This Monster of Mine by Shalini Abeysekara is such a good book. I totally recommend everyone to read this book as fast as they can because it's really good and the characters are fantastic.

I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

I AM FREAKING OUT BY HOW DELICIOUS AND AWESOME AND AMAZING THIS IS!!!!! I love the sh!!!t out of it, I am obsessed, I am Kadra's wine glass and Sarai's glower, THIS BOOK IS PHENOMENAL AND I HAVE OFFICIALLY LOST ALL BRAIN CELLS AND COHERENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dark romantasy perfection, people!!! YOU NEEEEEEEEEEED TO READ THIS!!!

Sarai was viciously attacked four years ago, and she doesn't know who did it or why. She vaguely remembers a beautiful voice but not much else. She was born in poverty, without education or a family. All she's ever known is despair and people telling her what she was and what she couldn't do. The world has been awful to her, and yet, she wants to help those who have suffered like her--and there are plenty of those. When given the chance, she goes to Edessa to finally get some power, some status, and some answers about what happened to her. Sarai is angry and determined, persistent and unyielding. She is a force to be reckoned with, and if I didn't hate her enemies, I would pity them because nobody stands a chance against an angry woman who has been wronged time and time again.

Kadra is the brilliant and powerful (in all ways!) Tetrarch "assigned" to Sarai when she becomes a Petitor (a kind of prosecutor whose magical power is to discern lies and truth). He is cruel and brutal, but he is also just and fair. He has a horrible reputation among his enemies and their allies, but he is revered among his people and his personnel. They literally rally around him to protect him even from a naughty Petitor lmao. I loved how they loved him because he deserves it. He puts everything in the line for them. But he has his secrets and he has done things that horrify even himself. I loved him so much! He is the consent king and such an intuitive person. He observes with his keen eyes and evaluates with his sharp mind, and did I say that he is freaking brilliant and CONSENT KING IN EVERY WAY?!?!?!?!

I love every mad and vicious inch of that man. And so will you! Sorry, Sarai, but the man is delicious!

The worldbuilding is Ancient Rome inspired, and there were some things to get used to, but I think it was portrayed very well. My brain cells were all KADRA KADRA KADRA so I had to force myself to focus on some worldbuilding things but that is def my problem lmao. I've been too obsessed with Kadra since the first scene, and well, it's his fault that he fried my brain cells. Anyway, great worldbuilding! Vivid, lush, and absolutely brutal!!!!!! Excellent pacing, as well!! I enjoyed the book's rhythm and I simply went with the flow loving every delicious second of it!

There's some spice but wayyyyy towards the end!

I've been told that this is a duology and whoa how relieved I am because holy sh!!!t I wouldn't be able to handle reality if we only had one book with them!! It's definitely a standalone, though, and it doesn't end at a cliffhanger! You only see the seeds for book 2!

COMPELLING! DELICIOUS! CONSENT KING AND ANGRY GIRL COMBO! DROP EVERYTHING AND READ THIS ASAP!!

I'LL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT THIS BOOK!!

This Monster of Mine is a standalone Romantic Fantasy and debut book from Shalini Abeysekara and OMG this book is absolutely incredible and interesting, I loved it so much.

This Monster of Mine must be one of the most fascinating and unique books I’ve ever read. Set in a world based on Ancient Rome and with the justice system as one of its main topics, this book kept me on the edge of my seat with so many secrets, hidden agendas and plot twists, I couldn’t put it down. The plot was so interesting, the author really showed her genius with the justice system and based on it magic and I loved how everything that happened was connected and all the little details that later on made so much sense and made all the revelations so much more satisfying, I felt like I was right there in the story with Sarai and Kadra trying to solve the mystery of what’s happening and what exactly happened 4 years before.

Sarai was an amazing FMC, despite everything that happened to her in the past she was really strong and never gave up, I loved how she tried to find the truth of what happened while trying not to lose her morals in the process. Since this book is told from Sarai’s POV, like her, I had so many conflicted feelings when it came to Kadra, but I always love the morally grey MMCs with questionable motives so it was only a matter of time before I fell for him and was rooting for him and Sarai. This book is a bit more focused on the plot than the romance, but I still really loved Sarai and Kadra’s slow burn romance, despite many secrets and their complicated (and hidden) past, they were perfect for each other and I loved seeing them slowly begin to trust and open up to each other, I especially loved all their conversations and how they always kept the other on their toes, they were just perfect together and I loved them.

This Monster of Mine is an incredible romantasy book that I really can’t recommend enough, it has amazing characters, interesting plot and world building, slow burn romance and jaw dropping plot twists. I absolutely loved it and can’t wait to read more books from this author.

Six stars if I could!

This Monster of Mine is a masterclass in fantasy storytelling—combining political intrigue, betrayal, and a rigid class system with a slow-burn romance that keeps you on edge. It’s sharp, dark, and utterly compelling.
The world-building is next level. Set in a scientific, Rome-adjacent fantasy world, it feels familiar yet entirely unique. As a history student who’s studied Latin for years, I was blown away by the care and precision in crafting a world that mirrors real historical structures while being fresh and imaginative. It’s immersive, richly detailed, and so cleverly done that you’ll want to linger in every scene.
The romance? Deliciously tense. It’s the kind of slow burn that makes you ache for every glance and word exchanged. The FMC and MMC share a dynamic that’s equal parts dangerous and vulnerable, with both characters navigating their own doubts and fears. It’s not a romance that overwhelms the plot—it enhances it, adding stakes and depth to an already gripping story.
Thematically, this book doesn’t pull its punches. It examines class struggles, systemic inequality, and societal expectations with a sharpness that cuts deep. But what makes it brilliant is how seamlessly these themes are woven into the narrative—you feel their weight without being lectured.
Representation shines here. Sexuality, gender, and relationships are handled with effortless inclusivity, normalized in a way that feels both refreshing and necessary.
What truly sets this book apart is its characters. They’re flawed, layered, and achingly real. The FMC’s scars play a pivotal role, both physically and emotionally, and the way they’re explored is nothing short of poetic. Strength and vulnerability coexist, making her one of the most relatable and memorable protagonists I’ve encountered in a long time.

This Monster of Mine is raw, impactful, and unforgettable. From the first page to the last, it grabs hold of you and doesn’t let go. Keep the trigger warnings in mind—the author’s ability to evoke emotion is powerful, and some scenes hit hard.

This is a book that stays with you. It’s one I’ll be shouting about for a long time.

I was eagerly anticipating this release since I've seen the author's pitch on reddit ages ago. Enemies to lovers romantasy with forced proximity, murder mystery and bigger political conspiracy in the background? Sign me up. And I must admit, it delivered - the tension, the mounting dread, the plot twists... After 60% I couldn't put the book down and while I usually read a chapter per day, I stayed late at night to finish this. I think it benefitted from being positioned as adult rather than upper YA. Not only do we get an extended spicy scene, but the ruthlessness of the world feels more realistic and palpable with kid's gloves off.

There is HEA to the romance for the romantasy readers out there, but a slightly bittersweet tone to the ending overall, which matches the dark, oppressive and corrupt world created. I swear I would not be happy if we got a neat bowtie ending (cough, Winter's Orbit).

The protagonist, Sarai, once tried to escape poverty and get to an elite mage academy in the capital - she nearly got murdered. Now, older, scarred, with amnesia, ptsd and permanent disability in the form of hand tremor, she tries to seek truth and justice while getting embroiled in a big conspiracy underpinning power plays in the big city.

I liked how representation was done: except Sarai's disability and darker skin colour, we also have a non-binary side character (Anek), a gay side character (Cato) and a lesbian side character (Cassadane).

The romance leaned towards the slow burn side. While there were glimpses of attraction from the get go, it avoided the common problem of characters being smitten too easily and forgetting themselves too quickly. I liked how Sarai reminded herself "he's only nice because he wants to sway me to his side" or "so what he's handsome, he could have been the man who tried to kill me". I haven't seen this trope done well since I've read The Cruel Prince. Protagonists too often forget they should not trust the love interest in enemies-to-lovers plots.

However I'd say it was a bit one-sided enemies to lovers. Sarai suspected Kadra, but Kadra held no enmity towards Sarai and was overly nice to her for a supposed monster and sadist. The worst one could attribute to him was treating people as pawns but that's different from treating them as enemies.

I wish the enmity / suspicion was stronger and suspicions towards Kadra having more hints. All the time I was wondering did he know Sarai is THE girl all along?

I also wish we didn't have a strong divide between who's sexist and classist and who isn't. The best villain is the one you'd never suspect, the wolf in sheep's clothing.

What I truly appreciated is a portrayal of a messy friendship with all its consequences. I miss this dearly in fantasy. Friends are usually idealized ride-or-die people who are more understanding and supportive than a blood family. It was truly heartbreaking to see Sarai have nobody else to turn to and confide in Cisure, while Cisure had a worldview of a person blind to their own privilege and spinning Sarai's suffering to be all about how it was unpleasant for her.

The writing was very efficient in conveying what needed to be said in short amount of words. The dialogues were snappy and to the point. The revelations were acknowledged quickly (I hate nothing more than a character monologuing for paragraphs to convey they finally figured the plot twist out). The descriptions were brief but vivid. Especially when it comes to all the gore, corpses, and mc's ptsd descriptions, they were sufficiently unsettling without falling into gratuitous.

One little mannerism annoyed me and that was how in scenes with Sarai and Cisure the phrase "the other girl" was overused.

Oh, and also the cringe post-sex-scene lines like "good girl" and "you came" joke. For a book this dark and serious it felt like taken from some light-hearted tik tok romantasy.

I really enjoyed the worldbuilding, the magic system with runes, the take on religion, the social system that's theoretically a democracy but actually has a lot of corruption and nepotism. The themes of class injustice and how the rich avoid the law while the poor suffer were extremely strong and very important in this day and age. I feel too many fantasy novels draw the lines of discrimination based on race, having magic, or being a fantasy creature, and not enough of them focus on class divide and discrimination of poor people.

I like how the cover references kintsugi technique which symbolizes Sarai's scars, and that she's stronger and more beautiful due to what she's been through. I usually prefer character(s)'s portraits on the cover, but I've read opinions that an "average reader" defaults to picking covers with white people which disadvantages books with POC characters. From this perspective, maybe it's better to see a marble hand than a portrait of a brown-skinned girl on the cover. Even though I love unashamed portrayals of all races and cultures in fantasy. We need to celebrate them more.

I'm slightly disappointed though the scene the author posted on the social media with Sarai holding a dagger against Kadra doesn't seem to be taken from the book. I'd love me some good "knife to the throat" scene. However, there was plenty of "female rage" nonetheless and despite the claim Sarai is a "quiet girl" she was plenty proactive. I wouldn't call her quiet, more like not having much expectations from life and others. What can I say, jaded, cynical and a bit bitter protagonists are my favourite.

This was an extremely strong debut, well-written, well-plotted, with characters you either love or love to hate. Here's to my 2025 reads staying as strong for the rest of the year.

Thank you Netgalley, and Hodder & Stoughton / Hodderscape for the ARC!

I loved this so much!
It was written SO well. I flew through this book so fast.
The setting was beautiful, and I hope we get more books like this from Shalini Abeysekara!

"Because the madman she'd set out to ruin was everything the most desperate, anguished parts of her had always craved"

To say I ate through this is an understatement! This gives you slow burn all the way through, and oh lord, it makes it so worth it. Although the beginning feels somewhat slow, understanding the world and law is needed, which helps build the drama for later.

If you are looking for a short fantasy mystery make it this book! It's truly worth every second!

I loved this book. Even though this book is set in a fantasy and historical universe, it felt so relevant to the world we live in today. Reading is usually an escape for me, but this book strikes the perfect balance between being entertaining and hitting uncomfortably close to home. A brief summary of This Monster of Mine is about Sarai, who was almost murdered, and then 4 years later she returns to the capital to become a Petitor (similar to a prosecutor), whilst also investigating and plotting her revenge on who attempted to kill her, which is made easier when assigned to her number 1 suspect, Kadra, a Tetrarch (similar to a judge).

What I love about this book is the depth and complexity in characters and worldbuilding, which are the most important aspects for me. Despite the story having a fantasy setting and being inspired by Ancient Rome, the book felt realistic and relatable, exploring themes of political and justice corruption, abuse of power, the wealthy avoiding consequences, and blind faith in religious and political leaders. Sarai works with Kadra to solve murders of former Petitors, but as she goes deeper she discovers secrets that could put her and everyone around her in danger. The world is so rigid in its beliefs that they have to fight against everyone, including one of their friends.

The political intrigue and the fight for justice were my favourite parts of the story, but I also enjoyed the romance. It had one of my favourite tropes: enemies to lovers. The romance felt natural and well developed without overshadowing the central plot of murder and corruption. I loved this book and know I’ll read it again in the future. I’d recommend it to readers of any age. While teens might not understand all the real world parallels, they’ll still enjoy the narrative and characters. Whereas adults will appreciate the deeper messages and meanings throughout the story.

This entire story had me in a trance, I just couldn't stop turning the pages! The world building was next level and the idea of the magic abilities being tied into the justice system was unlike anything I’ve ever read!

As for the romance, I was obsessed from the very first introduction… Kadra owns my heart and soul from this day forward

I would recommend this for anyone who’s interested in reading romantasy with a hint of crime, it was a unique blend of genres Ive never tried before but I definitely will read again!

Rating - 4.75⭐️

I already knew from the synopsis and the fanart that I was going to enjoy this🙂‍↕️. The plot was intriguing since the prologue, and I also really liked how difficult it was to trust anyone. There’s a lot of injustice and corruption at the heart of the world building that Sarai must fight against.

She wants to seek revenge on who tried to kill her four years ago while cohabiting with Kadra, who is one of the suspects👀👀.

I instantly loved Sarai in the first chapter!! I love all her inner dialogue because it’s so funny to me and entertaining. She’s honestly such a mood to me. I won’t say much about Kadra since it’s better to go in blind and get to know him as you read, but he’s morally grey, strategic, and manipulative👀🤭.

Sarai doesn’t trust Kadra AT ALL and I’d be the same too because that man is so enigmatic😭. They have a great slow burn emotional connection despite Sarai having a strong physical attraction for Kadra. The slow burn was so worth the pay off and the tension was INSANEEE!!! Every interaction they shared made me either go like “😳” or “🥹”. You’ll know what I mean when you read it🙂‍↕️✋🏻.

Thank you to NetGalley for an ARC copy of this book.

WOW. This book was incredible!

From start to finish it had me hooked, there was no point where I felt like it dragged and I couldn’t stop reading

The enemies to lovers was perfect 👌🏼 following Sarai on this journey for revenge and answers, not knowing what direction it was going to go was a beautifully tragic story and the writing style was top tier.

Kadra 🥵😍 what more could I say?


*side note; I’m glad I read it on my Kindle as I’m not ashamed to say there were a lot of words in there I had no idea of the meaning 😂 it didn’t affect the story though you soon pick up what is meant

Brilliant! All the stars!! I could not put this down!!
I absolutely loved this.Shalini Abeysekara has crafted a dark, thrilling romantic fantasy that’s as captivating as it is intense. The world-building, is rich, immersive, and feels alive with history and detail and full of complex characters that you can't help but become attached to. Loved both mmc and fmc (love when that happens).The romance is layered, the tension palpable, and the twists left me breathless. It’s a book that pulls you in and doesn’t let go. Absolutely amazing, and I can't recommend it enough!"

Amazing! Loved it!

I was so excited for this book. A dark romantasy with Ancient Rome vibes? I just had to read it.

Kandra was brutal, sadistic, a “mad man” but we love him!! Morally grey to the T. I was loving the interactions between Kandra and Sarai. There was something in particular she couldn’t do and she was really embarrassed by it and his reaction was just…. *happy sighs* There was a part in this book where a small tear fell from me because Sarai was so vulnerable. The spicy scene in this didn’t overshadow this amazing story. It was so beautifully written.

The female rage, the magic system, the storms and the slow burn romance?? Perfect! The ending was amazing. I’m so happy that this is going to be a duology. I need this book physically in my hands.

Thank you @hodderbooks and @Netgalley for this ARC.

From the dedication onwards, this book had me HOOKED! The magic system was really interesting and not something I had read before (it made me wish I hadn’t forgotten so much of the 6 years of Latin I took in school). Going into a new fantasy book can always be “stressful” if it takes you half the book to understand - this was not the case for TMoM and the magic system was just the right amount of intriguing without being too complicated.

The writing, plot, and pacing of the book were well done and kept me on the edge of my seat until the very end. And the political commentary was just *chef’s kiss* and so relevant to what is currently going on in the world. 10/10

The characters were well-rounded and I loved Sarai, her female rage and her need for revenge! The relationships between the different characters (both the romantic and platonic ones) were so interesting and I really enjoyed the complicated relationship between Sarai and her friend Cisure. And don’t even get me started on the relationship between Sarai and Kadra -, the slow-burn, the TENSION! - It was just perfection.

This Monster of Mine is so different to anything I've read in a while and I absolutely loved this debut novel. Set against an ancient Roman inspired fantasy world we follow Sarai who at a young age suffererd a brutal ordeal and was left for dead so four years later she gets the opportunity to return to the capital to become a petitor (similar to a prosecutor but with magic) while giving her the perfect chance to investigate and plot her revenge on who attempted to kill her, she finds herself assigned to Tetrarch Kadra (similar to a judge) her no 1 suspect.

The main thing about this book that I loved was the depth and the complexity of each and every character and the extensive worldbuilding, which even though it took me a little while getting used to once I did it was so easy to understand and get lost in. Even though it was a fantasy book it felt so relatable while exploring and dealing with so many different themes and heavy topics that makes it feel all the more realistic.

While also being a murder mystery which again I was enjoying immensely, it does have a really beautiful slow burn romance between Sarai and Kadra which is more of a subplot but let me tell you this romance was so beautifully written from longing touches to lingering looks and I loved it so much, it was perfectly developed throughout the story so when the spice came towards the end it made it so so worth it. I loved their relationship so much their dynamic is filled with so much uncertainty but it left every interaction between them so compelling, the character growth was also done so well and I really enjoyed how the romance didn't take away from the main plot but instead enhanced it.

Please do check trigger warnings though as the author does an amazing job at portraying some rather heavy themes, topics and emotions with vivid writing that can make it hard for some to read.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read this before publication.

Thank you Netgalley and the publisher for an early copy of this book. All opinions are my own.

I, am flabbergasted, I'm in awe. This was such a devastating debut, Shalini Abeysekara knew she had a story to tell and told it in the most impeccable way. Between the plot, characters and setting there was nothing, and I say nothing, that I did not like.
Plus we're set in a world that is inspired from ancient Rome, and I'm Italian, so I knew it was going to be a good read from the very start.

Kadra and Sarai have climbed their way into my heart, easily claiming the spot between some of my favorite couples. Kadra, all-mighty Tetrarch that seems to know it all, who wears power and manipulation like a glove and Sarai. A fighter, not a quitter, someone that found the courage to change their life after all that's unfair was thrown at heron where forgetting and moving on isn't admitted, not until those who have wronged her- and many other after her- were to be brought in front of a trial.

Trials, another thing this book had plenty of, and that made my interest sky-rocket to the moon. Each trial we had was full of tension (tbh all this book was tension filled and that's once again another scored point) and how Sarai slowly but steadily tore through years of lies and secret hid in plain sight as she researched the truth was so satisfying to read, how she related to each other character (especially our Kadra) was well done. Both her relationship with the remaining of the Tetrarchs and the other Petitors.

AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE TENSION BETWEEN OUR CRUEL TETRARCH AND HIS HEADSTRONG PETITOR? THEIR SMALL SNARKY REMARKS AS THE STORY PROGRESSED? OH I'M ALL IN FOR MORE OF THAT.

This is going to be if not the first then the second time where I've actually wanted to buy the book and have it on my bookshelf.
What an amazing read, the only thing that this book misses for now is a map to help the reader picture Edessa. The rest is amazing stunning, give me 15 of these.

5⭐️ 1.25/1.5

Thank you to NetGalley and the author for providing me with a copy of This Monster of Mine.

This was an excellent read and I loved the dystopian feel created by the author whilst remaining in a fantasy world. I also loved that the whole story was a slowly unfolding mystery and that the reader was left to figure out which characters (all excellent) to trust and how far the corruption extends.

Fans of Scythe would definitely enjoy this and I would 100% recommend this to fans of darker dystopian fantasy with a strong political plot and unfolding mysteries!

I absolutely loved this book. I've been going through a reading slump, but even during my reading slump I had to read this book everyday, even if it was only a few pages. The FMC Sarai was amazing. She had such a strong conflict of what is right and was never swayed from that path. Kadra is an amazing character who we slowly unravel through the book. I love how he's the only one that really sees how amazing Sarai is.

I'm not a big romance person so I loved the very slow burn. The chemistry between the two main characters was perfect. The main plot was getting justice which I liked.

The book was wrapped perfectly and I will be looking for more books by this author.

This book is a stunning masterpiece that wraps you in its dark, intoxicating grip and never lets go. The writing is lush and razor-sharp, filled with an almost poetic brutality that makes every scene feel visceral. The romance is a slow, excruciating dance between power and obsession, with Kadra exuding that perfect balance of cold cruelty and undeniable allure while Sarai is a force of fire and fury, torn between her vengeance and the dangerous pull of the man she wants to destroy. The tension between them is electric, simmering beneath every exchange, every stolen glance, every moment of barely restrained violence. The themes of justice, deception, and power play out in a world so richly crafted it feels like stepping into something forbidden. It is the kind of story that leaves you breathless, aching, and utterly ruined in the best possible way.

It's been 48 hours and I genuinely still don't have words for how much I adore this book! I was wary going into it because it was marketed as a spicy romantasy (literally the other end of the spectrum of what I like to read) but my GOD is that an a simplification of what it is! This book was such a brilliant example of plot, character work, relationship arcs, plot twists, high stakes- literally eventing that you want to make a book good, this executed it brilliantly. It had mystery, conspiracy, social commentary, yearning and pining and angst, and so much buildup followed by just as much payoff! The pacing of this book- I really cannot get past how well it was paced and how that laid such a solid foundation for all the messy personal stuff to come down on and build up from.

There is so much trust in the reader going into the first few chapters- we aren't bogged down by info-dumping so it's a little overwhelming and I was confused about the hierarchy and the magic for a few chapters but it's a very smooth transition into it, and I absolutely loved that the pacing (once again) of the story allowed the reader to gently ease into the world. The magic is so bloody cool- the lightening, the healing, the way healing was a double-edged ability that could also be used to hurt?? And the different skills (?) it took to execute both sides of the magic was such an interesting idea, particularly the way it played into our main character's development and character arc. I like the idea of Ancient Rome and it's so interesting to me so that was a big bonus going into it- that being said, I actually don't know much about it let alone the legal side of that society, so getting to read this was so interesting and felt very novel. I think it holds a different appeal to someone who is familiar with the inspiration (they'll be able to appreciate the similarities/deviations) and someone who isn't (it was like a whole new world opened up, and I was gripped!).
There was a lot of social commentary, both subtle and overt, and I'm not usually a fan of the in-your-face commentary, it usually feels clunky and like it was just dumped in the middle of an otherwise flowing scene. That is NOT the case here. I absolutely loved the way Shalini inserted little quips and comments from both the main and side characters on the flaws of their society and laws etc. in a way that made perfect sense in context and also harked to real-life concerns. It felt completely organic, and I found myself aggressively annotating in the margins of those scenes about how much I loved it! One of my absolute favourite bits of dialogue is when Sarai is being told to stop talking about disparity and poverty and she retorts that that is literally what her life has been and continues to be even though she's clawed her way to a higher position. I stopped reading and just, absorbed that because it's so?? It's very obvious and then she says it and you're like- yeah. Exactly. Let's not get into how much I hated her friend- from the very first page I was scribbling in the margins calling her all sorts of names because the rage that that girl incited- genuinely wanted to punch her through the page (even though I may have a tiny shred of empathy because, yeah things worked out the way they did whatever I'm still going to be a hater). I think any author who can make me despise characters to degree I did here with the bad guys deserves some sort of medal because good or bad, I care very deeply about these people. I was *almost* disappointed when the motivations of the bad guys was revealed, not for any shortcoming of the writing (that reminds phenomenal throughout- matter of fact, it gets better with every page turned) but because it was so representative of real life men in power who do all these heinous things for?? Money? Be serious. It's never a shock but also a big fat question mark when you realise that life could be rainbows and dolphins if men just didn't do what they do when they get a little bit of prestige. Anyways. This all to say that to build a whole fantasy world and have these insane plot points and red herrings and conspiracies and keep the reader LOCKED IN and still have people just be people and have that be so far from disappointing as an ending? Yeah, YEAH she did that!!!

Onto Sarai- my girl- I love that girl so freaking much she's on my list of fave FMCs ever of all time in the whole world and all the other worlds. The way she was written, with so much love and grief and anger and tentative hope and longing poured into her- it could've never been anything less than an absolute joy and pleasure to be in her head for those 400 pages and I cannot wait to be in it again for book 2! She is an incredibly complex character- she has so many warring feelings inside her, informed by her memories or lack thereof, by what people are feeding her, what she thinks the law should be, what she is told it is, and what she reluctantly realises it is. There's a bit- multiple- that says something along the lines of how the law is built to serve the rich and powerful and to keep the common people with something to do so they don't throw a fit (this is an extreme power-phrasing I can't find the line because I'm just a girl and I only tabbed the things Kadra said and I have no shame about it ANYWAYS) and it felt like a punch to the face twofold because you're being reminded that this is the truth for us, and for Sarai but she's just been violently shown it after a lifetime of relying on that very law. I felt so so so deeply for her, every moment of doubt, every time she apologised for her rage to the one person she loved most and trusted- "I just believed you" made me throw up- every time she had to drag herself back up and out of the door to do what she believed so deeply that she physically couldn't stand back from dolling it out. Of all the characters I've ever read there are few that I've identified with as much as Sarai and so seeing her become the version of herself that is able to stand in front of a whole stadium of people, bear her scars, and be vulnerable, and be okay with that because she believes in what she's doing was somewhat cathartic. Seeing her get the love she deserved, being validated for her anger and her resentment, being told that she's allowed to make mistakes and be imperfect and keep coming back and still be worth something- I will be rocking up to my therapy sessions with this book as a guideline LOL

Onto Kadra- I have so many words and so few coherent thoughts and as someone from something once said (was it Emma?) If I loved [him] less, I would be able to talk about it more. And tbf that's exactly where I'm at with this man. Exhibits A through O of me sending my friends 10 minutes voice messages just giggling and saying oh my god over and over over the course of this read is evidence of that. Everyone loves a book boyfriend who tells the girl that she's the best thing since sliced bread or since cheesecake but a man who doesn't inflate her ego for the sake of progressing the romance? A man who drills into that that he will not hold her to the same perfection she holds herself to, that she is valuable even when she makes mistakes, that she is strong, that her anger is righteous and valid and justified and that she should wield it instead of repress it???? A man who doesn't declare his intentions to avenge her but who shows her over and over again at the cost of his own security and title, a man who apologises for his faults and who promises to shield her (and then follows through- I'm convinced that if he [redacted] earlier, that shield would have still held up for as long as she needed it to to be safe argue with the damned wall!). "My Sarai" when I say that sent me spiralling, I do not exaggerate. When he said that this was all for [redacted] and then said that everyone involved, HIMSELF INCLUDED, would be [redacted] once he [redacted]. When I say I bawled I'm being painfully literal. And every. Single. Time. He lifted her chin up- particularly the time when he was all bloody- yeah, yeah, I am just a girl after all. I loved the moments where Sarai was ogling him because yeah she's strong and has stuff to do but she's also just a girl and he is a hottie of a calibre untested before now. Also I'm not fully convinced he's fully human, I'm just not. This is based on evidence but is yet to be canon.....yet being the key word.....

I also loved that the romance felt organic! It wasn't rushed or toxic or harmful, it felt real. She spent so much time being so conflicted, and the way she was allowed space and time both by the author and by Kadra to work through those doubts and prove them wrong herself!!! And then to trust him in the way she did because he had proved over and over that he was good- it's really something. I love the pacing of when they got together; that they were able to go from reluctant coworkers to allies to friends and then lovers but in a non-linear way that spoke to real connection and so much thought being put into their dynamic beyond enemies-to-lovers for the sake of it, the obvious consent (even if sometimes it wasn't verbal) in all corners of their relationship. I really hope book 2 explores more of their dynamic and doesn't fall into the trap of now that they're together all is well forever and always and all they do when they're in the same room is shag with no real development of their relationship or individual characters, which so many series do unforch :( (but I trust that she loves these characters even more than I do so I know book 2 will be phenomenal!)

There's honestly so much between these two that would require me trauma dumping to explain why I loved it so much and this is just not the place to do that LMAO but this book was healing in so many ways and forced introspection in the gentlest of ways. It felt (sans the gut wrenching angst and the unparalleled stress that rivalled the stress my anxiety causes me when I have to do a menial task) like a warm hug- one of those that doesn't end till you let go first. You can feel and see how much love and heart the author poured into these characters, this world, the pursuit of justice in all its forms here, and it honestly makes such a difference.

I also loved the side charters- every single one of the ones that weren't evil lol. They were all fleshed out without taking from the main group, they had backstories and lore and separate motivations that all fed into the plot and the way things worked out and how everyone interacted with each other. From Gaius and Anek who got more page time to the nameless people of Kadra's Quarter to the grieving families of the Petitors. They were all so very real and held their own little worlds within them I felt and saw even if they were just side characters. It's so impressive to read a book and feel like you've stepped through a portal into that world and this book did exactly that. It was honestly transportive!

I don't think I have a single complaint for this book except maybe my eye twitched a little when he said good girl- did not love that- but the girlies will eat it up so it's only half a complaint LMAO

I feel that I've written as much as I can, this book is so special to me, and I hold it so close to my heart for many reasons, but I struggle to put all those feelings into words because of how big the feelings are.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the digital ARC!

Wow...what a fantastic book! This actually blew me away with how well written and fleshed out this was. The world was lush and believable, whilst the characters all felt real and with their own motives.

Sarai is a poor orphan girl from the north, who experienced a horrific incident a few years ago in the capital. She's since been left with extensive scarring and pain, alongside nightmares of the memories she can't quite remember. A prime opportunity allows her to return to the capital, intent on finding out what happened to her and getting her revenge.

She becomes a petitor - someone who is capable of using magic to detect lies, probe peoples minds and literally manifest the memories. Petitors are the right hands of the rulers, the Tetrachs, who run the country and deal with the law and justice. Sarai gets put with Kadra, the Tetrach that nobody likes and who has an infamous reputation - she's also pretty convinced he had something to do with the incident that left her so injured.

Sarai was a great character. She felt believable in their anger at the world felt real, and was very justified. At the same time, she also has a general anger towards the incompetent laws, and how it only benefits the rich and wealthy. We have some real world problems put into this book - the wealthy flaunting the rules because they can afford to pay bribes, whilst the poor suffer and become poorer. Sarai is angry at this, and wants to right the injustices people like her have suffered at the hands of the higher ups. As you might expect, she finds her hands tied by the very law that's supposed to be protecting these people, but instead allows them to suffer.

Despite this, she's loyal and determined, yet also remarkably open-minded. She doesn't remain stuck in one point of view for too long, and is willing to listen and learn.

Kadra is a fantastic character, and I loved how smart he was. He was more similar to Sarai than she'd like to think, and he kept a few paces ahead of everyone around them. Despite his cold demeanour, you could tell he felt something towards Sarai with how he acted around her - romance, or just appreciation? He also never lies to her, and is determined to make her see her own worth. He's surprisingly supportive, and very protective. Honestly, Kadra was probably one of the best 'broody' main characters I've read in a while. He's secretive, but you understand why. He's arrogant, and with good reason!

The relationship between them both was slow burn - very slow burn, but it was great to read.

The side characters were equally as interesting. I loved Gaius, and Anek was a sweetheart. Cisuré....hated her from the start and still hate her. Horrible person.

There's apparently a second book, and I really don't know what that plot will be but I'll be interested to read it! This book was so interesting and well written, the Roman influences were strong and I just...really,r really enjoyed it! I think this would be something that readers of high fantasy might enjoy as a break, as well!

I knew I should have put my kindle down and gone to sleep when I glanced at my watch and saw it was nearing midnight but I couldn't. Coffee exists for a reason. This Monster of Mine is worth the sleep deprivation. It is just so compelling. I'm writing this review at almost 2am because my reading high won't subside. It's terribly frustrating.

If there's no romance in a novel, I'm generally not interested but despite the (admittedly great) slow burn romance, this is one of the few fantasy romance novels that I've read in the past few years that would still be a great novel even if the romance wasn't there. I was so invested in what happened that night four years ago that I would have devoured the novel just to find out. The romance just enhanced what was already a fantastic story. The tension and the yearning between Sarai and Khadra was so executed superbly and the romance was built on a foundation of respect rather than lust and snarky banter even though Sarai had a grudging attraction to Khadra from the moment she glimpses his bare chest. I admired Sarai's character given she was full of righteous anger and embodied strength in a way that more than her deftness with a blade.

This is definitely one of my favourite reads of 2025 so far and given it is Shalini Abeysekara's debut novel, I will be reading more of her work in the future.

Thank you for the opportunity to read this eARC.
This one was great! Loved the characters and their interactions. The relationships were well formed. The romance was one of the best I've read so far. And the plot. OMG the plot! I was constantly on the edge of my seat. Couldn't stop reading. I just had to find out what happens next. I constantly found myself smiling while reading this book.

From the very first page, This Monster of Mine consumed me. Dark, intense, and beautifully written, it delivers everything I crave in romantasy—high stakes, sharp tension, and a world that is as brutal as it is captivating. I devoured it in one sitting and immediately wished for more.

Sarai is a heroine unlike any other. Four years after a vicious attack that left her with more questions than answers, she refuses to be defined by her past. She fights her way to Edessa, determined to seize power and uncover the truth. She is unyielding, defiant, and fueled by rage and resilience—a woman who refuses to be silenced, no matter the cost. I loved watching her carve out a place in a world designed to break her.

Then there’s Kadra. Cold, calculating, and feared by many, he is a leader both revered and despised. He carries the weight of power effortlessly, ruling with logic, precision, and a brutal sense of justice. But beneath his icy exterior lies a man full of contradictions—one whose choices have left scars even he cannot ignore. His dynamic with Sarai is electric—a battle of wills, intellect, and undeniable attraction. And the best part? He is the ultimate consent king, navigating every moment with care, intensity, and an awareness that makes their relationship even more compelling.

The worldbuilding is intricate and immersive, inspired by Ancient Rome but with its own unique depth and brutality. Every detail, from the political maneuvering to the rigid class structures, is woven seamlessly into the story, creating a setting that feels alive and unforgiving. The pacing is relentless, keeping me completely hooked from start to finish.

Dark, sharp, and utterly addictive—this is a book you don’t just read, you experience.

A dark fantasy with mystery, moral ambiguity, and the slowest of slow burn romances! The slow burn between Sarai and Kadra is a masterpiece, and there are some intense moments with "Who did this to you?" energy that had me internally SCREAMING!

If you like mystery, female rage, and morally grey characters (with some truly morally black ones in the mix!) this book is for you. It's a raw exploration of the dark side of human nature when power and control are abused.

The book is an unapologetic 'F*ck you' to those in power who abuse it. It's a fierce condemnation of injustice and the people who perpetuate it, and I couldn't get enough of it.

The friendship between Sarai and Cisure is fascinating but maddening! Cisure's manipulative gaslighting attempts had me absolutely FUMING at times, making their relationship one of the most interesting (and frustrating) elements of the story for sure.

Kadra intrigued me right from the beginning. Described as a terrifying man who kills for no reason and abuses his power, his character is wrapped in darkness with a lot of unknowns. But as the book progresses and his back story is revealed, I couldn’t help but fall for him, seeing the depth behind his actions and the reasons for his hard exterior.

I have to give a special mention to the pleasure house scene… it’s brief but had me giggling and screaming internally!

This is a must read for anyone who loves dark romantasy with complex characters, slow burn tension, and destroying the establishment.

Well deserved 5 stars, just absolutely screaming and gushing at the same time throughout. The tension was fabulous and the plot twists were so fun. I don't really know what else to say but to read this book!! I'm in awe and also ready to fight for these characters like they are new favourites for sure.

Sarai and Kadra are really topping my expectations for new OTP's. They blew me out the water with their chemistry. I almost don't know if the potential open storylines for a sequel could match the level of this book.

“𝙞 𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪. 𝙞 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙖𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪”

where do i even begin without spoiling the absolute masterpiece that is this monster of mine?

this book follows sarai, an eighteen-year-old determined to seek justice for the attempted murder that nearly took her life four years ago. the case was closed without answers, but she refuses to let it rest. now, she returns as a petitor - a prosecutor with the ability to detect lies - and is assigned to work alongside tetrarch kadra, one of the four most powerful judges in the land

kadra is a force of nature - ice-cold, ruthless, and feared by all. he’s also the prime suspect in a string of murders that bear a chilling resemblance to the attack on sarai. convinced of his guilt, she begins living a double life: solving cases with him by day while secretly working to bring him down by night. but the more time she spends with him, the more tangled things become. kadra isn’t just the monster she imagined - he’s dangerously alluring, fiercely intelligent, and seemingly set on destroying the corruption within their world

as sarai uncovers dark truths and political conspiracies, she finds herself caught between vengeance and something she never expected - a growing attraction to the very man she swore to take down. but the most terrifying part? kadra’s voice is the only memory she has of the night she was attacked…

now, let’s talk about why this book absolutely wrecked me in the best way possible

from the very first page, i was hooked. the worldbuilding is rich and atmospheric, inspired by ancient rome but laced with its own unique magic and politics. the tension? exquisite. every conversation between sarai and kadra crackled with suspicion, intensity, and something that made my heart race. the romance is the perfect balance of forbidden, slow-burn, and utterly intoxicating, and the plot twists?? mind-blowing

sarah’s writing is sharp, immersive, and addictive - she weaves a story that is brutal, intricate, and impossible to put down. the political intrigue, the betrayals, the angst - everything was perfectly executed

if you love dark fantasy, morally gray characters, and slow-burn, enemies-to-lovers romance with insane chemistry - read this book immediately

“𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙠𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙨𝙖𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩. 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞’𝙡𝙡 𝙝𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙤𝙧 𝙧𝙚𝙜𝙧𝙚𝙩 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪. 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙞𝙛 𝙞 𝙙𝙞𝙙, 𝙞 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙𝙣’𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚𝙜 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪”

4.5⭐️ 2🌶️

- Enemies-to-lovers
- Touch-her-and-💀
- Forced Proximity
- Magic systems
- Slow-burn

When Assessors arrive in the small, remote town of Arsamea, Barmaid Sarai unexpectedly gets a chance to join the next group of prestigious Petitors, who can detect lies in criminal cases. This is her chance to finally get revenge on the mysterious person who left her for dead four years ago. When she’s paired up with the infamous and morally ambiguous judge Tetrarch Kadra, she finds herself questioning whether he’s truly the villain everyone claims him to be. But despite her growing feelings for him, she has to fight them if she wants to stay safe, because whilst she may not know who pushed her off that tower one stormy night, Kadra’s voice sounds like the only memory she has of her attacker…

This Monster of Mine is a brilliant standalone, debut romantasy with a lot of depth. I really enjoyed Sarai’s character development, the slow-burn romance, and the political intrigue kept me hooked until the end!

I loved how the relationship between Sarai and Ciseré was explored. The main relationships aren’t just romantic ones, but it also explores bonds of friendship, family, and community with a lot of subtlety.

Sarai is no one-dimensional heroine. She has flaws, doubts and passion that is embraced and developed. The slow-burn is 🔥 and I fell in love with Kadra from the very beginning!

I would have loved to have seen a bit more world-building, but the ancient Rome-style aesthetic was a great backdrop for the plot.

A great read, thank you to NetGalley and Hodder & Stoughton for the ARC in exchange for an honest review!

This book is captivating! Right from the start I was drawn into the mystery of the Sidran Tower Girl and this delightfully magical but brutal world.Sarai is a fantastic MC and her development throughout the story as she sought the answers she's looking for and finds her bravery again was a joy to read. I'm not certain if this is a planned series or not (there was a hint at the end that made me think the author has more planned?) but I really hope it is!

I would describe This Monster of Mine as a political adult fantasy with elements of romance. The intricate plot weaves together a tapestry of intrigue, power struggles, and forbidden love that kept me captivated from the very first page.

The book was a great read and will absolutely appeal to you if you love mystery, elements of legal fiction, or fantasy. The author's masterful storytelling effortlessly combines these genres, creating a gripping narrative that keeps you on the edge of your seat. Each twist and turn was meticulously crafted, adding depth and complexity to the story.

Although I was expecting a bit more romance, the author wrote that element so well that it kept me hanging on to see what would happen next. The slow-burn romance is beautifully executed, with intense chemistry and emotional depth that make every interaction between the characters feel significant and real.

This book would be perfect for fans of Kingdom of the Wicked or Cruel is the Light. The compelling characters and the political intrigue will draw you in and leave you wanting more. If you're looking for a story that combines political plots, fantasy elements, and a touch of romance, this is the perfect read for you.

Well this was a surprised for me, I didn't heard of it until recently but I'm glad I got the Arc!

I really enjoyed this one. The political intrigue, the betrayal, the romance... all so well done it kept me hoocked the entire time. The magic system was chef's kiss.

Really love the main characters. The tension between them was to die for... and I enjoyed to get to know them better as the story progressed and understanding why they did the things they did... specially our MMC.

And to think this is a debut. I'm in awe and I can't wait to read more books of this Author.

Thank you to NetGalley and Hodder and Stoughton for this e-ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you to NetGalley and to the publisher Hodderscape for the digital ARC, it has not affected my honest review.

Release Date: April 3rd 2025 (UK)/ April 1st 2025 (US)

TW: alcoholism, severe injury, PTSD, immolation, execution, violence, abuse, depression, panic attacks

Four years ago Sarai was thrown from a tower, being left with horrific scarring and little memory of the event. Her case was thrown out without explanation but Sarai wants vengeance for what happened to her. Now eighteen, Sarai returns to the scene of the crime as a Petitor, a prosecutor who can magically detect lies, and she’s assigned to work with the ice cold judge Tetrarch Kadra. Brutal and efficient, Kadra is the prime suspect in a series of deaths identical to Sarai’s attempted murder years ago, long disguised as suicides. Convinced of Kadra’s guilt, Sarai starts working with him by day while planning his ruin every night. However, it soon becomes clear that Kadra is charming and that his crusade against corruption is more and more appealing to Sarai. Finding evidence that drives her into a twisted world of politics, Sarai must begin to push back against her attraction to Kadra- especially as her memory starts to return, and with it, the sound of her pusher’s voice.

‘This Monster of Mine’ is a gorgeous dark fantasy, starting with a terrifying scene where our main character plunges from a tower. Sarai is a brilliant main character and I loved how her trauma and the anxiety that came from it was such a huge focus of this book, even as she seeks to find out what happened to her. The gradual flashbacks and the way she tries to cope were so effective in showing us how she feels. The Roman-inspired world that’s driven by justice and it’s magical system is excellently written and the pressure Sarai feels constantly is so prominent. I have to write about Kadra, and his character, because he is honestly so cold and callous and unpredictable in the early parts of this book- I could so clearly imagine all of his scenes with Sarai, with their constant pushing and challenging relationship. The tension between them is just absolutely perfect, Sarai is so frustrated by him even as she becomes more and more caught up in his ways of dealing out justice. The side characters and the world building is given to the reader gradually, just as it is to Sarai, and the magic system is incredibly original. ‘This Monster of Mine’ isn’t afraid to go to difficult places, the reality of trauma and the violence of this world (and the ways Sarai can get the truth from people) is handled so seamlessly. I adored all of this book and I can’t wait to see how the sequel might go, especially because I’m so invested in the fraught, beautiful relationship between Sarai and Kadra. This book is an incredible debut, seamlessly written and weaving together a complex, political fantasy I can’t get enough of.

Rating: 5⭐️


She watched with slitted eyes as Kadra
crossed the temple's threshold. Catching
her perusal, he raised an eyebrow. "They
say evil can't pass the High Elsar's doors.”
She shrugged. "I was expecting you to burst
into flames." "Expecting?" He gave her a
dark smile. "Or hoping?"


Oh wow, this book was as amazing as it seemed from the description! I love a scarred, complex, imperfect fmc that doesn’t shy away from action when it’s needed and Sarai was all this and more, all the while maintaining her sensibility and selflessness.
This Monster of Mine is set in a Roman inspired world (with a great deal of lating words which i really appreciated), our fmc Sarai longs to solve a mystery happened four years before and seizes the opportunity to become a pretor in the capital, escaping her miserable life in the north. She’s aware that she’s entering a dangerous reality, full of conspiracies, liars and abuses but she’s also happy to be able to dispense some justice even if comes with a hefty price: working for Tetrarch Kadra, youngest ever Tetrarch to be elected and a very ambiguous man with a reputation for being cruel and merciless.

Sarai will learn to form her own opinion and judgment on things, often accepting some “morally gray” reasonings which I totally adored! She’s someone who doesn’t shy away from working hard and digging out the truth, no matter how painful it might be.
I loved following the different mysteries woven into this book (even if the descriptions were a bit gory at times😆 but it definitely fit the style of the book) and it was so satisfying to learn the truth along with Sarai🥰

As for the other characters, I really don’t want to spoil anything BUT I absolutely loved the romance! It was so natural, the mmc is just SO intense and murderous🥺 my favourite combination! His and Sarai’s chemistry together was almost palpable through the pages!

I also liked some secondary characters, even if one of them got me feeling sooo frustrated (but i guess that was the intent!)
I definitely cannot wait for book 2, i’m so excited to go back to this world!! (But please let my babies be safe, they’ve gone through so much already🥲)

Read this is you like:
🥀 morally gray mmc
📍 determined, scarred fmc
⚡️enemies to reluctant allies to lovers
🏛 ancient rome inspired worldbuilding
⚖️ a bit of politics, history, intrigues, deceits
🔮 magic


Thanks so much to Hodderscape, the author and Netgalley for an arc of this beautiful book, all opinions are my own!

I really have no idea where to start with this. I couldnt put it down, and when I did I made sure to keep reading as soon as possible!!

I love love LOVE political fantasies, and worlds with good politics and this one is near perfect. Within the first quarter Abeysekara has set up how unfair the laws are, but without simply listing them. Sarai goes through so many tests of morals (the Robing) that immediately I start thinking ‘if this is the easiest of it, how much more corrupt can it get? A lot of it reflects our world also, and I think that’s why it really shone.

All of our characters are so well written, but I wish there was more of them throughout as it felt like Harison and Anek disappeared midway through, to then appear at the end however if this is a setup for future events then it entirely makes sense. I have never found a best friend of the FMC so pettily annoying! Yet I could relate to everything she was saying, and all of the love and hatred from Sarai. When I ask for a slow burn romance, this is what I mean. They barely hold hands and can’t tolerate each other until 80%, and even then it isn’t stemming from nowhere. There’s a universe where I wish they actually stayed companions opposed to lovers, but I’m not complaining at all. You can really see how torn Kara gets in the world where he can’t be what he has to be, but doesn’t want to be what he’s not. A true grey character.

What’s interesting is that not once did I think Sarai was an unreliable narrator. She’s the main character, she has to be reliable. I assumed all my doubts and theories were wrong since they didnt align with hers, but that of course cannot be true in hindsight. There are so many hints and casual drops of who is who in her flashbacks, and who really she can trust, so for her to be wrong several times (and also perfectly right) was a massive shock to me. I was well and truly invested into her thought process and mind and emotions.

It would have been nice to know there was a glossary at the back since some of the beginning confused me, but I slowly got the idea of it through natural exposition. I truly cannot wait for the next book in this series- there’s so many doors opened and characters to explore (how is it Kadra can read minds?), and many more towns and cities to see.

This Monster of Mine is a tale of vengeance and resilience, threaded with the right amount of slow-burning tension and I can't love it more! I wouldn't say this is your typical romantasy, which is why I enjoyed it so much.

Returning to a city that once shattered her, Sarai is relentless in her pursuit of her culprit, made difficult by only flashes of memories. She conceals her appearance carefully but ghosts of her past remain. When she's assigned to work with our cold, calculating adjudicator main male character, a game of cat and mouse begins. A delicate dance of power and deception, where trust is a dangerous luxury.

Kadara, our enigmatic and ruthless wielder of justice, is impenetrable as a locked door. We see him through Sarai's eyes, where every moment of hesitation becomes another puzzle piece. Beyond this central mystery, the story delivers a rich web of complex friendships, driven by their own ambitions.

But let's talk about the tension - because that's what kept me hooked. Sarai and Kadra barely need words, they every interaction is a collision of will and barely there restraint. The overarching action and political intrigue waves in themes of corruption, unchecked ambition and the devastating clash between faith and power. The way magic is entangled with greed creates a prophetic tone - justice is rarely as simple as it seems.

I couldn't put this book down and can't wait for more.

Shalini Abeysekara’s This Monster of Mine transports us to a brutal, ancient Rome-inspired fantasy world that is as ruthless as it is captivating. With a story full of political intrigue, vengeance, and an electrifying romance, this novel keeps you hooked from the very first page.
At its heart is Sarai, a woman with unique magical abilities, including the power to detect lies. Four years ago, she was brutally attacked, mutilated, and thrown from a tower in the city of Edessa. She barely survived and has little memory of what happened—but she is determined to return and seek justice. When the opportunity arises to go back as a Petitor (a prosecutor serving the ruling Tetrarchs), she seizes it. She is assigned to Tetrarch Kadra, a man infamous for his cruelty and bloodshed. Suspiciously, all signs point to him as her attacker. As the two are forced to work together, their dynamic becomes increasingly dangerous—and undeniably magnetic.
Abeysekara crafts a world that draws heavily from ancient Rome, with a well-developed political and judicial system that keeps the reader constantly engaged. The novel weaves dark themes of justice, power abuse, and systemic violence into its plot, making it both thought-provoking and immersive. The eerie mystery surrounding the suicides of Petitor candidates adds a chilling, almost thriller-like element to the story.
Sarai is an incredibly compelling protagonist, balancing strength with vulnerability in a way that makes her feel real. I particularly loved that she doesn’t fit the genre’s usual perfect beauty standard—her scars make her unique and add so much depth to her character. However, I was slightly disappointed that she hides them behind magical illusions. While it makes sense for her to do so (as she doesn’t want to be recognized by them), it would have been even more powerful to see her embrace them fully.

This Monster of Mine follows Sarai who was the victim of attempted murder 4 years ago. She is hell-bent on getting revenge on the person who did it, only she cannot remember anything from that night. Returning to the scene of the crime as a Petitor, a prosecutor who can detect lies and see into people’s minds, memories begin to unfold. She is thrust into an investigation with her Tetrarch, Kadra, into the “suicides” of multiple Petitors who have come before her. Together they unravel the lies in this world. But Sarai cannot ignore the fact that she remembers Kadra’s voice from the night she was thrown from the tower.
This book was FANTASTIC! It had everything I wanted in a fantasy book.
- political intrigue
- mystery
- corruption
- interesting magic system
- slow burn romance
- fascinating world building
- betrayal
The book was dark and compelling. I was glued to every page. The romance was well developed and believable.
This is going to be a popular book for sure!!

Shalini Abeysekara’s This Monster of Mine is a gripping blend of political intrigue, slow-burn romance, and a justice system laced with magic. With a setting inspired by Ancient Rome and a heroine bent on revenge, this debut novel delivers a spellbinding mix of tension, mystery, and morally grey characters that keep you hooked until the very last page.

Sarai is a compelling protagonist—fierce, determined, and haunted by a past that nearly killed her. She’s armed with the ability to detect lies, making her a formidable force in the city’s corrupted legal system. But her mission for vengeance becomes complicated when she’s paired with Kadra, a ruthless and enigmatic Tetrarch who may be responsible for the very crime that shaped her. Their dynamic is electric, fraught with suspicion, unspoken attraction, and a dangerous push-and-pull that makes every interaction crackle with intensity.

The world-building in this novel is intricate and immersive, weaving together political machinations, class struggles, and a unique legal system built on magic. Abeysekara crafts a society that feels both historically grounded and refreshingly original, with layers of secrets and power plays that add depth to every twist and turn.

Though the romance takes a backseat to the larger plot, it enhances the story with its slow, simmering tension. Sarai and Kadra’s relationship is one of calculated moves and shifting loyalties, making each moment between them feel earned. Kadra, in particular, is a fascinating character—equal parts monstrous and magnetic, a man whose motives remain as shadowy as his reputation.

Beyond the romance and intrigue, This Monster of Mine also delves into deeper themes of justice, morality, and the cost of revenge. It doesn’t shy away from difficult questions, making the reader wrestle with the same dilemmas as its characters. With a razor-sharp narrative, stunning twists, and a heroine who refuses to be broken, this book cements itself as a standout in the romantasy genre.

If you love stories with political intrigue, tension-filled slow burns, and morally complex characters, This Monster of Mine is a must-read.

I inhaled this book and had such a fun time, feeling very grateful to be getting approved for NetGalley books that I had already added to my TBR!
The only thing I knew going into this was 'enemies-to-lovers ancient Rome inspired'. I was curious to see how the ancient Rome setting would play out, but actually it ended up influencing more of the legal/political set up of the story than the day-to-day of the characters. I also saw the expression 'spicy romantasy' floating around: personally I would call this a Fantasy Romance, and there is a one page spicy scene - nothing too scandalous imo.
The build up of the plot throughout this novel was delicious truly. The hook on the first page was STRONG and the twist part way through had my jaw on the floor - I hadn't even slightly guessed at what the reveal was going to be.
I noticed that the author used to work in the law field and this really comes through in the book's showdown. Despite violence playing a large role in this book, some of the major conflicts here are fought with words and politics and the wording of the law which I loved.
If I was still regularly rating books I think this would be a 4.5 for me, because I was all-in and captivated but then at the last second a little disappointed with the set up for book 2 (which I am already determined to get an ARC for when it comes out next ye

I am genuinely just struck in complete awe because that was beyond beautifully written?! I adore the main character Sarai and her relationship with Kadra was developed so well! The ending was also very satisfactory and I can't wait to see what happens next.

Read this if you like:
-Enemies to lovers romance
-Slowwww burn !!!
-Ancient Rome setting
-Exploring corrupted justice system
-Morally grey MMC
-FMC you will so cheer for and want to give a hug!!

Thank you Hodderscape for the gifted eARC in exchange for an honest review!

This book has easily become one of my new favorites, possibly even my top read of the year so far. I originally picked it up because it was a FairyLoot pick, and sometimes I like to read the books before deciding whether to renew or skip. THANK GOD I DID. Could you imagine my life if I had just skipped it? Miserable.

From the very first pages, I was completely drawn in by the world building and the magic system. It’s intricate, fascinating, and at times a bit overwhelming (it took me half the book to realize that havïd means f*ck, but that’s because I’m dumb lol). But what truly made this book stand out for me were the characters. I know some people might be put off by the fact that Sarai is only 18, but I SWEAR she doesn’t read like a typical YA protagonist. She’s not some naïve, whiny teenager, she’s been through hell, and it shows. She’s strong, determined, and absolutely badass, but at the same time, she’s broken in a way that makes her journey all the more compelling. Watching her seek revenge and fight for herself and *cough* others *cough* was incredible.

And then there’s Kadra. THAT MAN, GOD. He’s the kind of character who commands every scene he’s in, he’s powerful, ruthless when he needs to be, but there’s so much more beneath the surface (he's so FUNNY!!!!!!). The tension between him and Sarai? Perfection. Every interaction, every charged moment had me completely hooked. I loved their relationship. And, since we’ve established that I’m dumb and never see things coming, I literally gasped at the ribbon thing (iykyk).

This book made me want to never put it down. I had to force myself to sleep, and it was horrible lol It’s dark, gripping, and completely unputdownable.

If you’re on the fence about picking it up, let this be your sign: read it.

Thank you to NetGalley and Hodderscape for the ARC in exchange for an honest review!

Incredible start to a dark, gory and intense duology that doesn’t shy away from the violence, corruption and wrath that comes with justice. Abeysekara has done something utterly different while still managing to maintain a world of familiarity through references to Roman mythology, instances of Latin and frustrations with a system doomed to see your downfall.

Sarai was such a compelling lead, with strong convictions and a sense of justice you can’t help but root for. I felt so deeply for her. I experienced her frustrations firsthand. I wanted her vengeance as much as she burned for it. Her enemies are now my enemies. I’m obsessed with her. Kadra, I get it.

I liked the slowness of the romance in this as well, how it only comes to a culmination near the end. And the end itself!!! I’m going to go crazy waiting for the next book!!!! What am I gonna do until summer 2026?!?!?!?!?

If I could give this book 6 stars, I would! And you’re telling me it’s a debut??

This Monster of Mine has everything you could ever want in a dark romantasy: a story that feels fresh, an interesting magical system, an ancient-Rome inspired world based on the judicial system, mysteries and secrets, characters you love and characters you hate with a passion, a slow burn with just the right amount of spice, and so many quotes to save and reread.

Both leads are morally grey and it’s impossible not to love them. Sarai is such a strong character, always true to herself, with her weaknesses and strengths. Kadra is equally flawed, and it was great to see their relationship blossom: it added depth and raised the stakes of the story, without being overwhelming. The secondary characters are varied, there’s plenty of representation and it’s always done in a way that feels effortless.

The pacing of the book was also well executed, there are faster paced moments and slower ones, but the emotional impact of the story is always high and it makes the book impossible to put down. The author does a great job of evoking the character’s emotions, and it makes the book so much more impactful! I also love that it stands as a standalone, but I’m already craving more and hoping we can revisit this world and these characters.
OMW to get my grabby little hands on a physical copy of this book as soon as possible!

Thank you to Netgalley, the publisher, and the author for an arc of this book.

Well, this was a wonderful surprise! I'm surprised that this is Shalini Abeysekara's debut novel, the premise sounded amazing, and I really enjoyed it. For me, This Monster of Mine had a strong feel of Trudi Canavan's The Magicians Guild (The Black Magician Trilogy), which I mean as the best possible compliment.

There's not too much to say without revealing spoilers, but I enjoyed our dark magician, Kadra, who was suspected of foul play by Sarai and demonised by everybody, except, seemingly, his people in the quarter of the city he rules. Sarai herself is an interesting character, focused on revenge, and with visible scarring and deformities, which she hides by magic, caused by an attack four years ago. The story is pretty simplistic – I guessed who the 'baddies' were almost immediately and there's not loads of nuance, but that didn't detract from my enjoyment. I liked the magic ideas and what world-building we got to see. This is a very, very slow burn with only a little bit of spice happening right near the end of the book.

While this didn't end on a cliffhanger, there were hints and plenty of elements that weren't wrapped up that I would love to see developed into another story. Keeping my fingers crossed that there is a book two or another book set in this world.

Thanks to NetGalley and Hodder & Stoughton for the ARC, this is my honest opinion.

<blockquote>“The madman she’d set out to ruin was everything the most desperate, anguished parts of her had always craved.”</blockquote>

I HAVE NO WORDS. I ACTUALLY HAVE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE THE UTTER AMAZINGNESS OF THIS BOOK. I could not put it down. This is my favourite read of the month. No dispute. I could read a 100 sequels and still not get enough.

🏛️ dark political adult fantasy with romance
🏛️ SLOW BURN
🏛️ female rage.
🏛️ true enemies to lovers
🏛️ serial killer murder mystery (but she’s the victim!)
🏛️ Ancient Rome-esque politics and vibes
🏛️ lie detection magic
🏛️ morally grey characters

<blockquote>“You don’t bend. You’d rather break, but this land needs strength like yours. I’ve waited for it for years.”</blockquote>

Ohhh this book was DARK. 4 years ago, <b>Sarai</b> was thrown off a tower. Despite being healed, Sarai retains severe scarring but no memory of what happened that night. Hellbent on revenge, she seizes the first opportunity to become a Petitor to infamously sadistic and charming Tetrarch <b>Kadra</b>. Trapped in political battles, she must fight her growing attraction and work alongside Kadra - her prime suspect.

The prologue already had me GAPING. It was so dark but so insanely good, and learning about how it linked to the main conflict was so interesting!! Same for the rest of the novel, I think this was so well written and fleshed out. The foreshadowing was insane and when everything started to click it was so SO satifying. No notes.

The magic system and worldbuilding had me HOOKED. I absolutely loved how the political aspects were presented to further build upon the world, and the justice system was so realistically done. I also like the concept of “stormfall”, storms in which deadly lightning often strikes people and buildings, making them reliant on religion and the Tetrarchs to save them.

THE CHARACTERS??? Sarai, our main girl, is definitely a favourite. She’s so strong and determined, and the depiction of trauma and female rage is done SO WELL. I was rooting for her at every obstacle and felt rage on her behalf. She went through so much but never gave up on herself and others. She reminds me a lot of Inej Ghafa with her resilience and intelligence!! AND KADRA???? HE is the meaning of morally grey. Yes, he’s brutal, reckless and tough, but he’s also kind, funny and honourable!! I love that he doesn’t abuse his power as Tetrarch but uses it to fight for true justice. Sarai and Kadra balance each other out so well and UGH THE SLOW BURNNN the longing looks and comforting “friendly” hugs??? Will never get enough of it.

The side characters were also so well written bc I wanted to get rid of most of them so bad 😃 we hate lying manipulators!!

If you didn’t see me say this a billion times before, I CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF THIS BOOK. I just found out this was a duology and am; I need it in my hands RN.

<i>Thank you to the author and Netgalley for the arc! This is my honest opinion.</i>

Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for an e-ARC in exchange for my honest review.

What a dark and mysterious fantasy this was! The Roman-inspired setting was unique and in-depth, the magic system so interesting and the world lore well developed. I absolutely loved FMC Sarai, her bravery and determination to get answers were brilliant. Kadra is a perfect morally grey MMC. The brutal realities of life in the city, the terrible injustices and filthy corruption are too believable. While I accurately predicted who was behind many of the terrible things happening in Edessa, I still enjoyed the journey to get there.

Honestly the whole book was an insane ride, and I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it. I'd recommend it to anyone who loves a very dark world, political intrigue and a slow burn romance.

This Monster of Mine by Shalini Abeysekara is a dark, hypnotic, and beautifully written story that completely consumes you. With an eerie, almost seductive atmosphere, it’s both intense and impossible to put down. The writing is phenomenal, blending darkness with moments of unexpected heat. If you love books that are haunting yet addictive, this one is a must-read. Easily one of the most anticipated releases of 2025—pre-order it now!

This book has consumed me. I have NO words for just how much I enjoyed the wild ride that This Monster of Mine took me on, Shalini Abeysekara you are a genius. I knew I was going to enjoy this book as soon as it was marketed as an Ancient Rome inspired romantasy.. like come on????? More please???

This Monster of Mine is fast paced, thrilling, exciting, it has the most agonizing slow burn romance (I am in pain), and it had me gasping for air half of the time. I honestly stayed up till 4am two nights in a row because I couldn't get enough of this book.

Shalini has a beautiful way of twisting words, the plot was so well thought out, and the characters?????? don't even get me started. ( I would like to be a wine glass). Sarai was a brilliant FMC, she was strong, loyal, desperate to get answers, and above all I loved seeing how she struggled with her emotions throughout the book as new secrets were uncovered.

Kadra....... I am unapologetically on my knees for you. What a man. He is a brilliant, sharp minded man. He's cruel, unforgiving at times, but he is also shrouded in secrecy and he's one of those characters you can't help but want to know more about. Guys, I didn't even blink at half of his actions - I would forgive and forget anything this man does. He is divine madness.

Shalini's world building was picturesque and detailed, I really felt like I was walking amongst the towers, and meeting with the other Petitors alongside with Sarai.

Definitely read the trigger warnings for this one before steeping in - The prologue had me reading it through my fingers, its gory but it ended up being so important to the story, and if you can overcome it I promise the story is worth reading.

I'm unsure if this is a stand alone or a duology (please give me more) but either way it was rounded up so well and I would absolutely love to see more of these characters in the future, your honour I love them.

This is a contented for my top 2025 book and I will be screaming and shouting about it to anyone who will listen. My mind is still reeling from how much I enjoyed it.

A stunning debut from one of my new favourite authors who I will read anything from.

Stayed up until 1am to finish this and it was totally worth it.

The characters and world and mystery were all *chefs kiss*.

R E V I E W

This Monster of Mine by Shalini Abeysekara

Advanced Reader Copy graciously provided by Hodder & Stoughton | Hodderscape via Netgalley

☆☆☆☆☆

For a romantasy debut, this book packed one hell of a punch. This Monster of Mine is an Ancient Rome-inspired allegory of manipulation and deceit, whereby an innocent girl, desperate to make a name for herself, unknowingly finds herself the centre of an infamous mystery when she is flung from a five-story tower.

Four years after the fall, with a new face, the power to hide her scars and a mind unwilling to reveal its truths, Sarai re-enters the cutthroat, corrupted city that spelled doom for her in the past, intent on righting wrongs and seeking justice. As the newest petitor (see: human lie detector) to the city's leadership, Sarai quickly makes a name for herself as someone unwilling to compromise her values for position like so many others.

Heedless of the outcome, Sarai joins forces with the dark and mysterious Tetrarch Kadra, whose mellifluous voice she finds oddly familiar, to unearth malfeasance in the city, sentence the guilty and hopefully, solve the mystery surrounding a string of dead petitors before she can become on of them. But with vengeance never far from her mind and an unnerving knowing growing between her and her bloodthirsty boss, Sarai must decide if the answers she's sought for so long are worth the pain in the attempt to gain them.

I was gripped from the outset of this story, despite the dark nature of the Sidran Tower Girl's origin story. The world created here, along with the fascinating magic system, was impressive and had me glued to every page, trying to foresee an outcome for Sarai when darkness loomed in every corner. The slow-burn romance between her and Kadra was intricately woven until their love felt inevitable, and his admission toward the end, heartwrenching. I can see the author has left clues for a potential sequel or spin-off, but even if this remains a standalone, it is well worth the read!

I absolutely LOVED this book!
I did struggle slightly at the beginning to understand all of the different aspects of the world building but after a few chapters I was completely sucked in and couldn't put it down.

I adored the world building in this, the magic, the academy/ruling settings and the politics of it all. This book seamlessly blends a murder mystery, political intrigue and a power struggle while introducing the reader to wonderful main and side characters. Serai was so strong willed and fiesty despite all the push back she receives and Kandra with this dark, mysterious personality had such strong chemistry even tho they appeared to have conflict constantly. I loved that their alliance developed of out respect, the burn was soooo slow, but so worth it!

Although there are clues as to who the culprit is from the beginning, there were other unexpected storylines interwoven with the plot that kept me on the edge of my seat the whole way through the book. It was so satisfying whenever another piece of the puzzle was revealed.

I can't recommend this book enough, I can already tell it'll be one of my favourites of 2025.

Thanks to Netgally for the ARC, this is my honest review.

This has been a hugely anticipated book for me and I screamed when I got approved for it on here

I absolutely loved the magic system and worldbuilding in this however will admit I was semi-confused for the first few chapters.
There was a lot of social commentary throughout this, which was expertly done. It didn't feel in your face at all.
This was a slowwww burn and I am here for it. The romance takes a backseat on this, so prefer for it to be more plot driven - which is the best kind of fantasy book, lets be real. There's so much political intrigue, and
the plot in general was just expertly done. Consider this an adult version of The Cruel Prince... But in Rome... And with spice... haha

The feminine rageeeeeeee. That is all.

This is an amazing debut novel, and I can't wait to see what comes next from Shalini Abeysekara