially accepted playbook on masculinity or assumed they’re actually just gay?

The author was a brilliant storyteller; creating an excellent flow, with a conversational but informative tone that was easy to follow. He took us through his younger years and growing up at a time with stigma and bisexual erasure on top of everything else, about bisexual history and the societal stigma and fundamental misunderstandings about what bisexuality is - all told through a mix personal anecdotes, historical and social context, his own thoughts and advice to others who may be going through the same things and offering prompts for your own self-reflection and learning.

For someone looking to know more and understand the bisexual experience, read this. For someone wondering about their own bisexual experience, read this. And for a bisexual person looking for a little bit of connection and catharsis, read this. Just read this book.

As a bisexual woman myself, it always makes me excited to see bisexual literature coming out. While I was not the target audience of this book, I learned a lot from it and saw more of the experience of black and/or bisexual man which is foreign to me. A 5 star recommendation for sure.

tThis is like a guidebook aimed towards Black, bisexual, masc people and I thought it was very well researched, with lots of information and resources. I am not Black, bisexual or masc but I still thought it was very helpful for the people in my life who do fit these descriptions.

I also liked how diverse it was and how many people the author included, as well as how kind the approach was to their readers. I know lots of people would appreciate that, too.

I would especially recommend this to those who are freshly out or have been out for a shorter time period, it includes lots of things about how to be safe, how to respect yourself and others, consent, etc.

This book was beautifully written and helped me better understand some of the specific concerns faced by people with identities and experiences that are very different from my own.

Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with a copy of this book. I wanted to love it since it would dive into Black male bisexuality. Unfortunately i didn’t - the writing was way too academic for me and dry. I would’ve loved to see more of the author’s personal experiences vs scientific and statistic info. It felt like a disconnect.

We need more books that showcase the bisexual experience, especially those who are nonwhite, mixed race, or biracial. I am so glad I read this, so grateful to the author for sharing his experiences as a Black bi man, and I encourage everyone who considers themselves a queer and anti-racist ally to read this!

I received a Netgalley ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Dear Bi Men: A Black Man's Perspective on Power, Consent, Breaking Down Binaries, and Combating Erasure by J.R. Yussuf tries to do a lot of things in just under 300 pages- and I feel it strongly succeeds at its overall goal of being an unapologetic guidebook. This book should be a must-read for all bisexuals.

Although above all, the book is primarily a guidebook for readers who are Black, masc, and bi, a lot of the book is advice that is directly applicable to me as an individual white, nonbinary, bi, and this booked helped me understand some of the specific problems faced by Black bi men.

This book covers a lot of ground- from the author's personal experiences with his sexuality; advice and critiques about therapy (as well as tips for finding a good therapist); bisexual erasure; perspectives on masculinity, racism, queer theory, Christianity, dating, and physical intimacy. I liked how thorough the book is about citing it's sources and raising questions.

(Note to the editor: I have not yet posted the book on Instagram but I will tomorrow.)

This book is a well-needed essay about bisexual men, especially BIPOC ones. The personal experience and advices given by the author are truly helpful in understanding the numerous topics linked to bisexuality and white supremacy. I will definetely add this book to my personal library when it will be out!

As a Bi man myself, I am glad every time I see a new non-fiction work that expands the paltry and insufficient library available to bisexuals.

This one adds more representation to two distinct lacking areas: Bi men and Bi people of color.

I am grateful to the author for adding his voice to the conversation. It is so necessary.

I'm bi myself, but also a white woman. This book was really interesting, because it opened a whole new perspective on being bi. I'd definitely recommend it to all my queer folks out there!