Love in Exile is a deeply needed book—part memoir, part cultural criticism, part call to rethink what love means in a world that so often gets it wrong. Shon Faye writes with clarity and compassion about the ache for connection and the systems that undermine our capacity to give and receive love—especially if we don't fit neatly into society's preferred scripts.

While the book does offer a broader political and theoretical critique—tracing the entanglement of love, capitalism, heteronormativity, and state power—what struck me most were the memoir passages. These felt rich, grounded, and textured: grief after a breakup, the exhaustion of striving for approval in a world designed to exclude, the quiet moments of heartbreak and hope. They bring warmth and humanity to the ideas she explores, illustrating how love (or the lack of it) is never just personal—it’s political, structural, and often, devastatingly conditional.

Faye doesn’t speak only to the trans experience—though she powerfully articulates what it means to seek love and belonging while navigating trans womanhood in a society that frequently devalues both. She also opens the conversation outward, reflecting on how we’re all impacted by inherited norms: the way we’re raised to understand romantic love, family, friendship, self-worth. She questions the very frameworks that tell us who and how to love—and who gets to be loved at all.

My only critique is that I sometimes wished the book leaned more heavily on Faye’s own lived experiences to anchor the theory. Some of the analytical tangents felt slightly disconnected, even if their inclusion made sense thematically. That said, the overall arc is powerful and needed—especially in a cultural moment where narrow definitions of “woman” and “love” are being weaponized at the highest levels.

I'd recommend this to just about anyone. If you're a reader of memoirs, queer writing, feminist theory, or simply someone questioning how we’ve been taught to live and love—this book will speak to you. It’s both a critique and an offering. And it reminds us that love, far from being apolitical or private, is deeply shaped by the world we live in—and has the power to reshape it in turn.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for this ARC!

So incredible. A mixture of memoir and essays, this is a compelling read not only for trans folks but for anyone who was socialised as a woman or dates men. While there was some content towards the end that I was already familiar with (The Body Keeps The Score, etc), it was mostly refreshing and new, conveyed with incredible vulnerability and insight. I can't recommend it enough.

My first Shon Faye book and it didn’t disappoint! Such a wonderful exploration of love in all its forms and what it means to Shon with some political commentary, emphasis on community, and wrapped up with humour. It was intimate, well-researched, and accessible too.

This is more of a memoir of Shon Faye and her experiences with love both previously and presently, I can’t wait to get to The Transgender Issue at long last after this, I really enjoyed her writing in this.

Love in Exile is a memoir about love and an exploration of types of love in modern society, centred around Shon Faye's own experiences not just of love and sex, but also ideas of motherhood, addiction, friendship, and religious love. Taking the idea that love "in exile", for those not in the mainstream of love, might give space to consider love far more broadly, she describes her own experiences and combines them with sociological and historical thought to explore the topic in chapters that function like mini essays.

I think a lot of people will come to this one on the back of Faye's powerful previous book, The Transgender Issue, and it offers something quite different, with its themes focused on areas of her own experience. This means that it has some really great bits exploring what it means to be a trans woman attracted to men and the state of modern dating for women who are into men, and it feels in conversation with other recent books on the latter, bringing important trans and queer thoughts into that conversation. As someone for whom these conversations around modern heterosexual dating aren't relevant, I enjoyed Faye's insight, but it was probably less impactful for me than it would be for women dating men.

Other chapters broadened ideas of love and how love interacts with other elements of life too, like addiction. The chapter on friendship looked at the position of friendship in society and how this can differ between queer and non-queer people, offering a good space for everyone to reflect on their own friendships and how they treat these in their lives. Due to the fact Love in Exile is a combination of memoir and more of an essay style, there's always going to be gaps or areas that could've been covered or mentioned (any kind of dating beyond heterosexual, polyamory, etc), but Faye's perspective on the areas she covers is witty and interesting.

I'm once again impressed with Shon Faye's well-spoken, well-researched writing, which is so insightful and feels very well thought out, but still remains accessible. I found this to be a very interesting read, as the subject feels very current and I enjoyed the way Faye combined memoir-style writing with a more general, almost academic perspective.

While every chapter was interesting, and there were great insights being shared, I did sometimes feel the narration lose structure and direction, and I sometimes couldn't see how what was being shared contributed to the larger point Faye wanted to make with this book.

My favourite chapter however was the one about self love, because it felt very honest and didn't shy away from discussing how difficult self love can be and critiquing current capitalist and consumerist ways of viewing self love. It gave me a new understanding about what self love can actually look like.

Love in Exile is a non fiction book about all kinds of love. Romantic, platonic and self love. It's not a self help book but an interesting look about what love means and especially as a trans woman. It's really interesting and avoids cliches. There's also some great commentary on 'tiktok diagnosis' regarding personality types and traits.

I found Love in Exile to be extremely thought provoking. As a cis queer woman, I found much of Shon's experiences and insights familiar, and the way she positioned herself and the politics of love itself challenged my own experiences and led me to examine my own internal and external relationships. I have since recommended this book to many of my friends, as I believe they would find it similarly valuable and eye opening.

Truly a wonderful memoir, and one that allows us to explore topics that often aren't spoken about.

I’ve been dipping in and out of this over the last couple of weeks so that and the structure of the book, read to me more like a collection of linked essays, and it works so well. This was excellent, I really enjoyed the blend of personal memoir and meticulous research. So many different types of love under the lens, a fascinating and thought provoking read.
Very much recommend:
4-4.5 stars

Unfortunately, I struggled to engage with this one. I’m not a big non-fic reader but loved The Transgender Issue and have enjoyed watching Shon Faye speak in interviews so thought I’d give it a go. I enjoyed the memoir style snippets but found that there weren’t enough of these to keep me engaged and I ended up getting a bit lost in the sociological theories and history. I think it’s a me problem more than a problem of this book but would be something to consider if you’re thinking of picking this one up.

Thank you to the publisher and Netgalley for sending an e-ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Shon Faye's The Transgender Issue is the best introduction into contemporary transgender politics currently on the market. Her main thesis is that transgender liberation is not an isolated issue and that it interwoven into cis feminism, racial and class politics, and that the arguments many people who do not care about transgender politics are willing to let slide have wide-reaching implications. One of her key points is that transgender authors are often pushed to write non-fiction narratives based on their own experiences, rather than make well-researched arguments backed up by data and statistics, an issue she pushed back on with her previous book. Love in Exile is, in a way, a scaling back of that ambition, and a return to a more memoir-focused reading experience, which did surprise me a little bit, as I thought I'd signed up for an even more analytical book. Faye is, as ever, eloquent, well-read and always in conversation with other key writers on the topic, but in Love in Exile she weaves that analysis with her own life story in a way that limits the scope of the book.

It starts off really well - Faye explains her concept of 'Love in Exile' as experiences of love and emotional connections excluded from mainstream narratives, focusing on queer love. I found the concept very interesting and very relatable both in a queer and non-queer context, and connecting the two would have given Faye a chance to come back to the central intersectional thesis of The Transgender Issue. Many things Faye said about dating as a trans woman really resonated with me, a cis woman coming from a more conservative family and country and having to adapt to the new normal of Western European Millennial dating. Her chapter on addiction was harrowing, although as someone caught out by the unhealthy connection between alcohol and dating in the UK, I would have appreciated a bit more insight on the emotional and phycological function alcohol plays in the social aspect of dating in the UK from a trans woman's perspective.

There are some glaring omissions within the queer context, as well, polyamory being the most obvious one. The book still has a lot to offer - Faye discusses motherhood, heteronormativity, the oeuvre of Lana del Rey, friendship and divine love. Some of the chapters are more successful than others. Earlier chapters on feminism and motherhood are written in a clear conversation with previous works on the subject of gender and love, eg All About Love by bell hooks or The Female Eunuch by Germaine Greer (although I would have appreciated a more thorough engagement with Greer's transphobia). However, the chapters on friendship and divine love felt a bit rushed. The friendship chapter, which argues for a unique place of friendship in queer love, would have benefited from a more thorough historical context, as early modern friendship, for example, was seen by contemporary commentators as more important and more capable of providing emotional intimacy and comfort than conjugal marriage. The chapter on divine love was by far the weakest, mostly consisting of a discussion of Faye's own relationship with God and spirituality, and had very light engagement with the literally endless theological and philosophical literature on the subject.

The book reads like a collection of essays rather than a coherent statement about love in exile. Although I enjoyed reading it and it made me think about many different issues, overall I would have appreciated a more analytical approach. It was a good read, but it could have been an even better one.

I have conflicted feelings about this one. While I can appreciate it as a well-written and well-crafted work of non-fiction, I just didn't really feel very interested or engaged while I was reading it. I usually enjoy reading memoirs, even when I disagree with some of the points (sometimes especially when I disagree with some of the points), but I really just feel like my experience of queerness and my views on love differ quite strongly from Faye's and this prevented me from really connecting to this book.

I am absolutely not saying that you should only read books by those with the same same experiences as you, but there was just so much of what Faye stated as fact here, and so much that she drew from her own experiences in relationships, that I really couldn't relate to. So much of what she discussed was about relationships with men and her place within heterosexuality, and while there were lots of interesting things to consider here, it just felt so inaccessible to me. As a lesbian who is a bit younger than the author I felt excluded by a lot of the sweeping statements about love, society, and relationships being made. Even if it wasn't the intention, this book was very male-centric and had a focus only on heterosexuality and traditional values or institutions, which just isn't reflective of the experiences of many people. The author did have interesting things to say, but always under the assumption that the reader had experienced or wanted any of these things. This isn't to say that a trans woman writing about her experiences in love should consider how people of other sexualities or identities might react to her work, of course not, but for a book presented as providing a sense of community and understanding I didn't feel that very much.

That being said, I did enjoy a lot of the historical context about sex, gender, class, and marriage. I had a few genuine moments of pause to think about where I myself stand on some of the issues raised. The idea of love and sex as a political act rather than as a purely personal one was a big theme in the book and even if I didn't agree with everything said regarding it I still enjoyed the discussion and thought Faye made some great points, especially about motherhood, generational trauma, toxic masculinity, and the fetishisation of queerness. I also appreciated the Norman Fucking Rockwell! shoutout :)

I do absolutely see where an audience for this book will exist and I'm glad for people who will find hope within it. I just didn't really feel very invested in it or included by much of what the author was trying to say.

Thanks to NetGalley, the publisher, and the author for providing me with this eARC in return for my honest review.

Each chapter was insightful and added something to the book. I appreciate that it looked at many types of love including motherhood.
I enjoyed the personal memoir parts of this the most but I did appreciate the balance between these and more factual part.

I found Love in Exile to be both thought and conversation-provoking - Shon Faye's writing style maintains an excellent balance between the informal and the informative. Although some parts resonated with me more than others, the book was engaging throughout. Personally, I found the political aspects to be sometimes stronger than the personal reflections - however, I valued the combination of both. A reflective and absorbing read.

Shon Faye’s *Love in Exile* is a profound and deeply introspective exploration of love in a world shaped by societal expectations and capitalism. Blending personal memoir with sharp social critique, Faye challenges conventional ideas of romance, questioning why love is often seen as our ultimate source of fulfillment. Her writing is both tender and thought-provoking, inviting readers to examine their own relationships and the broader forces that shape them. *Love in Exile* is a powerful, illuminating read that redefines love beyond convention, offering a vision of intimacy, connection, and self-discovery on one’s own terms.

File under: would have exploded my brain when I was 23 (complimentary).
I loved Shon Faye’s first work on non-fiction, The Transgender Issue, so I was buzzing to receive her
sophomore book. Shon, the blurb tells us, grew up “quietly obsessed with the feelings that love was not for her”;
this fear plagued her for a long time, and much of this book is dedicated to examining those feelings
and how they reflect the horrors of late capitalism back at us. Love? Modern relationships? The
horrors of late capitalism? Sign me up.
I thought this book was absolutely fantastic; clever, funny and honest, it had me highlighting long
passages of wisdom on almost every page. It’s divided into 8 chapters, each exploring a different
element of love, from the erotic to the familial to the religious. It’s exploding with big ideas, neatly
wrapped around a memoir of sorts in which Faye sorts through her interpersonal relationships, past
and present. As such, it is a book of two halves; I actually preferred the more academic side of the
writing, though both are engaging, enjoyable and – as Faye always is – very witty.
Much of the book is dedicated to romantic love, and Faye takes us through the end of her last
relationship with devastating clarity. There’s also a lot of discussion of heteropessimism – fun! - but
it’s not entirely a downer when it comes to romantic love, exploring they ways in which she can
approach relationships more healthily.
Faye’s writing on how capitalism has snuck into everything and, frankly, ruined it, is
so compelling and visionary! Capitalism has atomised us, and made society hyper-individualised,
which in turn has made it harder to find love! I wish I was half as smart as Shon Faye, tbh.
As I said above, the chapters on family and friendships were the most compelling to me, especially
the latter chapter – my favourite of the book. I did find the last chapter – about God and religion – a
little hard to swallow, but to each her own I guess! On the whole it’s an absolutely phenomenal
piece of work. I’d especially recommend the audio – which I downloaded when I realised I couldn’t
be without this one for long – read by Faye herself. A beautiful, hopeful, truthful memoir and a
brilliant piece of critical analysis, I loved it!

Well is it a surprise to anyone that this book is excellent? It’s honest, informative, funny and so, so wise. It is so specific and personal but points to something truly universal - that opening yourself up to love is scary and vulnerable.

Faye has such a talent for writing about her own life but also weaving in well researched and referenced information. At the end of the day love sucks because of capitalism. Before reading this book I would be inclined to agree. After reading this book I’m convinced of it.

I thought this was incredibly valuable and eye-opening and it really touches on something about our current society that is uncomfortable to think about. It’s pretty loveless! And individualistic. A superb book from a writer that I will always, always make time to read.