Rules for Ghosting by Shelley Jay Shore

There are three rules about ghosts. Rule #1: They can't speak. | Rule #2: They can't move. | Rule #3: They can't hurt you.

Ezra Friedman grew up in the family funeral home which is complicated for someone who can see ghosts. Worst of all was his grandfather's ghost and his disapproving looks at every choice he made, from his taste in boys to his HRT-induced second puberty. It's no wonder that since moving out, he's stayed as far away from the family business as possible.
However, when his dream job doesn’t work out, his mother invites him to Passover Seder and announces she’s running away with the rabbi’s wife! Now Ezra finds himself back at the funeral home to help out and is soon in the thick of it. He has to deal with his loved ones and his crush on Jonathon, one of their volunteers. Jonathon is their neighbour so Ezra is trying to keep the crush under wraps while also dealing with Jonathon’s relative, a spectre who’s keen on breaking all the rules. Ezra must keep his family together and avoid heartbreak, but is starting to realise there’s more than one way to be haunted.

This book came totally out of left field and I didn’t know what to expect at all, but I fell in love with it. I do connect to books about grief and loss as it’s something I’ve gone through but I also loved it’s emphasis on family, culture and tradition. Yes the book is about grief, but it’s also about love. Ezra is a Jewish trans man so it’s also firmly based in the queer community and I enjoyed that too. The romance is quiet and more of a slow burn than the heat of passion, tempered by Jonathon’s recent loss of his father. It depicts the chaos and disruption of death beautifully, especially in how it affects family members differently and can come between them. Ezra and the funeral staff treat deceased persons with respect; they’re both gentle and caring in their work with them and their grieving families. The author takes us deeply into the customs and rituals surrounding a death in a Jewish family and I find this so interesting because we can all learn from each other’s ceremonies and traditions. I felt that their attention to detail and respect for the people brought to their funeral home was ultimately life affirming. Their deference shows how precious life is and that our relationships with family are the most important thing of all.

I also loved the author’s focus on something that I think is the secret to a happy and contented life - being your authentic self. We can see how Ezra’s connection to his communities - family, religion and the queer community - grounds him and reminds him of who he is. When we’re not true to who we are we start to feel dislocated and uncomfortable. Through Ezra’s story we explore how to find yourself again and be your authentic self. It felt so much more than a romance, because it’s really a family story too. With a delicate touch she also brings a light humour to the story, softening the grief and loss without being disrespectful which is a difficult balance to find. It surprised me that this was a debut novel because she’s managed that balance perfectly. My only criticism is that I was hoping for more ghosts. They were more of a background feature than relevant to the plot and from the blurb and title I expected more. Having said that it’s still a great story and I’d love to read more from this writer.

I received an e-ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

This is a story, at its heart, about broken people learning how to live. Which is funny, because it’s also a ghost story.

All of the emotions in this book are so raw and real that I felt like I knew every single one of these characters personally. Which is amazing and heart breaking and why I still feel fairly raw myself.

Honestly? This is absolutely going to be in my top three books of the year, no question.

For some reason I’d been putting this off. I can’t explain or understand why because as soon as I started this I was invested. Ezra and Jonathan were two stunning main characters and I’m so glad we got to go on their journeys with them. I liked that both were doulas at two entirely different stages of life – Ezra being at birth and Jonathan being at death. It’s interesting and can take a lot of avenues. Shelly Jay Shore did a good job with both of their jobs.

I highlighted so many quotes in my arc. There were so many good lines regarding grief and emotions. Growing up, finding yourself. I probably couldn’t even find a favourite one because I love so many. The author really did a good job exploring and talking about grief. I really like it when the theme of grief is handled well – to me it shows the author is able to handle difficult themes/topics well. I liked the friendship group and the roles they played in both of their lives – how they all were friends so it wasn’t awkward. It took me a while to like Ezra’s family but once I really got into the book I liked them more.

The romance was just so sweet and I’m now following the author because I need to know when their next book will be out. I’m a full fan now, I want them to write a hundred more books. I found myself grinning a lot throughout this and their transition from friends to lovers was ever so sweet. I also liked that they were friends first before getting together – I think I’m starting to like friends to lovers more? I’m finding it’s the writing and characters that definitely makes or breaks it (me liking the trope in a specific book). This book had that in spades.

Book Review: Rules for Ghosting by Shelly Jay Shore

Shelly Jay Shore's Rules for Ghosting is a captivating blend of ghost story, Jewish family drama, and heartfelt romance, all wrapped into a sharp and humorous narrative. The novel takes readers on a journey through the life of Ezra Friedman, a young trans man with the unusual ability to see ghosts. This seemingly supernatural gift complicates his already messy existence, marked by a strained relationship with his family's funeral home business, and a growing tension between familial obligations and personal desires.

The story opens with a compelling premise: Ezra has distanced himself from his family's funeral home, where he grew up surrounded by both the dead and the living. His grandfather’s ghost is ever-present, judging his life decisions, especially his journey through gender transition and relationships. Ezra, having tried to escape the funeral home and the constant pressure from both the living and the dead, is drawn back into the family fold when life takes a turn. His dream job vanishes, and his mother drops the bombshell that she’s leaving the family to run away with the rabbi’s wife. The complexity of family dynamics is a major strength of the novel, especially as it navigates Jewish tradition, queer identity, and the ties that bind across generations.

The core of Rules for Ghosting is its layered themes. At first glance, it’s a quirky ghost story filled with amusing supernatural elements, like the humorous "rules" of ghosting (Rule #1: They can’t speak. Rule #2: They can’t move. Rule #3: They can’t hurt you), but Shore quickly deepens the narrative. Ezra’s interactions with ghosts aren’t just for comic relief; they serve as metaphors for the emotional hauntings he faces in his own life—unresolved grief, complicated relationships, and the struggle for acceptance. Ezra's ability to see spirits gives the book its supernatural flavor, but it’s his raw, human experiences that give it heart.

The romance between Ezra and Jonathan, a volunteer at the funeral home and his new neighbor, adds an endearing thread to the narrative. The push-and-pull of their relationship feels authentic, filled with awkwardness, vulnerability, and slow-burn tension. Jonathan is not just a love interest but also has his own connection to the spectral world, complicating their dynamic in unexpected ways. Shore handles their relationship with care and tenderness, providing a refreshing queer romance that is both touching and realistically grounded.

What makes Rules for Ghosting truly standout is its wit and humor. The novel doesn’t shy away from heavy themes like death, identity, and familial duty, but it does so with a biting humor that keeps the narrative engaging and accessible. Ezra’s snarky internal monologue and his interactions with both the living and the dead are often laugh-out-loud funny, offering moments of levity amidst the heavier, more emotional beats.

Shore also does a wonderful job of weaving in Jewish cultural and religious elements. The Passover seder scene, where Ezra's mother announces her affair, is a chaotic and humorous blend of tradition and scandal. This scene, among others, highlights the way Jewish customs ground the narrative, giving it a rich, textured backdrop that adds to the overall authenticity of the characters and their experiences.

As the story progresses, Ezra learns that ghosts—and life—don’t always follow the rules. He must confront not only the haunting specters of the dead but also the lingering emotions and unresolved tensions within himself and his family. Shore’s exploration of grief, healing, and self-discovery is poignant and moving, making Rules for Ghosting much more than just a lighthearted supernatural tale.

Overall, Rules for Ghosting is a delightful and thoughtful novel that skillfully balances humor and depth. It’s a unique ghost story that transcends the supernatural to explore the messiness of family, identity, and love. Shelly Jay Shore’s debut novel will leave readers laughing, crying, and reflecting on the many ways we can be haunted—by the past, by those we’ve lost, and by the parts of ourselves we’ve yet to fully embrace. Highly recommended for anyone looking for a heartwarming and humorous story with a supernatural twist.

I absolutely ADORED this book. At the beginning I thought it will be somehow similar to “The Cemetery Boys” by Adrian Thomas – ghosts and funeral homes vibes, romance and death. I was wrong, the vibe is different, but what connects these books is the immersion in a culture and traditions – in case of “Rules for Ghosting” Jewish one. It is not just a romance either, is also a book about grief and love, a story of family connections and legacy. It is also unapologetically queer. The main character is Ezra Freeman, a Jewish trans man who can see ghosts – rather unfortunate if your family owns a Jewish funeral parlour. He generally tries to avoid going there, until a monumental event at the family Passover forces him to step in. To make things complicated, he seems to have a crush at Jonathan, a recently bereaved son in law of the family connected to Freemans who volunteers in the said parlour. And there is also a ghost that doesn’t play by the rules.
I really liked the quiet and steady rhythm of the book, slow burning romance, dealing with grief and disruptions of the family rhythms, a deep immersion in Jewish rituals and ceremonies. The author writes about the customs surrounding death with a thoughtful attention and care. The human life is precious and so are the relationships between family members, between communities – Jewish or queer – and between friends and loved ones. Shelly Jay Shore writes beautifully about love, grief and finding second chances, about finding yourself and being yourself, about family ties and how they can be broken or rebuilt, and legacies about human connections. It is much more than the romance, more like a family tale, a gentle humour softening the tones of sorrow and grief, and a slow, steady pace bringing the reader to the end.

Ezra can see ghosts, unfortunate when your family owns a funeral parlor. Yet when his mother runs away with the rabbi’s wife the distance he created vanishes.

Received free on netgalley, this is a delight soap opera style story filled with families being disasters, healing, grief, finding new romance and heaps of queer and jewish representation. One of my favourite reads this year.

This is a wonderful book about queer romance and the woes of a family who own and run a funeral home. The story is quite touching at times and I found myself with a lump in my throat on more than one occasion, but there is also a fair bit of snarky humour and the book ultimately left me with a hopeful and warm and fuzzy feeling. Highly recommended.

This is a queer, almost ghost romance. Though I think it needed more ghosts! It did make me cry in that first chapter though. A nice addition to this years spooky releases.

This book is quite something, though not necessarily what I was expecting. Whilst there’s a tender romance threaded through this, this book isn’t necessarily a romance in itself. With the focus on Ezra, his family, the associated drama, and his own ups and downs the romantic element is more one element of many and perhaps not the most interesting one (though I do adore the love interest in this one!). I found it really interesting to understand more about Jewish culture and holidays, as well as the experiences of someone who is trans. I would have liked to have a bit more context for the Jewish celebrations, as there’s words and events thrown in there without any information and while I know it’s perfectly possible to search online, I don’t like to dip out of a story so often to look things up.

This story has a lot of heavy themes, with grief featuring particularly strongly from different characters, so it’s not a cheery read but I do think it was all written really well and worked with the plot. There were lighter moments, and I really liked Ezra’s new friends, and the community feel in their building, and how valuable that was for Ezra despite his reservations and introversion. I perhaps wanted this to have a bit more cheer to it, and less doom and gloom. Even Ezra’s budding relationship is swallowed by the baggage and the current chaos of their lives. So all in all, a bit of an odd one to describe, but still a good book with a lightly spooky element.

I received a free copy of this book. All views are my own.

** I WAS GIVEN THIS BOOK FOR MY READING PLEASURE **
Copy received through Netgalley

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Rules for Ghosting, by Shelly Jay Shore
★★☆☆☆
400 Pages
present tense, 3rd person, single character POV
Content Warning: mentions of death, grief, loss, child death, ghosts, haunting, the Holocaust
Mentions of trans MC who uses binders, transitioning, packers and hormone treatment
Reps: queer MC, trans MC, Jewish heritage

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DNF'd at 30% (approx 118)

Pros: cover, blurb, so many great reps
Cons: boring, unnecessarily long, rambling memoir style plot

Sadly, for me, the book spent far too long focusing on the wrong things. I saw too much of what I didn't need/want to see, and nothing of the parts that actually interested me. Ezra could have been an interesting POV – trans, right in the midst of a transition, queer, Jewish, reluctantly working for his family funeral home, and he can see ghosts! – but we don't need to see every errant thought in his head 100 of the time. We also don't need repeated reminders of those thoughts at every available opportunity.

There were a few “twists” in the pages I read, but rather than being exciting and plot twists, they feel like an unnecessarily complicated way of forcing the plot towards a predetermined outcome. In my opinion, there were easier and quicker ways to accomplish these plot switch-ups. Actually, I would say that the story could/should have started at Chapter 4. The story wouldn't have lost anything by starting there, but it would have gotten to the crux of the plot with less wavering. In fact, there were too many times when the plot wandered off in a pointless direction, reminiscing, recapping and drifting when it should have stuck with the essence of the plot. Instead of doing that, it tries to force too much into way too many pages when the main story could have benefited from being 200 pages of a more concise plot. Because it tried to do too much, it didn't successfully accomplish any of the things it tried to do, which is a real shame, because there is SO much potential in the plot and characters.

For me, there's zero emotional connection to the main characters. The book focuses more on *telling* rather than letting us see and feel what Ezra is going through. The flow and pacing really suffered because of these issues.

Also, there are a lot of Jewish phrases that I'm not familiar with, that are included in the book. Some were over-explained, almost repeatedly, while others were sort of left unexplored to the point where I had to guess what they meant. That part of the book lacked consistency.

Overall, the story tries too hard to be something it's not – a concept that's never realised, that it had the potential to be, but couldn't quite reach. It spent too much time reminiscing about the past while hinting at what could happen in the future, yet it fails to be present in its own plot. There was a lack of balance, consistency, a plot that couldn't be cohesive or concise, and there was nothing that pulled it all together.

If you want a good ghost story, with an MM romance and an MC who sees ghosts, try the YA novel: The Hollow and the Haunted, by Camilla Raines.

Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for an e-ARC in exchange for my honest review.

I love a ghost story, and this novel took me by surprise. It covers many topics in a sensitive way, the characters are rich and well developed, and the whole novel is an enjoyable read.

I was surprised by how much I loved Shelly Jay Shore’s debut novel, Rules for Ghosting. While the story is rich and complex, one of the most touching themes for me was finding your place in a world when you don’t feel like you belong. I was also impressed with the diversity in this book. Sometimes, it seems like characters are made simply to check off various diversity boxes, which I don’t necessarily think is a bad thing as representation matters, but in this story, there are these fantastic multidimensional characters that just happen to be also be diverse.

I enjoyed this book in parts. Like really enjoyed it in parts, but other parts just didn't seem to click for me.

The first being the opening chapter was confusing, it took me way longer than I wanted to realise that Ezra was in fact trans. It just didn't read very easily.

The second was the length it just seemed to go on forever and was a real slog to finish.

There were often moments I had to go back and check who was who and what was what before continuing the rest of the story!

However the Jewish, LGBTQ+, slow burn, ghostly romance was one of the best premises for a book I've heard for a long time and for the most part it lived up to the hype I'd set for it.

This is how to write a story!

I don't really know what I was expecting from this book. Maybe a lighthearted romp set in a funeral home, with a few ghosts, a touch of romance and some LGBTQ representation.

This book by far exceeded my expectations! This novel is full of heart, compassion and it truly stands out as one of my top reads this year.

The LGBTQ representation is brilliantly done with an emphasis on the trans community, which I thought was done amazingly and with so much thought to things that are often overlooked.

The writing is beautiful, often poetic and the dialogue and thought processes of each character for me were just spot on throughout.

I loved the way the Jewish traditions and culture were woven into the story in an often delicate and sensitive manner, and will be recommending this book to EVERYONE.

Thank you so much to the author and publisher for a copy of this magnificent book through Netgalley.

A beautiful novel about grief, death, cultural traditions and the importance of family - found or otherwise.

Rules for Ghosting tells the story of Ezra, a Jewish trans man who can see ghosts. Just as his job furloughs him, his mum tells the family that she's leaving them to run away with a rabbi's wife, leaving a position open at the family funeral home. He takes it, and soon realises that the ghost haunting him is his crush's dead husband.

I loved this story so much. Seeing cultural traditions on the page always makes me feel so emotional and moved; Shelly did a beautiful job at writing about the intersection of culture and queerness.

I'd recommend this to anyone interested in an incredible story. Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher!

Thank you to net galley for this e arc in exchange for an honest review.

As someone Loved this book so much that I ended up reading it in one sitting. My only regret with this book is that I didn't start it sooner!! Having both queer characters and being spooky this is the sort of book that I would pick up on sight.
not religious I wasn't aware of many of the rituals but I loved being able to learn about them in a way that had just the right amount of information so the readers weren't overwhelmed.
This book is heavily based around death and grief which could have been very overwhelming but was written in a way that felt natural and not too sad. This was a fantastic book that made me laughing and tearing up at all the right moments!!

4.5 stars rounded up

Quietly beautiful, Rules For Ghosting was a warm hug and bittersweet surprise. I couldn't put it down and have so much happiness for these loving, flawed, wonderful characters.

Ezra is a yoga teacher in job limbo, a doula who was raised in a funeral home, a bisexual trans man with a huge adorable dog named Sappho, and a fixer who can't seem to take the time to focus on their own selfcare. Oh, and they can also see ghosts...

First, I have to say I was delighted by the excellent dialogue - all the conversations flow so smoothly, and the friends and family have such fun, sarcastic, and brutally realistic back and forths. This made the narrative flow really well and helped draw me in straight away. I especially liked the sibling dynamics, as it's just so comfortable and close knit.

I was also impressed by the careful and loving attention to detail in terms of rituals. You can feel the importance tradition and culture has for the family, and it fits thematically as well with the book as a whole.

The supernatural elements didn't play as big a role as I expected in this story, but the self healing, relationship building, and emotional journey of Ezra, Jonathan, and the others was so charming and raw that I didn't mind that the bigger questions about the ghosts never were addressed. Instead, I could focus on the weight of family baggage, toxic childhoods, crippling anxiety and struggles with self worth, flirtations, happy doggo moments, body dysmorphia, building support networks, and all the other incredible things this book explores.

One thing that stuck out to me was that Ezra doesn't seem 27, nor do many of the others really seem to fit their respective ages. They behave much younger, and I kept forgetting they weren't college students.

In some ways, Rules for Ghosting reminded me of Under the Whispering Door - grief and the afterlife play such a constant role in both, and the romance was so comforting and sweetly right that it made me sad and overjoyed all at once. This is a cozy, heartfelt, emotional ride that deserves a read, and I'm so glad to have picked it up.

There’s so much to enjoy with this one - ghosts, romance, lots of queer representation, fun friendships and family drama!

I loved that this had ghosts, but wasn’t scary. In fact my favourite bits were probably Ezra’s interactions with the ghosts - like the one in grocery store indicating which wine he should buy. Honestly, I’d have liked even more ghost content!

Interestingly this book had one of my least favourite tropes, cheating, but because of how it was done it didn’t mar my enjoyment too much. It was side characters and played into all the family drama and worked for the plot.

I really liked the romance between Jonathon and Ezra. Some of the back and forth got on my nerves a little, but was mostly understandable as they were both battling with their own issues. There was lots of lovely tender moments, blushes and finding each other irresistible and that was lovely. It was also really beautiful that Ezra could communicate with Jonathan’s late husband and they could all be content in the knowledge that Ben just wanted them to be happy,

A highlight was also the sibling relationships. It was really heartwarming to read a book where the three siblings were all really close and just wanted to support each other…amongst a lot of teasing and the odd squabble of course!
Then there’s also the cool friends and roommates too!!

Really enjoyable read with lots of healing and love. If anything I think this could have actually been a bit longer to give all the side characters a bit more depth. There were so many cool ones and I could have read much more about them!

'Rules for ghosting' is a tender, emotion filled story, dealing with the joy and sadness of life and death. It's a story I didn't expect to like this much, to make me smile and cry a little, to connect with some of my own feelings around family, caring and still needing the ability to put boundaries, the desire to be seen and yet to be so keen on hiding.

Usually, I am not really a fan of present tense narrative (really depends on the story and the execution). In this case, it works really well to enhance the story and to give it an form of presence, of a story happening as it was told. It gave the story a pull that pushed me to read and read, to follow Ezra as he walks through a time filled with emotions.

'Rules for ghosting', even with the ghost elements, isn't a ghost story. Yes, ghosts (real ghosts and emotional ghosts) are important and shape the story, but it is not their story. It's Ezra's. In the same way, yes, the romance element is present, plays a huge role, and yet I can't resume the story around it.

Speaking of the romance, it is a SWEET one. Really, really sweet. Not without struggles and difficult moments, but so kind and gentle, it put a smile on my face.

All the characters have their lives, from the main character, obvioulsy, but also the secondary and tertiary characters, who have enough of a presence and liveliness to give the impression of doing their own things without us seing. Ezra's found family is so supportive and fun, in a different way his blood family is. Because his blood family is sweet and fun too, but so burdened by secrets and unresolved issues it plagues them a little. Seeing deal and tread around it to find a new balance was really nicely done.

All in all, an endearing story about grief of all kind, but also love, support and being yourself. I definitely recommend it if such tales are something you enoy.

Rules for Ghosting by Shelly Jay Shore.
This was a good read. The cover drew me in. I did find it slow to start with. But once the ghost came in I couldn't put it down. I did like Ezra. I also liked Becca. I did like how Ezra and Jonathan were together. I did like the ending. 4*.

Blurb.
Rule #1: They can't speak. | Rule #2: They can't move. | Rule #3: They can't hurt you.

Ezra Friedman can see ghosts - which made growing up in a funeral home complicated, especially with his grandfather's ghost giving disapproving looks at every choice he makes from his taste in boyfriends to his HRT-induced second puberty. It's no wonder that since moving out, he's stayed as far away from the family business as possible.

But when dream job disappears and his mother uses Passover seder to tell everyone she's running away with the rabbi's wife, Ezra finds himself back in the thick of it at the funeral home.

Having agreed to help out, Ezra must face not only his loved ones, but also his crush on Jonathan - the handsome funeral home volunteer who also happens to be his new neighbour - and Johnathan's ghostly relative, who is breaking every spectral rule Ezra knows.

As he tries to keep his family together and his heart from getting broken, Ezra will soon realise there's more than one way to be haunted...

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