Reading this book was a journey. 4.5 stars

The introduction of a large number of characters at the beginning of the book seemed a bit rush, often with little or no explanation of who the characters were, so I found myself floudering in the narrative for a while. For the majority of the book, i felt a disconnect from the characters. I empathized with the situations in which the characters found themselves but at times, it felt like a lecture about the political and cultural climate of St Vincent and Grenada rather than a story of the human condition.However, in retrospect, I wonder if this was reflective of how the characters themselves had to sometimes hold themselves at a distant from each other in order to survive.

I enjoyed the structure of the book with its alternating perspectives, especially that Maureen's story was told through her journal/memoir entries. It offered the intimacy that i found lacking at the beginning of the story.

I know very little about St Vincent and Grenada so appreciated reading a story set there as told by an author from the area.

In the end, although this was a difficult subject of which to read, I was invested in the story of Gordon, Maureen and Allan. The characters were developed and their thoughts and feelings were often revealed in small ways as the novel progressed. I may not have liked Gordon for most of the book but by the end, I had a better understanding for his behaviour towards and treatment of Maureen.

Thank you to NetGalley and Dundurn Press for a digital ARC in exchange for my honest review.

This book really gripped me from the start. It was so interesting to read a book set on St. Vincent, a place and culture I haven't seen much of. While I have read many a story related to queer oppression and AIDS, I almost never feel like I'm reading a copy-paste story. Especially, in this case since it's in more current times and takes place in the Caribbeans. The writing was really well done, though I was a tiny bit confused in the beginning, and I really appreciate the journal/memoir parts of the story that give the reader a different perspective on the story.

Why it's not a 5-star read is because of the last three pages. I really feel like it needed one more short chapter or an epilogue to fully round off the story, but maybe that's just me.

Overall, this was a great reading experience, a great start to the new year and I would recommend it to anyone.

An unexpected but captivating tale, telling a story that we rarely hear. The characters were well constructed and the authorial perspective let us know what we needed to know in good time but without making the narrative predictable.

This contemplative novel paints a tragic portrait, one where deceit is a vehicle for both self-preservation and self-destruction. It employs an interesting framing device, using a present-day, active storyline as the basis to explore memory, reflection, and the journal entries of a deceased wife. In this way multiple timelines weave in and out of each other, in some ways showing that even as things change they are not free of the past, whether that be the traumas we experience at the hands of a bigoted society or the traumas we inflict on others through our own types of emotional violence.

With that said, there is something about the writing that doesn’t work for me, personally. It feels very earnest but also almost academic, or distant. I appreciated the histories and depths of the characters, and especially appreciated how the dialogue would switch into vernacular depending on who was speaking and whether it was a memory vs. a journal entry, etc. But the writing didn’t leave me emotionally invested, even when I could see all the pieces of the story that should have been pulling me in. The dialogue often felt very formal, and in general I never experienced a comfortable flow with the writing. Because of this, even though the characters were well-rounded, it felt like a history lesson’s explanation of their various characteristics more than it felt like an invitation to know them.

This might just be a personal thing. The novel certainly gives a good sense of place, letting you understand the religious and social atmosphere of St. Vincent. So there is an interesting framing device combined with a good atmosphere. And the use of journal entries explores both sides of a story that we usually only get one side of, which was an interesting take. I struggled to feel invested in the characters in large part due to writing that I felt was holding me at arm’s length, but that may not be a problem for others.

(Rounded down from 2.5)

I want to thank the author, the publisher Dundurn Press, and NetGalley, who provided a complimentary eARC for review. I am leaving this review voluntarily.

Best friends, and erstwhile teenage lovers, Gordon and Allen, grow up on the homophobic island of St Vincent. They are both intelligent, and win scholarships to study abroad in countries where homosexuality is tolerated, and are able to form relationships with whomever they please. Yet both make the conscious decision to return to a home, where homosexuality is not only illegal, but viciously and violently discouraged.
The book mainly focusses on Gordon. Before he goes to university in Canada, he gets Maureen pregnant. She and their families insist that they get married, as the stigma against pregnancy outside of marriage and children born out of wedlock is so great on the island. Gordon, against his better judgement, is forced to agree. Thus, two people’s futures are decided – not by love, nor personal desire – but by the bigotry of their environment. Allen also marries a local woman, and the two ladies are best friends, though never seem to share what is really going on in their lives.
Gordon’s primary reason for returning to St Vincent is to take a full part in his daughter’s life. He wants to be the father to her, that he never had. Unlike many parents on the island, he will never beat his child, and makes sure that Maureen and their relations never do either. Likewise, he never beats his wife. They may not have had the happiest marriage - though that is not really dwelt on. When a disastrous situation arises, and he needs to confess to Maureen about having affairs with men, she stays with him, and does not mention it to anyone else, though writes about it in a diary to be handed to her best friend after her death. When they both become ill, Allen (now their doctor) gives them full support and medical aid, while keeping their secrets.
Later, another serious catastrophe arises – this time affecting Allen. Again, Gordon could leave the island, go somewhere more gay-friendly, and avoid the almost certain fallout. His wife has died, his daughter is full grown, independent, and living abroad. This time though, Allen needs him.
Why are homosexuals so often defined by their sexual preferences – as though they have no other sides to their personality – but straight persons seldom are. I believe, that for the vast majority of people, as they mature sex ceases to be the most important (or only) driving force. Coming out as gay often takes a lot of courage, but so sometimes does remaining in the closet. In both situations, one is ones own authentic self – defined by the decisions made or not made. We would all like to live in a place where our preferences are accepted – and that is the ideal. But, occasionally we have other priorities – family, friendship, career … And those priorities should also be respected.
St Vincent sounds like a nightmare – not just for LGTBQ+ people, but also for women. Violence is everywhere. Most men seem to be cheating on their wives. Yet, they claim to live God-fearing lives, and hence homophobic. In the 10 commandments, adultery and murder (which can result from wife or child beating) are forbidden. But there is no mention of homosexuality. Obviously God considered envy and working on the Sabbath to be a much greater crimes than same-sex relationships!
I did really like this book, and liked Gordon. Though I would not have made the decisions he did, I can respect them. I chose not to have children because I could never put their needs before my own, and if forced to, I would be very resentful, and probably a very toxic parent. I have friends who are out and proud, others who are more reticent, and others whose preferences I probably don’t know. All are wonderful people – and most of all, they are my friends.

Way too long for my personal taste, even though in number of pages, it should fall on the short side. Specifically, I was only able to be emotionally connected to the book in the last 13%.

This was a difficult read for me, laying the groundwork with a terribly homophobic environment, a narrative jumping back and forth in time and place, sometimes riddled with diary entries, sometimes with an accent that I had have to put a lot of effort into decoding, as English is not my first language. Honestly, I don't really think that I can define a target audience for this book whatsoever.

One funny thing I could identify with is the fact that the sixty-plus pensioner thinking about emigrating notes that he can wipe his ass abroad with his pension in East Caribbean dollars. *cries in east european currency*

I am unfortunately DNFing at 35%
I was really interested in the themes of this book, but a third in I still haven't really been pulled into the story and I find it really hard to stay motivated to read.

I think I will have to come back to this one as a physical book once it's out and read just a few pages at a time to finish it.


Thank you NetGalley and Dundurn Press for the opportunity to read this ARC.

I have mixed feelings about this one. At its heart, it's the story of Gordon, a 60-something closeted gay man, living on the island of St Vincent, where a climate of homophobia has repressed Gordon his entire life. Gordon has been married for years to Maureen, who was entirely unaware for most of their marriage that her husband had a secret life, and whose diary of their marriage forms a large part of the book. On one level, I thought this was a really intriguing narrative device.

I feel like the tragic trope of a woman secretly married to a gay man has been somewhat done to death in queer narratives - I'm thinking of My Policeman, for example - and I was interested in reading a book that told this story from the woman's perspective, because I think this is often lacking. At times, this book really does this well. I actually found Maureen's character much more compelling than Gordon, especially as her diary delves much more deeply into her childhood, her family, and the attitudes she was raised with. This was an intriguing and effective way of building tension; we find out piecemeal what Maureen actually knows about her husband, and this works because we, of course, already know his secrets. We know what she doesn't know, to put it simply.

By contrast, Gordon's portion of the narrative sometimes feels a little shallow; he does very little for the first two thirds of the book except read his wife's diary and wait for their daughter's flight to land. After the two third mark, the action ramps up, and without spoiling anything, this part of the story felt a little rushed to me. The marked shift in tone from the slow, steady pace of Maureen's diary to the plot-heavy denouement didn't quite work for me; I think I wanted it to feel more cohesive.

Another element that didn't entirely make the grade for me was Maureen's character as a whole. Again, without spoiling anything, she suffers enormously because of Gordon's double life, and although we do empathise with Gordon's decisions and inability to live openly as a gay man due to the miasma of societal homophobia he experiences on a daily basis, I felt that Maureen was sometimes too forgiving. I can't personally imagine reconciling the effects of Gordon's lies as quickly as Maureen did. She's clearly a better woman than me. There were also moments in the book where both Gordon and Maureen seemed to be acting as didactic mouthpieces rather than characters, explaining certain incidents of homophobia within St Vincent politics in a way that felt like exposition rather than their natural opinions, and I wish that they'd been a little more developed.

Still, this book does a lot of things well. The atmosphere of St Vincent itself is done beautifully, with Gordon's colourful (to say the least) neighbours and family members, and the depiction of the social strata on the island. Maureen's mother is a particularly fascinating character, because although her actions are pretty awful most of the time, there's always a tragic undercurrent pushing her in this direction. I think this is perhaps what was missing for me with Gordon's character. He never seemed quite as torn between his two lives as I think he was supposed to. The fact that other characters did have this degree of nuance just made his lack of it more apparent.

Overall, despite not always jiving with the characters, I found this to be a really interesting look at life on St Vincent, and a valuable addition to the global corpus of LGBTQ+ literature.

What a heartbreaking story. You just witness everything going terribly wrong with every single character (mostly, especially, avoidable errors) and can't do nothing but feel sad and watch it happening. It felt too bittersweetly real, you can swear this characters existed or, sadly, that stories like this one are still happening right now.

It's a slap on your face, showing how the majority of the world are still full with bias and the bubble we're seeing getting better for diversity still is a bubble unfortunately. And how, even though Gordon and Allen are in a very fragile position in the society they live, they still fall and take advantage of the comfort of relying on a woman in this patriarchy world. It's just so sad in every single way.

The narrative is very successful in passing the feeling of reading someone's reflection of it's own mind and life. Not perfectly scripted or answering all questions or precisely descriptions of past events. It was like Maureen and Gordon were actual people telling their version of their lives.

Just prepare to see a lot of injustices beenig taken and committed by all of the characters. Along side with their flaws and errors. It's a very messy morally gray confusion. There's no bad or good side, just catastrophe everywhere.

I wouldn't have mind sticking a little longer to the story, to see more of what happens in the future of the characters or how certain events unfolded, but that end reinforced the feeling that this is a real story, not fiction. And, in it's own way, it is, sadly. It only brought more veracity to the story in my opinion.

Trigger/Content Warnings: homophobia, domestic abuse, domestic violence, verbal abuse, aggression, suicidal idealization, suicide (off page, mentioned only), misogyny, infidelity.

Highly recommend it! Super sad, but a very needed portrait of reality for queer people in so many places on the world. Ended this book speechless, disoriented, heartbroken.

Thank you Dundurn Press and NetGalley for the ARC!

i’d never read a novel from st. vincent before, and the fact that it is a lgbtq+ story deserves kudos in itself. but i cannot say i enjoyed this novel; i found it a bit too rough around the edges, which is probably on me — i just hate to see queer people suffer in fiction, as we’ve suffered enough in real life. but i guess it does paint a good portrait of the queer experience in the caribbean, which is both heartbreaking and quite compelling.

I wanted to love this book due to its great theme and synopsis. I think it was not well delivered unfortunately. It had a weird poetic writing style that I was not interested in. I think if it had a different writing style it would have been a lot better

Thank you to NetGalley, to the author, and to the publisher for this complementary ARC in exchange for my honest review!!!

Despite the great concept, I really struggled to get through this one. I got easily lost in the layered prose and could not for the life of me keep track of what waa going on. For a more patient reader, I think this book could be worth the effort.

I received an ARC of this book via netgalley. I didn't enjoy this book at all. I felt it was badly structured and the use of dialect was not well done. I think the concept has valure but the narrative did not pull that value out. The first 60 % was so dull and repetitive. I couldny really get a feel for any of the characters. The latter part never really made up for that. I don't see how this book can sustain a 3.5 goodreads rating as it becomes more widely read

There's no denying that the story being told here is such an incredibly important one. I enjoyed it being told from the perspective of both Gordon and Maureen (via the memoir/journal entries), which truly showcased how the different characters felt and were affected by the events.

I can't say I'm familiar with the culture and history of St Vincent and the Grenadines. The author painted a beautifully brutal and vivid picture of the nature, culture, politics, and homophobia of this country. For certain this was the strength of this book.

I'm not entirely sure if the writing was for me - I found the time jumps to be rather distracting and made for convoluted storytelling. And the story seemed to end so suddenly it felt anti-climactic.

While this was difficult at times to read due to the nature of the story being told, it was still an enjoyable read.

This is a very multi-faceted and interesting book, I just don’t think it is for me. So glad to see more queer Caribbean literature though!

Overall, this was not the book for me. I did enjoy the theme and character development throughout; however, the fears were constant so it did get a little repetitive and the first three quarters of the book felt like they dragged on. I would recommend this to others because I feel like anyone who is going through difficulties with their sexuality might benefit from reading this.

Thanks to NetGalley/publishers for the arc!

I really enjoy learning about other cultures and especially small countries I know nothing about. I feel Thomas paints a vivid and critical picture of life in St. Vincent over the decades. A lush and beautiful island, but the living conditions are bleak and infuriating - violence, rape, nepotism, and homophobic attacks supported by the government and by various fundamentalist churches in St. Vincent, combined with a claustrophobic feeling of neighbours spying on every step you take. To nobody's surprise, a lot of these systemic issues are the legacy of British colonialism and slavery.

I couldn't quite warm up to the writing, I got lost in the time jumps, and a lot of the dialogue, inner monologue and Maureen's journal felt a bit repetitive and as if written for the reader, not for the other characters.

The story is heartbreaking, the characters are morally complex, and there are no easy answers for the situations described in the book. I recommend it to anyone who likes depressing stories and would like to learn more about the dangers faced by the LGBTQ+ community around the world.

Thank you to H. Nigel Thomas, Dundurn Press, and NetGalley for providing me with the ARC.

Sometimes a book is so heartbreaking but so good. Being a part of the LGBTQIA+ community myself i really felt this book and I grew to love the characters like they were my friends. They were well rounded and the book was really well thought out.

This book was very well written and well thought out. The story is heartbreaking, I couldn't help but feel bad for the main character. He deserved love and to be able to be himself. it's heartbreaking to see him struggle with the opinions of others and laws that surround him. it's even more sad because these are real issues that people around the world have to go through, or went through.

A different look at a different culture! Set in the tiny Carribean island of Saint Vincent, Gordon and Allen find their sexuality is not accepted. They both complete their studies abroad, and return to family situations, hiding their true selves.

The characters in this book are well thought out, and each have a different perspective about LGBTQ - some being directly impacted.
It is imperative Gordon and Allen keep their secret from the public/community where they have big jobs and would be shunned/killed for being bi/gay.

Interesting read, highly recommend!