very informative!! it truly gave me another perspective into the dynamics of relationships (not only romantic but platonic too) and how your identity affects you but also everyone around you. the format of this was also very well-organized and i didn't feel like it was all over the place; it felt systematic. overall, i would 100% recommend this to anyone who's questioning themselves and wants to feel less alone in the world.

For a book just over 200 pages, this one packs a punch.

In it, the author coins the term "ANKOP" (A New Kind Of Perfect) as a toolbox for relationships and goes into detailed ways to encourage readers to reach stronger, more meaningful connections with their significant other(s). There is no one-size-fits-all approach to how we relate to others in our communities, so these tools are wonderful to know. Although the book will definitely be more useful to younger audiences (as the author candidly states in the introduction), I still enjoyed the positive affirmations and refresher course.

My favourite parts of the book were, first, the introduction — unusual, I know, but I found it delightfully honest regarding the book's limitations and what it was determined to achieve — and the “Reflect and Act” sections at the end of most chapters. I wish there could have been more of those!

It does get a bit repetitive over time, but I say this as an adult in a healthy and deeply fulfilling relationship. When I first tried to come to terms with my identity and how it would play out in my romantic (or platonic) relationships, this would have been such a valuable resource. I am so happy it exists, and I hope it'll get into the hands of as many young people as it can reach!

I finished this book a couple weeks ago, but apparently completely forgot to review it!

Personally I found this book very informative and helpful. While I'm not in a relationship right now, I feel like this kind of book would definitely come in handy when I do get in one!
Would highly recommend if you're looking for this kind of book!

Finding love and connections with other people can feel daunting, especially when we are young, and even more so if we are also queer. If we happen to be queer in a way that neither our society nor we ourselves understand yet, these connections can quite frankly feel impossible.

Our teenage years are expected to come with feelings for people, and exploring those feelings. If we don’t, we might feel like we’re falling behind or that we’re childish. It’s hard to imagine “catching up” in the future, and being alone and lonely might seem definitive. It’s not, and no–you’re not the exception.

‘The Ace and Aro Relationship Guide’ deconstructs societal norms and provides advice on getting comfortable with often ignored conversation topics. The author acknowledges that they don’t have the lived experience of how all identities intersect in ways that might complicate this even more, but still approaches the subject with understanding and care.

I’ve been following @AceDadAdvice on TikTok for quite some time, and I’d like to pass along a way to view labels: Think of them like refrigerator magnets. If you feel unsure of your identity, remember that labels exist to help you understand yourself and others; we do not exist to fit the labels. If you think a label might help you understand yourself, or help you find community, it’s okay to try it out! Even if you’re not 100% sure, and even if it turns out to not be right. A friend of mine and I occasionally update each other on what label-magnets are on our imaginary refrigerators, and it’s kind of great.

Cody Daigle-Orians has written an encouraging and reassuring guide that will be useful to aro and ace people, those who know aro and ace people, and pretty much everyone else.


Thank you to Jessica Kingsley Publishers and NetGalley for the ARC!

I received an eARC of this book for review from Jessica Kingsley Publishers via NetGalley, all opinions are my own.

The author continues to provide thoughtful and perceptive advice with this second publication about ace experiences. Although it is written as advice to asexuals and aromantics, it would be helpful for anyone seeking to improve their relationships skills. Daigle-Orians includes sections on building, improving, and ending relationships as well with deft didactic tactics. Obscure terms are well defined, skills are fully explained, and each section includes brief but well-thought-out reflections. Some sections are more engaging than others. Also, the author acknowledges early on that not all sections will be useful to all readers. It's still a good relationship primer and so many people could benefit from something like this early in life!

Content warning: there is a section on abusive relationships which may be difficult for some readers. It's a necessary but challenging chapter that I'm glad the author included.

4.5 stars rounded up

Books like this are so meaningful and special to me -and to those of us who really have a hard time understanding where exactly is it that we fit into today's relationship/hook-up obssesed culture.
It is one thing to know that every individual and relationship is different, and another one completly to see it in writing - explained, detailed and providing helpful information. Some of it you might know already, some of it may seem so obvious you feel ridiculous for not having thought of before, and to me that was that real win here.

With an easy-going, but still mindful and educational tone, the author tries their best to bring the realities of all diferent relationships to a common ground where they can help provide a sort of guideline, or mostly advice.
I enjoyed the division/organization of the book, and although I don't think I would ever just sit down and read this from front to cover, I don't necessarily think that's this book's purpuse. I think this would be a great gift/resource to any allo family members or friends who want to understand or help with their Ace/Aro loved ones.
I, personally, highlighted so much stuff -especially in the beginning of the book! Some I knew and thought the ideas were just worded in a way I really liked, but also some things that I didn't know had an exact term coined for them.

Overall, this was a great book to get into and I think it would make a lovely addition to your coffee table books! Let your guest know that they're either in the coolest house ever, or that they're welcomed to leave! Also, conversation starter!

This was a great read for someone like me. Aros and aces are often left out of the equation so I was happy to see a book written with this group in mind. The writing style was simple and enjoyable. I loved this book and I’ll keep it as a reference and a book to recommend.

The Ace and Aro Relationship Guide is the newest book by Cody Daigle-Orians - the author of I Am Ace, and the guy behind the YouTube channel Ace Dad Advice. For context, I am an asexual reviewer, which would hopefully means my review is written from a place of deeper understanding of the subject and the way it's handled.

It is a relationship guide that seeks to break down different normative expectations that impact a-specs, provide tools that can be applied to any relationship - be it romantic or not, partnered or not, mono or poly, etc. The book also showcases the numerous ways in which asexual and aromantic people form bonds in their own non-normative, creative and fulfilling ways. It also gives the readers tools to use when normative expectations are going against their needs as a-spec people, or are actively harming them for forming/wanting non-traditional relationships. Overall the book is an extremely useful resource that's comprehensive and acknowledges it's own limitations.

The book is not an asexuality 101, however, so I wouldn't recommend it for people trying to figure out the very basics of asexual and aromantic identity. It can still be a useful book for non-aces and non-aros to read. While the advice is tailored to a-spec experiences, it stems from a set of general tools that can be applied by anyone regardless of sexual orientation or relationship structure. It will also be immensely useful for the allo partners to asexual and aromantic folks, as it may give good ideas on how to support the a-spec partner's particular needs.

This book covered a lot of ground in regards to asexuality and I appreciate Cody Daigle-Orians acknowledging that a good amount of what he's discussing in the book is from the POV of a white, cisgender male. The book covers a lot of topics that would be discussed in dating books and books about other sexualities, but everything comes across a bit different from the POV of asexuality. People with asexuality tend to approach and view relationships a bit differently than 'traditional', cisgender folks. The book goes over the differences between various types of relationships and could easily be a good starting point for someone who doesn't know how to approach a relationship as an asexual or wants to understand more about how they feel about their own sexuality.

The Ace and Aro Relationship Guide by Cody Daigle-Orians is the book I wish I'd had growing up. There is so little contemporary awareness, let alone understanding, of asexuality and aromanticism. With the prevalence of compulsory heterosexuality, even fewer people think that their relationship expectations need to expand to include the needs of someone who doesn't experience attraction in the same way.

Daigle-Orians is an experienced educator and speaker about asexuality and aromanticism, which comes across incredibly well in their second book. Their first, I Am Ace, is more geared towards the earlier stage of the ace-spec journey: coming out, discovering which (if any) labels feel comfortable with you, and is a great resource for teenagers. The Ace and Aro Relationship Guide is a more confidently written book that outlines the frustrations so many ace-spec people experience in relationships of all kinds. They offer a framework for healthy relationships that consider the needs of an ace-spec person - a framework based on respect, kindness, and good communication that would honestly be equally beneficial to any kind of relationship.

I'm so happy that more ace literature is being published and made available to readers. There are now several books on ace theory, or compilations of interviews, but this handbook is immensely useful practical advice for ace-spec people struggling to see how they can assert boundaries and make their needs catered for in their relationships.

Thanks to Jessica Kingsley Publishers and Netgalley for providing an e-arc of this book.

This book is indeed for asexual and aromatic folks who have questions about navigating relationships of all kinds. It's aimed at young adult readers or those early in their exploration of ace or aro identities and how those fit into goals and aspirations for relationships.

Though this is written at a beginning level to cover issues with relationships for aro and ace folks, I appreciated the nods to where topics are intersectional based on systemic oppression and other social identities. There is some repetition, but it certainly drives the point home that relationships can exist in a lot of different formats. I wouldn't advise this for background on being aspec as the focus is strictly on being aspec within a relationship (friend, partner, queer platonic relationship, etc).

Thank you to Jessica Kingsley Publishers for an ARC on NetGalley. All opinions are my own. This book is due to be published 10/21/24. I will add a review on instagram closer to pub date.

Super informative and fun to read. If you follow the ace dad then you know that you can expect some good content. I appreciate the honesty and vulnerability of the stories.

A nice concise guide to asexual and aromantic relationships. I think this is to the point and doesn’t over explain while also doing a good job of showing examples and helping both readers from any sexual or romantic orientation better understand the concepts. I also liked that they talked about specifically how to approach these topics within a relationship.

I love this book so much! This is a great book for anyone who wants to have a healthy relationship - regardless of if they are ace or not. Honestly, reading this book made me feel more empowered in my own relationship and sparked new conversations and ideas with the people in my life. A great follow up book from the Ace Dad himself!

This guide offers a wonderfully clear and affirming look at ace and aro relationships. Cody Daigle-Orians provides practical and empathetic advice that genuinely resonates. With its real-life examples and thoughtful insights, it’s incredibly helpful for understanding and connecting with others.

Whether you’re in an ace or aro relationship or just curious about these experiences, this resource is a fantastic read. Daigle-Orians’ positive and straightforward approach makes it a valuable tool for fostering meaningful connections and broadening your perspective.

There aren't many guidebooks out there for asexual people and even fewer for aromantic people. Those of us on the aromantic spectrum often find ourselves combing Reddit threads just for clarification and validation that there might be others who feel the same way as us. Cody Daigle-Orians' relationship guide expertly fulfills this much-needed niche for asexual and/or aromantic people. It is an extremely detailed take on how aro/ace people experience all types of relationships and the various struggles and challenges that come within those relationships. I highly recommend it for any librarian looking to expand their offerings on LGBTQ+ identities.

I am not ace myself, but will take any opportunity to learn more about others. This was a really accessible and informative read.

Overall this had some great information but felt more like a regular relationship guide! I wanted a bit more information about being ace and aro overall and don't think this book is what I was looking for. I think that it's great this book exists and I'm sure it will be helpful for some people!

This is a well-written and practical book on relationships. As an Ace person in a relationship, I felt that I learned a lot from it and will benefit from the book's suggestions. I think that all libraries should have a copy of it.

I found this book to be a great reference guide for the aspec community, it was informative and comprehensive. I felt the book covered a variety of topics with clear explanations and relevant examples. For someone wanting to learn more about dating while aro/ace this is a great place to start and learn more about how relationships work for you, setting healthy boundaries, red flags and more.

I appreciated the author making it clear that aro/ace people do not need to change to fit in or be happy, we can exist in this world as we are and enjoy dating as much as everyone else. Overall very affirming and educational book if a bit dry at times but that didn't take away from the themes and message presented.