I Can't Remember If I Cried

The stories of rock musicians who die young are the thing of lore and legend. Accidents, drug overdoses, plane crashes—all have taken the lives of male rock stars still in their primes. But what became of their widowed brides? How did they survive a loss so great? What is it like to have to share your grief with millions of strangers? And where are these widows today?

I Can’t Remember if I Cried is part music history, part memoir, based around interviews with rock widows conducted by Lori Tucker-Sullivan—who herself lost her husband in 2010. With each widow that Lori interviews, she learns lessons in love, forgiveness, coping, and moving on. The book is framed by the author’s own narrative to create a single thread that links the stories together to ultimately create a tale of how the author’s life is changed through her interactions with these amazing women.

Among the women profiled by Tucker-Sullivan:

·Judy VanZant who, after losing husband Ronnie of Lynyrd Skynyrd, sued the re-formed band in order to protect her interests.

·Sandy Chapin, widow of Harry Chapin, who has worked tirelessly to uphold Harry’s significant legacy around activism and hunger prevention.

·Crystal Zevon, the ex-wife of Warren Zevon, who provides details of her abusive relationship with Warren and how she resolved her anger and grief.

·Jamie Weiland, widow of Stone Temple Pilots’ Scott Weiland, speaking openly of Scott’s mental health, which at times kept him housebound for days.

·Janna Leblanc, widow of Stevie Ray Vaughan, who shares the details of her visits with Stevie in rehab.

Lori Tucker-Sullivan is a freelance writer and editor whose work has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, Modern Loss, and Passages North. Her essays “Detroit, 2015” and “Time, Touch, and a Whale’s Grief” were both nominated for a Pushcart Prize and listed as a Notable Essays in the Best American Essays series. Since her husband’s death, Lori has written of the widowhood experience at the blog The Widow’s Apprenticeship. She is also a former bookselling professional who until recently served as Executive Director of the Independent Booksellers Consortium, Inc. She lives in Detroit, MI.