*Content Warning*

My dad lives within me. I feel the impact he had on my life every day, even though he’s been dead three years. He was my friend and my foe. I loved him and I hated him too. I don’t know whether I’ll ever be able to escape the long and dark shadow he cast.

In this devastating memoir, Tom Mitchelson explores the complex, toxic relationship he had with his father.

Growing up on a council estate in Essex in the 80s, Tom frequently witnessed his dad horrifically abuse his mum. He would physically and sexually harm her, drag her down the street, then the next morning bring her tea and toast. It went on for years and Tom never told anyone.

As the only boy in the family, Tom had a strange dynamic with his dad. He knew he was a monster. But, at the same time, this was his dad, and the fact remained that he loved him. It was only after his father’s death and becoming a father to a boy himself that Tom began to realise the full extent of the trauma his family had endured and the influence it had on their lives.