This is a wonderful book about queer romance and the woes of a family who own and run a funeral home. The story is quite touching at times and I found myself with a lump in my throat on more than one occasion, but there is also a fair bit of snarky humour and the book ultimately left me with a hopeful and warm and fuzzy feeling. Highly recommended.

This is a queer, almost ghost romance. Though I think it needed more ghosts! It did make me cry in that first chapter though. A nice addition to this years spooky releases.

This book is quite something, though not necessarily what I was expecting. Whilst there’s a tender romance threaded through this, this book isn’t necessarily a romance in itself. With the focus on Ezra, his family, the associated drama, and his own ups and downs the romantic element is more one element of many and perhaps not the most interesting one (though I do adore the love interest in this one!). I found it really interesting to understand more about Jewish culture and holidays, as well as the experiences of someone who is trans. I would have liked to have a bit more context for the Jewish celebrations, as there’s words and events thrown in there without any information and while I know it’s perfectly possible to search online, I don’t like to dip out of a story so often to look things up.

This story has a lot of heavy themes, with grief featuring particularly strongly from different characters, so it’s not a cheery read but I do think it was all written really well and worked with the plot. There were lighter moments, and I really liked Ezra’s new friends, and the community feel in their building, and how valuable that was for Ezra despite his reservations and introversion. I perhaps wanted this to have a bit more cheer to it, and less doom and gloom. Even Ezra’s budding relationship is swallowed by the baggage and the current chaos of their lives. So all in all, a bit of an odd one to describe, but still a good book with a lightly spooky element.

I received a free copy of this book. All views are my own.

** I WAS GIVEN THIS BOOK FOR MY READING PLEASURE **
Copy received through Netgalley

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Rules for Ghosting, by Shelly Jay Shore
★★☆☆☆
400 Pages
present tense, 3rd person, single character POV
Content Warning: mentions of death, grief, loss, child death, ghosts, haunting, the Holocaust
Mentions of trans MC who uses binders, transitioning, packers and hormone treatment
Reps: queer MC, trans MC, Jewish heritage

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DNF'd at 30% (approx 118)

Pros: cover, blurb, so many great reps
Cons: boring, unnecessarily long, rambling memoir style plot

Sadly, for me, the book spent far too long focusing on the wrong things. I saw too much of what I didn't need/want to see, and nothing of the parts that actually interested me. Ezra could have been an interesting POV – trans, right in the midst of a transition, queer, Jewish, reluctantly working for his family funeral home, and he can see ghosts! – but we don't need to see every errant thought in his head 100 of the time. We also don't need repeated reminders of those thoughts at every available opportunity.

There were a few “twists” in the pages I read, but rather than being exciting and plot twists, they feel like an unnecessarily complicated way of forcing the plot towards a predetermined outcome. In my opinion, there were easier and quicker ways to accomplish these plot switch-ups. Actually, I would say that the story could/should have started at Chapter 4. The story wouldn't have lost anything by starting there, but it would have gotten to the crux of the plot with less wavering. In fact, there were too many times when the plot wandered off in a pointless direction, reminiscing, recapping and drifting when it should have stuck with the essence of the plot. Instead of doing that, it tries to force too much into way too many pages when the main story could have benefited from being 200 pages of a more concise plot. Because it tried to do too much, it didn't successfully accomplish any of the things it tried to do, which is a real shame, because there is SO much potential in the plot and characters.

For me, there's zero emotional connection to the main characters. The book focuses more on *telling* rather than letting us see and feel what Ezra is going through. The flow and pacing really suffered because of these issues.

Also, there are a lot of Jewish phrases that I'm not familiar with, that are included in the book. Some were over-explained, almost repeatedly, while others were sort of left unexplored to the point where I had to guess what they meant. That part of the book lacked consistency.

Overall, the story tries too hard to be something it's not – a concept that's never realised, that it had the potential to be, but couldn't quite reach. It spent too much time reminiscing about the past while hinting at what could happen in the future, yet it fails to be present in its own plot. There was a lack of balance, consistency, a plot that couldn't be cohesive or concise, and there was nothing that pulled it all together.

If you want a good ghost story, with an MM romance and an MC who sees ghosts, try the YA novel: The Hollow and the Haunted, by Camilla Raines.

Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for an e-ARC in exchange for my honest review.

I love a ghost story, and this novel took me by surprise. It covers many topics in a sensitive way, the characters are rich and well developed, and the whole novel is an enjoyable read.

I was surprised by how much I loved Shelly Jay Shore’s debut novel, Rules for Ghosting. While the story is rich and complex, one of the most touching themes for me was finding your place in a world when you don’t feel like you belong. I was also impressed with the diversity in this book. Sometimes, it seems like characters are made simply to check off various diversity boxes, which I don’t necessarily think is a bad thing as representation matters, but in this story, there are these fantastic multidimensional characters that just happen to be also be diverse.

I enjoyed this book in parts. Like really enjoyed it in parts, but other parts just didn't seem to click for me.

The first being the opening chapter was confusing, it took me way longer than I wanted to realise that Ezra was in fact trans. It just didn't read very easily.

The second was the length it just seemed to go on forever and was a real slog to finish.

There were often moments I had to go back and check who was who and what was what before continuing the rest of the story!

However the Jewish, LGBTQ+, slow burn, ghostly romance was one of the best premises for a book I've heard for a long time and for the most part it lived up to the hype I'd set for it.

This is how to write a story!

I don't really know what I was expecting from this book. Maybe a lighthearted romp set in a funeral home, with a few ghosts, a touch of romance and some LGBTQ representation.

This book by far exceeded my expectations! This novel is full of heart, compassion and it truly stands out as one of my top reads this year.

The LGBTQ representation is brilliantly done with an emphasis on the trans community, which I thought was done amazingly and with so much thought to things that are often overlooked.

The writing is beautiful, often poetic and the dialogue and thought processes of each character for me were just spot on throughout.

I loved the way the Jewish traditions and culture were woven into the story in an often delicate and sensitive manner, and will be recommending this book to EVERYONE.

Thank you so much to the author and publisher for a copy of this magnificent book through Netgalley.

A beautiful novel about grief, death, cultural traditions and the importance of family - found or otherwise.

Rules for Ghosting tells the story of Ezra, a Jewish trans man who can see ghosts. Just as his job furloughs him, his mum tells the family that she's leaving them to run away with a rabbi's wife, leaving a position open at the family funeral home. He takes it, and soon realises that the ghost haunting him is his crush's dead husband.

I loved this story so much. Seeing cultural traditions on the page always makes me feel so emotional and moved; Shelly did a beautiful job at writing about the intersection of culture and queerness.

I'd recommend this to anyone interested in an incredible story. Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher!

Thank you to net galley for this e arc in exchange for an honest review.

As someone Loved this book so much that I ended up reading it in one sitting. My only regret with this book is that I didn't start it sooner!! Having both queer characters and being spooky this is the sort of book that I would pick up on sight.
not religious I wasn't aware of many of the rituals but I loved being able to learn about them in a way that had just the right amount of information so the readers weren't overwhelmed.
This book is heavily based around death and grief which could have been very overwhelming but was written in a way that felt natural and not too sad. This was a fantastic book that made me laughing and tearing up at all the right moments!!

4.5 stars rounded up

Quietly beautiful, Rules For Ghosting was a warm hug and bittersweet surprise. I couldn't put it down and have so much happiness for these loving, flawed, wonderful characters.

Ezra is a yoga teacher in job limbo, a doula who was raised in a funeral home, a bisexual trans man with a huge adorable dog named Sappho, and a fixer who can't seem to take the time to focus on their own selfcare. Oh, and they can also see ghosts...

First, I have to say I was delighted by the excellent dialogue - all the conversations flow so smoothly, and the friends and family have such fun, sarcastic, and brutally realistic back and forths. This made the narrative flow really well and helped draw me in straight away. I especially liked the sibling dynamics, as it's just so comfortable and close knit.

I was also impressed by the careful and loving attention to detail in terms of rituals. You can feel the importance tradition and culture has for the family, and it fits thematically as well with the book as a whole.

The supernatural elements didn't play as big a role as I expected in this story, but the self healing, relationship building, and emotional journey of Ezra, Jonathan, and the others was so charming and raw that I didn't mind that the bigger questions about the ghosts never were addressed. Instead, I could focus on the weight of family baggage, toxic childhoods, crippling anxiety and struggles with self worth, flirtations, happy doggo moments, body dysmorphia, building support networks, and all the other incredible things this book explores.

One thing that stuck out to me was that Ezra doesn't seem 27, nor do many of the others really seem to fit their respective ages. They behave much younger, and I kept forgetting they weren't college students.

In some ways, Rules for Ghosting reminded me of Under the Whispering Door - grief and the afterlife play such a constant role in both, and the romance was so comforting and sweetly right that it made me sad and overjoyed all at once. This is a cozy, heartfelt, emotional ride that deserves a read, and I'm so glad to have picked it up.

There’s so much to enjoy with this one - ghosts, romance, lots of queer representation, fun friendships and family drama!

I loved that this had ghosts, but wasn’t scary. In fact my favourite bits were probably Ezra’s interactions with the ghosts - like the one in grocery store indicating which wine he should buy. Honestly, I’d have liked even more ghost content!

Interestingly this book had one of my least favourite tropes, cheating, but because of how it was done it didn’t mar my enjoyment too much. It was side characters and played into all the family drama and worked for the plot.

I really liked the romance between Jonathon and Ezra. Some of the back and forth got on my nerves a little, but was mostly understandable as they were both battling with their own issues. There was lots of lovely tender moments, blushes and finding each other irresistible and that was lovely. It was also really beautiful that Ezra could communicate with Jonathan’s late husband and they could all be content in the knowledge that Ben just wanted them to be happy,

A highlight was also the sibling relationships. It was really heartwarming to read a book where the three siblings were all really close and just wanted to support each other…amongst a lot of teasing and the odd squabble of course!
Then there’s also the cool friends and roommates too!!

Really enjoyable read with lots of healing and love. If anything I think this could have actually been a bit longer to give all the side characters a bit more depth. There were so many cool ones and I could have read much more about them!

'Rules for ghosting' is a tender, emotion filled story, dealing with the joy and sadness of life and death. It's a story I didn't expect to like this much, to make me smile and cry a little, to connect with some of my own feelings around family, caring and still needing the ability to put boundaries, the desire to be seen and yet to be so keen on hiding.

Usually, I am not really a fan of present tense narrative (really depends on the story and the execution). In this case, it works really well to enhance the story and to give it an form of presence, of a story happening as it was told. It gave the story a pull that pushed me to read and read, to follow Ezra as he walks through a time filled with emotions.

'Rules for ghosting', even with the ghost elements, isn't a ghost story. Yes, ghosts (real ghosts and emotional ghosts) are important and shape the story, but it is not their story. It's Ezra's. In the same way, yes, the romance element is present, plays a huge role, and yet I can't resume the story around it.

Speaking of the romance, it is a SWEET one. Really, really sweet. Not without struggles and difficult moments, but so kind and gentle, it put a smile on my face.

All the characters have their lives, from the main character, obvioulsy, but also the secondary and tertiary characters, who have enough of a presence and liveliness to give the impression of doing their own things without us seing. Ezra's found family is so supportive and fun, in a different way his blood family is. Because his blood family is sweet and fun too, but so burdened by secrets and unresolved issues it plagues them a little. Seeing deal and tread around it to find a new balance was really nicely done.

All in all, an endearing story about grief of all kind, but also love, support and being yourself. I definitely recommend it if such tales are something you enoy.

Rules for Ghosting by Shelly Jay Shore.
This was a good read. The cover drew me in. I did find it slow to start with. But once the ghost came in I couldn't put it down. I did like Ezra. I also liked Becca. I did like how Ezra and Jonathan were together. I did like the ending. 4*.

Blurb.
Rule #1: They can't speak. | Rule #2: They can't move. | Rule #3: They can't hurt you.

Ezra Friedman can see ghosts - which made growing up in a funeral home complicated, especially with his grandfather's ghost giving disapproving looks at every choice he makes from his taste in boyfriends to his HRT-induced second puberty. It's no wonder that since moving out, he's stayed as far away from the family business as possible.

But when dream job disappears and his mother uses Passover seder to tell everyone she's running away with the rabbi's wife, Ezra finds himself back in the thick of it at the funeral home.

Having agreed to help out, Ezra must face not only his loved ones, but also his crush on Jonathan - the handsome funeral home volunteer who also happens to be his new neighbour - and Johnathan's ghostly relative, who is breaking every spectral rule Ezra knows.

As he tries to keep his family together and his heart from getting broken, Ezra will soon realise there's more than one way to be haunted...

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