The download date was unfortunately missed, I would be happy to re-review it if it became available again. I have awarded stars for the book cover and description as they both appeal to me. I would be more than happy to listen and review it if a download becomes available. If you would like me to re-review please feel free to contact me at thesecretbookreview@gmail.com or via social media The_secret_bookreview (Instagram) or Secret_bookblog (Twitter). Thank you.

orry I did not get around to reading this before it was archived. I think part of the reason was it was only available as a pdf and not a kindle format so awkward to read and my mum passed away shortly after I downloaded it so I didn't feel able to review it.
I will give it 3 stars simply as I cannot comment and without giving a review it still appears as a book to review.

This book is very unusual but very enjoyable.

It’s a memoir of the author, Rupert Callender, and details why he decided to become an undertaker. He describes his philosophy on the undertaking business and how he would like the Undertaker's role to change and be viewed. He believes that Undertakers should take more of a less traditional role with the loved ones of the person who has died as they navigate the initial days after the person has passed. He would like Undertakers to help the loved ones left behind by spending more time with them and helping them navigate through the loss and grief.

Rupert takes the reader through his life, from the loss of his parents, being sent to a boarding school as a young boy, to his thoughts and experiences of death, from being the one who has lost loved ones to the time he has spent with others who are grieving. He beautifully sets out why we should all rethink our own feelings and fears about life, death, and the experience of the end of life.

Although it is written about a very sad event that we all must go through, this beautiful book is also thought-provoking, sad, inspiring and sometimes funny.

I did not really know what I was letting myself in for when I requested this book. But, I am open to most books and due to work in a hospital, have been involved with death for much of my working life. On the whole I liked this book, the honesty about the funeral "industry", Rupert's soul-searching about his own personal experiences and doing the best for the people in his care, whether alive or dead all spoke to me. The parts about magic were less interesting though. Most of the book is thought provoking, what happened in the past when children were excluded and what effect did that have?
I`m glad I read this book, thanks to Net Galley for the ARC

What Remains is mostly disappointing, but there were glimpses of innovative and interesting ideas. I particularly enjoyed Chapter 10 and felt a true connection to the author in the last few paragraphs when sharing their fears around death and their future death ritual.

I will say that I struggled with this book. Honestly, the initial chapters are incredibly self indulgent and filled with rich people problems. Yes, he experienced trauma and faced challenges but the amount of money essentially pissed up a wall was uncomfortable to read.

I don’t think I have ever read so many buzzwords and experienced an author who has an embarrassingly superficial understanding of various issues. I often found it difficult to believe he has been involved in death practices for decades. The poor level of knowledge is made glaringly obvious in how repetitive his points are and how dismissive he is of anything alternative to his approach.

Bodies in Extremis, Grief in Extremis is quite possibly the best chapter in the book. I hoped this would be a turning point in the writing as we finally move away from centring the author and focus more about the families and the people they encountered. The way they discuss death and the empathy they have can be felt through these pages. However, even with the level of empathy they demonstrate there is a huge amount of judgement overlaying the whole process. How can someone who believes they are part of a counterculture be so dismissive? Subculture and punk in general is so fundamentally different to how this author interacts with the world; yes, there are elements that match up but the cognitive dissonance is strong.

I wouldn’t recommend this book. If you are interested in decriminalising or further educating yourself on drugs then Drugs Science is a fantastic hub full of evidence-based research and discussion. If you are interested in alternative funerals and demystifying the process then I would recommend Caitlin Doherty; her various books or the free resource that is her YouTube channel. Honestly, there are so many topics in this book that are better explored elsewhere.

What I got most from this book was that what we know about funerals isn’t the full picture. I was surprised to learn that we can bypass the conventional, and expensive, funeral homes and go more natural. One thing that really disturbs me about English deaths is the length of time between death and the funeral. At home, Northern Ireland, it’s usually 2-3 days although I was informed it is getting longer however nowhere near English timelines. The idea of being put in a freezer for several weeks until slots are made available is simply horrific. It’s also upsetting that families are put under considerable financial strain at a time they really don’t need it. I really liked Rupert’s provisions and wish it was more widely known.

I don’t know what I expected going into this. At first I thought it was non-fiction, another insight into the funeral industry (an increasingly popular genre), but from the first few paragraphs it seemed like an odd novel told in first person (in my defence, who expects a book about funeral practices to begin with a strange man making crop circles in a field). That, ladies and gentlemen - is why you should generally read the blurb before you open a book. I went into this surprised and started it confused. What Remains is actually part non-fiction, part manifesto, part memoir and almost entirely brilliant.

Oh gosh.... this book. I had high hopes for What Remains and definitely went into it expecting something totally different to what I actually got. I certainly wasn't expecting a preachy, rambling, self indulgent angry rant from the author for the majority of the book. I understand that Callender wanted to explain why he came to view death and the funeral industry as he does but he goes way, WAY too far and at times, what feels like, massively off topic. I think the purpose of the book was to give readers insight into a different side of the funeral industry and show that there are other non-traditional options out there but honestly, if I hadn't already been set on having a natural funeral from my own previous research and reading then I really believe that Callender would have put me right off the idea. He comes across as a self absorbed, righteous know it all who would judge my family and their beliefs / decisions (and he openly admits to doing this in the book if they don't stand up to his own standards).
This book was really missing the humanity aspect, the people and the stories that would show readers how a natural funeral could work and the joy / peace it can bring. The odd glimpses into these stories were heartwarming and interesting. The rest could have been edited out.
Thank you to NetGalley and the Publisher for a copy of this book in return for an honest review.

The life and work of Rupert Callender co-founder of the Green Funeral company. A more eco friendly funeral service.

Wow this was not quite what I expected but it was a fascinating and powerful read. Its touching and heart wrenching at times. Rupert has led quite the life and he's totally open and honest about it all. This tells from childhood forwards. He easily injects some humour into what could be a dark book. As someone who has lost people close and been to many funerals, I can see logic in his ideas though some are a little too eccentric to me. I do love how much it was about the family rather than the service. This is a brilliant read.

Rupert Callender's *What Remains?* offers a deeply empathetic exploration of life, death, and the human experience, moving beyond the bounds of a typical memoir. In this heartfelt narrative, Callender, a pioneering undertaker, shares his unique perspective shaped by his background in rave culture and a genuine appreciation for ritual.

His journey is not just about the mechanics of death; it’s about forging a connection with those who are grieving. Callender invites readers to confront societal taboos surrounding mortality, encouraging a more compassionate and personalized understanding of farewell. Through his insights, he seeks to transform the way we think about life’s inevitable end.

Filled with poignant anecdotes and profound reflections, this book draws from Callender's rich experiences with the bereaved. He shares touching stories of love, loss, and resilience, offering comfort and solace to anyone navigating the complexities of grief or pondering the essence of existence.

What truly makes *What Remains?* exceptional is its raw honesty. Callender bravely addresses the difficult emotions and uncomfortable truths many of us face, all while infusing humor and vulnerability into his writing. This approach creates a narrative that feels personal, relatable, and human.

More than a mere account of death, this book serves as a heartfelt celebration of life. It reminds us to cherish every moment, to nurture our connections with loved ones, and to seek meaning in the face of our shared mortality. *What Remains?* is a powerful, transformative read that lingers in the heart long after the final page is turned, making it an essential journey for anyone looking to deepen their understanding of life, death, and the human condition.

From what I could read, this piece seems really engaging and interesting. I will be buying this book

The download format however was quite odd, which I think has been mentioned

This book turned out to be quite different from what I initially anticipated. While there were sections I genuinely appreciated, others left me feeling dissatisfied.

The author bravely tackles deeply personal and sometimes uncomfortable subjects, particularly his own tumultuous relationship with death. It’s evident that the trauma of losing loved ones and experiencing abandonment during his childhood has profoundly shaped his identity. I can't help but think that seeking professional counselling could offer him valuable insights and healing.

Moreover, I have significant concerns about the death industry—its increasingly impersonal nature and the way funerals often feel like assembly line processes. The costs seem to rise relentlessly, stripping away the individuality that should characterize such a meaningful farewell.

In our contemporary society, particularly in the Western world, we’ve grown increasingly detached from the reality of death. With longer life expectancies and an ageing population, many of us aren’t faced with the loss of a loved one until we reach adulthood, leading to experiences that feel more clinical and sterile. Therefore, I believe that any discussion or exploration of alternative, more personalized methods of memorializing our deceased—especially those that consider environmental impact—is incredibly valuable.

The author raises many points that resonate with me. I wholeheartedly agree that we should reject the notion of venerating the deceased as infallible, perfect beings. The reality is that we are complex, often flawed individuals, and it's essential for those left behind to remember this truth. Acknowledging both the good and the bad in our loved ones can help alleviate the pressure to forgive indiscriminately or to only cherish the positive memories.

However, there are problematic aspects as well. I don't believe in a binary mindset regarding ceremonies. If individuals prefer a traditional religious service, a more reserved approach, or even cremation, that’s absolutely valid. People who feel overwhelmed by the thought of planning and executing a funeral often need to honour their preferences without judgment. Their methods of commemorating the deceased should never be seen as inferior to anyone else's.

It’s also important to recognize the author’s privileged background. His father’s wealth afforded him opportunities and experiences that many people in our society simply don’t have access to, which undoubtedly influenced his perspectives.

In summary, I believe there is no singular correct approach to experiencing death; each individual’s journey is valid and deserving of respect. We urgently need more open conversations about death—what we desire for ourselves and how we wish to honour those we’ve lost. Normalizing this basic human experience can shed light on our preferences for end-of-life decisions, both for ourselves and in our grief.

While this book didn’t entirely meet my expectations, it does join a growing collection of literature that thoughtfully engages with death and memorialization. I want to express my gratitude to the author, the publishers, and NetGalley for providing me with an advanced copy of this book.

Engaging, moving, and thought provoking. Perfect for fans of Sue Black and in the same wheelhouse as The Believer. I would have liked a few more stories of specific funerals sprinkled in, but understand that wasn't probably possible.

Our author, Rupert Callender, experienced quite a lot of unresolved trauma in his life leading him down an unconventional path. Much anger is still present and felt within this text but his desire to provide others with a grieving process and naturally aligned death rituals are to be commended. I agree with casting off chemical embalming practices and/or the polluting damage of cremation and hope that when I die someone as kind and thoughtful as Rupert will be there to comfort grievers and compost my remains so that I might feed back into nature and nurture soil to grow a tree. I find that a beautiful and peaceful thought.

Unable to read this properly due to the format it downloaded in.but thank you for the opportunity to read

Interesting read, starting with the crop circle and progressing via boarding school, drugs and unusual deities. I felt that those who wanted a more conventional funeral might be dismissed but they certainly provide a different way of doing things.

I'm particularly fond of books about death and funeral industries so was excited to read this. Overall it was interesting but I felt the book lacked structure and flow, and the prologue had me rechecking I was reading the right book.

I was interested to explore more about behind-the-scenes of stewarding death and dismantling the capitalist predation of funeral spaces. Instead, I got a repetitive memoir-style rant in a very angry and judgemental voice that didn’t work for me at all. It’s a shame because there are some good talking points (destigmatizing conversations about death, open grieving, sustainability in death rituals, the power of choice and agency) that are easily lost in the palpable anger within these pages.

There’s a woo bent that features more heavily than I would expect in a book purportedly about death: drug use, ritual magic, occult, casting spells, mythology, crop circles, living ancestors… it starts really unravelling toward the end of the book as this stuff takes center stage. Maybe it’s because I’m 20 years younger or not British but a lot of the references to stuff like “acid house” and “KLF” went totally over my head (and there’s no attempt by the author to bring people who weren’t there along).
Callender’s privilege was so hard to stomach: blowing through £700,000 in the 90s on drugs and dodgy business ventures is absolutely appalling. The picture he painted of himself and his motivation (ego project vibes) throughout the book reduced his credibility for this reader (made worse by how unselfaware, defensive, and painfully self-congratulatory it is).

I would have liked to see more about exploring of different cultures’ death rituals, the psychology or science behind rituals and closure, and commentary about the environmental harm of burials, embalming, and commercialization of death. There are some ranty comments on capitalism and cherry-picked environmental comments but it was all disappointingly surface level and seemed to be based in the author’s opinion more than anything substantial. I also have doubts about some of the claims that the Callender was making about UK funerals (for example: vilifying pallbearers as paid goons. Aren’t they usually volunteers from the family?).

From a technical perspective, the book could have benefited from much tighter editing: the overall flow is clunky (what is the point of that prologue?!), the overall focus is unclear (an entire chapter where the focus shifts to obscure music?!), there are sections repeated verbatim across the book, the pacing is glacial, and the tone is so angry with a noticeable amount of insensitive language choices.

Death and grief are extremely personal and individual. I shudder to think of the harm that Callender may have caused by trying to rectify/seek closure for his own trauma through gatekeeping others’ grief journeys. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve a life and remember a human; the last thing folks going through this need to feel is shamed or judged about their comfort rituals. With that in mind, I can’t in good conscience recommend this book.

I was privileged to have my request to read this book accepted by Chelsea Green Publishing through NetGalley.

An interesting book about the work of a funeral director. I particularly liked hearing about how the couple worked with families to provide suitable funerals for young people and some of the challenges they face. It's a fascinating insight although maybe too much information in a couple of sections!

Did not expect this book to be the page-turner it was. I downloaded the ARC as soon as I saw I was approved for it and just wanted to take a peek at the first few pages, I did not just read the first few pages.

Yes, I am fascinated with death. I have always been this morbid, if that is the kind of word you want to label my fascination with. I've read several books by medical examiners, spiritual books about death and what may lie behind it, but never have I read a book written by an undertaker before. It was so interesting to read about why and how Rupert Callender became an undertaker. His, and his partner's journey, is as unique as they are and as unique as each of the funerals they have taken care of. I am in awe at how they established themselves and am honestly hoping I can find a similar service for when my time comes.