Unfortunately, I'll be DNFing this one.
A big thank you to the author, NetGalley, and BookHug Press for this eARC in exchange for my honest thoughts.
I was very intrigued by this book because of the cover and the synopsis, however, I felt there was some disconnect between the synopsis and the story I read. The characters felt underdeveloped and with the three alternating timelines, the story was not cohesive. Also, I always appreciate when an author includes trigger warnings, however, I felt the warnings provided in this book were not appropriately handled and did not prepare the reader for the depth of the trauma that would unfold within the book. 
This book had a lot of potential, however, there were many parts that were underdeveloped and needed more refining

Thank you Netgalley and Publisher for an eARC♥️

“Play” is a heart-wrenching exploration of childhood trauma, imagination, and the scars that linger long after the wounds have healed.

Paul's story is a painful reminder that our past is always a part of us, and that confronting our demons is the only way to truly move forward. The author's writing is hauntingly beautiful, transporting me to the imaginary world of The Lighted City, where Paul and her cousin Adrian found solace in their darkest moments.

But be prepared for a gut-wrenching journey, because this book will rip your heart out and stomp on it. The author doesn't shy away from the harsh realities of trauma and its aftermath, and the result is a story that's both devastating and thought-provoking.

If you're looking for a book that will make you feel all the feels and leave you thinking long after you finish reading, then 'Play' is a must-read. Just be sure to have some tissues handy, because trust me, you'll need them.

I wanted to love this SO badly, unfortunately it was a miss. I’m not sure if it hit a little too close to home or the pacing but it was truly a struggle for me to get through.

We follow Paulina (Paul) throughout her struggles in therapy where she is finally confronting her past traumas mostly involving her cousin & The Lighted City.

I felt for Paul throughout the book but gosh was she frustrating - and again I think I was so frustrated because I saw so much of myself in her! (So honestly kudos to Jess Taylor for being able to pull that emotion from me!)

Jess Taylor's 'Play' is a compelling exploration of childhood trauma and its profound impact on adulthood. The narrative takes us on a journey of healing, delving into raw and authentic territory. However, the multiple timelines can be a bit challenging to navigate, blurring the lines between past and present.

One of the book's shortcomings lies in the character development, particularly with Paul. It's difficult to fully connect with her, as her portrayal feels stagnant across different timelines. Whether this is a deliberate reflection of her trauma or a writing flaw remains uncertain.

Paul's journey is fraught with overwhelming experiences, with trauma piling up seemingly without respite. Amidst this, there's a desire for more exploration of her gender identity and overall character growth.

However, the frequent references to the pandemic in the "now" timeline feel somewhat forced, detracting from the overall flow of the story. It's a reminder that sometimes, real-life events can disrupt the immersion in fictional worlds.

In the end, "Play" offers a complex and thought-provoking narrative, though it may leave readers grappling with its multiple layers and unresolved questions.

First and foremost, my sincere thanks to NetGalley and Book*hug press for. an e ERC of this book.

I struggled pretty hard with this book. It was originally a DNF at approximately 30% complete. As I did not feel it was fair to give a review or rating on something I had barely read a third of and that I wasn’t sure if I could return to or not, I initially said I would not give feedback. I did read something else and came back to Play. Having finished it, I can now provide feedback.

I honestly wish I could at least give the book 2.5 stars rather than just 2.

Play explores the traumatic past and present therapy of protagonist Paulina (Paul). The story, in truth, is written beautifully. So much is there to make it a very good book, but some flaws made it rather difficult to give more stars to, and even the description is flawed, to be fair. The book description itself scored at 1 star for me and I don’t typically review those, but as it is SO important to potential reader, I strongly feel it needs serious work.

Without giving too much away, the description was vague and confusing. Trigger warnings are absolutely needed, as the novel touches on some troubling themes and situations which could be extremely difficult for some readers. As I found the description itself to be so misleading and confusing, I found myself pausing in my first attempt at reading multiple times to go back and re-read the description trying to figure out if I greatly misunderstood the premise. By the time I decided to try it a second time, I decided to ditch what I knew from the description and just push through. As stated earlier, the writing is absolutely beautiful and that is the ONLY thing that had me returning to it to finish it.

Paul’s character development is weak, but I can almost forgive that because I do believe that is is necessary and intentional for the story being told. She is, herself, so fragile and uncertain of herself, her future, and even her past. She is also so uncertain of her relationships, both past and present. When one is so lost, it seems necessary for the character development to be vague/weak. I feel, however, that a little more development could have been given to her character without compromising the writer’s intent.

A final thought, and something that was very distracting to me, was the references to Covid and masked/unmasked individuals. While relevant for the time period, it had absolutely no connection to the story other than being an occurrence. But the random lines specifically pointing out and referencing Covid made me think that Covid was somehow directly related to the story when really it wasn’t. This is far less about having an opinion of the Covid procedures than truly being very distracting to a reader already struggling through a vague and confusing story.

The short of it: Slightly stronger character development, a far stronger and more clearly written description would do wonders, trigger warnings, and remove the Covid and mask references, as they have nothing to do with the plot.

Starting this off with please, please read the content warnings and tread with caution. In my opinion there were definitely some trigger warning that were not adequately addressed prior to reading the book. Some of which kind of threw me off as I wasn’t expecting it and it could be very triggering for some people.

The narrative is raw and real and full of deep and intricate human emotions. It made me reflect on my relationship to healing from childhood trauma. The interweaving of timelines allowed for a more immersive feel. It is a book that doesn't just tell a story but also invites you to become a part of it.

I will, however, say that I didn’t feel as more character development from Paul as I originally thought I was going to. Though, I can understand if that was purposeful. I.e the entire journey of healing told throughout the book as well as the disjointed timelines could show that healing is not a linear journey but more of a lifelong endeavor.

Also, going into this thinking the trauma was only about losing her cousin and then it being exposed to be something much deeper and darker definitely made me view the book differently and almost caused me to not finish. I just wish I was a bit more prepared for the extent of trauma that was displayed in the book.

All in all there’s no denying that the writing in this book was devastatingly beautiful. The depiction of PTSD was one of the best I’ve read as it felt so genuinely authentic. It is a story that will stick with you long after you’ve finished reading it.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing an eARC in exchange for an honest review!

Rating: DNF @ 67%

In "Play" by Jess Taylor, the author crafts a haunting narrative that delves into the complexities of trauma and imagination. One of the standout aspects of the book is the portrayal of PTSD, which resonated deeply with me as a reader with cPTSD myself. Paul's journey through her healing process felt raw and authentic, offering a poignant exploration of the impact of childhood trauma. Taylor's prose has a haunting quality that draws readers into the narrative, creating an atmosphere that is both beautiful and eerie. Additionally, the concept of The Lighted City as an escape from the harsh realities of life adds an intriguing layer to the story, highlighting the power of imagination as both a refuge and a source of danger.

However, despite its strengths, "Play" falls short in several key areas. One of the most glaring issues is the lack of character development, particularly regarding Paul. Despite being the protagonist, Paul's character never fully comes into focus, leaving her feeling underdeveloped and elusive. The exploration of Paul's gender fluidity is intriguing but ultimately feels underutilized, failing to add depth to her character. As a result, it becomes challenging for readers to fully invest in Paul's journey, hindering the emotional impact of the narrative.

Additionally, "Play" suffers from an abundance of timelines that contribute to a disjointed narrative structure. With three alternating timelines, the story becomes convoluted, making it challenging for readers to maintain a cohesive understanding of the plot. While the concept of multiple timelines can add complexity to a narrative, in this case, it overwhelms the storytelling, causing readers to lose the thread of the plot. The 2016 timeline felt especially out of place, and I was too interested in unlocking the secrets of the Lighted City to appreciate the scenes that took place in the present timeline. The constant shifting between timelines disrupts the flow of the story, detracting from the overall readability and coherence of the narrative.

Moreover, I did not feel that “Play” appropriately handled its triggering content. While an opening note warns of "childhood trauma," this fails to adequately prepare readers for the disturbing revelations that unfold within the narrative. Throughout the first half of the book, it is heavily implied that there was some kind of romantic relationship between Adrian and Paul, who are first cousins. In fact, Paul seems to still be struggling with some of those feelings for Adrian. I forced myself through my discomfort with these plot points because I didn’t know for sure if something inappropriate had ever happened between Paul and Adrian; I didn’t want to jump the gun. However, at 67%, it is finally revealed that Adrian was sexually assaulting Paul. As a mental health clinician, I realize there is something to be said about the way abused children often end up abusing other children. However, as a survivor myself, without an adequate trigger warning, I was not prepared when this disclosure occurred and had to choose, for my safety, to stop reading. For those who are triggered by it, incestual CSA is extremely difficult to interact with. In my opinion, that must be explicitly named in the trigger warnings to protect readers. “Childhood trauma” is not sufficient to warn readers about the content of this book.

In conclusion, "Play" offers a haunting exploration of trauma and imagination, but its flaws prevent it from reaching its full potential. While the portrayal of PTSD is commendable, the lack of character development and the mishandling of triggering content detract from the overall impact of the narrative. Readers should approach this book with caution, especially those who may be sensitive to themes of childhood trauma and sexual abuse. Ultimately, "Play" is a novel with promise, but its execution leaves much to be desired.

Content / Trigger Warnings: Self-harm (moderate), death by suicide (severe), murder (minor), death of a child (minor), emotional abuse (moderate), child neglect (moderate), kidnapping (moderate), death of a parent (minor), sexual content (severe), gun violence (severe), drug use (minor), pandemic (moderate)

This book is about a woman named Paulina (Paul) who experienced heart wrenching trauma as a child, and repeated traumas as she continued to grow and navigate her life but despite it all, wants to heal. Paul is going to trauma informed therapy, trying to move her life in the right direction but the ghosts of her past are always looming in the shadows.
** Definitely read the trigger warnings before diving into this book.

The books is unique, in that it is not written in the typical chapter format. Instead, it alternates times throughout Paul’s life. We see her now, “when it happened” and her initial childhood trauma.

As someone with cPTSD, it truly felt like this book was looking into my soul. It devastated me but made my heart grow, seeing a character on the same healing journey as me. I think I highlighted this book more than any other book I’ve read before.

Watching Paul try to make her way through life, punishing herself through her personal relationships and trying so so hard to gain control of her own future was so raw and real. Feeling as though because of the things you experienced throughout life, you are a beacon for bad things to happen to you.. those who understand, just understand.