My E-ARC copy of Matt Lee's The Backwards Hand: A Memoir has, presumably as an anti-piracy measure, undergone a blanket text edit in which all "fi" and "ff" letter combinations have been replaced with two taps of the spacebar. So, for example, "film" has become " lm" and "effect", "e ect" through the whole book. It's jarring at first, but shortly my brain adjusted to it and just took it in stride.


The possibility has occurred to me, of course, that this is not just a factor in my copy from Netgalley but an intentional gimmick in the text as a whole, to make a point about neuroplasticity or human adaptability or something, but probably not. Lee isn't interested otherwise in being either subtle or gimmicky; he is here to tell you, very plainly and without sparing anyone's fee-fees, what his life with a very unusual congenital difference has been like.

Lee was born with bilateral radioulnar synostosis; the two bones in his forearms, which actually rotate and cross over when an unaffected human rotates their hands front to back, are fused together in the crooks of his arms. Surgically un-fusing them, at least back when this was offered to him, would unavoidably damage a cluster of nerves located right where the bones are fused, leaving him with constant pain (something I know all about and wouldn't wish on Elon Fucking Musk, for all that he wants to put chips in the brains of people like Matt Lee and myself and maybe all of us because of reasons) and a still-deeply limited range of motion that wouldn't even approach "normal." Not exactly a win-win proposition.

There are notes of existential terror in this text, much of which is devoted to famous disabled people and other "freaks" from history and how they were depicted in art and treated by their families and, most importantly, by the authorities. Lee spends a lot of text, for instance, to the Nazis' euthanasia program, which targeted the mentally and physically disabled; eugenics is never far from the discussion when societies discuss policy toward us. This fear has only grown with the results of the recent U.S. election, of course, but that development was still in the future when this book went to press.

Lee's own story is far less bleak, however. He has married and has a child who does not share his disability, has had an acting career and has developed a clear and concise prose style and a dedication to thorough research that should serve him well moving forward in life -- and, as he takes care to emphasize in The Backwards Hand, he doesn't owe all of the setbacks he has encountered on the way to this state to his disability. Some of it is attributable to his own immaturity, infidelity, or general assholery. Disabled people are neither monsters nor saints; it just took him a while to realize that his disability did not automatically make him a monster.

But man, this book has made it a little harder to go into 2025 with anything like a sanguine attitude. But, like that was going to happen anyway, amirite?

Who knows, maybe we'll end up in the same camp and I'll get to tell him in person that I appreciated this book and told all my friends to read it. Except I'm housebound because nobody will take basic precautions against diseases that could kill us, so instead of actual friends, I'm telling whoever still reads this blog. Read this!

The Backwards Hand 

Matt Lee


4 / 5 


Horrors misunderstood monsters and "freaks" are used to draw parallels between what it means to be different in today's world ... What it means to feel separated from the "normalcy" of  everyone else. 


I found Matt Lee's story to be a bit jumbled-feeling in the way that it was written, switching back and forth between memoir and research papers ... but a compelling and extremely intriguing examination of disability and disability in horror nonetheless.

I really enjoy a memoir, and there were pockets of this that kept me gripped. I found some of it hard to track, so there were times where I wasn’t sure quite what the story or the message was. Definitely one for those who like something a little different.

The writing style of this book took quite a bit to get used to. For a good chunk of it I was unsure about it but it did grow on me and I got used to it.
This book is part memoir, part stories of others who have lived/are living with disabilities, and part information on all of the disabilities mentioned within the book.
Basically, when they say it is told in “lyrical fragments” they certainly mean fragments as Matt jumps between all three of these topics basically by the paragraph.
Once you get used to the style, the book is full of good information on the history of the treatment of disabilities and of those that had them as well as his own experiences while dealing with his own disability.

Thank you to net galley for the ARC of this book. Matt Lee takes turns narrating parts of his life living with a disability and citing facts about historical events, such as the lives of disabled artists, like Frida Kahlo, and the Nazi’s T4 Aktion program, to name a few. The book was both eye opening and disturbing.

This book starts out as a really cool idea but it just keeps getting more and more confusing every time the topic changes. I get what the author is going for but it just ended up being a bit much for me.

Half-memoir half-history and all through the lens of the horror genre, this book is interesting but a bit too fast moving. I learnt more than I thought I would about a variety of topics like historical ableism and Nazi euthanasia but the book never dwelt on these long enough for me. It will often offer a fact or mention a horror movie for a few sentences before moving on to something completely different for another few sentences - clearly a conscious choice but it means the relevance of the topic can be unclear, and I found myself craving deeper analysis. This did quicken the pace of the book, which did help me in some way (ADHD), but it means a lot of the points are underexplained and unsatisfying. Still, I'm glad I read this and I look forward to exploring some of the topics I was introduced to further

Matt Lee discusses his disability, the joys and struggles in his life as well as horror and sociocultural, historical events in the backdrop as the context.
I wanted to like this book more and I appreciate Lee’s voice, his discussions and I highly value his experiences.
The discussion of horror as a cathartic genre, the references and the historical/cultural contexts and Lee’s experiences were all good.
Why the 3 stars? In my opinion, the flow, the connection between academic references (I love Julia Kristeva’s works) and Lee’s own voice was lost many times. In other words, the memoir aspects, the cultural discussions and the scholarly arguments could have blended more smoothly for a better read. And this is not a matter of solely editing and structure. It is about the core of the argument and the themes moving and connecting effortlessly.
However, this is my subjective opinion. This book is honest, important, smart and I am glad that it exists.

“How old were you when you first stumbled across the invisible boundary separating normal from other? Man from monster?”

Lee was born with a rare physical defect: bilateral radioulnar synostosis or for those that haven’t heard of it—like me—a fusing of the bones in the forearm. In this memoir, he explores horror pop culture and their “freaks” and creatures as a way to navigate disability and otherness. What was remarkably fascinating in premise felt, unfortunately, poorly executed.

The writing in this memoir is fragmented which only resulted in an elementary feel for me. The main downfall of Lee’s writing in this memoir is the jump between experiences from his personal life to the comparison to horror pop culture and the history of disability. Any cohesive transition lacks and the aforementioned “comparison” between his life and that of the pop culture that he explores is thin and not fully fleshed out. The onslaught of information provided is done so chaotically and in a brash manner.

<I>The Backwards Hand</i> is an interesting meditation on disability: how society defines it, the expectations that we place on those who are disabled, and the way we treat those who are disabled. And while there is certainly engaging information to be found within these pages, it ultimately fell flat for me and was a real chore to get through.

Thank you Northwestern University Press and NetGalley for the digital copy in exchange for an honest review. Available now!

I love horror as a genre and I especially love nonfiction books about horror, so when I found this memoir that uses horror and history to talk about disability I was excited to jump on it. The book cuts between personal anecdotes and and movies and history constantly in a way that is not confusing, which I appreciated. I loved just how many things he included, everything from Frida Kahlo to the black and white movie "Freaks". There is a lot of nuance in the author's depiction of his own life story, he's not an "inspiration" and he's also not a monster, just a regular guy with everyday flaws.

The cover is also amazing, I love the color on the hand making it look like it belongs to some reptile monster creature. Its the perfect way to pull together the author's specific disability with the horror theme.

My main complaint about the book is the writing style. The entire book is written a series of statements, and there is not much variety in how information is conveyed to the reader. It is not a long book, but this quirk of the writing style did make it drag in places.

Thank you to NetGalley for the free ebook in exchange for an honest review.

thank you to NetGalley for the advance copy!

half memoir and half history lesson, The Backwards Hand is the story of a man with bilateral radioulnar synostosis — fused bones in his forearm, keeping him from turning his wrists and causing him pain. Matt Lee dissects the portrayal of disability and disfigurement in history and in fiction, how disabled people have been portrayed as monsters and sinners but in reality are much more likely to be the victim of violence than the perpetrator.

I requested this ARC because I was looking for horror fiction, and the title evoked the trope of the spooky, sentient severed hand found in classic horror. perhaps the most famous example is Thing from the Addams Family, although there have been plenty more. just a year ago, the film Talk To Me features a severed hand that allows someone to speak to the dead when you hold it in a handshake and invite the spirit to possess you. it was only after I had been approved that I even read the description — irresponsible ARC requesting, I know, but I had been on a bit of a spree — to find that my initial assumption had been dead wrong, and, in fact, playing into the very kind of horror stereotype that Lee examines and disassembles. and yet, despite the questions he raises about the morality of disability representation in horror movies, Lee is himself a horror fan. his is a tactful examination rather than a judgmental one, although he would be well within his rights to condemn horror for its conflation of disabled-ness and evil.

despite the immense amount of art and pop culture references, historical accounts of disabled figures, and horror movie citations, The Backwards Hand is remarkably fast-paced. pay attention the first time you read each vignette, because their bite-sized descriptions are blink-and-you-miss-it quick. this is personally my favorite way of learning history, as I have the attention span of a goldfish when it comes to nonfiction, so I was gobbling those bites up.

Lee discusses all forms of disability discrimination with the same blunt, matter-of-fact tone, whether it's schoolyard bullying, workplace hazards, or eugenics practices. but the effect was familiarizing, rather than distancing. it conveyed a sort of resignation, an apathy that extended to his personal life as well. Lee's depression is clearly linked to his physical disability — to some extent, because he is unable to do some things and eventually will be unable to do even more as he ages, but more obviously because of how he is perceived and how he perceives others perceiving him.

bizarrely, my galley had a problem with displaying the number 1 (which made it difficult to read dates) and the letter F when next to an I or an L (which made it difficult to read, period). the offending characters simply didn't show up. hopefully this is not an issue for anyone else, and I'm sure it will be fixed before becoming an actual e-book.

overall, I greatly enjoyed this mixed-genre memoir. if you're a fan of horror, if you're looking to learn more about disability rights, if you've ever asked yourself the question "what makes a monster?", I urge you to pick up The Backwards Hand.

3.5 stars rounded down

Matt Lee’s memoir takes an interesting approach to being born and living with a disability by discussing the ways in which disability and monstrosity have been linked throughout history, culture, and media. I really enjoyed his insightful reflections and thought the references were well researched and fit his topics well.

I was not a huge fan of the format of this memoir. Each paragraph changes topics which leaves stories/asides spread out across the entire memoir. I found myself forgetting what had happened by the time we came back to a topic and overall wish the historical and cultural vignettes had been collected and told together.

I was also bothered by the way women in the author’s life were spoken about at the beginning of the book, however I see what the author was trying to accomplish and by the last chapter I was able to understand and see the personal reflections and growth made.

Overall this was an interesting memoir and I would recommend it to anyone interested in the portrayal of disabilities in horror and history.

Thank you to NetGalley, Northwestern University Press, and Curbstone Books 2 for access to this eARC in exchange for an honest review!

This was one of the most eye-opening books I have read in a long time. Every time I took some extra time to sit down and read a little more of it it revealed to me something I didn’t know or hadn’t thought about. I was aware of the more heinous history of Nazi Germany’s eugenics. I was not aware of Frida Kahlo being disabled or the passage in the Bible that discussed anyone who is disabled not being able to take communion. Leviticus 21: 16-23. It’s something that brought great discussion and disbelief between me and my mom and my sister. They didn’t believe it was real until I pulled out the Bible that’s been sitting on our shelves reading the passage and watching the pure look of shock and denial cross both their face. The hilarity that ensued at the end of it at the mention of crushed testicles. My sister asking, “What are they going to do? Pull down your pants check if your testicles are crushed or not?” It was a very enlightening and funny moment for all of us.

Just that one piece of information had me thinking about how it mentions any broken bone or any affliction where your vision isn’t perfect and you can’t take communion. While modern Christianity doesn’t take that verse to heart it is very telling of why a lot of people who actually read the Bible and take every word as law can become horrible people.
Another big theme in this memoir is what truly makes a monster? As well as the connection to monstrosities being disfigured often in film to portray someone as evil. Even tiptoeing into the idea that maybe the treatment of those who are disfigured causes the trauma that makes them want to hurt others. Ultimately though, the message is that it is our actions that make monsters of us. Not the afflictions for our bodies.

I was truly fascinated to learn more about the history of disability and the stories of people making their choices in their lives to become monsters or not. The ideas of eugenics and the true horror that those who are able bodied can decide to rob the disabled from their lives just because they think that the disabled are a waste of space and resources. How even some who have been disabled share in the idea like Hellen Keller advocating for babies born with disabilities to be euthanized.
Sometimes reality is truly more monstrous than fiction.

I highly recommend “The Backwards Hand” it’s truly enlightening and a fascinating read.

"The Backwards Hand" isn't just a straightforward memoir— it plunges into the depths of disability, identity, mental health, and societal perceptions with unapologetic rawness. This book is a genuine and uncomfortable examination about how we view disabilities and those who live with them through equal parts memoir, historic reference, and pop culture. Through his life, relationships, studies, and eventually introduction of his son, Lee unveils to readers the trauma too often faced in disabled spaces further unearthing the potential of the pain one may endure, or inflict, on themselves and others. While this read packs a punch, Lee's writing style remains heavily fragmented— disfigured in its own way. This may not be for everyone at first, intentionally, but it presents an unfiltered portrayal of one's lived experiences and sparks needed conversations.

The cover of the book caught my eye immediately when first choosing to read this. It perfectly set the tone for what turned out to be an enlightening and authentic read as well as expounding on the monstrous theme. Not only those who perform monstrous acts, but how we become monsters ourselves.

One of the most impactful aspects of the memoir is Lee's exploration of disability through the lens of horror films and historical contexts. I found it fascinating to discover so many disabled historical figures and their need to hide their injuries or disabilities as well as their treatment of, and by others. In film & art Lee skillfully, and playfully, examines how disabled individuals are used to portray the darkest aspects of human nature or less than human, prompting us to question ingrained stereotypes and biases. Why are they the monsters in your movies? The thing that keeps you up at night? What is it you really fear….

What stood out to me most was Lee's dedication to highlighting the erasure of disabled individuals throughout history, including chilling references to programs like the T4 program used by the Nazis. He also briefly touches on the intersectionality of disability with factors like race, socioeconomic status, and access to resources, underscoring the multifaceted challenges faced by the disabled community and the families that care for them.

While I appreciated the historical research and Lee's inward approach, I found myself torn in other aspects while reading. Some parts of the book—particularly repetitive discussions around sex and relationships—felt somewhat redundant. Lee never denies his treatment of those around him, forcing the reader to expand our perspective on how we view him as a disabled man. He wasn’t the best guy, but he was a son, a brother, and now he’s a husband and a father. He is a man, he is human. He can cheat, he can lie, he can sleep around. People change, we shapeshift. We all have that superpower I guess. Did his disability stop him from dating? Did you assign him pity too early? I found this to be an interesting lesson in judging a book by its cover. I left seeing Lee’s interactions with women as an introspective exploration of his inner monstrous perception and inability to see himself as someone worthy of being loved. Although, through alternative lenses one could see his use of women, relationships, and sex to have control—something he often in his life, and the lives of many disabled people, don’t have, fight for, or is taken from them within their disability identity.

Settling up, "The Backwards Hand" is a compelling and thought-provoking memoir that invites readers to reconsider their perceptions of disability and reflect on broader societal issues. It's a book that will leave a lasting impact, urging us to break down the question whether we are born monsters or if society's gaze shapes us into what we fear the most.

A fascinating memoir that blends the authors lived experience with historical information and people. It is an emotional discussion on what it means to be disabled and what makes us monstrous, and if both sometimes mean the same thing. Overall I thoroughly enjoyed this memoir in both content and formatting.
I enjoyed the use of horror movies to explore disability, showing how prevalent disabled folk are used in them for fodder or as monsters. It helped the way disability is shown to not make anyone a saint and showing the reality that disabled people can be awful, even monstrous, too. I loved the inclusion of disabled figures and the details of how disabled folk were treated by Nazis, while emotional it goes towards showing how prevalent disgust and hatred towards disabled folk is. Kind of like a monster.
The only real gripe I have is that the name of a Stephen King character is wrong. I will admit that the format can be at times hard to follow and leans towards flowery poetry.
However the raw emotions it dug up in me and the genuine fascination I had more than make up for that. I would recommend it to anyone who is interested in disability history, horror movies fanatics, or enjoys a good memoir. I'm absolutely purchasing a copy as soon as possible!

The combination of horror, history, and disability representation was something that I didn't know I needed. This is a hell of a good one.

Let me start by saying that I love the cover on this book. It caught my eye. And the book itself kept me engaged all the way through. I will say that the writing style was initially off-putting because of the frequent change from memoir, to disability information, to stories of others who have disabilities and how they handled it. Once I figured out the rhythm, it got a bit easier to follow along. Matt’s journey from birth to adulthood is filed with bullying, self-deprecation, anger, loathing, self-destructive, and ultimately, acceptance. It gives outsiders a glimpse into the struggles of those born with being born as someone who is not considered “normal”, and how that can breed fear and pity in those around them. Matt also provides frightening truths about those who believed in the purity of the human race, and wished to discard and destroy anyone deemed inferior. And as he grappled with his place in the world, his overall bleak view is a gut punch for a society that still isn’t sure how to treat those with disabilities. You won’t find Matt’s journey pleasant-in fact, you made be disgusted with his actions most of the time-but he accepts what he did, who he hurt, and why. His point is you can be the monster they think you are, or you can embody the worth you possess, if you can believe yourself to be worthy.

It's like if the 4th step was also an annotated film bibliography.

The Backwards Hand is the author's memoir, running from his birth to the birth of his child. Its story focuses on his prodigal status and general caddish behaviors, maybe from untreated mental illness, but part of the author's conclusion here is that there is not a connection between his behavior and any condition (he has congenital radioulnar synotosis: the eponymous backwards hand).

In general, the book follows the spiritual autobiography, the sinners life then redeemed, though the specific road to Damascus moment is unclear, either encountering other disabled individuals in a tutoring job or working with a great professor in grad school. A lot of the book is dedicated to how many women the author fucked and how he abused them, but I suppose the point there is to challenge views on the disabled. As the book also tells us, the disabled are not allowed to be sexy.

See, the memoir is only about a fourth of the book. The other threads are about the history of disability and of disabled persons, a series of exegesis on art with disabled characters, and a set of commentary on any of the above. At best this gets used to set up meta-commentary on what ideas are grouped how. At worst I imagined them as a VH1-style pop-up, strategically occluding the drug use and soft-core nudity.

The book is at its best when the author is willing to be wholly contradictory in his positions, and unapologetically so. Answers are not clear and things are not easy. And there are moments of real sentiment. But getting to that requires getting through so much artifice that it does not feel like it is worth it. However, this also one of those books where I feel like it is promising for the author's future work, even if it is weak in and of itself. In particular, some of the notes on film felt like there was some growing idea not quite manifest. I remain on the hunt for a book that captures the feeling of the monstrous.

My thanks to the author, Matt Lee, for writing the book and to the publisher, Northwestern University Press, for making the ARC available to me.