You’re Not Listening

What You’re Missing and Why It Matters

by Kate Murphy

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Pub Date 23 Jan 2020 | Archive Date 15 Feb 2020

Random House UK, Vintage Publishing | Harvill Secker

Nonfiction (Adult)

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Description

*Picked by the Observer, Stylist and Waterstones as a best non-fiction book for 2020*

When was the last time you listened to someone, or someone really listened to you?

This life-changing book will transform your conversations forever.

At work, we’re taught to lead the conversation.

On social media, we shape our personal narratives.

At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians.

We’re not listening.

And no one is listening to us.

Now more than ever, we need to listen to those around us. New York Times contributor Kate Murphy draws on countless conversations she has had with everyone from priests to CIA interrogators, focus group moderators to bartenders, her great-great aunt to her friend's toddler, to show how only by listening well can we truly connect with others.

Listening has the potential to transform our relationships and our working lives, improve our self-knowledge, and increase our creativity and happiness. While it may take some effort, it's a skill that can be learnt and perfected.

When all we crave is to understand and be understood, You're Not Listening shows us how.

Advance Praise

'In this powerful and potentially life-changing book... the US journalist and author argues that in this age of technology and political division, actually just listening is more important than ever.'

Bookseller

'An essential book for our times. How well we listen determines how we love, learn, and connect with one another, and in this moment when we need to hear and be heard more than ever, this thought-provoking and engaging book shows us how.'

Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

'I was instantly hooked by Kate Murphy's simple but profound argument – that although listening is the foundation of communication, innovation, growth, an love, few of us really know how to do it properly, or where to even start. You're Not Listening is a captivating and enlightening book that provides readers with a road map on how to listen and why it is so important to how we connect, work, and live.'

Kim Scott, New York Times bestselling author of Radical Candor

'In an age when technology has made it easier than ever before to talk with each other, we've been paradoxically become worse at listening. Fortunately, we have Kate Murphy to teach us how to reclaim this crucial skill. This book changed the way I think about communicating with the people who matter to me.'

Cal Newport, New York Times bestselling author of Deep Work and Digital Minimalism

...

Available Editions

EDITION	Other Format
ISBN	9781787300958
PRICE	£16.99 (GBP)
PAGES	304

Additional Information

Average rating from 8 members

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Featured Reviews

Samantha M, Reviewer

This is definitely a book that should be recommended to everyone, especially parents, teachers and other learning professionals. However Murphy makes the valid point that pretty much every job these days requires a high level of communication - the amount of time people spend dealing with other people in their jobs has increased. This is in line with workplace changes such as open plan offices and generally increased collaboration being encouraged.

I have identified times when I have been a bad listener, at work and in my personal life - either because I'm bored or distracted by technology or general worries. This book offers a really in-depth analysis of listening, from the neuroscience and physiology, to how listening affects relationships and society at large. It tackles subjects such as the current political divisions and the impact of loneliness on people's mental health.

Overall I found this a really interesting and useful book - especially the chapter around your inner voice and why it can sometimes be cruel. This is something I struggle with and this book has encouraged me to listen to it more and be kinder to myself.

The only reason for giving this book a 4 star rating was it is very focused on the American landscape and culture, and this was felt strongly in some of the references Murphy made.