I Promise It Won’t Always Hurt Like This by Clare Mackintosh
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Publication date: 07/03/2024
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Clare Mackintosh is a firm favourite of mine but this new book is unlike anything she has written before. A book to take you on an emotional journey through grief. Relevant for anyone who has ever lost someone.
Having recently lost my dear dad, I knew that I needed to read this book to help me through the process.
Clare openly walks you through her grief journey of losing her son; honest, raw and hopeful. There are 18 promises to the reader which can be read in any order depending on your need in grief. Each chapter can be read as a stand alone or the book read in one go.
This book definitely helped me to process my grief, allowed me to cry and gave me hope for the future.
Thank you Clare for writing such a beautifully honest book. A must read for anyone who has lost someone.
Thank you to NetGalley, Clare Mackintosh and Little Brown Book Group for this ARC in return for an honest review.
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This is the book anyone who's grieving, or wants to support someone who is feel in grief, needs. It's reassuring and kind. Honest and raw.

I'm a huge fan of Clare Mackintosh's crime and thriller novels - so when I heard that she was writing a book of non-fiction - based on her own experiences, I was super excited. Something new! Something super intriguing.
Mackintosh writes about her experience of grief when one of her newborn twins passes away. Each chapter looks at a different stage of grief, and how it changes as time passes. As well as the different triggers to feeling those feelings of grief.
It's a difficult one to review as the book is so personal, and so honest. I know it will help a lot of people, especially those that have lost newborns.

Tragic and beautiful, poignant and compelling.

As the foreword suggests you may see yourself in these pages and I definitely did! Anticipatory grief, isolation, unusual/unhealthy coping mechanisms. We all have experienced it or will do in our lifetime but so often it is buried so as not to be an emotional burden to those around us.

But grief holds a purpose in allowing us to express the love we had for those who have died and process our emotions in order to carry on living a life that is full. It may take weeks, months, years even but however you do it, as Clare Mackintosh states, do whatever is right for you.

Such a brave personal raw and emotional account of grief. Written honestly and sensitively to try and help others as they navigate their journeys with grief while acknowledging that everyone's journey is different and personal to them.

My thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for an ARC of this.

When Clare Mackintosh lost her five-week-old son, she soon discovered there are no neat-labelled stages of grief like so many books insist. The shape of each loss is different; when a parent, relative, or friend passes, we grieve the person in all their beauty, their humanity, their imperfections, for Clare, there was no preparing for the anger and excruciating ache of knowing her child's life would remain unlived. This is the book she needed then.

What a difficult, probably the most difficult thing, the death of your child, a parent has to go through. Loss effects everybody differently. It's tough to read, but I'm sure many readers will also get some kind of comfort from reading this beautifully written book. Being grief-stricken is a lonely place to be. Each chapter relates to one of the promises Clare made.

I would like to thank #NetGalley #LittleBrownBookGroup and the author #ClareMackintosh for my ARC of #IPromiseItWontAlwaysHurtLikeThis in exchange for an honest review.

When you're mired in grief it can be hard to see beyond the next moment, surviving rather than thriving as @clar... points out in I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This.

I imagine this book will prove a lifeline to many & a tough read for some. For me, coming very late in my grief, I still made sure I was in the right headspace before I picked it up.

This book tore away some of the bandages & hastily sewn stitches from 27 years ago, leaving me raw, but while confronting it was also wonderfully cathartic. It opened very old wounds, it salved them & has helped them start to heal. I cried, a lot initially, but I also smiled, laughed & reflected, not only on my grief, but my attitude to others & what I can do from my advanced position. I can see myself buying this for friends & loved ones in the future (not in their early days when I believe just being there is the best action, but further down the line once for others life has returned to normal, but they are still very much in the trenches of grief) when I don't feel my words will be sufficient & I can rely on someone a lot more eloquent than myself.

For anyone struggling I promise it won't always hurt like this too, you will feel joy again & it will creep up on you. There is no miracle moment & some days are a lot darker than others, as Clare reflects here, but you are not alone.

I Promise it Won’t Always Hurt Like This is an honest and compassionate look at grief; how we are all unique in how we grieve, that there is no fixed way to grieve or stages to move through but there is hope. The author writes about the death of her baby son with such heartbreaking honesty but this is also a book that is full of compassion and warmth for what others may go through. Our grief never goes away but our lives can, over time, grow around our grief.
Thank you to Clare for sharing your experiences and to NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read and review this digital ARC.

Thank you so much for an advance copy of this book in exchange for my honest opinion.

I have read quite a few books by Clare Mackintosh (the twists on I Let You Go is still one of the most shocking ones I have ever read!) and I have enjoyed them all.

When I read After the End and learnt about the story behind it, I was surprised by how strong she was by writing something that felt that close to home.

The same happened when I saw that she was publishing this book. I really respect her.

I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This has made me cry, has made me smile, has reminded me of my loved ones, the ones that are still here, albeit old, and the ones that are already gone.

It reminded me of a classmate that lost his life when he was 7 years old. It has made me think of his parents, how the loss was so big they decided to divorce. How "lucky" Clare was to have her husband by her side at all times.

It made me think of the future. How will I feel when I lose my dad?

I am going to treasure this book and go back to it when I feel I am struggling!

Thank you so much for writing this.

Love, x

I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This by Clare Mackintosh. This book has made me cry, made me smile, tugged at my heartstrings, taught me elements of grief and it's a truthful book. Clare shares her experiences, shares what helped her, 'it isn't a quick fix, but I found this helped' suggestion. and above all, you learn part of her story.
The beautiful memories she has of her young baby who sadly didn't live to tell his own story; but Clare has one million percent got it right with this book. This book can help anyone - those who have loved and lost, but also those who haven't yet lost; it can act as a preparation for how you may feel, and to help you realise that grief isn't a feeling that is always the same, it is dynamic and will forever be changing, day by day, month by month, year by year and person by person. You don't have to read it chapter by chapter, you can drop in and out when you can, and it'll make perfect sense.
I would definitely recommend this book, to all, preparation or help - it can support you.

Thank you to NetGallery for the early copy of this book in return for an honest review!

I’ve read Clare’s books for a few years now; her psychological thrillers and recent Wales-based crime fiction series aren’t just a pleasure for me, they’re masterclasses in characterisation and cultural identity. So when she announced that she was writing a book on grief, I knew I had to read it.

And so I have read with reverence, often in tears, but it has brought me an immense amount of comfort and, in it’s own way, joy. It validated my experience of grief and has given me an understanding of the path ahead. At the start of the book, Clare writes that this is the book she wishes she had when her son died. I cannot agree more, because it’s the book I wish I’d had twelve months ago, even though I wouldn’t have been able to read it then. For me, the right book has come along at exactly the right time. It’s helping with my loss now, just as it will help with the losses to come.

This is a book that spoke to me on so many levels and while I've not gone through the same trauma as the author the book was full of good advice for supporting people who have been bereaved and hope/guidance for me on a personal level surviving a different sort of trauma.

Fans of Mackintosh's fiction will gain an insight into her writing and the books should come with a packet of tissues!

Don’t you just want to grab this, switch off the phone and curl up on the sofa
By far one of my favourite books I've read this year… Heartbreaking and I recommend 100%

If you've ever read any of Clare Mackintosh's fiction books you'll know what a wonderful writer of emotions and tragedy she is, encapsulating so much of what the reader needs to feel through a story in narrative. This memoir is written just as beautifully, even more so with it being about her own tragedy and the grief from the death of their infant son and subsequently
her father. Though this covers a most awful and heartbreaking experience, the book is a real salve for such times, written in chapters, each a promise of how things do get easier.
It provides a very raw and immensely powerful window into grief for those lucky enough not to have yet experienced it, and that in itself is important as death remains still some unspoken taboo that makes so many people uncomfortable, frightened and uncertain of how to grieve. However, for those of us who grief is already a familiar friend, or who have just become suddenly overwhelmed by the experience of such loss, this is a supportive and compassionate book that covers so many aspects of grief and manages so wonderfully to include so many different types of grieving and the nuances this brings, because though grief is universal it's also so individual to every single person experiencing loss, even in the same situation.
I felt so comforted by her promises and am enough of the way deep in my own grieving that I can see parallels and differences of my own but that ultimately each assurance given is true, and I hope it brings much needed strength and solace to others.

I promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This by Clare Mackintosh

This will probably be the book that the author is most proud of writing , and rightly so .
You don't ever ' get over' a bereavement , you learn , slowly how to incorporate it into your life.
I once read a quote that said . " Life goes on , but in a different way "
Having read Clares book I think it will go on to be one of the most read titles of its subject , it's honest , down to earth , and relatable to many.
Thank you.

Well what can I say. I think I should start with the biggest thank you. To Clare, an author I love and follow avidly, for being brave enough to write such a deeply honest and personal account of grief. (And also to net galley for the copy of course).

There are a lot of books about grief but they’re not written by a griever necessarily and they’re not raw and open and honest. This is, this is brave, this is personal, it is sad but more than anything it is kind.

Grief is a lonely and confusing place to be and this book is like a mug of hot tea whilst sat in a huge chair (like the old lemsip ad) in front a roaring fire. It’s the closest you can get to a hug in a book.

It makes you feel less crazy, it gives hope but it also gives you space to cry your heart out. And that’s ok,

I had a similar moment outside hospital when my dad was dying with a lady like the daffodil lady and it will stay with me until the end of my days. She was a stranger who simply stopped to console me and comfort me because I was sad and gave me tissues and a hug.

This is rare and to be very much treasured because there are more people who will run a mile to avoid the sadness, who don’t want to be talking about things or letting you cry.

I don’t think , in fact I know I couldn’t do what Clare has done here but what this book does do is it gives me hope. Grief doesn’t get easier but you can and will find happy moments and be able to cope and manage better - something I’m struggling with at the moment. It’s been an emotional but also heart warming read for me and I would recommended this book to anyone - in fact I did during reading it and immediately after !

Claire thank you and lots of love. Alex would be so proud, they are always with us,
Forever in our hearts xx

I wanted to read this book to help me to support a friend who is grieving, and in that respect the book was insightful, although the book is written more for those who are going through the experience of loss and grief themselves. It's a well written book, it is hard to read and often moved me to tears. It isn't a manual for dealing with grief, grief is too personal an emotion for that to even be possible, but it is an exploration of ways that you may be feeling, that no way of experiencing grief is "wrong", and offers hope that it will get better in time.

I'm still unsure whether I will gift a copy of the book to my friend. I don't know if it might be too emotionally raw for her, but I am also sure she would benefit from Clare's assurances that it won't always be this hard.

This book is very different from Clare’s usual fiction writing as it is told with stories from her own personal experiences of loss. Her newborn son died at the age of 5 weeks and she also lost her father far too young.

It almost sounds wrong to say I enjoyed this book, as it brought me to tears more than once, but as humans we find it hard to know what to say to someone who is grieving, or indeed how to handle our own grief.

Clare writes beautifully and from the heart. Her writing takes you back in time whilst linking in the present day and other experiences after Alex died. A heartbreaking yet important read and I feel that a lot of readers will be grateful to Clare for sharing her lived journey of grief.

Thank You NetGalley for allowing me to read and review.

It is very hard to navigate grief when there is no manual. And really, you can't be expecting one, because the experience - while having certain elements in common with others who experience it - is nevertheless very unique and horrendously isolating.

So what Clare Mackintosh offers here is really perhaps the only way that anyone can help you navigate loss: by sharing their own experience and by discussing what helps/helped them.

This is a good effort though I found it hard to read because of the stage I am at. Nevertheless, I think this book has the potential to assist a lot of people on the journey through, and hopefully someday out of, grief.