After reading a few asexuality/aromanticism books over the past few years, I wasn’t sure how much new information this book would have to offer and I went into it with zero expectations. “The Ace and Aro Relationship Guide” expands on Cody Daigle-Orians previous book, “I am Ace”, and provides a discussion on what a relationship may look like with someone who identifies as aro/ace and advice for creating a healthy relationship. The book breaks down many societal norms around how people define and prioritize relationships. Much of the information provided in the book is true for ANY relationship, but it is a good reminder and the author continually reiterates that aro/ace people are valid and shouldn’t change who they are or compromise their identity for others. I think this is a good read for people who identify as aro/ace, but also those who want to be a better ally.

5/5 stars

Thank you to NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for providing an eARC in exchange for an honest review.

This was definitely an interesting read, although I do have to admit I was a little disappointed. The first part of the book didn't wow me at all, and a lot of it only felt as empty platitudes that are being repeated constantly, and so it didn't really give me a lot of new information. The second part, however, was much more useful, and I appreciated how specific it was to being aspec--which I also felt like was lacking in the first part. That's a bit of a double-edged sword, though, because I liked that it felt almost universal, but as an aroace person, it felt way too abstract for me to take anything from it. The second part felt like what I expected this book to be. I especially appreciate the inclusion of aplatonic and nonamorous identities, which I didn't expect to see in a book about relationships, and it truly felt like the book was a comprehensive portrayal of a lot of aspec experiences. Overall, I don't think I'm taking away much from this book, and I didn't particularly learn anything new, but it is definitely good to have even things that may seem "obvious" clearly written down, and it can serve as a good guide for any relationship, which I suppose was the goal.

This book is an incredible resource, full to the brim with information, advice, reflection prompts, and life experience. It packs a wealth of content into one book, but does so in an easily digestible way. Although it is mainly marketed to Ace and Aro folks, I see huge value in providing this book to allosexual folks, parents, allies, etc.

When I was young and questioning, I turned to Yahoo! answers and got…less than amazing advice. I dug through so many unhelpful (and often incorrect) “answers”, often feeling more confused than when I began my search.

This book is the polar opposite of that in every way. It is grounded in emotional intelligence. It is well-organized, lending itself to easy use as a reference guide. It is well-researched, accompanied with an appendix of all kinds of resources for further learning. And it is fully grounded in acceptance and healthy boundaries.

TL;DR - a great, readable guide to understanding yourself, others, and all kinds of relationships. No matter how you identify.

Note: I received a free ARC of this book from NetGalley in exchange for my honest feedback.

This a truly incredible, informative book. As an ace person, I felt seen reading this book. Much of the information within this book on relationships is the more complicated, fleshed out versions of thoughts I have had through my own experiences in dating as an ace person. Daigle-Orians' definitions of sex and romance as expansive and full of possibilities are particularly fascinating, and this book is full of more insightful information and ideas. This is a book that reinforces the validity of aromantic/asexual experiences, but also one that everyone should read to examine the very way that we define relationships and everything that surrounds it.

I wasn't sure what to expect when I started reading this book, but I honestly didn't think I would take away so much from it. While there were many concepts I had already figured out for myself, there were some key lessons that I needed to read in print to fully understand.

I would recommend this book not only to people on the ace and aro spectrum, who often struggle with societal expectations about how we are supposed to (show) love and may feel less worthy as a result, but also to alloromantics (those who experience romantic attraction) and allosexuals (those who experience sexual attraction), because after reading this, I truly believe that many of us are missing out by adhering strictly to societal "norms" (either consciously or unconsciously), and not just those on the spectrum.

Honestly, as an asexual this book made me so validated. I'm someone who questions whether I really AM asexual or not because I enjoy reading smutty AO3 fanfiction and I adore romance. However, there are many different types of asexuals, some who even (surprise!) enjoy sex even if they don't feel any attraction.

I love how this book recognizes that relationships, especially romantic ones, tend to be a little different for asexuals and/or romantic people compared to allos. I loved how it addressed misconceptions and frustrations. And gave tips on how to deal with prejudice and how to talk to people about being asexual and/or romantic.

Finally, I loved that there was also a focus on platonic relationships and other non-romantic and non-sexual relationships because friendships can be some of the most important relationships to aces or aros and are undervalued especially because society puts romance on a pedestral.

This was a very informative read. It was quick, easy to read and insightful. Would definitely recommend

Thanks to Netgalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for approving this eARC in exchange for an honest review!

Being aroace, and agender, as soon as I saw this title up for request I knew I needed to check it out!

This is a wonderfully comprehensive guide, for young aroace spec folks, on navigating the common issues that we face when it comes to different types of relationships!

I can definitely see myself going back to certain sections of this book when needing a little bit of guidance and validation!

I think this should be recommended to everyone, not just the ace and aro babes out there. I think it would be so helpful for anyone navigating relationships. Not that this is a universal experience but I think this book asks good questions about how we view romance, relationships, and connection.

A fairly extensive book about navigating relationships when you are on the Asexual spectrum. The author is very knowledgeable and understands from personal experience that it is a very complicated spectrum with many possibilities when it comes to platonic or non-platonic pairings, etc. This book covers a lot.

The intro says that the book is geared towards young adults. I personally think that this reads a bit technical at times and is maybe too dry for younger people. I wonder if it would successfully hold their interest, as even my mind was wandering a bit. It could be a bit repetitive, hammering home the same points over and over.

The “red flags” to look for in each section also seemed like common sense to me, but if this book is meant more for teenagers then maybe they won’t necessarily be so obvious. Especially for people trying to navigate their first relationships.

What I did appreciate about this book: the constant validation of Asexuality, the support, all of the statements throughout explaining that an Aspec person does not have to change themselves in order to be happy in a relationship of any kind, be it romantic or platonic. Though I do think parts of this book came across as a tiny bit defensive, maybe even aggressive towards Allosexual people when it came to referring to society and its expectations. I DO understand, but I also felt that presenting an “us vs. them” attitude may not be the most constructive strategy.

Don’t get me wrong. There were good things in here for sure. It was very affirming and educational, with a long, wonderful pep talk at the end and lots of great resources listed. It even included a chapter on how to handle breakups, whether you’re the one ending the relationship or you’re the one being broken up with. He also goes over many different types of relationships and how they work. I feel like people on the Asexual spectrum or people who are already supportive and simply looking to learn more will be the ones to benefit from this book.

3.5 rounding up to 4 stars, because it’s a good resource for people to have, and I may even seek out the author’s social media content.

Thank you to to Netgalley and to the Publisher for access to this ARC in exchange for an honest review! All opinions are my own.

The biggest strength of this book is introducing terms many young people might not know - I certainly didn't as a teen - and challenging the dominant social script for relationships (how should a relationship look like? which one is more important than the others? how should you start, end and behave in a relationship?).

It emphasizes communication and negotiating boundaries rather than blindly following the subconscious social scripts we're taught and surrounded by since young age. It can help "open your eyes" that the default isn't the only option and what else is out there.

I'd say the biggest strength of this book is also the biggest weakness - it comes from the point of knowing. "I figured this all out, here's all the terms and their definitions, and proper implementation of them", but for a person who's searching it doesn't tell you how do you find yourself (except "just reflect"), which label fits, how do you find a compatible person or people for the kind of relationship you'd find the most fulfilling or how can you negotiate boundaries in a way it won't end with "compromise yourself or be left lonely". It just tells you not to compromise yourself. Which is good. But when I was a teen and an adult in my early 20s my biggest fear was of "not finding anybody who'd accept me as I am" and just telling you to be uncompromising on the core values and keep ending relationships that don't make you happy doesn't answer the real question: how do you find a relationship that does make you happy? Maybe it cannot be answered. Maybe some of us are doomed to kiss a lot of frogs even if we're repulsed by it and find nothing in the end.

Innately, I always knew "compromising yourself is the death of the soul", but I feel a lot of people don't, and it's great they're reminded they deserve autonomy, boundaries, standing up for oneself. But even when prioritizing yourself, you might experience less abuse, but you experience more loneliness and your relationship history is a graveyard of cut ties and burnt bridges (a lot of potential partners will refuse to deviate from the "script", and you trying to explain anything will be met with the look as if you spoke an alien language). And social pressure. The book covers the social pressure but I think most of us who experience social pressure, manipulation and gaslighting (for example "you're too picky", "if all your relationships end maybe the problem is you") realize it's there, we just don't know what to do to combat it. Advocating for yourself is exhausting and often doesn't even accomplish anything, because people believe what they want to believe and won't change their mind no matter how many proofs you'll bring to the table.

Overall, I think it's a very useful book for young people who are searching for their true identity and need to be shown the alternatives to the "default social script" and the proper terms for it. And also could use validation that they're not faulty and broken and they deserve to defend themselves from social pressures and default scripts. On the other hand, it can also be useful for people who already "figured themselves out" as a confirmation "what you feel is valid, here's the term for it".

However, it doesn't seem to help answer the most burning question: what do you do, when your relationship history is full of shallow, unfulfilling friendships, or one-sided ones where you always find yourself investing more in it than getting out of it, and broken up romantic / sexual relationships due to incompatibility and tons upon tons of rejection and invalidation where you run out of fuel to keep advocating for yourself and defending your boundaries. Heck, even the ending chapter talks about break-up how the author's partner found someone he's happy with and the author "isn't doing so bad either" which sounds like a cope-out answer, it's what people say when they have to put a mask on "everything's fine, I'm doing well". So in the end, I found the book more theoretical than actionable.

4 stars because we need more education of youth about sex, romance, consent, and various shades of queerness. In many places that area is lacking and teens are denied proper sex ed and knowledge about LGBTQ+ matters is getting banned. I hope this book helps many people find themselves and feel validated. Unfortunately, it feels more like a "lexicon" than a "guide". It teaches terms, not methods. It raises awareness and underlines importance, but if we already know navigating allo cis het monogamous world is a struggle, it doesn't help making this struggle any easier through actionable advice (most of us already tried "just talking" or "stating the boundaries" or even walking out). But maybe there's no esoteric knowledge how to deal with the fact being a marginalized identity will always be a struggle to "fit in" and "find your tribe".

I actually didn't realize when I requested the title (I requested it based on the title and blurb) that it's the same person who's having the Ace Dad Advice on youtube, I actually watched the author's content before, but it wasn't the primary reason I requested the book.

Thank you NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for the ARC!

Although a little repetitive at times, this book was very informative and insightful.. I picked it up as a companion to a fiction book I was reading with an asexual MMC and this really deepened my reading and understanding of that story.

Thank you net galley and Jessica Kingsley publishing for letting me read this relationship guide as an ARC. I very much appreciate it.
Overall, I found this to be a great book. It has a lot of meaningful aspects. My youngest child is asexual and this book has given us more tools and helped us learn a lot about relationships. We liked the examples given and felt the book is well thought out.

I thought this book was great, with personal experience mixed with humor this book hits a lot of interesting topics. As someone who falls on the Ace/Aro spectrum, reading about anothers experience and the community was very intriguing.

I found Ace Dad over a year ago, sometime before I started flirting with the idea I may fall somewhere on the ace spectrum. Despite me never have read a self-help book in my life, I had to pick up their debut I Am Ace; I ended up consuming it in a matter of hours. Ace Dad's writing is clear, concise, and the personal anecdotes they add naturally weave into whatever topic they're presenting (I know they wrote the intro for the Being Ace anthology, but they haven't written any fiction yet. The non-fiction aspects of ace representation are equally as important as their fiction counterparts, but I still would love to see Ace Dad write a fiction book). Their dedication to educating the public about ace things while keeping up to date with all the terms from the community is so commendable.

This book is a great relationship guide. I've never been a relationship (romantic, queerplatonic, or otherwise), nor am I planning on being in one in the near future, but if I were, I feel like this would be an excellent book to turn to for some guidance. Ace Dad covers a lot in 200-some pages. From the tools a relationship requires to describing the fluidity of defining a relationship, they lay out to the reader what they could do and how they may go about it. I really like how they keep reaffirming that the reader's aceness and/or aromanticism does not make them wrong, regardless of what people make them believe. That kind of affirmation is really powerful for ace and/or aro readers who really need it.

Overall, Ace Dad is probably the only self-help author I adore this enthusiastically, and that enthusiasm will continue for whatever they may do next.

I found Ace Dad over a year ago, sometime before I started flirting with the idea I may fall somewhere on the ace spectrum. Despite me never have read a self-help book in my life, I had to pick up their debut I Am Ace; I ended up consuming it in a matter of hours. Ace Dad's writing is clear, concise, and the personal anecdotes they add naturally weave into whatever topic they're presenting (I know they wrote the intro for the Being Ace anthology, but they haven't written any fiction yet. The non-fiction aspects of ace representation are equally as important as their fiction counterparts, but I still would love to see Ace Dad write a fiction book). Their dedication to educating the public about ace things while keeping up to date with all the terms from the community is so commendable.

This book is a great relationship guide. I've never been a relationship (romantic, queerplatonic, or otherwise), nor am I planning on being in one in the near future, but if I were, I feel like this would be an excellent book to turn to for some guidance. Ace Dad covers a lot in 200-some pages. From the tools a relationship requires to describing the fluidity of defining a relationship, they lay out to the reader what they could do and how they may go about it. I really like how they keep reaffirming that the reader's aceness and/or aromanticism does not make them wrong, regardless of what people make them believe. That kind of affirmation is really powerful for ace and/or aro readers who really need it.

Overall, Ace Dad is probably the only self-help author I adore this enthusiastically, and that enthusiasm will continue for whatever they may do next.

I wish I had a book like this when I was younger and still figuring some stuff out. It's comprehensive and helpful, and it's made specifically for aspec readers (no shade to a lot of the other books in this space, but I feel like a few of the more mainstream go-to's are more focused toward allo readers, and I didn't get a lot out of them). This is going to be very helpful for younger readers, I have no doubt.

I first found Cody on TikTok as the Ace Dad and absolutely loved that there was someone else who was ace, was older, A DAD (mine doesn’t accept my identity), and they were out there giving all this advice for the little aces of the world. I immediately requested this book on NG when I saw it and I’m so glad I got the chance to read this.

Thanks to NetGalley, Cody Daigle-Orians and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for the opportunity to read this early in exchange for an honest review.

This is such an interesting book, and one I was very curious to read given I’m ace and in a non-monogamous relationship.

The first part of the book features advice on important ‘tools’ in relationships, which can be read and appreciated by anybody. There is a focus on how concepts such as consent and communication are particularly important to aspec people, but I don’t think there’s many people that wouldn’t benefit from this section. The second section is more focused on the practicalities of relationships as aspec people, and the different types of relationships one might cultivate – though I still think these ideas are helpful for anyone!

I loved a lot about this book, particularly how easy it is to read. This might be because the primary intended audience is teens (given its category on NetGalley), but I also appreciated it as an adult.

It’s very grounded in the fact that society isn’t set up to support aspec people and our different relationship structures, and it makes it clear this is not the fault of aspec individuals, which is really important particularly for young people to hear.

I also appreciated the book’s acknowledgement of intersectionality and how that might impact relationship dynamics, though it isn’t a focus of the text. In addition, while there is lots of advice on how you the reader should approach relationships, there are also frequent outlines of red flags to watch out for and a part on abuse. I think this is important to include in a book that spends a lot of time telling you how to be fair and respectful to partners as you need to know when someone might not be acting in the same way to you.

As someone who reads and engages a lot with LGBT+ content, most of the information here wasn’t new to me, but there were a few things I learned nearer the end with the definitions of ‘nonamory’ and ‘aplatonic’. And it was also really reassuring to have someone lay out the ways relationships can look different but still be fulfilling and special. It’s not something you hear a lot of when you’re aspec.

There were a few things I wasn’t such a fan of, such as the part on consent. I’m by no means an expert, but there are some issues with the enthusiastic consent model that I felt could have been discussed. And I felt lots of this book draws on what I know as relationship anarchy, but this concept is not named. Even if the author doesn’t want to use this term, I thought its inclusion could have been useful for people who are not familiar with the idea and who might want to find out more about it elsewhere – it’s easier to Google ‘relationship anarchy’ than ‘relationships where romantic and sexual partners are no more important than friendships’. Finally, I thought the first section was a little dry to read, but that could have been because I’m not the target audience! And all in all, these complaints are pretty minor.

Overall, I’m so glad a book like this exists in the world, and I think Daigle-Orians does a good job with the subject matter, making it a nuanced and refreshing read. I hope it can help aspec people imagine better futures for themselves.

The Ace and Aro Relationship Guide is a great book that explains in detail the different facets of the aspec community & how to communicate in a healthy relationship. The advice was thorough and consent and communication was explained in detail.

I think this would be a great relationship guide to anyone, regardless of whether or not they are part of the aspec community. As a demisexual, I loved seeing the ace/aro representation in this book & the thoughtful explanations of how different relationships can exist and function.

Thanks to NetGalley, Cody Daigle-Orians, and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for the chance to read and review!