I really enjoyed this book, but whilst it’s marketed as a book about mothering a disabled child, that’s not really its focus at all. Of the 19 essays, maybe 4 of them are about disability. Others are about the author’s relationship with her husband, her connection with nature, female friendship and the tribulations of being a mother. I came away from this knowing little more about having a disabled child than I went in with.

Disclaimer: I received a free copy in exchange for an honest review.

Since becoming unwell myself a number of years ago, I've become really interested in reading books from like-minded people with similar experiences, and so this one really stood out to me. Having said that, I must admit that when I requested a copy of it, I assumed it was about Adelle's own disability, when actually it is about how she lives with her daughter's Down Syndrome.

My Mum used to teach in a school for children with physical and neurological disabilities, and so from the age of about six, I was always around children with a range of disabilities, and so I grew up with a different viewpoint on disabilities than others. But I'm aware that for a lot of adults, disability is so alien that they stare, they question, and they are often unconsciously (and sadly, sometimes consciously) ableist. And sometimes it takes something like having a child with a disability to really open your eyes, and so this book is a great learning experience.

What Adelle has really shown in this book is the unconscious bias people have towards disabilities. They may say things that aren't meant to be insults or mean, but they come out like it, and that can be hurtful. You can only understand the negative nature of these actions when you're the one in the firing line.

I did confuse myself at first because it said she was from Peterborough and teaches at Trent University so I thought great, she's in England, and so am I so I will really get an understanding of the situation. But it turns out she's actually from Peterborough in Ontario, Canada. So it wasn't quite as familiar to me, but it opened my eyes to something a bit different.

Adelle has been very open and honest and raw about her experience. I don't know for sure, obviously, how accurate it is, but my feeling is that she hasn't hidden anything. Everything good and bad and rough is in it, no matter how painful it must be to write and read about. And that makes the story sing. And as a reader that gives us a chance to connect with her and her family and her experience.

It flits back and forth from her childhood to pre-marriage, married and childless, one child, two children, three children, and back again. I am on the fence here. Part of me likes it like this, because we can see how different aspects of her life work alongside the rest. But then the other part of me wishes it was in chronological order, just for ease of reading.

It's a gut-honest piece of writing, about herself, her marriage, her childhood, her job, her wants, likes and dislikes, her struggles and triumphs, her children, her ableism, her experience of disability before and after motherhood. She's put a piece of her own heart and soul on the page and it is a really beautiful story she has given us. I recommend that anyone read it, whether you have a disabled relative, if you don't, even if you have no experience with disability at all, if you think you might be unconsciously ableist...it will open your eyes.

As a special education teacher who strives to help parents of kids with disabilities and make their lives a little easier, I loved reading Adelle's perspective on raising her own child with a disability and the lifetime of ableism she came out of. Purdham leaves no topic untouched and I felt extremely moved by her recount of her life and perspective changes. Highly recommend!!
Thanks to Netgalley and the Publisher for an ARC.

I struggled with parts of this book because they didn’t seem to match the topic of the book. There was a lot of focus on plate author’s marriage and friendships which didn’t seem to have a huge amount to do with disability and ableism. However, the bits the were very clearly about disability were very insightful and well-written, leading me to give this three stars.

This collection of personal essays are impactful and raw. The title and description would have one believe the focus is on the author's experience as a mother of a child with Down syndrome. However, many of the entries feel tangentially related at best. Most essays simply focus on the author herself and questions about her career and marriage and feel removed from anything disability related. This is not a terrible thing, but the title and description really don't feel like they represent the actual content.

Pros: This is a collection of essays, and it was quite refreshing to read a memoir structured as such.
The candidness, the honesty of the writing.
The themes of disability, motherhood, grief are all important and I appreciated the author’s talking about these,

Cons: There are no real cons, except that the tone of the prose and the topics did not always match. Due to the author’s life experience and expertise, I expected more depth than personal anecdotes in some parts. I cannot fully put my finger on what did not resonate with me, because I value the themes and topics, and Purdham’s insights.

thank you to netgalley and dundurn press for the ARC of this book.
this book was a mixed bag for me. i often read and review books with disability rep. i was expecting more on disability, activism and parenting someone with down syndrome.
the book really jumps all over the place, it felt a bit cumbersome and hard to read at times- not because the content but because it was just hard to follow the jumping timelines.
the book is more of a memoir about the author’s life. it isn’t necessarily a bad thing but less of what i expected.
i rated it three stars for these reasons.
however, the points and parts about disability and down syndrome were really great. i found the authors perspective as a parent of a disabled child to be refreshing in a sea of voices that are speaking only in negatives- i come from an autism background, as someone with autism, and i think of the autism mom vibes where moms wish to only exploit and discuss their child’s difficulties. this book was not like those voices. the challenges are acknowledged but in a positive way that is disability affirming and realistic.
i enjoyed the perspective of the author on this. i also learned more about down syndrome, which i enjoyed as someone who likes to read a variety of disabled experiences.