Chaiton knew his parents had survived the Holocaust: he knew it in their tattoos and the people who surrounded them and the few stories they told. But those stories *were* few: his parents locked away their memories, built a life in Canada, and tried to move on. They tried. And Chaiton, too, moved on: away from his parents, away from his brothers, to a chosen career and chosen family where he could breathe free of those stories untold.

Chaiton's parents didn't talk about the Holocaust, and he didn't really think about it, either—not until much later. He knew bits and pieces, of course (it's hard to erase your history entirely, even when a genocide has done its damndest to do just that), but even as Chaiton draws connections between his parents' extensive trauma and his own actions and traumas, he describes pushing away from that history, letting himself stay blinded to it. It is late, late in Chaiton's story—and late, late in the book—before he is able to get truly curious, to ask questions and reach out to relatives and find out more. "That both my parents were prisoners in Auschwitz I could easily have determined from their number tattoos had I done even a cursory search online; but I hadn't. Why not? Out of deference to their silence or to my not being ready, prior to this, to deal with what I may have found?" (loc. 2530)

When Chaiton did start to do that research, what he found was devastating. I won't get into the details here, but it's no wonder that his parents didn't talk about their experiences; the scale of their losses was nigh on unfathomable, and when they *had* talked about their stories in the past it...hadn't helped. The bulk of the book is Chaiton's autobiography rather than his family's story; although there is no question of the role that that generational trauma played, it's also clear that he did an expert job of detaching himself from that history as much as he was possibly able in order to live a life on his own terms. I'm not sure the book description is doing a service to the book; the impression I had going in was that there would be quite a lot more about his parents, but for various reasons (no spoilers!) there was a limit to how much he could learn, and how he could go about doing so, and because he keeps the story largely chronological, those learnings come close to the end of the book. I would have preferred a different balance—more of Chaiton's family's stories and fewer lists of people he lived and worked with over the years. (Maybe also less about Rubin Carter? His story is an important one, but Chaiton already wrote a book about him, so the emphasis on Carter's story in a book about Chaiton's family feels a bit off.)

One thing that the book does remind me of is how important it is to hear and record older people's stories now—it's not so long before there will be nobody left who has living memory of the Holocaust, but also not so long before we will be saying the same of people who experienced the Korean War or the Vietnam War (as soldiers, as nurses, as civilians), or even, you know, less violent things like the moon landing. Chaiton's parents could not give voice or permanence to their memories, and there is so much that is lost to time.

Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.

First off, I believe this title is slightly misleading. I picked this book out with the expectation that it would be more about his parents and less about him. And although the beginning and the end of the book are more focused on his parents, there is a big portion in the middle that is solely about him, how he chose to live his life, his experiences with the boxer Rubin Carter, dancing, and living in a commune.

That being said, I didn’t not like this book. The author lead a very interesting life that was definitely worth writing (and reading)about. I now want to pick up his other book about Rubin Carter, which sounds fascinating. I did enjoy the things that he discovered about his parents the most. The emotion that the author was able to convey through pages about what it felt like to finally discover what his parents had to endure and suffer was intense. I found it very interesting how what his parents chose not to say still affected the upbringing of their children in such a negative way. And it just goes to show that trauma can be passed down generation after generation without even realizing it.

Also, the author was extremely vulnerable and humble throughout the story. He really lets the reader see the good and the ugly of himself which I always find refreshing.

It’s a very powerful book about family, trauma and keeping secrets. It was almost 5 stars for me. But again, I feel like there’s a big portion of the book that was incompatible with the title. The title of the book led to different expectation from me, which was slightly irritating. If I would have known the narrative would have focused a lot on the author, I don’t think I would have been as bothered by it. Still an excellent book and I still highly recommend.

***Thank you NetGalley, Dundurn Press, and Sam Chaiton for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review***

Sam Chaiton grew up in Canada raised by Jewish parents with tattoos on their arms. His mom was a woman obsessed with food, her kitchen was her kingdom. The father was "barely literate, certainly no scholar", and was pressuring Sam to study medicine and become a doctor. He also was a cold man with a heavy hand. At some point, Sam compares his parents to his friends' parents and is ashamed. Somehow his family doesn`t look as good as he initially thought. The author describes his childhood, adolescence, and then briefly his life. He describes his first sexual experiences, friendships, dreams and hopes. He had tried drugs. He had tried to commit suicide.
Sam's parents were prisoners of Bergen-Belsen. They never talked about this. 25 years after his parents' death Sam discovered that they were also in Auschwitz. This was a surprise. Everyone who survived was somehow psychologically damaged, to put it mildly. A German psychiatrist assessed Sam's father to be damaged by 10%. It`s a joke, honestly.
It all sounds like an intriguing story and what makes it even more intriguing is the fact, that it's not fiction. This is the story of one man's real life. What is missing is the question and then the answer to WHY? Why was he behaving the way he did? Why his parents were the way they were? Today, when basic mental health knowledge is widely known it`s no-brainer, but Sam didn`t know what we do know now. The thing is this book doesn´t analyze the behavior of either the parents or the authors`. Why indeed...

The book would gain so much more if the author decided to dig deeper and try to explain some issues with some help from specialists. Also, the writing isn`t great. It feels heavy, chaotic, chopped. It took me a long time to read this book because it felt like a chore.

I had high expectations for this memoir but was left feeling disappointed. So much of this memoir was a jumble of names that felt never ending. I believe it was to give credit where due? Or maybe a flex to those who would know these names? Regardless, I found it overwhelming and would skim these paragraphs.
The 'discovery' portions of the memories were perhaps the most intriguing, if not brief. Otherwise I struggled to mentally put the sequence of events together, especially after the childhood passages (which were the most vivid). Moving here and there, dance to criminal justice reform, and a slightly confusing chosen family dynamic.
I can absolutely understand why his brothers would find this interesting, but for me it fell short.

We Used to Dream of Freedom by Sam Chaiton is a memoir about Sam and his brothers' home life with parents who survived the horrors of Bergen-Belsen and Auschwitz. The tattoos were permanent and though their experiences were not discussed, there were repercussions in the shape of emotional and physical abuse. In fact, Sam learned about their torment years after they died. He hadn't even know they were sent to Auschwitz. Sam's father had testified at a war crimes trial. Both parents had suffered tremendously. As a boy, Sam knew they were different and was acutely ashamed of them but gained better understanding later as naturally happens.

The heartache of the inhumanity of the Holocaust and subsequent treatment of the boys hit me. Second-generation trauma is very real and its effects devastating.
The stories are compelling and raw. The one which will stay with me most is that of Sam's hard-earned gift to his mother. What I didn't connect with are the crudely described situations Sam experienced growing up.

My sincere thank you to Dundurn Press and NetGalley.

a very interesting take on intergenerational trauma due to the holocaust. reminded me a bit of ‘maus’ which is one of my favourite graphic novels. overall a really solid read.

The middle son of five brothers, Sam Chaiton grew up in Canada, the country his parents emigrated to after leaving the displaced peoples camp in Northern Germany.

Both his parents had numbers tattooed on their arms as did their friends and yet the boys were never really informed about their stories. Mr. Chaiton knew his parents had been in Bergen-Belsen but not much more than that. If his parents spoke of it at all with their fellow emigres they switched languages to one he did not know.

This heartfelt and honest, warts and all, book tells of his leaving home and moving away from his family. Whilst his brothers take on medicine or the law, he becomes a dancer, an activist, a writer.

It is only after his parents deaths that he comes to know them and parts of their stories. The silence of the survivors and its psychology upon others, its impact on the lives of the next generation is there.

He realises that he never really knew his parents. He learns about them from depositions his father wrote. With this comes understanding. Both his parents had been married before. Both had had a child. His mother's had been killed in front of her (we are not given the details) and his father's first wife and son were last seen by him as they were dragged away by the guards after the round up.

He learnt his parents had been in Auschwitz, he learnt of relatives and some of their fates, including his mother's brother whose photograph she kept on her dressing table, although all the time he was growing up he never knew that it was his uncle.

The book does not wallow in self-pity but gives us a taste of what life was like living within a community of those of survived and their silence.

Thank you NetGalley and Dumdurn Press for the ARC.