Redefining SELFISH

What happens when you are forced to survey the ashes of a life lost? When you ask yourself: what the hell has gone wrong? Carolyn Hobdey had a successful career, the sports cars, the big house, the holidays, the friends… but it meant nothing. To be genuinely happy, she faced the stark realisation that she needed to completely reset her identity. After years of being told that being ‘selfish’ was wrong, enduring co-dependent relationships with narcissistic partners and toxic work colleagues, often being cruel to herself in her words, thoughts and behaviours, Carolyn learnt there was a need for Redefining SELFISH.

She’s done the work and can now guide you through the process if you recognise yourself in any of the following statements:

• I feel guilty if I put myself first.

• I juggle numerous demands for my time and attention.

• I consider being selfish to be a bad thing.

• I have an endless ‘to do’ list & never reach the bottom of it (where I am).

• I’ve previously been called ‘selfish’ for asserting my needs (or I’m led to believe I am for doing so).

• I feel weary, burnt out, resentful and/or undervalued.

• I struggle to prioritise my wellbeing.

• I want practical ways to get started with better looking after my needs.

Redefining SELFISH comes at an urgent time when women are reporting worsening levels of anxiety and growing mental health concerns, and are increasingly initiating divorce. Calls to domestic violence helplines are on the rise and, of course, the pandemic has had a massive impact.

The S.E.L.F.I.S.H model created by Carolyn Hobdey guides the reader through how to give up feeling guilty about taking some time out, instead placing ourselves at the top of our ‘to do’ list and acknowledging the benefits to us and those around us of making ourselves ‘better’. Its purpose—and that of the whole Redefining SELFISH concept—is to encourage self-kindness, develop confidence and shift mindsets from harmful to helpful.