Erin Leonard's "How to Outsmart a Narcissist" is a transformative guide that equips readers with the strategies necessary to defend against narcissistic manipulation and reclaim control over their personal and professional lives. Authored by a seasoned psychotherapist and attachment expert, this book delves into the intricacies of emotional intelligence (EI) that narcissists often exploit, offering profound insights and practical advice to outmaneuver them.

Leonard highlights the paradox where emotionally intelligent traits—such as empathy, collaboration, and conflict resolution—can become vulnerabilities when dealing with narcissists. These individuals have a knack for manipulating and exploiting qualities that are typically valued in healthy relationships. Through relatable anecdotes, emotionally intelligent solutions, and actionable advice, Leonard provides readers with the tools to navigate relationships involving narcissists, be they romantic partners, colleagues, spouses, co-parents, or family members.

The book aims to illuminate how your EI qualities can be twisted by those with narcissistic tendencies. Leonard empowers you to "flip the script" and leverage these same EI tools to neutralize, outsmart, evade, or, when unavoidable, coexist with a narcissist. It's an eye-opener to realize that the very attributes that help you build close, empathetic, and harmonious relationships can backfire when dealing with a toxic person. Narcissists often exploit your trust, empathy, and loyalty to their advantage, ultimately working against you behind your back.

Before you even realize it, a narcissist can manipulate you into believing you are the problem in the relationship. Without a solid understanding of your vulnerabilities and specific EI strategies to counteract the narcissist's tactics, you might endure significant emotional abuse across various aspects of your life—whether at work, in dating, or at home.

You may find yourself asking, "Why am I always their target?" The answer lies in two main reasons: narcissists are often envious of your emotional intelligence, and they derive no gratification from bullying another narcissist. Their goal is to control, sabotage, or eliminate anything that makes them feel inferior. Since they cannot possess your EI gifts through deceit, they seek to undermine and hurt you instead.

Initially, a narcissist is drawn to your warmth, authenticity, and ease. However, trouble begins when they perceive your unique gifts, triggering their insecurities. Their motives shift towards controlling you and exploiting your EI talents for their gain while positioning you as the antagonist. Escaping such a relationship unscathed is no small feat, given the narcissist's charm and manipulation.

This book serves as an essential toolkit, providing you with every necessary strategy to evade, inoculate, or surpass a narcissist in any area of your life. Each chapter unlocks critical knowledge about your EI qualities, the driving forces behind narcissists, and the tactics they employ against you. By internalizing the insights and engaging with the practical exercises in each chapter, you'll develop new skills to outsmart narcissists across all facets of your life.

Leonard's guide is an invaluable resource for understanding and utilizing your own EI qualities to counteract narcissistic tactics, enabling you to live a life free from narcissistic attacks. You'll acquire the EI skills needed to break the cycle of generational abuse and liberate yourself from maltreatment, even while coexisting with a narcissistic parent.

Remember, you are not alone. You are not perfect, but you possess a good heart, and no one has the right to exploit, manipulate, bully, or mistreat you. Breaking the generational cycle of abuse is not just permissible; it is imperative for your well-being.

How to Outsmart a narcissist: This is a cross between a self help book and a university thesis with all the references at the end of each chapter. It discusses narcissists in a variety of scenarios and not just in a relationship. The examples and case studies given are quite extreme and difficult for the victim to deal with. I think it might have been more balanced with practical advice and support for the victim. In most situations they still ended up coming away as clear losers in many respects. It was more like a 'How to just about survive a narcissist' because It didn't feel as though they outsmarted anyone in a lot of the case studies, or recovered their often damaged reputation. But it was a very good reality check and will bring a lot of people down to earth when they realise exactly what they are dealing with. It is direct and straight to the point, and I think it will be helpful for many people.

For anyone who has had the misfortune to have dealings with a narcissist, this book will resonate so strongly with you.

The book covers many different relationships, so whether you have these issues in a workplace, with a partner, or parent, there is help available to help you negotiate a path through this viscous, damaging behaviour. At the end of each chapter, a long list of references are provided, should you wish, or need, to read more extensively.

How to Outsmart a Narcissist is helpful in a few ways.
Firstly, it helps to reassure the person subjected to the narcissistic behaviour, that their feelings are valid. They are not being over sensitive, over thinking, imagining the situation, or blowing things out of proportion. They are not weak, as they will have been manipulated to feel.
Secondly, it gives practical advice on how to deal with specific situations. How to choose words carefully, and when to retreat by removing yourself from a situation.

When discussing this book with friends, I was surprised to find how many had experienced narcissistic behaviours. I had no idea how common a condition narcissism is; they definitely walk amongst us, manipulating those around them for years, and sadly in some cases, decades. Don’t underestimate the damage caused, it is extensive, and runs very deep. It is invaluable to understand you are not alone in your experiences. This book will be an emotional read, you will feel validated, you will feel seen. 5⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ from me.

"How to Outsmart a Narcissist" by Erin Leonard is an insightful guide that delves into the complex dynamics of dealing with narcissistic individuals. I found the book to be well-structured and easy to comprehend. I think this book is beneficial if you've ever dealt with someone with these traits.

While I enjoyed this book there were a few things that kept me from giving it five stars
1) I really wished she would have explained narcist and emotional intelligence a little better. The way she presents them in her book it is very easy to come away with the idea that you are either emotionally intelligent or you are a narcist. Both narcissism and emotional intelligence exist on a spectrum. For example “If you take accountability, have insight, and establish reciprocal relationships, you may have some narcissistic traits but not a personality disorder.” (https://psychcentral.com/disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder/the-difference-between-narcissism-narcissistic-personality-disorder). I fear this lack of explanation and all of the self diagnostics quizzes found in this book will lead to people self diagnosing themselves and others as narcissists. For example “Narcissism or NPD might sometimes be confused with Asperger’s. This is because some Asperger’s traits can appear to be similar to narcissistic traits.” (https://www.healthline.com/health/autism/aspergers-and-narcissism). Both low and high emotional intelligence can present in multiple ways, in conjunction with a multitude of different conditions in a similar way IQ (Intelligence Quotient) is not a yes or a no neither is EQ (Emotional Quotient).

2) The actual writing and structure. The tone in this book is a bit inconsistent, in some places being very formal and in others using sentences such as “For once, they are upset and you are not. Let them throw a fit like a big fat baby.” and “As crazy as it is, when your underhanded relative do not have control over you, and are not getting what they want, they feel entitled to bully you. It’s insane.”.
Due to the structure of the book the author will bring up a topic then say we talk about it later, and is over all very repetitive to the point that in some places sentences are repeated line for line. The most clear example can be seen here
“Demand complete authority over you: Possibly the worst outcome, however, is when the narcissist uses character assassination to paint you as “out of control” and in need of their direct supervision . Next, the narcissist campaigns to have you moved directly and solely under them. This way, they have total and utter control over you and are free to continually exploit and humiliate you.”
“Get you fired: A narcissist satisfies their wish to extinguish the threat to their ego— you— by literally getting rid of you. They also enjoy seeing you publicly humiliated. Possibly the worst outcome, however, is when the narcissist uses character assassination to paint you as “out of control” and in need of direct supervision by them.”

You may enjoy this book, it just wasn’t for me and I found it a little repetitive. The tone and style of writing just wasn’t for me, I found it a little boring. So I didn’t finish it. I will say other reviews found it five stars so I’d say if the topic is for you, give it a go and see what you think.

Thank you NetGalley for the ebook in exchange for an honest review.

Really good book. Clear, helpful, and extremely accurate to the point where I felt like I was reading about something that had happened to me. The examples were easy and aided in beyter visualisation of a situation. The tips that are given are also super helpful, despite seeming really hard and impossible to carry out if you are stuck in a bad situation with a narcissist.

This is exactly the book I needed to read coming out of a long term mentally abusive relationship.

Anyone who has had experience with a narcissist should read this!

Thank you to NetGalley, Sheldon Press and Erin Leonard for this arc in exchange for an honest review

Discovering that the very qualities fostering healthy relationships can falter when dealing with a toxic individual is eye-opening. This insightful read delves into how emotional intelligence, essential for empathy, collaboration, and conflict resolution, can be manipulated by narcissists. A must-read for those left bewildered or hurt after encounters with such personalities, the book offers clear insights into narcissistic tactics and effective coping strategies. From workplace dynamics to personal relationships, it provides practical guidance, highlighting the limitations of empathy in dealing with narcissists. The inclusion of examples showcasing narcissistic behaviours adds depth and clarity, while the book's structured layout facilitates easy comprehension. A valuable resource shedding light on narcissism and empowering readers with actionable advice. Thanks to NetGalley and Hachette UK for this enlightening read. Highly recommended for anyone seeking to understand and navigate relationships with narcissistic individuals.

100% this is a five star book. If you’ve ever experienced (or think you’ve experienced) a narcissist in your life, you should get it.

I’m a fan of a self-help book & have read a couple of them on attachment & on narcissism. None has been like this. Each concise chapter is written in a way that’s easy to understand yet not too simplified that it feels hard to engage with. Solid scenarios help back up the author’s points, as do a wealth of citations so you know that this is a well researched book. Crucially this also gives you solid advice for various scenarios you might find yourself in an entanglement with a narcissist. The advice is practical and honestly feels really helpful. This is the first book from NetGalley that I will 100% be buying when it comes out.

Thank you to NetGalley, the author and publishers for access to this arc in return for an honest review.

I found this book extremely insightful and helpful.
I chose to review it based on the chapter on dealing with narcissistic behaviour in the workplace - it was spot on. The advice and explanations were so useful, and I will be putting them into practice.
I liked the way the book was set out - clear chapters, with aims & sections with different explanations.
Really good and useful book.
Would recommend to all who want to learn about narcissists and find details on how to overcome it.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for an ARC.

How to Outsmart a Narcissist by Erin Leonard offers practical advice for first identifying family and coworkers with narcissistic tendencies and then offers practical examples of how narcissists behave in common situations. The key to outwitting these personalities is found in emotional intelligence which the author also highlights in the book. The self-help guide contains numerous references to additional academic documents and published articles at the end of each chapter.

Narcissists inhabit the world, and this incredibly helpful guide gives great tips on identifying them and dealing with their toxic behavior. Highly recommended!

Alright, let me spill the tea on "How to Outsmart a Narcissist":

- Guys, seriously, this book is a total eye-opener.
- It's all about navigating those tricky situations with narcissists like a pro.
- The real-life examples? They hit home hard, trust me.
- Suddenly, I'm feeling more empowered in dealing with those toxic personalities.
- It's like having a secret weapon in my pocket for outsmarting those narcissists. If you have the misfortune of having to deal with them.

This title was intriguing the minute I read it. I grew up with a narcissist as a parent. The book takes a close look at the features of emotional intelligence and the traits of narcissists to help people work and live together. I enjoyed this book and recognized several lessons and actions that can help when in situations with a narcissistic person.

This is a must read for anyone who has found themselves befuddled, shocked, angry, hurt or just plain confused following interactions with a narcissist. It details in clear, precise language the techniques that narcissists will use to infiltrate your life and how you can deal with them. The book covers many situations where you might encounter a narcissist, from the workplace (I found that particularly interesting and useful) to a romantic partner or a family member and how to deal with them (since using empathy won’t work with them). There were a lot of behaviors explained and some useful terminology as well. (I definitely learned some new terms!)

I also liked that there were little vignettes throughout with some examples of narcissistic behavior and how the empathic approach doesn’t really work.

I sometimes struggle with books like this because they can be quite dense, but this one was very readable which I appreciated.

This book put a lot of things in perspective for me, and even though I don’t read much nonfiction I really enjoyed it. I learned a lot!

It is very difficult dealing with a narcissist and this book gives excellent insight and understanding as to how a narcissist works.

The book also explains how to deal with narcissistic behaviour.

I found this book very insightful.

We deal with narcissists all over the place, and sometimes I feel we need a handbook just to get through the day. This is it! I totally recommend it!