I thought this was fantastic and everyone like me who suffers anxiety, but also bits imposter syndrome and depression they need to read this. This is all about putting yourself first and loving yourself but learning to do it without feeling guilty. Really useful

This was an interesting read. Women in many societies are taught to keep quiet, stay in the shadows, and not poke their noses into things. To put others before themselves. That's all good and well, and not feasible at all. What's the first rule of a flight in distress? Put your own oxygen mask on first. That is a good lesson for any area of one's life. You cannot help others if you don't tend to yourself first.

So this book was about women learning to be selfish. To take charge of one's life and stop keeping quiet. I don't think this necessarily applies to just women, but any repressed, or disenfranchised, segment of the population. There are lessons about boundary-setting, about winnowing out the toxic people and places (and behaviours) in your life, and how appearance can generate confidence.

Much was broad-stroke lessons. I do wish there had been more in the way of concrete, practical guidance. Don't get me wrong! There are certainly accessible tasks and tips in each chapter. Just not as much as I personally would like. The book is designed so that you do not need to read all the way through, but can skip to the chapters that are most beneficial for you at the moment. The 'sexy' chapter, however, did rub me wrong. The notions of feminism here didn't resonate with me at all.

Overall, recommended as a valuable introduction to learning to tend to yourself first, not last.

*******Many thanks to Netgalley and Ink! for providing an egalley in exchange for a fair and honest review.

Every so often there's a book that comes along that really resonates with you, so much so that I've read it twice already!

Redefining Selfish by Carolyn Hobdey really struck a cord and embraces putting yourself first, loving yourself, and how it (paradoxically) allows you to give back without feeling used or resentful. By surrounding yourself with people who love and support you, eliminating the toxic people in your life and setting boundaries these techniques make you happier and healthier.

In a society where women, in particular, are taught that putting yourself and your needs first is 'selfish' and a negative quality this helps us unlearn that harmful message and that we matter.

We're expected to be selfless, doing what others want before getting to ours if we get there at all. In Redefining Selfish Carolyn Hobdey gives practical tips to practising selfishness in a very healthy way.
This book is such a wonderful book to add to your personal growth tbr.

Redefining Selfish

Redefining S.E.L.F.I.S.H takes on a large goal - how do we take a step back from putting others first, and start to prioritise our needs and wants instead?

Hobdey tackles that goal well; there are actionable tasks and ideas within each chapter, and the book is laid out in such a way that if you wanted to try one part of the action plan and then later return to the others, you can easily do so. Having a self help book that turns itself into a long-term guide is certainly more useful than quick fixes, and this certainly achieves that. The book also doesn’t overwhelm with waffle; Hobdey gets straight to her points and doesn’t beat around the bush.

Although there was a lot to like in the book, there was also a lot that I felt brought it down. Self-care is mentioned but without the history of how it is a political act that should involve your community too. Capitalism and how it impacts and conditions us as people is never mentioned, which for me makes self-help often meaningless: we can take as many individual actions as we like, but if the system never changes, ultimately neither will we.

At no point in the book is it clear whether trans and non-binary people are included in the definition of women that Hobdey is using for the many times she uses the word; I would have felt much more comfortable reading this being clear that Hobdey was including *all* women in her definition. (Or would have been able to stop reading if I knew that she was excluding people from her advice).

There is also one definable point where Hobdey lost all credibility for me - the ‘sexiness’ chapter. This section consisted of weird overtures about how ‘feminism is bad because it’s anti-men, actually’. I hate to break it to Hobdey but trying to disparage other women by referring to them as ‘bra-burners’ is incredibly outdated, and frankly a bit childish. This could have been an incredibly fascinating chapter on confidence and why women statistically tend to have less of it, but instead felt dated and jaded.

In short, I don’t know that I would recommend this book to others. I would absolutely encourage them to review Hobdey’s website and use the resources she has there, but I don’t know that the content of the book itself will be as useful as it could have been.

This book takes an empathetic approach and gives bite size approaches and allows you to have kindness and patience with yourself when dealing with life. This is so necessary for everyone to read in life. Highly recommend. Especially loved the reflection to true life to humanize my feelings and relate. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

Thought provoking, and motivating. Women are traditionally taught (by society) to stay in their boxes, and this book provides motivation to speak up, redefine yourself. SELFISH, in this book, is used to describe various words which helps with redefining yourself.
I recommend this book to anyone who is tired of living for others, and not themselves.
Thanks to NetGalley for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

There is a teacher for every level student. All our journeys to wellbeing start somewhere and "Redefining SELFISH" is an intro class to show up for oneself.

I would describe "Redefining SELFISH" as a fairly harmless self-help book for women who are fed up with putting themselves second. Carolyn Hobdey offers a different perspective on what it means to be selfish, and that actually it is not such a bad thing, especially for those who had been conditioned to always prioritise the needs and wants of others.

The title is definitely catchy. Turning something into an acronym sparks curiosity and surely is an attention grabber. However, right after finishing the book I simply forgot what each letter referred to. Surely there was "Sexy", "Help", "Loving Life" and I want to say... "Eliminating"? Even though ideas proposed by the author are in their core useful and promote positive change, in my opinion there is not enough advice on how to implement them. For example, Hobdey writes about the importance of setting personal boundaries without going in depth on how to do it. And setting boundaries might be quite difficult for the model reader, who - I assume - reached for this book having little to none personal boundaries. However, something tells me that sliding on the surface of certain ideas is meant to encourage the readers to book one on one coaching services with the author and continue the process this way.

Carolyn Hobdey introduces several exercises within the book. I would prefer if, apart from the written instruction, there was a space to jot down some ideas within the book. There were also links to some external resources, published on the author's website, but at the time of me reading "Redefining SELFISH" they did not work so I am not able to elaborate on them.

I like how "Redefining SELFISH" focuses on giving the readers permission to change and want better life and relationships for themselves.

A huge thank you to NetGalley for giving me early access to read this book. I thought it was great, the book made some really important points which I completely agree with and it was able to do this without making it longwinded. I thought the resources and tips included at the end of each chapter were a really good touch.